Could this day get any worse?
By: Paper Crane
A/N: Before you read this, I'd like to say a couple of things. First, this is my first Cats fic, and I'm kinda nervous about posting it, so please don't judge too harshly. Second, this fic is kind of mean to the Rum Tum Tugger (not cruel, though. It's in a silly way!). I feel bad about doing this to the poor guy, but the plot was too good to pass up! : )
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Anything that you recognize, I don't own.
*~*
When the Rum Tum Tugger first woke up, he thought that it would be just a perfectly normal and wonderful day. It certainly started out that way. He woke up, yeowled for his food, ate, groomed for an hour, all was going normally. But right before he went out for his morning sunbathe, it happened. His humans grabbed him, put him in a carrier, and whisked him away to a place of utmost torture and all around unpleasantness: The Vet's.
Well, he made it out alive, but not without his scars. On the ride home, he studied his paws. Bare. No claws. None. His humans had gone and de-clawed him. He let out a piteous meow.
"I'm sorry, Fluffy," his female human had said. Tugger had winced at the family's name for him. "I'm sorry, but with The Baby almost here, we have to make sure that there's nothing dangerous around the house. Although I know you wouldn't hurt a fly, would you Fluffy?"
The Tugger snarled. If he had his claws, someone would be hurting right about now. Like The Baby. The Baby was all that the family ever talked about. The Baby was why, later that same day, the Tugger had been kicked out of his own home, defenseless as he was. The family had needed to paint a room for The Baby, and Tugger had upset one of the paint cans, ruining the carpet.
What was he to do? He was all alone, defenseless, and, to add insult to injury, he was splattered all over with baby blue paint.
"This day can not get any worse," he muttered, walking away from his house. It certainly seemed that way, until he heard it. That dreaded sound. Giggles.
"Oh no," he moaned. "Please, no." but it was to no avail. Two girls, they looked to be about six years old, were walking towards him.
"Ooooooh! Look, Emma, a kitty!" one of the squealed.
"She looks like she needs a bath," the other one commented.
"Let's give her one!"
The cat ruffled his mane indignantly. He was NOT a queen. Then, the other statement hit him. A bath? Unh-uh. He tried to run, but they were already on him, grabbing at them with their sticky hands.
"Nooooooo!" He moaned as they scooped him up very uncomfortably and carried him off. "Help meeeeeeeee!"
He heard only laughter. He tried to look around over his capture's shoulder. There, over across the street, was Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser. Laughing their heads off.
"Found some friends, Tugger?" called Mungojerrie. Rumpleteaser was laughing to hard to stop.
"Help me!" he called, flailing about. This only caused the two cats to laugh harder.
"Emma, she's wiggling all around!" the girl who had him in her grip complained.
"Here, Krissy, give her to me," the other girl, Emma, said. Tugger found himself being ungracefully dropped into this girl's arms. "She probably sees those cats over there," Emma continued to explain, pointing at Mungo and Rumple. The two cats, seeing attention being drawn to themselves, ran off before Emma and Krissy got any ideas about cat-napping them too.
"I have such wonderful friends," the Tugger muttered, watching them run off.
*~*
All to soon, the Tugger found himself being dropped unceremoniously onto the floor of a bedroom that seemed to belong to two little girls. Or, at least, the Tugger couldn't figure out who else would want to sleep in a room that was entirely pink.
As soon as he was out of the girl's grasp, he ran to the door at began scratching at it, only to receive a horrible reminder that he had no claws.
"No, kitty," said one girl, picking him up. He guessed that this girl was Krissy. Her voice seemed a little less bossy then her sister's. "You can't go yet, we need to give you a bathy-wathy, and make you all pretty-witty!"
'Yeah, and I'm going to be sicky-wicky,' he thought.
"Hey, wait Krissy. We need to give her a name first. We can't just go around calling her kitty," explained Emma.
"Hmmmmm, yeah you're right. How about, Susie?" Krissy responded.
"Nooooo, I don't like that."
"Me neither," Tugger agreed. The girls didn't seem to listen to him.
"How about Shnuckums?"
Tugger shuddered and looked at the door. Still as closed as ever.
"No, I don't like that one either."
"I know!" Krissy exclaimed, " Foo-foo!"
'There's no way she'll go with that,' Tugger thought, very relieved.
"Yeah! That's perfect!" Emma agreed.
'Shoot.'
"Come one, Foo-foo! We've gotta give you a bath!" Emma explained, while picking Tugger up around the middle. He found himself carried to a bathroom. Again, he was dumped on the floor, and again he dashed for the door.
And again, he was stopped.
"Hey Emma," said Krissy, pouring water in the sink, "should I use the rose or the coconut scented soap?"
Emma took a deep sniff of Tugger's fur and made a face. "She smells pretty bad, you better use both."
"I do not smell bad!" Tugger snarled. They ignored him completely.
"Done!" Krissy exclaimed, gesturing to a very ominous looking sink full of bubbles.
"Great!" Emma exclaimed, picking Tugger up again. "Time for your bath, Foo-foo!"
"Noooooo!" screamed Tugger, "Nooooooo! I'm to beautiful to die like this!"
"Stop meowing, Foo-foo!" Emma snapped, "This'll be fun!"
"Noooo!" he gasped, and felt himself being lowered into the foamy water. Instinctively, he stuck his legs out to brace himself.
"C'mon, Foo-foo, don't be difficult!" chided Krissy, prying his legs off the sink corners. With a plop and a splash his found himself submerged in the soapy water.
"Gooood Foo-foo!" they girls giggled, and began to rub some very strong smelling soapy substances into his fur.
"Why meeeeeeee?"
"Oh, look, Krissy! Foo-foo's singing!"
*~*
Finally, after what seemed like hours of being scrubbed then rinsed under waaaay too much water, the two girls dumped him on the floor, and promptly attacked him with a towel and a blow dryer. When they were finished with this torture, his still damp fur was sticking up in random directions, and his mane, which was usually so well groomed, was a tangled, matted mess. And the paint still wasn't out.
"Hey, Krissy, go get those bows daddy got us. Foo-foo would love them!"
"Okay, be right back!"
Tugger groaned. Haven't they done enough? His mane alone was going to take hours to straitened out, and now they were going to stick bows all over him as if he were a poodle? Why was fate so cruel?
"Here they are!" Krissy announced, dropping a pile of clip-on bows at Emma's feet. They wasted no time and began to stick them on at random all over Tugger's fur.
'I can't take much more of this!' he thought. Thankfully, he didn't have to.
The door to the bathroom opened, and a female human walked in.
"Kristin Amanda and Emmaline Grace, what in heavens name are you doing to that poor cat?!"
Tugger didn't stick around to hear their answer. He shot out of the door, out of the house, down the street, around the corner, past the post office, down another street, and straight into the Junkyard.
Where every cat at the tribe was waiting for him.
'Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser must have tipped them off,' he thought. 'I must remember to kill them.'
There was complete silence for a few seconds, then every cat in the yard burst out laughing. Every cat, except for Tugger. He tried to glare them all into silence, but that only caused them to laugh harder.
"Here, buddy," snickered Mistoffelees, throwing an arm around Tugger, "let me get those bows out of your hair."
Tugger shrugged him off and jumped up onto the car, nursing his very bruised pride.
Oh yes, he thought bitterly, this day can get a lot worse.
The End
By: Paper Crane
A/N: Before you read this, I'd like to say a couple of things. First, this is my first Cats fic, and I'm kinda nervous about posting it, so please don't judge too harshly. Second, this fic is kind of mean to the Rum Tum Tugger (not cruel, though. It's in a silly way!). I feel bad about doing this to the poor guy, but the plot was too good to pass up! : )
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Anything that you recognize, I don't own.
*~*
When the Rum Tum Tugger first woke up, he thought that it would be just a perfectly normal and wonderful day. It certainly started out that way. He woke up, yeowled for his food, ate, groomed for an hour, all was going normally. But right before he went out for his morning sunbathe, it happened. His humans grabbed him, put him in a carrier, and whisked him away to a place of utmost torture and all around unpleasantness: The Vet's.
Well, he made it out alive, but not without his scars. On the ride home, he studied his paws. Bare. No claws. None. His humans had gone and de-clawed him. He let out a piteous meow.
"I'm sorry, Fluffy," his female human had said. Tugger had winced at the family's name for him. "I'm sorry, but with The Baby almost here, we have to make sure that there's nothing dangerous around the house. Although I know you wouldn't hurt a fly, would you Fluffy?"
The Tugger snarled. If he had his claws, someone would be hurting right about now. Like The Baby. The Baby was all that the family ever talked about. The Baby was why, later that same day, the Tugger had been kicked out of his own home, defenseless as he was. The family had needed to paint a room for The Baby, and Tugger had upset one of the paint cans, ruining the carpet.
What was he to do? He was all alone, defenseless, and, to add insult to injury, he was splattered all over with baby blue paint.
"This day can not get any worse," he muttered, walking away from his house. It certainly seemed that way, until he heard it. That dreaded sound. Giggles.
"Oh no," he moaned. "Please, no." but it was to no avail. Two girls, they looked to be about six years old, were walking towards him.
"Ooooooh! Look, Emma, a kitty!" one of the squealed.
"She looks like she needs a bath," the other one commented.
"Let's give her one!"
The cat ruffled his mane indignantly. He was NOT a queen. Then, the other statement hit him. A bath? Unh-uh. He tried to run, but they were already on him, grabbing at them with their sticky hands.
"Nooooooo!" He moaned as they scooped him up very uncomfortably and carried him off. "Help meeeeeeeee!"
He heard only laughter. He tried to look around over his capture's shoulder. There, over across the street, was Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser. Laughing their heads off.
"Found some friends, Tugger?" called Mungojerrie. Rumpleteaser was laughing to hard to stop.
"Help me!" he called, flailing about. This only caused the two cats to laugh harder.
"Emma, she's wiggling all around!" the girl who had him in her grip complained.
"Here, Krissy, give her to me," the other girl, Emma, said. Tugger found himself being ungracefully dropped into this girl's arms. "She probably sees those cats over there," Emma continued to explain, pointing at Mungo and Rumple. The two cats, seeing attention being drawn to themselves, ran off before Emma and Krissy got any ideas about cat-napping them too.
"I have such wonderful friends," the Tugger muttered, watching them run off.
*~*
All to soon, the Tugger found himself being dropped unceremoniously onto the floor of a bedroom that seemed to belong to two little girls. Or, at least, the Tugger couldn't figure out who else would want to sleep in a room that was entirely pink.
As soon as he was out of the girl's grasp, he ran to the door at began scratching at it, only to receive a horrible reminder that he had no claws.
"No, kitty," said one girl, picking him up. He guessed that this girl was Krissy. Her voice seemed a little less bossy then her sister's. "You can't go yet, we need to give you a bathy-wathy, and make you all pretty-witty!"
'Yeah, and I'm going to be sicky-wicky,' he thought.
"Hey, wait Krissy. We need to give her a name first. We can't just go around calling her kitty," explained Emma.
"Hmmmmm, yeah you're right. How about, Susie?" Krissy responded.
"Nooooo, I don't like that."
"Me neither," Tugger agreed. The girls didn't seem to listen to him.
"How about Shnuckums?"
Tugger shuddered and looked at the door. Still as closed as ever.
"No, I don't like that one either."
"I know!" Krissy exclaimed, " Foo-foo!"
'There's no way she'll go with that,' Tugger thought, very relieved.
"Yeah! That's perfect!" Emma agreed.
'Shoot.'
"Come one, Foo-foo! We've gotta give you a bath!" Emma explained, while picking Tugger up around the middle. He found himself carried to a bathroom. Again, he was dumped on the floor, and again he dashed for the door.
And again, he was stopped.
"Hey Emma," said Krissy, pouring water in the sink, "should I use the rose or the coconut scented soap?"
Emma took a deep sniff of Tugger's fur and made a face. "She smells pretty bad, you better use both."
"I do not smell bad!" Tugger snarled. They ignored him completely.
"Done!" Krissy exclaimed, gesturing to a very ominous looking sink full of bubbles.
"Great!" Emma exclaimed, picking Tugger up again. "Time for your bath, Foo-foo!"
"Noooooo!" screamed Tugger, "Nooooooo! I'm to beautiful to die like this!"
"Stop meowing, Foo-foo!" Emma snapped, "This'll be fun!"
"Noooo!" he gasped, and felt himself being lowered into the foamy water. Instinctively, he stuck his legs out to brace himself.
"C'mon, Foo-foo, don't be difficult!" chided Krissy, prying his legs off the sink corners. With a plop and a splash his found himself submerged in the soapy water.
"Gooood Foo-foo!" they girls giggled, and began to rub some very strong smelling soapy substances into his fur.
"Why meeeeeeee?"
"Oh, look, Krissy! Foo-foo's singing!"
*~*
Finally, after what seemed like hours of being scrubbed then rinsed under waaaay too much water, the two girls dumped him on the floor, and promptly attacked him with a towel and a blow dryer. When they were finished with this torture, his still damp fur was sticking up in random directions, and his mane, which was usually so well groomed, was a tangled, matted mess. And the paint still wasn't out.
"Hey, Krissy, go get those bows daddy got us. Foo-foo would love them!"
"Okay, be right back!"
Tugger groaned. Haven't they done enough? His mane alone was going to take hours to straitened out, and now they were going to stick bows all over him as if he were a poodle? Why was fate so cruel?
"Here they are!" Krissy announced, dropping a pile of clip-on bows at Emma's feet. They wasted no time and began to stick them on at random all over Tugger's fur.
'I can't take much more of this!' he thought. Thankfully, he didn't have to.
The door to the bathroom opened, and a female human walked in.
"Kristin Amanda and Emmaline Grace, what in heavens name are you doing to that poor cat?!"
Tugger didn't stick around to hear their answer. He shot out of the door, out of the house, down the street, around the corner, past the post office, down another street, and straight into the Junkyard.
Where every cat at the tribe was waiting for him.
'Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser must have tipped them off,' he thought. 'I must remember to kill them.'
There was complete silence for a few seconds, then every cat in the yard burst out laughing. Every cat, except for Tugger. He tried to glare them all into silence, but that only caused them to laugh harder.
"Here, buddy," snickered Mistoffelees, throwing an arm around Tugger, "let me get those bows out of your hair."
Tugger shrugged him off and jumped up onto the car, nursing his very bruised pride.
Oh yes, he thought bitterly, this day can get a lot worse.
The End