He was at disgust of himself. He gawked down at the blood surrounding the bottom of his arm just below his palm. Finger's squeezed the wrist as he choked out words to himself. Maybe he would never hear them in his own ears, but he will hear them to one he had wish upon something heavenly to be different than who he was now.

Why were you born this way? Oh, you are just a little deformed child, son. It is okay…because I can set you on the right track. You will be just fine.

But, it is all a lie! You will not be fine! It is not at all your fault! You did not do this on purpose. You can not help or prevent it at all from becoming worse and worse. Nothing can change. No one can change you, not even yourself.

You wish you weren't, but you are. You are in love with the one and only Dave Strider. A man. You father does not approve.

_

You sit in the front of you dad's old, gray jeep and you cannot help for a grimace to be revealed on your cracked lips today. A School day and the best part of it is…that is Monday.

You hate Monday's and you wish that they never existed ever. You just want to bawl your eyes out and shove a knife all over your wiped out skin. But…no, you cannot do that. You will try harder and harder to get rid of your scars and stop this addiction.

It is too difficult.

Though, you will try,
and try,
and try
and try.

It will never work and you are a little more tired than you should be, too tired to apologize to yourself. Like hell you would deserve it.

You rub the crust out of your eyes and suppress a strong yawn…one you had been holding in just because of your dad. Why does he have to question every little thing you do? Every little thing you say?

Oh, son. Did you get rest last night…you seem a little like a zombie. I kept hearing noises in your room, but I tried to stay out of your business. I know how you can get angry with me over that…Sorry, son…It is just that I worry about you…I don't want to lose you. I care so much about you and I just want you to be safe…

You love your Dad for this and you cannot help but to uplift the corner of your lip in a hidden smile because you do have the best dad ever and it is everything you need. He cares about you and tries so hard to guide you to that perfect path he always rambles about.

But…That is the problem, he tries too hard. You love him and everything…You just wish he would not be as protective as he is now.

He never use to be like this. He would barely ever talk to you, too busy with work.

It was always great when he baked you a cake, even though you hate Betty Crocker, you would love to spend time with your dad.

Once you got into middle school. He noticed lower grades in report cards you so desperately tried to hide, he notices scratches, sores, and bruises from people beating on you at school, he noticed how you kindly said 'no' to the cake and preferred to eat dinner by YOURSELF upstairs, and how you would always have a lower mood than usual.

You thought at first this was good. Your dad finally noticed and he had little chats with you everyday after school about how everything was doing. It was forced almost, you were always so sore from school that all you wanted to do was sleep or pester your chums, and you figured it was not going to be too long till you move off on your own and go to college and start at career, get married and have kids. You had a whole life ahead of you. You were not going to be by yourself anymore.

You told dad about everything good every week and you would never mutter a word about being severely depressed where self harm was involved, you never told him about the bullies, you never told him about how you do not have any friends…only ones you met from online. It was sad, but at that moment, all those months it was not, because you only talked about how you have been getting straight A's, how you teacher congratulated you, how you got second place in the spelling bee, how you met a new friend going by the strange name of Nepeta-she always meowed for some reason- but any way…because you tried so hard to focus on the good…the negativity ejected out of you brain. Or so you thought.

It started getting worse in High School. You were failing again and again because you did not go to class. Some boys kept dragging you out of the school. They beat you and beat you. Till blood was soaked down to your toes. But, Why? Why would they do this to you?

Well, it all started when they said, ' hey'. They winked afterwards shoving you ALL around. You were so naïve –or stupid as you would call it- that you smiled and wave back with two enormous buck teeth spilling out of your puffed lip. You thought they wanted to be friends and of course you hung out with them, never understanding their tiny hints that they were giving you with the looks to all their friends ( or followers)

This all lasted until one day, one day you invited Dave Strider over. You thought, maybe you could study for that new biology test coming up for next week. Dave was always so terrible at Biology and you thought maybe you could help.

He said, 'yes I would love that very much, dude heh.' Their was a bit of a waver in his husky voice that you could not quite catch. It was okay though, because you were so happy you got a friend. A friend willing to spend time with you.

You felt so giddy about all this, that you even got popcorn as a snack to eat while studying. It was really the most terrific day ever, that you could barely explain in words.

Your heart skipped when he had finally arrive.

While you- the dork was babbling on and on about this and that with biology.. He was not….really focused I guess you could say. Well, Dave was NEVER really focused about anything related to school…but it was different this time because Dave…he belonged with all those bullies in a big group, but it was so different because he seemed so…. Frightened? A coolkid is never scared. He never show's off his emotion. So why was his lip quivering and shades glued to you? Not even paying attention to the text book…?

That was when it happened. You could say that it was the most foreign feeling you felt in your life, though you would be lying because…it seemed as though Déjà vu started pumping no oxygen to you brain.

Your head spun around the world, east to west and south to north. You choked on a big apple in your throat and was not so willing to get rid of it. Especially

not verbally.

Cheek was blistered with a hot smothering blush across your nose and cheek bones as your bright blue eyes stood stammering over the man in front of you. Dave Strider. One who had just rubbed his wet lips all over yours.

So that is what he was stressing over.

Now, do not get yourself wrong, because you like Dave. He is your best friend. Your best bro. Even you was about fed up with all the shoving and bruising of his group that you had began to walk away and lead a life of your own. You did not think that that was right for you. You all stopped being friends.

Dave noticed this and no he was one to never talk. You had never heard one word spoken from those lips back then. He was hanging out with them and your were sick of it. But, when you no longer saw blonde in the mixtures of browns and blacks of locks laughing over you. Your heart rose up and you somewhat felt happy that…maybe they will, will get older and learn their lesson. After all, one has already left the team. The one that went by the name, "Dave Strider".

You both became good friends. When you did hear his voice though, you had to hold a small blush. Come on! It had too be embarrassing for him as well! He had that…that voice, where he hit a jam in his puberty. It was a little deep for him.

But…you liked it. To be honest you like everything about him. The way he pieces and sticks all his emotions together never letting them spill-sometimes you wonder if he does have any-, the way he smirks instead of a smile (because coolkids do not smile, yo), the way he bragged about how he was the most ironic king of them all, and how he would only talk to you.

He would always have time, and since he left that group…he seemed more happy and talkative. Though, it was only with you. Sometimes, it worried you because –you hate to say this- but he can get quite annoying sometimes….pestering you with all his new raps all the time and how he just hates how Cal follows him everywhere,.


He would only be himself around you…sometimes he would even chuckle at your jokes and that made you feel strangely warm. It worried you though, that maybe you were the only friend he had. He would freak if you never answered him either on pesterchum, text, or phone.

And…yes…it was the other way around as well because Dave is all you have. You feel guilty being annoyed by him, but it is friendly…you mean no harm, you just need to go to sleep at nights and there are some days you are busy and you cannot hang on with him.

You know all about his brother, Dirk and you know that that is the only guardian he has. And with Dirk, you barely even spoke to him. They all seemed mysterious and laid back, but once you meet a Strider…you will never regret your choice. They are the coolest, chilliest peeps after all, Ain't I right?

You know everything about Dave, He has told you all the smuppet stories, all the Cal stories, more about his brother that you rather not know, and everything in school. The whole story about the bullies and how he felt terrible about joining in.

You told him everything as well. All how you want to spend more time with your dad, how you miss him dearly, why you cut yourself, and all about your depression.

He has gone through all the same things as you…That is why he joined the group.

He had no friends and you did not either but now you both have each other.

He has even made all of the people that beat on you in the field behind the school sorry, sorry that they had done what they did and they promised to stop. You do not mess with a Strider and you most certainly do not mess with his best bro.

But, now you have a bigger problem than getting beat on.

It is that you are a homosexual and your Father does not approve.

You realized this after your very first kiss when you were 15 ( You are 16 now).
It was from a male. Not just any male. It was Dave Strider. The most closest friend you have . The one that knew more about you than your dad did and that is what made it feel perfectly serene with you. Nothing felt wrong.

It was the best feeling ever. You were never kissed before and you pretty sure that Dave had some practice, though you are not sure how, since he had told you that you were the only one he had ever did kiss.

But, it was the most inspirited, dizzy, exhilarated joy ever. You were not sure what to say after you both had made contact with lips. Just the thought reddened your face to the core. All you did was gladly accepted his offer. You did love Dave Strider.

_

But, one night had turned to the worst night of your life that it trimmed you to your own death. The night after a date with Dave. You had told your Dad all about it.
You were all so happy about it, you just could not stop smiling and giggling. Still blushing, even when you returned home. Though, it all was changed when you told Dad all about the date.

You told him how Dave was so sweet that at the festival he won you this little stuffed bear with a little tiny bow tie and pink cotton candy he shared with you. You told him all, and I mean every little detail about Dave and the date you went on. You told him that you have been dating him for a while now and it has been the happiest year of your life.

You told him how cute Dave was, how every time he looked at you your heart did huge painful zips to your stomach where irritating soft butterflies swarmed, how everything he said made you giggle, and how you could tell how Dave was nervous just as you were because you could see and feel him sweating on his palms where her held your hand gently. You know that no one has ever treat you like you were this some fragile piece of expensive glass. Dave was so kind and gentle and that is what you love about him.

You kept giggling and grinning like the stupid derp you are with that STUPID blush.

Dad listened intently to every word you said, though you were so caught up in everything that you never noticed his changed in expression.

When you finally had stop babbling your loud mouth, you peeked at your Father, your positive mood draining slower, and slower till it about hit rock bottom.

His face was in a state of consternation. His eyebrows were twitched inwardly, his veins poking through his fore head and neck, and his eyes wider than a basket ball with tears flowing through and out nonstop.

It scared the daylights out of you and that is definitely for sure. You swear your confused small mind was way more than just a thousand mumbles put together and that you might be having a panic attack right about now.

You are so confused at this moment that your heart is racing to the stars and next stop to your grave, because your anxiety is so bad right now that you vision is blurred out from a tale of a breathing shortage.

The worst part of it all is that your dad looks ANGRY with you and you have no idea why. You were telling him how close you and Dave are…What is wrong with that? Why is he mad?

That was when he took the deepest and longest breather ever and your dad leant down to your height and forced an pleasing smile at you. Dang, so that is where you get the talent putting on such a awesome fake smile on. Even you almost fell for it.

But, you know your dad and you can tell he is not pleased. But what is he not pleased with? You thought people were suppose to go on dates when they grow older. Dave said that anyway…

"Son, Is this 'friend' of yours a…..man…..?"

"Y-Yes…His name is Dave…It is short for David, but he get's upset when I call him that! " you giggled and blushed just a bit, before you dad's gulp echoed through your ears. You snapped your eyes back up at him and awaited for his next question.

" You are dating him?"
"Yes.." You were getting more and more suspicious of where this was all going to….

"Son, Do you even know what dating is?"

"It is where you love a person so much that you cannot stand to be parted from them for so long…that you go on dates and spend time with each other"

"You love Dave?"

"I love Dave so much, Dad! He has been through everything I have and he knows me so well. He helped me get…away from these, uhm, people that were bothering me at school and…he cares a-about me…a-l-l-ot.."

You stuttered on your words as your stomach growled for energy and you legs and shoulder's slumped together. Why was you dad so surprised? He knew you had to start dating one day…You are a full-blown teen now! You had to start somewhere!
You had to grow up sometime! It was now or never….

Though, it was that night when your whole world went straight to the lowest depth of hell. The night your dad gave you a long talk. A talk about…something so sinful. Something against God. And, it was the love of two boys. It was against his family's religion.

You never knew. You thought everyone just was suppose to date each other, no matter the gender. No one had ever told him that it was wrong if you were the same sex as the other you fall in love with.

But now you know and it you had the most guilt you had ever had in your pathetic life. You were remorse to your edge and now you know you went against God.
You felt the need to die. Be cut and half with your soul to never make it. You felt you had no heart left…it might of sunk to hell too burn to many cold heart grounds. You have no heart, you have no brain, and you have no soul.

Your dad was worried about the panic attack you had had the time of that night that the next morning he told you that everything is okay… you did nothing wrong. You are still loved. You have the biggest heart, you are the kindest boy, and you deserve to have the luckiest life of them all!

Your dad said, Dave, that you need to slow him down and take it to a stop. Stop the relationship., Because Dave was not raised right.

But..This did not feel right. To end your whole relationship that you worked so heard to build. You would have no one. No one left. You doubt he would even want to still be friends. He would hate you. Though, you love him and now that you know it is wrong…you have to force yourself. You just cannot bring yourself to do so.

_

Hi, hi~ This is yukina…and I am oh so sorry…that this may seemed a little rushed at the end. I really hope it was maybe a joy to read^^. Sorry, that it was all so short as well and not really descriptive as it needs to be on some spots, but just ignore my mistakes and follow the story ! I will make another chapter, do no worry and it had happy endings! ( ^ 0^) So be happy…JohnDave be alright~~ You have to review though, so I can make new chapters! Tell me what you want in the second chapter.
Thank you, I love you all so much, except for the mean ones~ Thank you –blows kisseys-

~Yukina~