When the Gods Awake
"Of necessity we remain strangers to ourselves, we understand ourselves not, in ourselves we are bound to be mistaken, for of us holds good to all eternity the motto, 'Each one is the farthest away from himself'—as far as ourselves are concerned we are not 'knowers.'
What I mean, by the way, is that you guys should really stop thinking about other people and think about yourself. Like, seriously, you probably don't even know which day you came out of the grub tube. I wonder if there's a name for that..." ~ Troll Nietzsche
"Hey!"
He said, bursting with energy as he opened the living room door.
"I'm home."
"ok"
She said, her face down the sofa. He couldn't see her expression, but he could tell her voice; it was of a detuned violin at the hands of an unskilled(probably also un-handsome) player.
"Are you playing the 'how long can you hold your breath while having your face down the sofa' game again? It's not very healthy."
"its a fucking couch"
She lifted her head up finally and took a small soundless breath. Her face didn't show any particular emotion, but you could see mild frustration in her eyes.
"You won't believe how lively the kids were today. The last few months have been busy, with the Coming and all, but today's debate on the "Should laws apply to Creators" topic was burning with spirit!"
He said, almost yelling, as he put down his bag on the table in front of the sofa.
"youre calling it the Coming"
"Well..."
His voice started to quiet down.
"You know with these things, lots of people call it differently. I like Return of the Gods but that just sounds like a movie's subtitle, you know."
"yes i know. its equally stupid"
"That's rude."
He said with a big smile, not matching with his unflattering remark.
"Oh man where do I even begin with this one. The sides were pretty equally split, but the Yes side was brimming with energy."
"your definition of energetic is 'yells a lot'"
"Well yeah, if I can't hear you then I can't really say you want me to listen!"
"thats so terrible"
"I know, right! Gahaha!"
He laughed at the genuine expression of terror, as she covered her face with her hands in shame.
"Anyways, whenever I get to supervise these kind of debates, I can't help but feel fiction has become reality. Well, that is literally what happened, and ancient Gods returning from the past is already pretty ridiculous, but some of the arguments they made, wow!"
He made a wild hand gesture as his face went to the ceiling, but as she continued to have her hands on her face, she couldn't see it.
"Some of them were like, 'if one of them can literally predict the future and see fortunate outcomes, wouldn't that mean for her, when she breaks the law, that is 'fortunate' for everyone?'
Now granted, there's a lot of words about whether these Creators can do, 'magic', or 'miracles', as some say. It is pretty out of our scope, after all. Not to mention they came back to us through time travel, which seemed to be the one thing even the Trolls couldn't fully achieve, the God of Void can defy entropy and summon things out of thin air! What does that say for our scientific developments, if that was possible all along?."
"it would mean some people are bullshitting, because thats impossible"
She said, with her voice muffled as her face was still buried with her hands.
"Well, that's such a pessimistic attitude! There are eye witnesses and recorded footage, you know. It's undeniable that it's at least *possible*."
"probably some trick, that's what magic is, just lies"
"Um... No, that wouldn't be what magic is! I think you'd have a great time with Sir Arthur C. Clarke."
"no i would not"
Her muffled voice raised in tension, with her anger rising as well.
"Hm…"
He stopped his excited voice and stared at her, realizing continuing might not be fruitful.
"Hey, are you mad?"
"..."
She lowered her hands off her face, and stared back at him.
"when am i not"
"Wow good question! Um, I can't answer that, sorry. There are some things even people with a degree can't answer, that's one of them... I think."
He was genuinely clueless on how to answer the question, which was a surprising feeling for him.
"i don..."
She stopped in midst of saying the next word, and after thinking, chuckled.
"i'll take that answer"
"Ah, looks like I *could* answer it! This is great, gahahaha!"
He clapped with joy, and continued his spiel.
"But you know, the No side kids were great too. One of them went real philosophical, questioning whether in the gaze of Gods, should we even attempt to apply our human thinking to them?
Well, from what I've heard, they all act like humans anyways. Though I definitely wish I could meet and talk with one of them in person!"
"i bet itd be a 'super' time"
She looked away, losing attention.
"Heck yeah 'super'! Wait…"
He stopped and put his hands on his chins, thinking deeply and attempting to pull out a forgotten memory.
"Yeah yeah yeah I remember... it was May last year. I did meet those guys once!"
"what"
She regained focus and said to him. She was baffled, not out of shock, but of mild frustration.
"I went to a wedding."
"you were invited to a wedding"
"What, invited? No no no! I, um... "heard" from inside sources. It's classified."
"uh huh"
She "nodded", not satisfied with the answer.
"It was a marriage between the God of Light and a troll vampire woman. They were very pretty and the whole thing was beautiful. Cakes and everything!"
"troll vampire woman"
She said to confirm her suspicions.
"Troll vampire woman."
He confirmed her suspicions.
"the person who can see the future married a rainbow drinker?"
"Oh hey you know the term! Rainbow drinker is so 4990. It's the new millennium, sister!"
"i cant even believe you're telling me that. that exact wording"
"Gahaha, well. I deal with kids everyday for my occupation so I've gotta 'stay hip' with the times, unlike you!"
"you talk about bullshit magic people with college students"
"I got it close enough!"
He winked and pointed at her, as if she was suppose to 'get' something, but she stayed expressionless.
"Anyways. I didn't talk to them, that was a shame. Then security found me out, so I didn't even get to the kiss!
Oh and…"
He stopped smiling, and dread filled the air.
"Oh and... Oh. And."
His expression halted, and there were good few seconds of nothing until she broke the silence.
"oh and"
"Oh and yeah!"
His smile was recovered after the seconds that was a small break from madness.
"When I was being dragged away, there were like, really loud noises... and... Christmas music? Then a bunch of people in colourful outfits showed up and started celebrating. Even the security guys were kind of amazed. We watched that unfold then I just left on my terms."
"oh. so that was the 'and.'"
"...What?"
He asked, actually confused by the intention behind her question.
"i thought you had finally realized you were just spewing bullshit after another and was having some sort of inner mental crisis, but i guess you still have your thick skull"
"Aw come on! I believe very hard on the things I study, that would never happen. There is no shred of doubt in my mind that these people are real and that they can provide amazing insight to our society! We have so much to learn from them, you know. Take an optimistic approach to all that has happened."
"i hate idealism. it's too dark. useless, it pisses me off."
"Ah... I thought you'd say something like that."
His face was of minor disappointment. His attention quickly diverted to his bag on the table.
"Oh yeah, I remember taking a picture..."
He salvaged through the bag on his own pace while she, like always, waited unamusedly. He pulled out a cell phone and went through its insides.
"Here it is, the picture! Look at them, they're beautiful!"
The picture was of a young woman with short blonde hair in a black suit, and a troll vampire woman in wedding outfit. Around them were men and women celebrating, all smiling. The picture seemed to have been taken while moving, being blurry and slightly off angle.
"wow i guess now i believe you 100%, good job brother"
She said with one hundred percent honesty. Super Serious.
"Gahaha! See, I knew I was going to convince you of all this one day, now I have photographic evidence!"
He held the phone up in triumph, but she kicked him right in the hips violently.
"Aw!"
He dropped the phone on the ground unwittingly.
"dont get fucking cocky, this could be some any wedding"
"Well, I was just going along with your joke, of course you weren't actually convinced..."
He collapsed gently to the floor and sat.
"I'm happy though. I still get to talk about all this exciting stuff to you every day!"
"my one wish is for all of this suffering to end, so i'd like it if you don't do this anymore"
"Gaha, like I will!"
"..."
Her lack of response surprised him, and it turned the room silent.
She stood up with a dark face, passed by him, and started going the direction to her room.
"Hey..."
She stopped her movement, but her head was still not facing him.
"Are you going?"
His voice wasn't confident, and had fear mixed in it.
"...yeah"
"Wait. I need to say..."
He stared at her.
"I need to say something to you."
He lied, as this was none of her concern. She could live her life happily without hearing this. Yet, he "needed" to say this. Just because it didn't matter to her, it did not make "this" any less important to him.
"I've been thinking a lot. About things I never tell you."
His voice has gotten low, and even unenthusiastic, as if he were attempting to stop the words from coming out.
"My job was to wait. Waiting isn't to stop. It's to take action. It's to make efforts to make something a reality. I was waiting for... for a lack of better words, Gods, to come. That has been my passion my whole life. I waited for something holy to come, not because I'm a man of faith, but because I'm a man of my thoughts. My thoughts demanded these forces show themselves.
I guess to put who I was into words, I was a prophet. That doesn't mean I tried to predict the future or anything, that means I tried to make my own future real. I was an advocate of my own will.
But I was a fool. I was never smart. I was never wise, a sage was the opposite of who I was. I remained a fool and I'm still a fool. But as a fool, I continued to wait. Wait for my future, and I told of this future to others. From a fool to another fool, our thoughts spread. I was a thinking fool, alive because of my words. I believed in it, so I existed.
And now, look at this. Gods have come and they've shaken the world around. How could we put mind into development of anything, or terraforming planets, or betterment of sentient civilization, when the Gods whom created us thousands of years ago have come to our mortal realm? My wait had paid off, but my life was changed.
Right now, I don't even truly know myself. I feel stuck at home. Stuck with nowhere to go to. Am I a man of my thoughts? Am I just a shell of what I was before? If I've accomplished my goals... is there anything I can step forwards to? Just..."
His voice, shaken with vibration and emotions, had halted for a moment. He needed a moment to clear everything away.
"When the Gods awake, who are we then suppose to "wait" for? When the Messiah have come before our very eyes... who are the prophets suppose to pray for?"
Emptyness. There was nothing for him to say anymore. He had completed expressing his thoughts, yet, he still had the feeling of anxiety left inside of him. The anxiety that had been haunting him.
"I'm sorry. I just... I shouldn't have said any of that to you. I guess it all just sounded like a ramble. Sorry for venting. I think I'll head to bed now."
"wait"
She finally turned around, having collected her thoughts. She stared at him eye-to-eye.
"i think"
Her voice wasn't very hearable, yet she still felt the need to say words. Say something to him.
"i... i don't think"
She said more loud and clearly.
"i don't think the thing you had waiting for came. i don't think you were just waiting for some… Gods to show up. i can tell. you've been keep talking about how... you're a man of your thoughts, but i think that's exactly what you've been waiting for. you've been waiting for yourself, for your own thoughts. you've been keep trying to search for who you are, which lead you to who you are right now, so…"
She looked at the ground, not very sure of where to continue, or where her train of thought is going. But she had to say this. She needed to.
"you aren't stuck at home. you're waiting from home. waiting for yourself, looking everywhere for him. so i think the only thing you can keep doing is... is to keep waiting. keep waiting for yourself. you've always done it, right? so..."
He continued to stare at her while her face now looked downwards.
"so i... i think you can keep doing it. continue to search for yourself. maybe at the end of all this, he'll be waiting back. maybe in the end, you'll find him"
Fullness. There was nothing for her to say anymore. She had clearly expressed her thoughts and she was satisfied.
"You know."
"you know"
Their eyes met again.
"oh fuck am i sounding like you now"
"Gahaha! That was very well said. Well said indeed."
"no no no just... forget about all that, ok"
"No!"
He stood up, and walked closer to her.
"That was your own thoughts. I will accept it. I really liked hearing you say that. You sound like you when you were young. I like that you, sister."
He smiled, not condescendingly but proudly.
"and i like this you, brother"
"Me too, I love this me! Gaha!"
He clapped and put his hands on her shoulders, laughing. She chucked too, but her smile didn't last.
"um i'll be going to bed now"
"Yeah go on ahead. I actually still have things to do. With my little phone buddy here."
He snatched his phone from the ground swiftly.
"good…"
She turned around while she still had her face to him.
"good night john"
"Yeah yeah, good night!"
She went in the opposite direction and to her room.
"Heh..."
John fell into the couch comfortably.
"Keep waiting for myself."
He stared at the phone, which still had the picture on it.
"You guys are pretty great, but you know..."
He turned his phone off.
"I'll wait for myself instead."
He stood up gently.
"He's waiting for me back, after all."
John turned off the lights in the living room and headed for his bedroom.
When the Gods awake, you can't help but feel powerless. Powerless before the miracles they perform, and the examples they set. When the accomplishments come true, yet you don't feel accomplished in your heart, all you can do is to keep waiting. You weren't waiting for the Gods, but for yourself, deep inside that heart. To step towards your destiny and continue waiting is all we can do.
while this started as just some random writing that i did, i thought connecting it to homestuck could make it more interesting. it's not really about homestuck at all, and doesnt have any characters from it, but i wanted to write that bit about a troll vampire woman ~ JohnJRenns