A: Are you still awake? If not…I hope this doesn't wake you.
Q: I was just thinking about texting you, but I thought you might be asleep!
A: No, I'm Swiss.
Q: …You're Swiss? What?
A: Awake. Not Swiss. Although I do enjoy their cheese. And chocolate.
Q: Ok…
A: I can't sleep.
Q: And what? You thought texting me might make that happen faster? Am I THAT boring? ;)
A: No, I thought texting you might make you somehow materialize in my room RIGHT NIXON!
Q: …Nixon?
A: NOW! Apparently I fail at catching autocorrect tonight.
Q: Are you ok?
A: Of course! Why wouldn't I be?
Q: Because you missed two autocorrects, and then admitted that you failed at something?
A: Oh. Well, I'm fine. My back was a little sore, but I took something, and it's ALL good now, woman!
Q: Doesn't that usually make you sleep?
A: Yeah…don't know what's going on tonight. But I feel GREAT!
Q: Artie…are you high?
A: High? No! But my back doesn't hurt anymore.
Q: You're high.
A: Maybe just a little. If I'm suddenly gone…pissed out.
Q: …
A: OMG. PASSED. PASSED!
Q: Hahaha. You're so cute when you're…high. :P
A: Woman, I'm cute ALL THE TIME, regardless!
Q: True.
A: I have got to come up with a puppy name!
Q: Poppy?
A: Awww.
Q: Lily?
A: Awww.
Q: Sweetie?
A: Yes?
Q: …that was a name suggestion. lol
A: Oh. Awww.
Q: Ok…do you have ANY other response besides that?
A: Not really…I copied and pasted to avoid autocorrect errors. Those are all good! Want to hear some of mine?
Q: Yes!
A: Rosie
Q: Awww.
A: Blackie
Q: Awww.
A: Cindy
Q: Awww.
A: Those are all terrible. I can never have children…think of what their names would be! And why do you keep saying Awww?
Q: LOL, Artie! They aren't terrible. And I keep saying that, because I thought that's how you were supposed to respond when someone suggests names.
A: You can respond however you want…
Q: I was kidding! I wanted to see if it would annoy you. Clearly it didn't.
A: Feelin no pain, yo! No auxiliary either!
Q: …I'm assuming that was supposed to be annoyance?
A: You're so agjeigmuhgjieg.
Q: …I'm not even going to try to figure that out.
A: How do those things even get in autocorrect? That was supposed to be ABSTINENT!
Q: …
A: OMG. WTF? AUDITORY!
Q: LOL! LOL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
A: ….ADORABLE. But less so, now that you've laughed at me that much. TWO LOLs AND a HAHAHAHAHA?
Q: I'm sorry. But really…LOL!
A: You're not sorry!
Q: I am. Also…glad your back isn't sore anymore.
A: It wouldn't have been sore in the first place, if I had the puppy already.
Q: …how does that work? Because it kind of looked like it was sore before you even got home.
A: You weren't supposed to notice that.
Q: …but I did. And you could have said something…
A: OMG. Did I seriously just say that out loud? Rainbows! Kittens! Kittens in little frilly rainbow dresses!
Q: You can't distract me with those.
A: Are you trying to take advantage of the fact that I'm in a compromising pancake, woman?
Q: Ok, first off…LOL. And second…the image of you in a compromising pancake…burned into my mind forever.
A: O…M…G.
Q: I wish I were there with you in person right now.
A: I don't. You'd probably get me to spill all of my national secrets.
Q: Thanks. And since when are you a nation? Doesn't something say, "I am an island?" Are you an island nation?
A: Are you trying to mess with my drugged mincemeat?
Q: Also, no man is an island. And yes…messing with your mincemeat.
A: I must be having the most craptastic confirmation ever if it corrected minks to mincemeat!
Q: What?
A: …COORDINATION…and mind. But I would like a mink right now. They're really soft. My grandma has a coat of them. I'll try to be more careful with my typhoons.
Q: I really think you should try to sleep.
A: I can't! We haven't picked a puppy name yet!
Q: We don't have to do that tonight…it can wait until you're not high.
A: Wolverine, I'm not high! I'm just seeing two of my phone.
Q: …do you think I look like Hugh Jackman?
A: WHAT? No. But he awesome. Why would you think that I think that?
Q: …Artie, I really think you should try and sleep.
A: I don't need sleep! I'm past the point of sleep.
Q: You just said you're seeing two of your phone!
A: I'm not wearing my glasses!
Q: Then how are you reading this?
A: Oh. I am wearing them. I think the puppy should sleep in my bed. At least until she's bigger…less chance of her being rolled on, because I don't move without waking up. Which happens several times each night, so I could check to see if she needs to go outside or cuddle.
Q: I just assumed the puppy was sleeping in your bed…
A: But I don't want Linds to be sad…so I thought maybe she could swine with her.
Q: …ok. They can swine together.
A: What?
Q: Nothing. Artie…sleep.
A: I also still need a wheelchair puppy carrying device.
Q: …it's called your lap.
A: What if she jumps down and I accidentally run over her?
Q: …that's not going to happen. You can train her so she stays. Plus, I know from experience that your lap is the warmest and cosiest place ever…she'll never want to leave.
A: And then where will you go?
Q: I'm sure we can figure something out for both. She's tiny…we can both cuddle her, and each other.
A: Are you going to bring your camel when she comes home?
Q: I don't have a camel, but I will bring my camera.
A: I haven't got any puppy stuff. Because I haven't asked anyone…and that might send off a red France if I showed up with puppy toys and Tazmanians.
Q: We could go get some stuff? And…Tazmanians?
A: YES. We need all sorts of things to make sure she's happy. Like…toys. And treats. And food. And EVERYTHING. Because we have nothing for puppies in this house!
Q: I'm excited that you're so excited about this.
A: I can't wait. This is like…one of the top five best things ever. Along with you, the fam, chocolate, and doing things in the name of science.
Q: :) Do you want to go puppy shopping tomorrow?
Q: Or should we wait until you have her, so we can make sure we get the right stuff?
Q: Artie?
Q: Hello?
Q: I'm assuming you're passed out. Good night! I hope you saved all those texts, so you can read them in the morning…if you haven't got them…I have them ALL.
Q: I never get to have the last word. This is amazing. Now I know why you like it so much.
Q: Ok…going to sleep now. Night! Love you!
A/N: Follows All My Dreams chapter 116 and The Smile on Your Face chapter 98.
Hope you enjoyed! :) These are SO much fun to write!