"This sucks, Quinn. Not being able to see you every day" I said.
We don't get to see each other every day anymore. Everything has changed and I hate it. I miss seeing her every day. I miss the feeling of her arms around me. I miss resting my head on her chest when we sleep at night. I just miss everything and it sucks.
I'd set up a nice dinner for us. Vegan lasagna and a bottle of red wine. Everything was perfect. well as perfect as can be given the situation.
I took one last sip of my wine to finish it off and started clearing the dishes. After putting the left over food away and cleaning the dishes I decided it was time for bed.
"Goodnight Quinn." I said softly. I wiped a stray tear as I switched off the light and went to bed.
THE NEXT MORNING
"Rach?" I heard. I didn't particularly want to look because I already knew what this was going to be about.
"What Kurt?"
"I heard you talking to yourself last night, Rach."
Why did he have to bring this up now? everything is shit for me right now and he's bringing this up. I don't want a lecture.
"I wasn't talking to myself Kurt. It was Quinn and I's date night. You know that. Drop it."
I may have been a little snippy but this hasn't been easy for me. He knows how hard I've been taking this. I know he's trying to be a good friend but right now it's easier to pretend she's here than accept that she's gone.
I felt his arms go around my waist and his chin on my shoulder, effectively stopping me from painting the wall.
"Rachel, this isn't good for you. You have to let her go." He said.
I was staring at her name on the wall and I heard him continue.
"I know it's difficult when someone you love goes away." He continued.
"She didn't go away Kurt! She's dead! She died in a car accident and the only was I can ever see her again is by looking at pictures or old videos! I won't get to see her smile at me in the morning anymore. I won't get to feel her lips on mine ever again. Nothing. I don't get anything anymore. This isn't some vacation she'll be coming back from. I will never see her again and that kills me."
By the time I'd finished my rant I was sobbing and Kurt had pulled me into his chest. He was rocking back and forth slightly and running his fingers through my hair trying to calm me down.
I'd finally calmed down and wiped my tears away.
"I'm not telling you to forget her. No one can forget Quinn. I'm asking you to move on." He said. "And stop buying those Gardenia's. I know what those mean to you."
He kissed my forehead and went to the other room to get ready for class or something.
I looked to her name again and felt the tears coming again.
"Maybe he's right." I whispered, "Maybe it's time to let you go...and move on"
I sat on the floor and kept looking at her name.
"Rachel."
I heard a voice from the distance softly call out.
"Rachel baby. I need you to open your eyes."
There's the voice again. I know that voice. I missed that voice.
I opened my eyes and saw her there.
"Quinn!" I exclaimed. I ran into her arms and held onto her for dear life. I've missed her so much and now she's here. She pulled me closer and held tight to me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, "Wait, where's here?"
I looked into her eyes hoping she could see all the questions I had.
"I'm dreaming...aren't I?" I asked. I had to be dreaming.
She sighed sadly, "Yes."
"But I'm really here in your dream and it isn't your subconscious." She explained further.
"What do you mean?"
"Rachel I know it seems easier to pretend I'm still there to hold you and talk to you but you need to move on. I love you. I love you soooo much but I'm not there in person anymore and you can't let that hold you back from living your life anymore." She said.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She wants me to go on without her by my side and I can't do that.
"I hate that I'm not there for you anymore, Rach. I hate not being able to hold you when we watch Funny Girl. I hate not cooking vegan dinners for you. But I'm always there with you. You cannot see me and you cannot hear me but I'm always right by your side. I know this won't be easy, death never is, but there is someone out there who will be perfect for you through this time. Someone who can be there for you and do everything that I can't anymore."
She had tears streaming down her face as she said that and I knew it was just as hard for her to say as it was for me to hear. She's right though.
"Besides," she smiled, "I can still come see you in your dreams. You'll never be completely rid of me."
I wrapped my arms around her and smiled.
"Good. Cause I never wanna be rid of you."
I woke up suddenly and saw Kurt over my holding a cup of water. It suddenly registered in my head that I was wet. Not in the good way either.
"What was that for Kurt?! I was having a lovely dream and you woke me up!" I exclaimed.
"I was afraid you'd done something stupid so I got a cup of water and dumped it on you to see if you woke up. I'm glad you did though. I was getting really nervous when you didn't wake up when I shook you." He explained.
I guess that made sense.
"It's fine Kurt. Thank you. And you're right." I said.
"Right about what?"
"Moving on. It's time and it's what Quinn wants for me." I explained. He didn't need the full story.
"I'm glad you came to realize that." He put his arm around my shoulders. "I'll be with you every step of the way."
"I know." I said. I rested my head on his shoulder and smiled. I looked to my other side and even though I couldn't see her nor hear her, I knew she was there and she was proud.
A.N. This is based off of a gif set on Tumblr. This is the post post/47711976758/littleredpianostory-au-quinn-dies -in-a-car if you want to see it.