A.N / This is my first Death Note parody, so be warned : lots of OOC, and do not take anything seriously. Just enjoy my madness! :p
Pour some sugar on me
(Light along with L and Misa have gone on a date)
Misa: My sweetie cutie Lightie, how's your life being handcuffed to a monkey?
(Light took a look at L being busy eating sweets and then replied.)
Light: Full of hair. He surely drops a lot of his messy black fur. I even have to use the vacuum cleaner to clean the floor. And a whole building is just too much. At least he doesn't have eyebrows, that's a relief.
Misa: Oh really? Wish you would get rid of him soon enough.
Light : Yeah, he's a pain in the a**. And I really mean it.
L : Just because L 's mouth is full doesn't mean he can't listen to you.
( Light raises the tone of his voice intentionally)
Light : I have to be careful. L touches my b**t too often when we sleep together. Once he tried to bite it, dreaming it was cake. And it still hurts.
L : It was not fluffy enough. My calculations were wrong. Get some calories and next time you'll enjoy it.
( Gives him a whole mountain of jellies. Misa gets insane at the thought of Light being fat and dreams him as a red-haired hippo)
Misa : Nooo! I don't want my Raito boy fat and ugly.
L : Maybe you're right. I don't want to carry more weight when he refuses to follow me.
( Takes his fork and dissolves the cloud with the image of Hippo Light above Misa's head)
Light: You're always a liar, aren't you? You are the one who follows me.
L : I was the one supposed to tell you that.
Light : Too bad I caught you. Listen Misa. I really suffer without you. Do you have any idea how many times we use the ventilator when he wants to take off his shoes?
You know monsieur L, water is not only for drinking.
Misa : Oh yeah, there are also perfumes, cosmetics...
Light : There's no point telling him that. Soap is unknown to him. He's the living proof that homo sapiens once existed.
Misa : Come on my love, don't hurt his feelings. why calling the primitive a primitive?
Light : Maybe in order for him to listen and return to his natural habitat.
L : No I won't. At least not before we catch Kira. Then I'll rest in peace.
Light : Do you mean that you'll die? Do it after you release the cuffs, I don't want to drag with me a corpse. Though you seem like that anyway.
L : No, L's never dead. I'll just go to the candy land, even signed a contract with the guy running that place.
Misa : What a nice idea, I'll tell you then who's Kira : Chief Yagami!
Light : Yeah, he made up everything to put the blame on us.
L : Give me a reason for that.
Misa : He doesn't want us to be together. You know how mother's and father's in law treat their kids' mate.
L : So miss Amane. Are you telling me you've got a problem with chief?
Misa : Yeah, he wants me for his own purpose.
L : Sounds like light. Ok then, we're going to arrest him.
Misa : Hooray, now leave us alone.
Go go go!
L : Why being such in a hurry? We're having a great time all together. And Light's such a perfect housewife.
Light : Call me again like this and we'll fight.
L : Now you're talking.
( They begin to fight with each other and a cloud of smoke surrounds the atmosphere. )
L : The first round was perfect. We blew off some steam. Let's do it again, pal.
Light : What shall we do now?
Misa : I'd tell you about having a threesome but you're not sexual.
L : It's high time. I got fed up of eating sweets all the time due to lack of s*x. You know, candy is said to be a good substitute.
Light : Dream on, you hunchback of Notre Damme. Why should Misa choose you over me?
L : Because I'll put chocolate all over her body and lick her. And I'm not a gay like you Yagami. Spell your name the other way around.
Light : Look who's talking. What's L supposed to mean? Lara? Lady Gaga? Or Lolita?
L : L stands for longer. Light has seen it while we both go to the bathroom. Now that you mentioned the name Lara, that Lara's got guts. And boobs and she's tall with a juicy body.
Misa : Are you implying that I'm skinny and short?
L : No, you're not bad, just blond. And a fake one. Decolorasion is proven to damage brain cells.
Misa : You filthy bastard! I'll write in my notebook that you'll die at the dentist's hand while having all your teeth removed.
L : So you're Kira!
Light : Stupid Misa, you gave our plan away!
Misa : Why care? He'll be like a rotten tomato once we write his name.
Light : No, don't abuse tomatoes, they smell much better than him. He's like a dead rat.
Misa : You've got a point.
( Misa stares at L)
And now before I kill you answer me a question: How come you still have teeth after consuming so much sugar?
L : I've spent a fortune on porcelains. Even Watari got upset with me. He had told me I was going to destroy his business thing with my expenses! No more genius psycho kids around his orphanage, and that he should better give the money for Misa's dresses instead.
( Misa gets interested.)
Misa : Oh really? Did he say he'll buy me clothes? I'll have to love this Watari.
L : And he likes young women, too. But intelligent ones. Don't know why he likes you. I guess he's old enough to go nuts.
Misa : Shut the f*ck up emo zombie. I've made my mind : I'm gonna leave the two of you here and go to greek bouzoukia with Watari and dance tsifteteli while listening to the "Come to grandpa" song!
L : Too bad he's on the red now. Don't overload him with too many loans. I've got some needs, too.
Misa : Like?
L : I have my instincts and need a plastic doll. You shouldn't provoke me unless you want to be that one.
Misa : Mmm...hell no. Though I begin to like the idea of being used.
L : Fine, let's go and have Light watch. Afterwards go to Watari. I got sick and tired of him trying to take my virginity.
Light : Virgin, ha ha ha! I wouldn't expect less from you.
L : So you admit to being a gay.
Misa : Shut up both of you! Go fuck yourselves and have a good time, I'm leaving!
(Both remain with open mouth)
Light : It was all your fault she left. You surely know how to send women away.
L : I just wanted to be with you all along. Gay.
Light : Monkey!
L : Let's call it a fight. Again.
Light : A tooth for a tooth and an eye for an eye!
L : That's the spirit.
End of Parody