Nothing Else Matters (Sequel to As I'm Leaving)
By Kat Morrison
There are moments in your life that defines who you become. Sometimes they're big moments. Sometimes they're small. But its what you do after that counts.
So close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters
I've had moments in my life that stand out. My father leaving. The day I met Scully. The moment where I lost my wife and child in a blast of fire and metal. That one night so long ago where I gave in temptation, to wanting. A fall down the stairs. A car careening over a cliff while I lost my mind. Looking to the back of a church and seeing my heart again.
never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters
I glance across Luke's at my wife, my heart, as I take a sip from the bitter drink in my hand. The sharp taste causes me to cringe slightly. I watch her cradle her drink, head tilted as she listens to Bobbie. She feels my stare and glances my way, smiling slowly before turning back.
My heart aches and I knock back another gulp. Her words from weeks ago still ringing in my head.
/"So, where does that leave us?"
"Where we've been for the past few months. Watching out for each other. Raising a son. Sharing a friendship."/
I'd hurt her, made her lose faith...
/"You will always have my friendship. When I had nothing, you gave me everything. When I was in the worst pain of my life, you, you were my rock. You helped me heal. I owe you my life Sonny."
"Do you love me?"
"I just need some time." /
She's meant it. I knew that. Every word. She was still by my side, supporting me, giving me her strength, her love. But her heart...
She'd taken her heart back. And that was more painful than anything else was. More painful than the empty smiles she gave me or the looks that no longer held warmth and love that was such a part of her.
I'd destroyed that. Destroyed her.
trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters
I grip the glass in my hand tightly. I'd done this to us. I'd been desperate to stop Brenda from hurting herself. And I excused it. I hadn't felt anything. It'd been a stupid plan but I'd meant well. I'd chosen not to say anything. Because I thought...god I don't even know what I thought. That Carly would never find out? Probably. That it would be useless to tell her because it meant nothing? Yes.
That no matter the excuse or the intentions it had been wrong?
Absolutely.
It'd never been a question of what or whom I wanted. My heart always knew.
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know
She catches my gaze on her again and sends me an inquiring look. She rolls her eyes slightly, making a face before turning her attention back to her mother.
I can't tear my eyes away. I can't lose her. I knew that the minute I thought I had. From that second that Zander had told me that she was gone until that gut wrenching moment when I held her in my arms in a darkened cemetery, my life had meant nothing.
so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters
All I wanted was Carly. All I ever needed was Carly. Her face. Her lips. Her hands. Her soul. Her heart.
I sit my glass down, rubbing my face hard. I needed to tell her. It might not change anything now but she deserved to know. I owed her at least that much.
I begin to walk to her and she turns watching me as I close in. She starts to smile but her face freezes in a look of horror. I glance behind me to where she staring and my heart stops seeing the gun aimed directly at her.
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know
"Gun!!"
People scream. Falling to the floor. Over each other. Making her an easier target.
I don't think. I just break into a run, diving in front of her sending us both to the ground. There's a popping sound and I feel a sharp, hot jab to my back. I see the crimson color of my blood splay over her dress before I hit the ground hard.
"Oh god no...Sonny...no...."
Her hands, warm, are on my shoulders, turning me to face her. The pain shoots through my chest. Her tear-stained face appears over mine.
"Please no."
I see the blood on her hands as she pulls it away from my chest.
"Help! Someone please..." She screams, panicked. "Call an ambulance. NOW!"
"Is there a doctor here?" A male voice bellows to the crowd.
"Carly."
:"Momma, please help..."
"Carly."
never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters
The effort to talk... hurting too much. My chests ... fire, the sharp jabbing pain a constant and it seemed to be spreading. But I needed to tell her. I had to.
"Carly."
"No sweetie. Don' t talk." She touches my face gently, kissing my forehead. "Momma's taking a look. " I can feel her hands in my hair, shaking. "You'll be okay. We'll make sure..." She starts to stand but I pull her back down.
"Listen..."
"Sonny...no...you..."
"No." I cough. I can taste my blood in my throat. Something must have been hit internally. "Listen to me." I reach for her face, stroking her cheek. I'd always marveled at how soft it felt. Nothing had ever felt so soft to me.
"Sonny, stop..."
"Baby, please." There's desperation in my voice and she hears it. She stops, looking down at me. "I need to say...this..."
trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters
I can hear the movement of the police, the sounds of sirens. I feel pressure on my chest and I know Bobbie is trying to help.
My eyes bore into hers and I place her hand in mine. "I'm sorry for making you doubt for even one moment what you mean to me." I reach up to wipe her tears. "You are everything I ever wanted. I need you to know that...that I've never loved...anyone...like I do you...you made my life worth living..."
"Shh. Don't..." She covers my mouth with her finger. "Don't you say goodbye."
I smile against her hand. "You gave me a reason to wake up in the mornings. You made my "
never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know
Her sobs are becoming louder and I stroke her hair, trying to give her some comfort. The darkness of unconsciousness is closing in around me. I can feel my eyes growing heavier.
"No! Sonny, no!! Stay with me, please. Don't give up on me. I need you, god no..."
I force my eyes open and lean my head up, kissing her softly, deeply. Taking in her smell, the way she feels. I pull away slowly. "Tell Jason I was wrong..."
"Wrong?... Sonny....no...."
"Tell him it was your face..."
Darkness is descending, her cries in my ears as I let myself fall into it. "I love you..."
"Baby, no...I love you...please...Sonny....I love you..."
So do I. Always. And she knows that. Nothing else matters but that she knows. Nothing else.
so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters
Lyrics: Nothing Else Matters by Metallica