What is love?

Denny/Alan :slash

Alan was sleeping quietly and soundly. Denny sat on the other side of the bed in the bedroom at their condo in Boston, and studied Alan's face. His long lashes, his tousled hair, his relaxed hands. Denny began to wonder,"'Why do I love this man so much? Is it because he is so beautiful? He is,, but that goes against everything I have ever believed! Not because he is a man, I know that, already, Brad is more classically beautiful. NO! It is his mind, in that youngish, rogue, unquantifiable, rapscallion who has an answer and/or a smart line for EVERYTHING!He is like a boy, in a beautiful man's body! If Paul had ever told him to be Denny's guadian, Alan would never tell him, Denny, that fact. H e would keep it to himself and do what ever was necessary, or simply ignore Paul altogether.. Denny felt loved by Alan, as he loved Alan. No, it didnt seem simply sexual, although the feel of Alan in the bed next to him excited him no end. Even now he perceived his own stiffie. Alan turned over and faced his wide awake eyes, so that Denny felt almost as if he were spying on his sleeeping mate. That Scottish complexion even in the dark of the room, was luminous!.Alan stirred in his sleep. Denny pulled back, and lay quietly on his own side of the bed.

"Denny, were you just sitting up?" Alan asked, Alan began to squirm with uneasiness. He could feel the presence of Denny sitting up beside him.

"I was just looking at you as an outsider, trying to see what draws me to you so much. There's nothing to be afraid of lover!"

"I feel so strange. Did you come to any conclusions?"

"I am sure that it is not because you are male, and probably Brad is better looking. But you have such charm and erudition and eloquence, and you are so readily a friend, you can make me laugh more than any one I know!"

Alan screwed his face up with mis-understanding! "Was there ever any question of those things? I had never thought so, was I misguided?"

Denny began to back- step. "No, never, I was just having my own version of night terrors, I guess."

Alan put his arms around Denny's bulk and held him close.

"So no conclusions about why you love me?"

"I already know why I love you!"

"Care to give me a tip?"

"Oh, Alan, you're fishing now! I love your beauty, all your sad hard-luck stories, and the way you feel so substantial and warm on my belly at night! And because you promised to shoot me. Oh, I know how you resisted that promise, but I know your integrity as well When the time comes.. You make me feel like laughing when all I want to do is sulk. And you talk to me like a grown-up. You know what I'm talking about! You may be the only one who speaks to me as if I were an adult! We may not be going to live as freely as we might, like, but here we are, married and mostly free!"

Alan chortled, and repeated, "Mostly free? What part of us is not free, Denny?"

"Well, the criticizing far right Christian communities that do not recognize the laws of this country!"

"Denny, I don't think I have ever heard you express that opinion before!"

"Well, when I see how lovely you are and how likely you are to be mistaken for gay because of your appearance.

"But, Denny, surely you realize that many, many homosexuals are not beautiful at all."

"But gay people have a natural advantage over straights."

"Gay people can wear night creams to keep them from appearing older. And even make-up to disguise their age flaws!"

"This is what awoke you? The fear that I might be taken for a gay person? Do you feel that every attractive person might be taken for gay?"

"That and the fear that you might actually have to spend some time in jail and face rape by other prisoners."

"I'm not sure that a 45 year old convict would be considered fresh meat for any convicts!"

"Did not you see the episode of MacGuyver where he was sentenced to a period of time in jail and how the other prisoners salivated over him?"

"Yes, and Richard Dean Anderson was about 20 at the time. And he avoided them by using his brain and wiles!"

"And now that he is old enough to play the Kurt Russel role in Stargate?"

"Yes and we both know who played the Doctor's part in Stargate the movie!'

"And I never would at this age, for certain! My hair has receded more than yours, for Pete's Sake!"

"Have you ever pictured Kurt Russel OR Richard Dean Anderson asleep?"

"I COULD ! But who would want to at 45?"

"I'll grant you that when you are awake, and moving and conscious, you are even more beautiful! The way you move your hands and body is incomparable! And you can match me when we are dancing!"

"Backwards and in high heels!"

"I can only hope by that you mean that you think my dancing is good, too."

"Of course! I've never danced with a better male dancer!"

"And with how many other male dancers have you danced?" Denny asked, suspiciously.

"I think you know the answer to that!"

"Well, then how did you become so accomplished?"

"I adore Fred Astaire movies, you know that!"

"Well, then just assure me that you were only watching his feet!"

"Of course, had I been watching a man's body, it would have been Gene Kelly, but I am not so sure I could keep up with him! Even Mickey Mouse could so only because he was animated!"

"Come on, Alan, who do you see as the best male dancer?"

"Barishnikov!"

"No fair! I mean contemporary, and not just classically educated !"

"That's easy! YOU!"

"I'm no better than you are!"

"I would say we are both pretty good, I've never dance with a better man!"

Alan checked the clock on the bureau, then said, "Why are we sitting here at 3:30 am, discussing dancers?

"Well, you asked me what I was doing sitting up in bed."

"Have we determined that yet?"

"That is up to you! You asked the question."

"You were admiring me sleeping, right?"

"In the moonlight from the window, quite a lovely sight!"

"Denny, do you feel like sleeping anymore before dawn?"

"Got anything else in mind?"

"I'd love to feel you under my belly! for at least until sunrise!"

"Okay, 'last of the red-hot lover's!" And Denny rolled on his back and became still.

"I assumed that nothing physical would be acceptable." Alan offered.

"You have always wanted me, you think I do not know that?"

"I do know that you have always thought I did, anyway! What I don't understand is why you sat up in bed 'admiring' my beauty."

"And I suppose you have no awareness of your own beauty?"

"I have been told of it often, but not by men!"

"See, now that's something I don't understand. As in when I was charged with soliciting a lover from the men's room. Don't people think that gay men have some taste and wish to see their future 'dates' before they desired sex with them? I don't think myself chauvinistic because I prefer to see what my women look like, before I see them, much less talk to them. Now, see, Alan, you have it all! Good looks, erudition, feelings and a logical mind, as well as beauty in the moonlight."

"I can only say, thank you Denny! But I think that you do too!"

"Well, I guess it's a good thing we are married to each other since this seems to be a mutual admiration society! Look, Alan, I didn't seem to appear to be creepy, although I can see how it might seem that way."

"I know of nothing that you could do that would seem creepy to me, Denny." Alan made an imaginary toast with an imaginary glass of Scotch, and uttered heartily, "To the sunrise." and turned over on Denny's stomach quietly and lay very still.

Denny sighed heavily, and gently began to rub Alan's back, at which point, Alan began to snuggle closer. Denny began to travel back in his mind to a conversation he had had with Alan. In it, Alan said that he had noticed how attractive every one was at Crane, Poole, and Schmidt, and asked Denny if that is why he had hired him, too. Now, Denny realized that Alan's beauty along with his humor and kindness for Denny had a lot to do with why he was hired, along with his talent as displayed against his last law firm, and how much he had made Denny laugh at the trial where Alan had sued that law firm trying to get the money they owed him. His words had been clever and twisted every thing that the former firm had thrown at him, Denny had laughed the entire time. And when Alan had won the case, Denny had laughed even more, knowing that Alan had little taste or need for money! Denny knew how his money had made him feel above every one else. But he knew that Alan's mind worked quite differently than his. And he knew that Alan was plenty aware of the intoxicating effect his appearance and charm had on others (including Denny).

Denny thought back to a conversation he and Alan had had once. Alan had taken the point of view that every one in Crane, Poole, and Schmidt was extraordinarily attractive, and he asked Denny if that is why Denny had hired him. Of course, Denny had denied it. But in his heart Denny realized that Alan had added to the overall attractiveness of the firm, as he himself had once! He had recognized this even at the former law firm, (Young, Frutt, & Berluti). Alan was challenged to avoid belittling the unattractive, such as Jimmy Berluti. His comments, while often hilarious, were not kind to the less physically attractive. Which at times made Denny wonder why Alan had never taken his belittling tone out on Denny. Maybe because as Elanor had one told Young, the de facto head of that law firm, that no matter what other shortcomings Alan had, lack of friendship was not one of them. He was loyal to a fault, and Denny pitied any one who fell short of that classification in Alan's life. His mind ran back to Alan's suing or his last firm. His argument to the charged term of moral turpidtude was nothing short of hilarious. And his transparent attempt to stroke Denny's ego, and his offer to accept the bill for taking Denny's 5 minute of time, totally won Denny over! And when Alan first came to Crane. Poole, and Schmidt, Denny used him to stand up in court and introduce Denny to the entire court room, as if he were a sort of royalty. How could you not love such a man(?).Denny knew he was using Alan, but Alan seemed to seek such opportunities. OK, Denny knew he was being courted, but by a man who he felt admired him in the way no that one had done in many years. And he was doing it so beautifully at the same time! Alan was eloquent, and graceful, and SMART, all at the same time! And he had heavily lidded eyes, what some people called bedroom eyes! Not that he had ever asked Denny to notice them, he just looked at anyone he wanted to enchant, and they (including Denny) were enchanted! His voice was not deep, but it was soothing and magical, and in the right situation, comforting. And Denny had never ever danced with a man the way Alan danced with him! It almost was as if he anticipated Denny's steps so that they moved as one. And Denny never felt that he was dancing with another man when he was dancing with Alan! People at Crane, Poole, and Schmidt had noticed how well they moved together as well. Doubtless, Alan was as capable and accomplished at making love, too. As well as Denny felt as he, himself, was! Maybe he was the one man with whom Denny could be happy making love. Denny felt that he would be kinder and gentler than Brad, which he knew that even Alan admired, the grooming and care of. With good reason, Denny felt, as he, too, was sharp, comely, and even charming. But being in love with some one made everything different. When he first told Alan that he loved him, it hadn't been so deep or filled with trust. At first, it was just admiration of Alan's style in court, then with women, then even his politics began to make sense. Of course, Alan was superior at debating any point. Sometimes even liberal politics made sense, if Alan were arguing them. Denny began to experience his morning erection, just as first rays of the sun began to strike him in the eyes. He rolled Alan off his stomach gently and whispered to him. "Soldier, enough sleep. Got an appetite for what you've always wanted?"

Alan turned, his eyes blurry,but making out Denny's face before him, rubbing his forearm gently. "Hey, old man, got your morning stiffie? Need any help, maybe some rubbing or a good and talented tongue?"

"Now you think you know everything?"

"Just the obvious!...4 Years , maybe you're not gay after all!"

"Well, right now, I feel whatever I need!"

"How pragmatic! Just imagine how I have felt for 5-7 years."

"But you had lots of women in between!"

"Not who I wanted!"

"I suppose that should make me feel flattered!"

"Not every one can wait around for who he wants, when he wants."

"I suppose I should feel lucky and favored."

"Indeed, my love, indeed!"Alan slowly and gently unzipped Denny's camo pants. He very gently and gradually lowered his lips to Denny thick and almost dripping penis. He kissed it as softly as he could, pulling it slightly into his mouth and circled Denny's penis with his soft tongue. Alan's heart beat so hard that he felt that it might leave his golden, if not heavily- 'pectoraled' breast.

In the silver of the moon, they copulated happily and unashamedly. Each man enjoying the other so thoroughly that the act seem so naturally and joyously conducted that it seemed to each that their friendship had all led to this moment. Alan silently sang the lyrics to Elton John's song, I want love, a man like me so irresponsible, A man like me is dead in places, I want love, just a different kind. His heart surged and pounded so that he could hardly think. Denny gasped and surged to and fro and laughed a little thinking of his initial resistance to this joy. "How long before we can do it again?" Denny sputtered.

"About as long as it takes after a heterosexual engagement," Alan responded. "If you are sure that you even want to..."

"Aw give me a break Alan, this was my first time, I thought it would be your first time too!"

"Well, yes, but I have some experience with deep abiding desire, anyway!"

"You never even hinted that it could be so good!" Denny whined.

"Well, I had no idea that you wanted to know!"

"Well, I don't know, was it good for you, too?"

"It was all I dreamed about for over 10 years now, does that give you a hint?" Although I wouldn't mind a little more participation on your part, once you figure out what that means!"

"You may have to teach me! Like I taught you your most recent dance, meter and all!"

"I enjoyed that anyway, and I think you did too!"

"Most assuredly!"

"Well, I think we have some learning and enjoyment coming."

"I can teach you all I know about fishing, and you can teach me all about buggery!"

"Deal!" and Alan engulfed Denny's entire body in what was a comparatively less bulk.

As the golden sun rose and entered their bedroom, making every crevice spill out gold, They once again turned to each other and kissed deeply and with real feeling, as if anticipating their next intimate meeting. Denny finally realized what love is!