I needed some inspiration for my other stories so I thought I'd do this one shot. Very depressing but it just popped into my head. I could probably add more chapters in the future, we'll see!
R&R please! xx
Everything Burns
She walked through the school halls that morning, not noticing anyone around her, not wanting to do anything except make it through the day. Her left arm was across her chest, tugging on the other side of her jacket as if to protect herself, to keep herself covered. She could feel it, what she had done to herself, as it pressed against the sleeves of her jacket. The students around her were all talking happily, laughing and bragging about what they had done at the weekend. She wanted to scream at them all, tell them to stop being so fucking stupid. She finally reached her locker, putting in the combination and gently opening it. She felt that any noise would draw unnecessary attention to her and she really didn't want that, not like anyone cared anyway, but still. As her locker door swung open she saw the mirror she always kept in there. She saw herself staring back but didn't recognise her reflection, the bruise below her eye still slightly visible. No matter how much cover up she used the damn thing wouldn't go away. She prodded the dim purple circle, her mouth twitching in pain as she remembered what he had done, how angry he was. Shaking her head and slamming the door closed before she could get her books, and heading straight for the bathroom.
Again she was staring at herself in the mirror. She didn't know how it had come to this, how the situation had elevated to a point of no return. At least, that's how she felt, because there was no way she was coming back from this. She wasn't crying even though she wanted to, simply because she had no more tears left to cry. Her bag had been thrown down onto the floor next to her and she had placed her hands on the sink, pressing down heavily. She felt the pain ripple up through her arms, her pain, her infliction. It wasn't something he had done to her, sure he might have been the reason but he wasn't the one who got to have the satisfaction from doing it. Not this time. She took a step back from the sink, the white lights above her almost hurting her eyes and their lack of sleep. And then she began to peel the jacket from her body. Slowly slipping it down her arms and dropping it on top of her bag. She was still looking down at the floor, bracing herself for what she would feel when she looked at herself. Her dark hair was down and flowing around her shoulders, looking into the mirror her deep eyes were masked by it and her face mostly hidden. But it wasn't her face she needed to look at. She clenched her fists as she turned her palms inwards, letting the mirror take in their reflection as she stood stunned for a moment. Did I really do that? Is this what I have to do to feel anything? The scratch marks that began just above her wrists and got deeper and longer as she had travelled up. Some as fresh as the night before were still seeping slightly, the inside of her jacket must be a mess. Her arms were a mess, that's for sure, her short sleeved shirt was going to be no help so her jacked had to remain on today. She thought she could feel something then, a tear, coming to the surface. But it was to no avail as she tried desperately to push it out of herself. 'Fuck!' She shouted, letting out a tearless sob as she ran her left hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face. She then lent into the mirror closer, yeah, the bruise was still there. And there was no way the glee club wasn't going to notice. She wanted help, needed it in fact, but there was no way to tell Brittany without freaking her out. She had no desire to tell the blonde anyway since she lost her best friend to Wheels, but maybe someone would want to help her. Maybe they would realise why she is such a bitch, and why she pushes every body away. Maybe. She looked at herself, disgusted, as she threw her jacket back on and picked up her bag. No classes for Santana today.
She rounded the corner and into the choir room at the end of the day. No classes but glee was the one thing she didn't want to miss. If anyone could help her it would be theses guys. She had the entire day to think about what she was about to do. She had picked a song, she would show them her arms and then sing. Then they would understand. She was the first one there so she took her usual seat at the back of the room and waited. She didn't have to wait long, eager Rachel was only a few minutes behind her. 'Santana.' She said, stepping slightly aback at the Latina sitting all alone. 'You're here early.'
'Yeah.' Santana said quietly, Rachel again slightly worried that the usually snarky girl hadn't insulted her.
'Is..' Rachel paused, not wanting an outburst. 'Is everything okay? I haven't seen you all day.'
'Rachel I…' Santana looked at her straight on, noticing the smaller girls expression change.
'Santana, what happened to your face?' Rachel was quickly up and sitting beside her, Santana knew that make-up was cheap.
'I have something I wanted to talk to you guys about.' Santana whispered. 'I need, I need help.' She looked down and started playing with her hands.
'Of course we'll help you.' Rachel gave her a comforting smile.
'But I'm a bitch, I don't…' She looked up in frustration. 'Why would you be willing to help me?'
'Because we do love you Santana. No matter how much of a bitch you are, you're always there for us when it counts.' Santana nodded. 'Now tell me what's wrong?'
'No I need, to wait for everyone. If I'm gonna say this I don't think I'll be able to do it more than once.' Santana smiled weakly.
'Okay.' Rachel nodded, placing her hand on Santana's knee and sitting wither her. A few moments later more people entered the room. Then before they knew it everyone was here. They were all unusually quiet as they waited for their teacher, most of them noticing the bruise on Santana's face and the fact that Rachel was sitting with her.
'Okay guys.' Mr Schu ran into the room. 'Sorry I'm late, lets just get right on with it.' He smiled, placing his bag down on the piano and turning to the group. 'Rachel?' He said, noticing the diva's hand in the air.
'Mr Schu, Santana has something she needs to tell us.'
'Erm okay, Santana, why don't you come on down.' He smiled at her, the brunette gingerly walking down to the centre of the room.
'Thanks Rachel.' She whispered, looking down at the floor and kicking her feet slightly, looking for the right way to start. 'So, I..' She paused but then she looked up to Rachel who gave her an encouraging smile. 'I need your help.' She said. 'Most of you have probably seen the bruise under my eye.' She pointed it out, Mr Schu's facial expression changing as he studied it closer.
'Santana what hap….' Mr Schu began but was cut off.
'Mr Schu let her finish.' Rachel called to him, nodding as he backed off and sat with the rest of the group.
'So, most of you know my mum got re-married two years ago. My step dad was an ass from the beginning but about a year ago it got really bad.' She looked down. 'He started to, to hit us.' She looked around the room, anywhere that wasn't into somebody's eyes. 'And I cant take it any more I….'
'San..' She looked up at the small voice. Brittany. 'San why didn't you tell me?' She asked, tears glistening in her eyes.
'I don't know Brit.' She tried to smile. 'I thought I could handle it. And I didn't want anyone else to know. But I did something, after he got really mad, I went up to my room and I did something that I cant seem to stop.' She admitted shamefully.
'Santana what did you do?' Quinn asked, and like Brittany she didn't understand why the Latina didn't talk to them before. Santana remained silent as she began to take off her jacket, gently lifting it over the marks on her arms as she listened to their reactions. 'Oh god..' Quinn whispered, not taking her eyes from the red lacerations.
'Santana.' Mr Schu got up and walked over to her but she stepped back.
'Please Mr Schu, I have a song I wanted to do. You know before you send me down to talk to Miss P or whatever I just want to sing this song.'
'Okay Santana.' Mr Schu nodded as he sat back down. Santana couldn't help notice Brittany crying, and Rachel for that matter, as she walked over to tell Brad what song she was going to sing. He nodded and as she walked back to the middle of the room the music began.
She sits in her corner,
Singing herself to sleep.
Wrapped in all of the promises,
That no one seems to keep.
She no longer cries to herself,
No tears left to wash away.
Just diaries of empty pages,
Feelings gone astray.
But she will sing….
They were all watching her silently. No one had noticed anything odd over the past year. None of them had bothered to notice. They all thought she was a bitch, end of story. They never realised that there could be a reason behind it, that she had this tough outer shell to try and help protect herself.
Till everything burns,
While everyone screams,
Burning their lies,
Burning my dreams.
All of this hate,
And all of this pain.
Burn it all down,
As my anger reigns,
While everything burns.
Brittany was crying still as Artie held her hand, Rachel managing to control her emotions but couldn't take her eyes from the girl's arms. They looked sore and painful, the diva not knowing how bad she must have felt to do that to herself.
Walking through life unnoticed,
Knowing that no one cares.
To consumed in their masquerade,
No one sees her there.
And still she sings…
Quinn was listening and realising how angry her friend was. Sure she was singing because she needed help and because she was hurt and scared. But she was singing it because no one had picked up on it. The people who were supposed to be there for each other didn't realise that something really bad was happening.
Till everything burns,
While everyone screams,
Burning their lies,
Burning my dreams.
All of this hate,
And all of this pain.
Burn it all down,
As my anger reigns,
Till everything….
Everything burns,
Everything burns,
Everything burns.
Watching it all fade away…..
All fade away,
Everyone screams,
Everyone screams.
Watching it all fade away…
Santana began the last chorus and noticed that her face felt wet, she was crying. Her tears had come back with this new found relief, and this new found hope that she may finally be able to break free of her step dad. She might be able to stop doing what she's doing.
Till everything burns,
While everyone screams,
Burning their lies,
Burning my dreams.
All of this hate,
And all of this pain.
Burn it all down,
As my anger reigns,
While everything burns.
Everything burns,
Watching it all fade away.
Everything burns.
Watching it all fade away….
The music faded and they all sat in silence. Santana was sobbing to herself silently, no one really knowing what to do. Quinn and Brittany were stunned that they hadn't realised one of their best friends was in so much pain. Rachel was the first one to move, stepping down from her seat and wrapping the Latina in a hug. Santana gave in. she crumpled in the arms of the smaller girl until they ended up on the floor. Rachel held her whilst she cried, stroking her hair and whispering; 'Everything will be okay Santana, everything will be different now. I promise.'