Time In-between By Capt. Emerald
Writer's Blathering: Well I thought this one up sometime ago. Especially after seeing Hell's Bells. So I told a few of my friends about the idea and I wrote this baby. I would really like to write some more Buffy fanfic and get it published so if anyone knows where to send this go ahead. More will come from me soon. Oh yeah, this is a definite Xander fan thing but if you just wanna read to go ahead. I don't expect you to take sides or anything. Enjoy!!!
Xander slammed the pillar down on the demon's head one last time killing it for sure. He put the pillar down and looked at the squished demon. "It's dead." He said. "Yup." Buffy agreed even though her bright dress would have possible killed it. The once chaotic crowd of demons and Harris's which were probably wasn't much of a difference between the both took a moment to applaud the slaying. Xander had no reaction to this; the only thing going through his mind was maybe that's the same sound that would occur when he brought that frying pan down on Anya's little old head.
Willow, Tara, and Anya walked over surveying the demon splatter before them. "Is anyone else waiting for it to go poof?" Willow asked as they stood there. "Maybe we can cover it with flowers." She added trying to brighten things up. Xander just stood there. His attitude unchanged ever since he came back. The guests began to fix the mess they caused by setting the scattered chairs back up.
Xander's father quickly grew angry at the situation. He was especially angry with Anya's "circus family." "Look at all this damage. I'm not paying for this, you freaks!" He snapped. "Stop calling us freaks!" Krelvin shouted as he approached Mr. Harris and gave him an agitated shove to the chest, which started the fight back up.
Anya was the first one to snap from this constant circle of fighting. "Stop it!" She shouted. The riot stopped and started at the little bride. "Everyone sit down!" She ordered like a disgruntled soldier. The crowd was confused by Anya's stand. "This wedding will go on, so get back in your seats!" She commanded. Everyone quickly sat down in fear of her wrath. Xander could hardly stand still but he just wanted to leave right now but he couldn't just go, not yet.
Everyone settled down waiting for the wedding to end at last. Xander and Anya stood by the doors making the crowd believe the wedding would finally occur. The rain outside that had soaked Xander from his "walk" was fading away. They took each other's hands and looked at each other.
"You know, it's bad luck to see me in my dress." Anya smiled. Xander already knew that smile was probably the last one he'd see from her. Anya noticed he was still fazed by the events of the day. "Hey, it's okay. It's all over now, he's dead, and it was just smoke and mirrors." She assured hoping to change his attitude. "I know." Xander said. Anya smiled again, so that was the probably the last smile. "So...we're ready now. Let's get married." She said as she turned to do her last minute prep. But Xander kept his grip stopping her from leaving. "I..." He said.
Anya turned back to him worry now on her face instead of a smile. "I'm not." Xander said which confused Anya even more than before, she had no idea what he was going through or how much pain. "I'm not ready. I can't, An, I'm sorry." He apologised. "But it wa-it wasn't real. What he showed you, it wasn't real." Anya said. Even though Xander was aware they were fake and all made up the images still ran through his head. "I know it wasn't real. But it could be." He said. Anya stared at him tears began to fill her eyes.
"What was it? Was it about me? 'Cause he wanted you to hate me Xander." Anya said still trying to unconvince him of his already made decision. "It wasn't you." Xander sighed. "It wasn't you I was hating." He paused taking a moment to think. "I had these thoughts, and fears before this." He said and looked down at the floor unable to look at Anya's heartbroken face. "Maybe we just went to fast." He added.
"Look, everybody has thoughts. It's natural, it doesn't mean that, that getting married is wrong." Anya assured. "I know, I know." Xander agreed. "Look, you're just shaken up okay? You just calm down and we'll start over, okay?" She suggested desperately as she realised what was going on.
Xander looked back into the main room where everyone was seated. His parents, as usual, were yelling at each other. His dad was yelling at his mom who was just sitting there. His father then grew angrier as she mom yelled back. His dad then tried to swing at his mom but she grabbed his hand at the last moment. He had a feeling that if he married Anya they would turn out to be the same way.
He looked back at Anya tears filled his eyes, at was all so difficult, it was killing him to do this. "We can't start over. If this is a mistake, it's forever, and...I don't wanna hurt you. Not this way." He said holding back his pain. They let go of each other's hands letting their arms fall to their sides.
"I'm sorry." He apologised and Anya started crying. "I am so sorry." He added nearly breaking down. Anya wiped some of her tears away and kept crying. She turned away and walked away in a daze. Xander watched her walk away knowing from then on they could never be together again. He turned and walked outside. The rain had stopped and the sun was shining brightly as he walked away not changing the gloomy atmosphere.
Xander found his car. It was already decked out, someone most likely Buffy had written a number of things on the windows like "Congratulations" and "Best Wishes". Yeah, congratulations on being a jackass! On the bumper someone had strung cans on string. He kicked one and it snapped off and broke the window of another car.
He tore the cans off and threw them away. He got in the car and pulled out the keys. He put the key in but he couldn't get himself to start it. He grabbed his bag of unfinished chips from the dashboard and crushed it into a small ball. He threw it out the window and finally started up the car.
He drove away ready run his car into the nearest light pole but every time he thought about it he couldn't do it. He just wanted to get away. He needed time alone to think and realise what he got himself into. He wished he could talk to someone else but this was something he did himself he had to deal alone. He drove around town until nightfall. He stopped at a Circle K and bought himself a bottle of Jack.
He stopped at a motel at the very edge of town and pulled his wallet from the glove compartment. He put the bottle into his jacket pocket and got out of the car. He walked into the seedy lobby where the manager was sitting at the front desk. "Need a room, buddy?" The manager asked. "Yeah, room for one." Xander replied. "You're in luck, got the perfect room. How long are you staying?" The manager asked as he at the key. "One night." Xander replied paying the manager. "Follow me." The manager said as she walked out.
They stopped at a door marked 7. The manager opened the door and they walked in. The room was quite small. It had a little TV, a bed, nightstand, and a small bathroom. The windows were open letting in the night air that chilled the still slightly soaked bits of Xander's tux. The manager handed Xander the key and went for the door. "Not much to explain. Air conditioners busted." He said. Xander looked around, a crappy place for a crappy guy on a crappy day.
The manager left closing the door behind him. Xander stood there for a while in unbelief about what happened that day. After a long time of just standing there he finally sat down on the bed. He stared down at the floor and pulled out the bottle. He looked up and noticed the wall in front of him had a mirror on it. He was red from crying and tears were still running down his face. He didn't know he was crying and he had no idea how long he had been crying for.
"Look at you. Look what you've done to yourself. No one's ever gonna forgive you for this and they're ever gonna for get it. You stupid bastard." He said to his reflection. He looked away from the mirror and took his tie off. He threw it into the garbage and sighed. He put his drink on the nightstand and rested his head on his hands. He messed his hair up and jacket off, throwing it into the garbage too. Soon it was followed by his cufflinks and cummerbund.
He looked back at the mirror as he unbuttoned the two top buttons on his shirt. Now he looked like he felt...crap. "You gotta deal with this. Alone. You can't go to anyone. You did it you gotta deal with the pain." He told himself. He soon finished his drink and went out for a few more. After a number of hours drinking and insulting himself in the mirror he finally got fed up and hurled an empty bottle at the mirror. It cracked the mirror but it didn't shatter from its frame. He looked at his distorted image and then passed out asleep.
"Hey, hey. Buddy, get up." The manager said as he shook Xander awake. Xander woke up and rolled off the bed. "You better clean this place up and get out. I got no cleanin' ladies and you're gonna have to pay for that mirror." The manager said. "Wonderful. I'll pay it, don't worry." Xander said.
The manager left Xander to the mess and his hangover. Xander threw his bottles in the trash with the other half of his clothing he had thrown off last night. He went to the lobby, handed in his key, and paid for the broken mirror.
Xander got in his car and looked in the rear-view mirror. He looked like total crap. He adjusted the mirror so he could still see but not see himself. Yet again he had trouble starting up the car. He just sat there in disbelief it was like he was ignition impotent. He slammed his head on the horn and let it blare for a good 5 minutes before he managed to start the car.
He drove down the street watching the Sunnydale mid-day life go on. He stopped at a light and he spotted Willow and Buffy walked down the street. He felt like honking the horn to get their attention but he stopped himself. He still needed time alone, time to think. He decided that he would need a change of clothes because how he looked was just bad for his condition.
He stopped at the apartment to get a change of clothes. He went upstairs making sure Anya or anyone else wasn't there. He wasn't ready to see anyone especially Anya. He unlocked the door and opened it slowly. No one was home, definitely. He grabbed a few changes of clothes and grabbed his jacket as he left.
He put his jacket on as he got in the car. He drove down to the Magic Box and looked through the windows as he passed by. No one was there and no one seemed to have been there at all. He parked some ways down the street and walked up to the window.
He looked in and it was just as desolate as when he passed by. "Damn it." He sighed. His mind brought him back to when the Gang was altogether doing research. How him and Anya would spend that time sitting close together...he closed out the image out of his head. It would never be like that again.
He walked back to the car and got in. "Damn! Crap! Son of a bitch!" He shouted as he pounded his fists against the dashboard. He drove down the road and outside town to the beach. He sat on the hood of the car and looked out at the water. He sat there as the sun went down and the moon reflected on the water. "Goddammit!" He exclaimed as he pounded his fist on the hood. He went into the car and laid down in the back seat and fell asleep.
Xander woke up a cop knocking on his window. "Get outta here before I ticket you!" The cop threatened. Xander climbed into the front seat and drove away. He couldn't stand to see the painted windows anymore. He went to a car wash and watched as it went through the wash through the window so people could see what was going on in there.
"It's a like a gauntlet only it cleans instead of injuring or killing." Anya said. "Pretty much. Also it's ten times better than when I clean it. None of those pesky dried water marks on the parts you didn't dry." Xander said. Anya leaned on the railing on the window that little kids usually used. Xander put his arms around her and she leaned back against him.
"Hey, kid. You okay?" An elderly man asked. The scene with Anya disappeared right away and Xander was just standing there alone. "Yeah, yeah. Fine." He replied. "You sure? You're crying." The old man said. Xander looked at his reflection in the window. He wiped his face off with his hand and looked at the old man. "I'm fine. It's nothing." He said.
"Woman trouble?" The old man asked. Xander let out a scoff and looked down at the ground. "Kinda. More of something I did." He replied. "What did you do? Cheat on her?" The old man asked. "No. I think it's worse than that." Xander replied. "Worse? The only thing I can think of right now worse than that is leaving her at the alter." The old man said.
Xander stared off in another direction. "I had a good reason. I really did." He said. "You feel like a real jackass, don't you?" The old man asked. Xander nodded his head in agreement. "I know it was for the better but it hurts. Hurts real bad." He said. "Don't you have friends to talk to?" The old man asked. "This is my problem. I gotta deal with it, not them." He replied.
"You have to talk to someone, kid." The old man said. "No. No one would get it. I saved her from a life of depression and bickering. I saved her from the path of crap my life is." Xander said. "Why do you say that you are a crappy person? You seem like a decent guy." The old man said. "For now but I'd be doomed to end up like my parents if I married her and odds are I'll end up like them anyways." Xander said. "You shouldn't think like that. Just because your family may be the worst people you know doesn't mean you're gonna be like that. But if you keep making yourself think you're a horrible person just because your family is then you are doomed. Only you can change yourself, only you can make you what you are. Your choices are your choices but you need to make up your own mind. Don't let your family or your fears decide for you. Go back to your friends, you need them." The old man said.
Xander turned from the old man and walked outside. He waited for his car thinking over what the old man said. He looked back inside and the old man was gone. He got back in his car glad that it was back to normal.
He went to the mall because he wanted to be somewhere he could see people he knew without being bothered. If he saw anyone that would most likely attempt to get his attention he could just slide into a store or go around a corner just in time to avoid them.
He walked along looking into the occasional store because at one time either Anya or Buffy had dragged him in there. Well he wasn't alone with Buffy Willow was usually there. Maybe a couple times because had nothing better to do and...no, he went because she was his best friend and would feel bad If he let her go alone especially when he was available.
Ah yes, Buffy. The Slayer. He never had a chance with her. She was out of his league by far. Only once had he ever asked her and only once had she shot him down. Never thought of it again since then. Anyways since he asked her he got on to the ol' roller coaster of love and now he was flying off the rails.
"Xander?!" He heard someone exclaim. He didn't bother finding out who shouted at him. He ran off and left the mall. He drove around and soon found himself at the wreckage of the school. Somewhat cleaned up now he was sure it would be rebuilt really soon.
It was also the place he first met Anya. She had asked him to go with her to the prom. Which wasn't exactly the most fun on the planet but something over the time afterwards had pulled them together. It was good and all but now it was just a load of bad memories. Anyways she more or less forced him to go to the prom with her.
No, not a good time to be playing the blame game. If there was anyone to blame it was himself. He finally went into the backseat of the car and feel asleep.
He spent the next couple days thinking about what the old man said and about his friends and all. He didn't want to seem like a complete and total asshole. He especially wanted to talk to Anya and apologise. And definitely see his friends again. Would they ever forgive him? Hopefully, he didn't want to lose any of them to something like this. He drove down to Buffy's house and got out of his car.
As he pulled his jacket on he wondered if they would greet him with love or hatred. He went up to the door and twisted the doorknob. He opened the door and walked in. There was Buffy, Willow, and Dawn looking at him in shock. "Hi." He greeted. "Xander?" Willow asked.