Dedicated to Liloloveyou024, Ragginess, Que-bae, Bahare-Uzuchiha, Ichaichalivinglegacy, and Uchihanochidori.
(on tumblr)
You are all lovely and beautiful people; you inspired me into writing this one way or another.
Thank you.
"Hearts are made of the people we meet and how we feel about them. They're what ties us together even when we're apart."
- Sora, Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance
"I want to be with you always."
He did not know why he was created.
He did not know why that man, his creator, seemed so pleased that he was there.
All Naruto knew was that he was
a miracle.
The scientist who created him was excited. His lips were pulled wide and far in what his Data Resource told him it was a smile. A hand was stuck out to him.
He did not see why he should shake it. He found no reason to share the scientist's emotions. Naruto did not take the hand.
The smile was gone. The scientist was gaping at him. A hand. It was held up to the scientist's chest, the right side. That was where a human's heart would be.
Kokoro.
Another hand. It was held to his chest, his left side. Naruto looked at it before looking into the scientist's eyes. If the scientist was holding one hand to his heart, what was he holding his other hand to?
Days had passed. Naruto did not know for sure how many had passed. It mattered little to him. Everything mattered little to him.
A heart. That was what he was lacking. The scientist told him that and along with it, had promised he would create a heart for Naruto.
A program.
Naruto did not see why he needed a heart, but the scientist was persistent. A sparkle was in the scientist's eyes. Naruto found no reason as to dissuade the scientist and left the man to tirelessly work towards the program.
That persistence seemed to hold no worth. He was no longer living in the structure he and Naruto had coexisted in. What was left was a building that Naruto did not take care of for he had no particular attachment to it, a large room with a computer that his memory could easily recall belonged to the scientist, and a large Sakura blossom tree whose size was a marker of how much time has passed from the scientist's time on Earth.
One day, he left the structure. He very rarely did for he found no reason to be outside, but his Data Resource had found an interesting term. Wish.
As he stood outside of the structure, he, without fail or obstruction, made his way to the Sakura blossom tree and wished. He remembered clearly of the scientist's eyes... that sparkle that had been in them even when he had left.
(Those files are old and are potentially corrupted. It is advised to not download them.)
"That scientist, my creator, he had worked every day of his life since my birth to create for me, what he had called a 'wondrous thing'. I wish for it now; that heart."
The computer screen flickered.
Codes. Words. Faces.
Downloading... 0%
Downloading... 24%
Downloading... 69%
Downloading... 100%
Unwinding and twining, a steady beat. He can feel it. It is growing stronger. Where is it coming from? Inside! It's inside of him! Is that-!
Slowly and surely, inside of him is the steady beat of his heart. It grows stronger with each 'da-thump, da-thump' and it's making Naruto dizzy. His head was suddenly pounding and he felt himself stumble before falling to his knees on the concrete floor. His hair falls around his face, curving around the shape of it and tickling him. His knees felt scraped and bruised, they were pounding, too.
The beat was getting stronger! It was a wild beat!
It had started with one tear before, like a torrent, they were falling from his eyes. They slid down his cheeks and made 'pit-pats' on the ground. Without directing them to, his hands were in fists and yanking, tugging, pulling at his shirt. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt! He fell to the ground, and cried out when his head hit concrete. More tears were running down his face and he squeezed himself into a ball as he tried to ride out wave after endless wave.
Naruto was breathing heavily and sobbing for release from this hellish overflowing, overfilling, overflooding wave of emotions.
An eternity had passed before Naruto found himself able to get up from his spot. The rapid beating had stabilized into a more regular pulsing. Tears still ran down his face, but they were falling slower than before. Naruto was grateful for that, because after all of that, he just felt very numb. He sat rather dumbly on his knees, staring down at his hands. His shoulders shook every now and then, as if with every occasional breath, he was sure he'll start sobbing uncontrollably once more.
His muscles noticeably tightened at the thought and he let out a hiss of pain as his joints had been locked into that ball shape for far too long. Regardless, he hoped he wouldn't have to go through that again. Once was more than enough.
Suddenly, his back was assaulted with a gentle breeze and he winced at the slight chill. Pink Sakura blossom petals, as if tug by an invisible string, blew past him. His hair rustled with the wind and tickled his cheeks and neck and Naruto furrowed his eyebrows in wonder as he turned around to look outside.
The strong branches and trunk of the great tree did not waver or bow down to the wind, but its petals seemed to dance in the invisible force. The dark green grass waved serenely to the blue sky that held just a couple of white wispy clouds that occasionally sheltered the secluded area from the sun. A flower field with so many vibrant colors was resting at the roots of the large tree, beckoning him to come closer to study their vivid colors and intoxicating scents. It was beautiful out there; has he never noticed that?
He wanted to go out there, but should he? He tried searching his data resource, but came up with nothing. There was no reason to go out. For some reason, Naruto felt rather disgruntled about that conclusion.
Why should he need a reason to leave his home?
"Is this the heart that I had wished for?"
Seasons in reverse, from winter to fall to summer to spring.
Years are backwards. Back, back, back.
The proud Sakura blossom tree was once a tiny sapling just like how you were nothing more than a small babe.
Every life has a beginning.
Sasuke has worked tirelessly on this project.
Two years had been spent researching and theorizing. Two months on drafting and formulating a hypothesis. Six months of convincing several institutions and banks to lend him the money. However, in between he ended up wasting a good four months of work, but he didn't let it stop him. Three more years of procuring the materials and building the first several versions. Eight months worth of congratulations and answering multiple organizations agreements to donate money to his research.
Four years of building the final version.
The creation of a robot who looked, acted, and would respond like a human; never before has he, let alone anyone, tackled on such a project and succeeded.
"You like taking on huge assignments, too? Isn't there something exciting about doing something no one else hasn't? Something everyone says is impossible?"
But he did.
In the beginning, he had multiple helpers and fellow scientists but for this particular robot, he wanted to be the sole creator. It just felt right to him – it was his right.
Today, he was conducting a test run. If it succeeded, then the robot will start life from now on, from its 'birth'. If it didn't, then he'll go back to work on re-configuring the codes and look over the data results from the test. He would continue to try and try and try until those eyes opened and this robot had life in within itself.
Pale hands cupped the tan cheeks that were just a little colder than they let on. His onyx eyes stared up almost longingly into the closed eyes of the robot. With a sigh, he closed his own eyes and leaned his forehead to the robot's chin, almost as if he was making a secret wish that only he and the slumbering robot would know. These particular procedures weren't needed, but Sasuke did so anyway.
After a couple of moments he stepped back to his computer and launched the program that would give the robot its consciousness and awaken it completely so that it may start functioning. The computer screen changed and several loading screens appeared showing downloads of multiple files and codes that would be sent to the robot's data resource and processor.
Both served as the robot's brain with the processor being local and the data resource being wirelessly connected to several satellites that will give it constant information through the internet. It would take six hours for everything to be fully loaded and another half hour to full hour for the robot's inner workings to begin working and stabilize before the robot will officially awaken.
Sighing as he leaned back in his computer chair, Sasuke stared at the screen irately. Six hours seemed so daunting. He wasn't sure if he could wait that long. How was he even supposed to fill up this time? With all the excitement and anxiety that was building up inside him, he felt like he was driving on a incredibly bumpy road considering how much he was bopping his leg in anticipation.
"Ne, Sasuke... does it bother you that you have to wait so long for me to get off from work?"
At one point, Sasuke was sure he had dozed off this computer desk while playing quite the riveting game of computer solitaire. It felt like an eternity before he heard the tell-tale beep that the downloads were done as well as a ding that sounded out the start of the process of awakening the robot. Sasuke scrambled over to the robot - he wanted to be the first thing it saw when it woke.
Sasuke's heart stopped when he saw the eyelids flutter before slowly opening to a half-lidded position as if it was caught in a daze. The robot blinked once and then twice before the haze cleared and the pupils focused. It was alive. Breath caught in his throat, the young scientist wasn't sure what to even say or do. This robot was nothing less of a
miracle.
To keep himself from hyperventilating out of excitement, Sasuke did a mental checklist.
Was the robot breathing? From the subtle movements of its chest that feigned taking in air (but was truly just a ruse to help its identity as a humanoid robot), Sasuke could say yes.
Was it focusing on its surroundings? While he thought that, the robot blinked almost manually, but continued to stare forward at nothing in particular. While the staring was a little weird, Sasuke could say that the minuet details were there and working.
Could it greet him? A broad smile, one that he rarely gave, found a home on his face. Barely able to contain the anticipation and unbridled joy of success that was building inside, Sasuke struck out a hand for the robot to take. The blue eyes of the robot flickered briefly to his hand before returning to stare into nothing. Aside from his eyes, the robot didn't move the slightest.
Sasuke was at a loss. Why didn't the robot take his hand?
Frowning, the scientist went to his computer to check the files that were downloaded. Surely those processing and movement files were in the robot's "brain". Otherwise, the robot might not be able to move its eyes or blink or breathe like it was doing currently. Sasuke had even seen those bars load completely before he dozed off. He searched, and searched, and checked, and checked, but he couldn't figure it out! The more he looked, the more positive he was that he had put the right files in for downloading. He eyed the robot from the corner of his eye; it was still planted in the same spot it's been all this time.
Suddenly frustrated and irritated, Sasuke all but yelled, "Why won't you move!?"
"I do not have a reason to."
Sasuke felt his world crash down on him.
("I want to be able to teach him... the joy and sadness of a person.")
"Geez, you're so serious! Lighten up - smile a little!"
Sasuke leaned back into his cushioned chair sighing. The sound made the other in the room turn to face him with impassive eyes and scan him for a while before turning back to his task of plucking at the strings of a worn guitar. That artificial face and those strikingly familiar blue eyes were the same as ever - blank. The scientist scoffed silently to himself in frustration.
Years had gone by since the miracle robot's creation. A lot has changed, and yet so much stayed the same. He had sold the idea and revised blueprints of the robot to the highest bidder. After that had been finalized, he ad bought a modest house a long ways away from others within a village in a valley; he had no wish to be involved in the business scene.
From then, it had just been himself and the miracle robot.
It had been an upset that the miracle robot - Naruto, did not seem able to feel or reciprocate the things that made someone human. Sasuke had been working non-stop, trying to code the right program that would act, understand, and allow the robot to feel those things. When not doing that, he would teach Naruto some time passing activities like music or art, if only as a way to ignore the pain of his own failures and focus on what he did accomplish. The miracle robot had no issue with picking up a instrument and playing it in such a way that couldn't be classified as anything less than perfection.
But it lacked the luster, that extra spark that would've made those pieces more. It lacked feeling. The robot, Naruto could not reach past its limits to make those perfected pieces into masterpieces.
It was not due to boredom that the once beautiful guitar had come to its worn state. Not because Naruto had become frustrated by their lack of ability or because they enjoyed the sound and music they made.
It was playing the guitar because Sasuke couldn't stand having Naruto just stand there staring at him with those blank eyes. It unnerved him greatly. He'd rather have the robot perform emotionless tunes than have those impassive eyes point in his direction.
It wasn't right, it wasn't human, it wasn't him. Those eyes didn't contain anything. And Sasuke was afraid he'd never get them to show any of those feelings.
Their anger, their happiness, their sorrow, their excitement, their hatred, their lo-
"Sasuke." He practically snapped upright when he heard his name being called. Naruto stared at him. His eyes were as lank as ever. Sasuke didn't hide his scowl.
"What?"
"You were staring at me." The scowl fell at the impassive response. Was he? Sasuke let out a loud sigh and leaned back into his chair again. Looking up at the ceiling, he muttered a quiet 'sorry'. Naruto didn't answer and Sasuke didn't expect him to. According to his data resource, Naruto didn't need to respond - the conversation was over and therefor responding was meaningless. He resisted the urge to scoff at himself. Why he had decided to include such a thing in the blueprint? The logical part of his mind berated him once again for ignoring the robot's need for a 'brain' to regulate and handle its many processes and tasks.
Closing his eyes, he waited for the strings of the guitar to begin again. As a once lover of peace and quiet, Sasuke longed for something to fill this emptiness between him and Naruto.
It didn't come. The silence persisted.
Sasuke's eyes snapped open, ready to see if Naruto had left Sasuke alone to stew (Naruto was nothing if not callous in the state he is) and surprised dark grey eyes met blank blue. "What the-?"
Naruto, not minding (never minding) that he was standing right over Sasuke's head, cut in with, "You have been scowling recently. Have you given up?"
"Given... up?" Sasuke waved for Naruto to back away which he did. No longer feeling crowded, Sasuke sat up properly and swiveled his chair around to face Naruto. He was slightly surprised and his mind was clouded with sleep; he felt he should know what Naruto's speaking of but he honestly couldn't recall. He could hear the irritation and confusion in his own voice as he went to inquire what the hell Naruto was talking about.
The robot did not waste time in saying, "My heart."
"Haha, look at you! Trying to win my heart with your geek stuff, Sasuke?"
Sasuke blinked away his sleepiness once more. Had he said that before? He couldn't recall. A moment passed. Now he remembered. And now he wished he didn't.
Turning away to look at his computer screen, watching the flashing symbols and the blinking cursor, he wondered out loud.
"Why am I doing this?"
"Lucky for you, it's working."
"You had said that you wanted to teach me love."
The scientist quickly whirled around to face the miracle robot. As blank and monotonous as Naruto is, that sentence almost sounded real. Too real. He was suspicious. Was his mind playing tricks on him? The robot stared back.
Neither of them made a move to said anything. Then...
"Why does it matter to you?" The sentence was bitter and Sasuke's smile was sad. After a while of silence, he lowered his head and laughed. It was a laugh of woe.
Just as he expected. The robot was incapable of answering him. His "data resource" prioritized the tasks required first and everything else never. What had he been thinking back then? What exactly had he been hoping for? What was he hoping for now?
'Miracle'?
What a joke.
This has been hopeless from the beginn-
"Because it does."
Determination. The refusal to give in - the denial of giving up. Sasuke looked up slowly to meet those eyes, eyes that somehow seemed to blur. He was begging, pleading that it wasn't just a ruse - some sick manifestation his mind had developed to make him believe, make him believe -
They were walking.
The day had been great.
School had been greater.
He looked down at their held hands, the matching rings glinting faintly in the sun. Eyes up here.
Those words were spoken. Amusement. Happiness. He looked up.
Smile. Soft. Happy. His.
And this feeling here, from being by Naruto's side? The greatest.
Before he knew it, he was holding the miracle robot tightly against him. Tears were falling freely from his eyes, but he didn't care.
Even if this was some cruel lie, he'd rather live in it than wallow in his own despair.
"Just what does your existence mean to you?"
Naruto didn't reply. Neither did he comfort him. He merely stood there, allowing himself to take on Sasuke's weight. Even though he was there, it felt like he might as well had not have been.
And Sasuke didn't know whether he should be crying harder due to this fact.
"Have you heard the news?"
"About Uchiha-san's fiance? Who hasn't?"
"Lost his parents to a serial killer. Lost his older brother to sickness. And now his lover to a car crash. Poor man. It's amazing he hasn't snapped yet."
"Who says he hasn't? He's been holed up in the robotics lab ever since the funeral. I overheard from Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei that he hasn't been eating or sleeping. And Sakura told me he refuses to see Tsunade-san for therapy or medicine for his head injury."
"Really?"
"That idiot... he's only making it worse for himself..."
"Wow..."
"Do you think he'll ever get better?"
Suigetsu looked at his fellow classmates, all of them with varying degrees of concern and worry after he relayed what he's heard. Releasing a shaky breath, he turned his head to the side. "I don't know."
The years passed by. But they were spent comfortably; there was little hurry.
It was probably worrying that he could hardly remember the date or that his vision would swim when exhausting his body or that he felt himself growing weaker with nary a grey hair or wrinkle in sight. He forgot it all when he was looking at Naruto's face.
The miracle robot was frozen in time; his hair, his eyes, his face was as blank as they were when he first came to life. But this didn't bother Sasuke as much anymore. He didn't think the pain could ever truly leave; he loved Naruto too much for that to not feel pain at knowing he was ultimately inconsequential to Naruto's existence.
He still worked on the program, but he also allowed himself to stray further into the depths of his folders to look at older files. Sometimes, he'd found himself staring at the faces old friends and bright smiles. Sasuke found himself missing them even when his memories of them grew fuzzy or their names blurred amongst each other. An empty feeling he used to fill with Naruto's blank stares and emotionless words began to be satisfied with the little reminders of his college years.
There were times when he had considered sharing those files with Naruto, if only to just see how he'd react. But he never did.
"Wha- what? What in the world? You don't always need a reason to do things. Just do it - embrace it! You'd be surprised how much fun you'll have."
When he moved to get up, almost like clockwork, Naruto was by his side handing him his cane. He could hardly keep his amused chuckle to himself as he accepted the object. Ever since that one moment lost in time, Naruto has not exhibited such behavior.
"Honestly, you're so fucking mechanical! At this rate, we'll build a super computer rather than a humanoid."
But Sasuke did not wither from the fact. He did not stop his research and work. He did not scrap a project he knew he couldn't truly let go.
Because now, he finally understood where he had gone wrong.
Sasuke carefully carried himself to the doorway of their home. Naruto followed next to him, silent and unflinching. The man could've almost laughed for he never would've imagined a Naruto acting in such a way. But he didn't.
"I'm not saying that it doesn't need that, bu-"
Instead, he slowly wrung his hand through Naruto's blond tresses, a small fond smile tugging at his lips. The miracle robot let him, staring at his face blankly. The both of them knew that this might as well be the last time they'll see eye-to-eye.
Sitting alone, back against the rough bark of the beautiful Sakura tree he had coerced Naruto into helping him plant, Sasuke felt rather than saw the edges of his vision going dark. Despite its constant presence, he never found himself scared of Death. But he also couldn't see a reason to want to throw himself into it either.
Sure, there were times when he wondered why it choose everyone else but him. But overall, he couldn't bring himself to care.
He merely existed, he supposed. Feeling nothing and seeing nothing but shades of gray, Sasuke existed his way through his formative years.
The first miracle was - that you were born.
He remembered faintly the first time he had met Naruto, the first time he'd seen yellow. It was fly-sigh-high school (right?). They had collided in the worst of ways and then the best of ways through out the years.
They had been accepted into the same school as did many of their circle of friends. Him majoring in mechatronics, Naruto majoring neurosciences and minoring psychology. Together, they had worked to create the blueprints for the most humanoid robots they could muster.
A miracle robot.
The second miracle was - the time that we spent together.
It didn't matter whether the inner workings were pumping hearts or a god forsaken "data resources", to him, just being with Naruto was enough.
Whether it had been from midnight conversations or midnight tune-ups to late night cuddling or listening to the perfected sound waves of the piano/guitar/flute/violin, Naruto had kept him alive.
But this begged the question, what would keep Naruto alive?
The third miracle... it has not come true yet.
Those files, the one he's neglected to look at in fear of memories he'd prefer forgotten become unforgotten. The pictures of happiness and sadness and everything in between and not. He had stored them within the program. With them, the true miracle will come about and that was only if Naruto chose to awaken it.
But how long until that came, he wondered.
Naruto is not and is still not ready for... the true miracle. But he would learn... he would learn just as he had long before Sasuke... had... as well.
"What is a human? What makes us human? Is it the mind that allows for cognitive thinking, problem solving, and the evolution of thought – or the complexity of our personalities, our memories, our hearts, our souls that make us real?"
He just wished... that he... could be there to... see...
...
"... Sasuke, do you really understand what a heart is?"
"Why is it that you cry?"
This was far better than he could've ever imagined!
Then, could he even imagine such things? Did it even matter now?
No, he guessed not.
He felt another bout of laughter bubble inside him and he let it out, rejoicing in the sound and how good it felt. It felt good to guess and not be shut down by blatant logic and callous certainty. It felt good just to feel.
His data resource had been constantly alerting him against doing such foolish things throughout the day. But honestly, he couldn't pay attention to it when there was just so much to try out. So much that his data resource had lied about.
(There is nothing beneficial outside.)
The sunshine was harsh, but it was nothing he couldn't get used to. His body would automatically shift his inner workings and "skin" to be better suited for the weather. The wind wasn't bad either. It blew around him constantly; the scent of flowers and fresh air was refreshing to the staleness of home.
Stretching his arms out wide with his eyes closed, he took in as much of he could of this moment. Emotions were practically pouring off of his body in waves. It annoyed (could it even be annoyed?) the data resource sufficiently enough for it to keep spitting menial warnings at him, but each one left him giggling to himself.
It was like a dam had been broken inside of him. Before, the water had been pent up and thrashing, crashing against the walls of his non-relenting data resource. Sometimes, the water would splash over the wall ("Because it does"). But those times were the worst, for then the data resource would shut him down and put him through self-maintenance, as if there was something wrong. Now, with this precious kokoro, he was... for lack of a better word, free.
Naruto didn't stifle his sigh of contentment as he approached the beautiful tree. The Sakura petals were still dancing in the wind; he had half a resource to dance with them.
Happiness. Contentedness. Freedom.
It was strange. Naruto had always known what the feelings meant.
But never before has he known what they felt like. And now that he did, he never wanted to be stuck behind those concrete walls with nary a hole in sight.
"It exceeded my understanding then."
(It matters not what it feels like. Knowing what they mean is enough.)
He couldn't help it this time; he full out started laughing at his data resource's statement. Oh how narrow-minded and cold it seemed now. Before, he followed its advice and words like it could do no wrong. Now, he knew better.
Little by little, the laughter subsided just enough for a soft smile to appear on his lips with no distraction. It was all because of Sasuke that he could feel this way. He owed everything to him for this.
"He taught me how to feel happy."
Mysterious. Heart. Heart. Mysterious.
The scientist had been a constant in his years of functioning since he had first awoken. Then, he had become a companion in the scientist's desperate search to give him a heart.
And he had succeeded.
Where is Sasuke?
(Sakura tree.)
He sniggered. Ever the pleaser, give it a question and his data resource will deliver. That much he could count on.
Naruto began stride easily through the field to the large tree that he remembered Sasuke planting one day.
"He taught me how to feel sad."
("Something to mark the passage of time. You don't age and I'm... it's just hard to remember things like dates now.")
It was such a small thing back then, barely scraping past his chest in height. The smile fell further from his face as he reviewed that memory and furrowed his eyebrows. Slowly, he looked up at the humongous tree.
When had this tree been planted?
(97 years, 45 days, and 11 minutes ago today.)
Naruto clenched his fists at the answer. Forcefully tearing his eyes from the blossoming tree, Naruto tried to focus at the ground. He had to stay focused.
(Go inside.)
The carefree atmosphere suddenly turned somber. He was nearly running through the grass and the patch of beautiful flowers around the circumference of the tree. Those gorgeous flowers that hid a horrid secret.
(There is nothing beneficial outside.)
He had to find Sasuke.
(Sasuke, as we had known him, is gone.)
He wasn't gone. No. He can't be. Naruto had so much to tell him, so much to say, so much to show. Please.
(He has died.)
No. He's not going to listen to this!
(He has died.)
Shut up.
(Sasuke is dead.)
SHUT UP!
(Sasuke is dead. There is nothing beneficial outside.)
The tears were back, They were falling freely. A heavy and oppressive feeling was constricting his throat. It hurt, but not as much as the horrid feeling in his chest and stomach. it squirmed violently and was dizzying him. His eyes were lacking focus from his tears and his own scrunched up expression; his locomotive functions had given up from the overload of emotions. He was lying on the side of his face, he wasn't exactly sure if he was still in that field of beautiful flowers anymore.
The flowers that grew over Sasuke's bones like they nothing important.
(You are approximately 36 meters from the nearest building.)
He couldn't breathe, he could hardly let out a sob. He didn't know what it was. Naruto didn't know how to make it stop.
He wished it could stop.
He wished he could take it all back.
The blank faces. The silent moments. The stiffness in his body when embraced or held onto like a lifeline. The times he would stare at Sasuke when he was trapped, be it a nightmare or a chant of 'You're not him. You could never be him'. The times when Sasuke would come into a room just to be near him and he would leave immediately after because he did not consider spending time with the man useful.
The years he had spent "fine" without him - as if Sasuke was just a consequence he had to suffer through until the man died.
(Sasuke Uchiha had died at 34 years old from untreated head injuries 95 years ago. There is nothing beneficial outside.)
And Naruto hadn't cared the least bit.
"I think I know why I was created now. Why he stood by my side even when it hurt. Surely it must be difficult to hold so much loneliness within yourself?"
Devastating Car Crash on XXX! Seven Dead and Two in the Hospital!
Sasuke could remember his grim and bitter smile at reading that headline. It should be corrected to 'Eight Dead and One Wishing He Was'. Much more accurate and even contained a bit of humor.
When he had told his longtime friend, Neji Hyuuga, the man had gotten a look and told him not to joke around like that.
"It is concerning and scary." The man had said.
Sasuke had scoffed at the statement as he well as he could without aggravating his aching head. "It's truer than anything else they write anymore."
Neji gave him another look, but Sasuke ignored him. Neji didn't understand nor greet death on a regular basis like he did, so his reaction was similar to just about anyone who came to experience his special brand of "humor" towards the subject. Unappreciative and concerned.
He would have huffed again at the ignorance of it all, but his head had felt like it had been put under a steamroller. He also would rather that Neji didn't have more of a reason to "encourage" him into to looking at mental health help.
Quite a few have tried to persuade him into therapy or counseling or would keep an eye out on his wrists and arms for thin, white scars. They would never find those scars and those "persuasions" were listened to and then promptly tossed to the wind. The scientist had never bothered telling them that just because he wasn't afraid of death, didn't mean he went looking for it.
Did he use to think of physically harming himself? He won't lie; he has thought of it a couple of times. But he never did anything remotely close to it intentionally.
Did he used to think about dying? Several times. Countless times. More so after that horrific car accident. However, to think about it and to actually go through the lengths needed to do the act were two different things. Once more, he won't lie that a couple of times, he had indeed come close to jumping off that metaphorical cliff edge but stopped before he even breached the first step.
Sasuke couldn't even say it was because of his 'willpower' to overcome his grim thoughts; he was honestly just too lazy to want to mentally and emotionally account for all the things that would come from such actions.
There's still that one assignment I have.
I at least want to watch that one movie coming out next week.
Suigetsu invited me over on Friday; can't it wait till then?
Excuse after excuse would pop into his head as he easily dissuaded his mind from such thoughts. It wasn't long before his mind automatically associated 'dying' with 'too much effort'. It just seemed easier to wallow in sadness or hate or despair or whatever negative feeling he was in at the time.
And honestly, it wasn't even the effort that made it unbearable now. It was the fact that it was boring.
The scientist huffed loudly to himself as he resettled his back against the Sakura tree's trunk. Being dead was boring as hell. There had been no fanfare, no light, no darkness, and certainly no one to greet him. Sasuke wouldn't even deny that he had initially hoped for Naruto, his older brother, or even his parents welcoming him into the arms of death.
But nope.
There was just this patch of land that looked frayed at the edges. The land had only enough room to house the blossoming middle-aged Sakura tree and himself. Beyond the edges, was blank space. Nothing.
And it was boring.
There was little else to do but sit around and contemplate his memories of his life. His boring as fuck life.
He remembered very clearly the first time he had met Naruto, the first time he'd seen yellow. It was high school. They had collided in the worst of ways and then the best of ways through out the years.
They had been accepted into the same school as did many of their circle of friends. Him majoring in mechatronics, Naruto majoring neurosciences and minoring psychology. Together, they had worked to create the blueprints for the most humanoid robots they could muster.
A miracle robot.
Sasuke's lips turned upwards at the mental reminder of the part of his life that he had actually felt like he existed. Like he was something more than wayward spirit who was forcefully left to wander a world that cared nothing for him - a sentiment he had once shared.
When Naruto had died, that part that felt alive was well on its way to joining him. Their friends tried their best to keep in contact, and it had worked for a while. However, after he had sold the rights and blueprints of miracle robot, he had simply stopped trying. And with Naruto acting the way he had, Sasuke had expected his days of existing to end.
It didn't matter whether the inner workings were pumping hearts or a god forsaken "data resources", to him, just being with Naruto was enough.
Whether it had been from midnight conversations or midnight tune-ups to late night cuddling or listening to the perfected sound waves of the piano/guitar/flute/violin, Naruto had kept him alive.
But this begged the question, what would keep Naruto alive?
But he had been wrong.
Even without a kokoro, Naruto had given him a purpose. A reason to exist. Rather than simply ending it all, he found his mind once again assaulted excuses like 'who'll make sure Naruto has proper tuning' or 'Naruto would neglect the garden if I'm not here'.
It seemed really tragic and quite pathetic when he looked back on how much he clung to Naruto to prove himself to be alive. How he had needed another person period to teach him what it felt like to have a heart.
Those files, the one he's neglected to look at in fear of memories he'd prefer forgotten become unforgotten. The pictures of happiness and sadness and everything in between and not. He had stored them within the program. With them, the true miracle will come about and that was only if Naruto chose to awaken it.
But how long until that came, he wondered.
Naruto is not and is still not ready for... the true miracle. But he would learn... he would learn just as he had long before Sasuke had as well.
He couldn't deny that he hated how much Naruto ended up consuming him so fully that even now, all he could do was wait for him when he knew that he'd never come. But even if he hated what Naruto had done - he would never stop loving Naruto.
("Who is the real robot - Naruto, or me?")
Sasuke had no idea how long he had sat underneath the middle-aged Sakura tree. While the passage of time still flowed, it was irregular compared to what he was used to. by appearing to pass far slower than it had in his human life. But that didn't mean it didn't exist.
The patch of land was slowly crumbling away. His feet were hanging off the edges now and it felt like at any moment, the ground he was sitting on would fall too. The once blossoming tree was losing its petals, each one falling like they were dancing their last waltz before departing to somewhere far away. And Sasuke knew that if he were to fall, he'd go to that far away place, too.
Did he want to? The answer was an immediate no; not without seeing the true miracle. He didn't care how long he'd have to wait or even if this abhorrent path of land did disappear. Sasuke would wait here in this blank space forever if it meant he'd see Naruto again.
Then, like an explosion, he could see. A world beyond this blank space. A place he had once called home with a being he deemed his companion. His best friend. He was crying and reaching out to him; it left Sasuke stunned. That blank stare and cold atmosphere that he had hated and expected was no longer etched into the features of his companion. Naruto had done it. He'd defied his data resource once more and downloaded it - the program, the kokoro, the heart. It was almost like a dream come true. A wish come true.
True miracle.
Sasuke wasted no time jumping to his feet and leaping through.
("Time has passed since we had last seen, but your message was still received from the heart of the one who was left behind.")
Naruto was not even sure his data resource could keep up with this. He knew he surely wasn't. Sasuke was right here.
(Sasuke died 95 year$ ag0!)
Sasuke was alive! He looked a fair bit younger compared to his age when he had died. Recalling from his memory, Naruto would place him at 29 in terms of how he had looked. The age Sasuke had put him online.
(SaSUk3 54ou1d 6e D3aⱭ!)
He was here looking at him after knocking them both to the ground by leaping through that strange portal. A smile was on his face. He remembered that smile. It was the first thing he had seen when he had first awoken. Remembering it now and how he had been, Naruto couldn't fathom how he could have not returned that smile.
(40W?!)
When Sasuke, now towering him while he sat on the ground, offered him his hand, Naruto didn't hesitate to take it and pull himself up with Sasuke's help. When they were both on their feet, he watched as Sasuke looked around, his eyes drinking in the scenery. They paused on the large Sakura tree for quite a while in stunned silence before he addressed the humanoid. "A lot of time has passed."
His response was a nod. "How many?"
(Dtzzz...)
The blond robot visibly winced at the question, remembering the words his data resource had said. As he recalled what it had said, he missed the scientist's surprised expression at his reaction. "About 95 years."
Sasuke eyes lit up. "That's quite a while..." He readjusted his posture before turning to face Naruto, a scrutinizing look on his face. As if he was observing Naruto like he was a specimen under a microscope. "Well... what do you want to do?"
"Uh, well..." Naruto wildly turned his head back and forth as he tried to figure out something for them to do. Suddenly, his eyes started to travel from the strong, ingrained roots to the sturdy and high branches of the Sakura tree. How would it feel to climb it? What could he see from up there? Enthralled, he turned back to Sasuke and pointed up. "The tree!"
He received a strange look, this one calculative, but not despondent. "Okay? What about it...?"
"Let's climb it!"
Sasuke's blanched. "NO."
Naruto scoffed, but he didn't hide the teasing grin as he started racing towards the large trunk. "Oh, what's wrong? You don't think you can climb it?"
The scientist's face scowled fiercely at the taunt. "No, I just see no reason."
Hearing that, Naruto burst out laughing. For a moment, Sasuke had sounded exactly like his data resource. It seemed almost too funny that the man who had taught him how to feel could say something so mechanical. "Since when do you have to have a reason to do something? Let's just do it for the heck of it!"
"You don't always need a reason to do things. Just do it - embrace it! You'd be surprised how much fun you'll have."
It felt like someone had squeezed all the air out of Sasuke's lungs. "You..."
The humanoid laughed once more, freely and loudly. And the human could only stare at him, stupefied and amazed. Those words...
"It'll be fun..." Naruto blinked as his eyes furrowed in response the statement.
"Huh?"
The scientist looked at Naruto, a teasing smirk on his face. "I bet I'll get to the top before you do." Sasuke taunted before he took off for the tree. Naruto was only left in the dust for just a moment before he was on Sasuke's heels, a wide grin on his face.
"You're on!"
They were both terrible climbers. It took them twenty minutes to figure out how to get two meters off the ground. By the time they did actually reach a branch, it was sunset. They had spent most of the day trying to climb the tree, and when not climbing it, chasing each other like children on the playground, or lounging in the flower field.
For some time, they sat there against the rough bark of the Sakura tree. Its branches swayed slightly as the wind stole a couple of petals for an evening dance. The sky was bathed with the colors of the sunset with only just a few clouds to block its rays. Past the hills that kept this small sanctuary a secret, they could see the increasingly getting brighter lights of the a city. The city Sasuke had abandoned for seclusion.
A sigh of content passed by his lips. He didn't bother stopping it. For so long after the car accident, there had been this hollow feeling inside of him. He had tried to so hard to fill it, and now. Having this one moment in time in his memory made him feel like the hollow feeling had never existed at all.
"... Thank you." Sasuke jerked at the suddenness of Naruto's voice.
His head swiveled to face the blond who stared out into the horizon with a smile so wide that it was barely restrained to his face. Once more, Sasuke found himself stunned to see it. Naruto was here. Reacting. Acting. With emotions. Emotions he had gone so long without seeing. The scientist felt feelings bloom inside of himself each time he was able to witness the true miracle. "What...?"
Naruto turned to him, smile still in place. Something touched his hand. Sasuke looked down to see that Naruto had placed his warm, tanned hand over his own. "Thank you for giving me life. Thank you for being here with me." The humanoid's hand squeezed his hand gently, assuring him that this was real. "Thank you for this miracle. For everything."
The warmth of the smile traveled from Naruto's very being to Sasuke's core. It was so real, so true, Sasuke couldn't stop himself. Under the light of the setting sun, the scientist's lips pushed lightly on the humanoid's only once before his body disintegrated into Sakura petals along the dying wind.
The scientist died.
He entrusted the robot with the miracle.
But the miracle had grown too heavy.
Unable to handle it, the robot short-circuited, never to move again.
A smile was their face.
The years pass by. Spring to summer to fall to winter.
They trudge on, uncaring of the burdens left behind and the burdens that are right around the bend.
The proud Sakura blossom tree will one day wither and die.
Every life has a beginning.
But every life also has an end.
Sasuke was back here again, that blank space. However, he wasn't alone this time.
He looked down at their entwined hands, he looked at the rings that had never left their places. There was an amused laugh. "Honestly, even now you're staring at them. Eyes up here, Sasuke!"
He moved them up, the motion familiar and gratifying as he stared into those familiar blue eyes. They were definitely Naruto's, but they were also hiding the hints of the ruse of a humanoid. If he was still alive and didn't need to breathe, all of the air inside of him would've been stolen as he near choked at his realization. Naruto stood there, face full of understanding and the smallest hints of amusement.
"Are you serious?" Sasuke's voice was nearing shriek levels as he hissed at Naruto in disbelief. "All this time you we-"
"Right there? Yeah." Naruto's even tone was filled with a trace of sadness that Sasuke couldn't quite place. However, he could definitely detect the irritation in both his voice and his face. "You changed the blueprints. How could you have done that? We made those together and then you just changed them and ignored what I've done like it didn't matter! What the hell was with that?"
The scientist didn't hide his wince, but he also didn't hide his scowl as he tore his hand away from Naruto's, stunning the other. "Don't give me that crap! What the hell was that with ignoring me and acting like you don't care! How long were you going to act like it didn't matter whether or not I died? Like I didn't matter!?"
For a long time, Naruto just stared at Sasuke, his eyebrows furrowed and expression filled with hurt. It pained Sasuke to see it, but it also felt a little satisfying to see it after all those years Naruto had spent as a callous robot.
Finally, Naruto moved forward, lips pursed and eyes filled with that natural conviction and determination that Sasuke had missed so much. The scientist turned his head away from him just to stop seeing it. Naruto always being there, the cold attitude, dying again, and this - it was too much all at once. He felt like he was on the cusp of a sensory overload.
The parts of his skin where Naruto touched tingled as fingers gently directed his fingers to meet Naruto's eyes. "It's no excuse, but I honestly had no memory of before when you turned me online. And then, the data resource... you made it all-encompassing. Whenever I fought it, it would shut me down and speak for me." As he spoke, is fingers drifted from his chins to trace over his face like he was trying to memorize Sasuke's facial features through touch.
Naruto took a shuddering breath, leaning his forehead against Sasuke's. "For all its worth, I'm really sorry I hurt you."
He did not know how long they stood there.
He did not know why they had been given this chance (as fucked over as it had been).
All he knew was that Sasuke, was suddenly overflowing, overfilling, overflooding with emotions he couldn't even begin to describe upon hearing those words. He barked out a shaky laugh and pulled the blond closer. The other wrapped his arms around him tightly, the relief and happiness pouring out of Naruto's body in waves. Face buried in his lover's neck, Sasuke whispered a faint, "Thank you."
When they separated from the tender embrace, they were still connected, whether it be through their entwined hands or their entwined hearts. As one, they took off into the blank space that started to brighten into a blinding, miraculous, white.
"Let's go together."
The Japanese word "kokoro" can act as a bit of a "catch-all" word and is better defined as an abstract term. Literal translations say it means "heart, mind, soul". It can also be used as a translation of such English words like "personality" or "emotions". So before you fucks come at me for sticking a foreign word in an English story - here's the context. As for Sasuke's kind of not really thoughts on death/self-harm/suicide, they're pretty much my own feelings on the subject. I won't go further than what's already been said due to the dark nature of it all, but there's your explanation on why it's there.
This story was a bitch to format and sometimes even harder to write. A lot of the things done here (quotings, italics, ect) was purposeful and honestly, with the mind of a picture or video in mind, which makes sense since it is based on a video. I don't think it could work as well on other platforms, but it's definitely getting on AO3 under the Psuedo (Prinxe-Puri). If you can't already tell, this is based off of Vocaloid Len and Rin Kagamine's mixed duet called "Kokoro Kiseki". This follows the basic plot, but diverts when backstory and the like is needed. I have actually been fantasizing of Naruto and Sasuke in such a story since 2013 actually. I only just now got the drive to write it in early 2016 in an attempt to write another drabble for Sasuke's birthday. Then, it's became Naruto's birthday gift. Then, it became something to throw at Lilo as angst fun. Then, it became a gift for some good friends and acquaintances. ;3;
Even while writing it, I would just randomly start writing 1500+ words and then not touch the story for months. Hence, there are some inconsistencies and I tried to get as many as possible, but I don't think I got them all. xD
/also to any fuck who says something about using a quote for KH (LILO), you should know that those are some beautiful quotes about hearts so eff you (LILO).
Td;lr Begin
Human!Naruto died in a car accident so Sasuke revised their blueprints for a humanoid robot to create a robot!Naruto. Unfortunately, he neglected all the things that a heart could be and need, focusing more on the processing and logical parts of a human. Now, Human!Naruto who had wished all the way at the beginning to be with Sasuke no matter what, ends up being reincarnated within robot!Naruto.
However, Sasuke had revised the blueprints he and human!Naruto had worked on to include only the technical parts and ignored Naruto's additions and ideas. This was an issue that Human!Naruto had brought up multiple times but Sasuke ignored then and even afterwards as he tried to block those memories. This resulted in robot!Naruto being emotionless and cold.
Eventually, Sasuke started to miss his memories and the past and would seek out the pictures and old messages that belonged he and Naruto's circle of friends and started incorporating them into the program he was building as robot!Naruto's "heart". However, the car accident, which had left him with a serious head injury that he only had the barest of medical help on, eventually kills him in his 30s, leaving robot!Naruto alone.
Sasuke got stuck in purgatory waiting for Naruto to awaken his heart (as that was what he had wished to see), but was slowly running out of time to be there. Once the tree disappeared, his heart would be forcibly moved on with or without Naruto.
Unfortunately, it is decades before robot!Naruto does something out of character and acts against his Data Resource once more by downloading the program and human!Naruto's actual heart/personality through the process. From then, it follows pretty closely to the actual video plus my small additions (like Naruto's Data Resource fritzing as the heart becomes stronger due to Sasuke's presence). When Sasuke kisses Naruto and then promptly dies again afterwards, he misses Naruto short-circuiting and dying. At the end, when Sasuke reaches out to Naruto, he and Naruto are finally reunited and recovering all their memories before heading to the afterlife.
Td;lr End
And here goes the last story I shall post to this account. Due to the length and the on/off writing, I'm not completely sure if it's up to par to my true best, but I worked hard on this in order to give this account's writing history a suitable goodbye. Thank you all for reading my stories through the years and I hope you review (please do - I might not be on here as a writer anymore, but I'll still be reading and favoriting stories). I hope you all have a wonderful day/night!
Prinxe-Puri
PS: Sakura did a great job in this story by being a tree. :D
PPS: Talk about Sasuke's, ahem, kiss of death. /gets booed off the stage
