The uranium was safe, but at what cost. In his case, it was everything that he held dear. 'Ruth's cross with you,' Malcolm had said - what a bloody understatement that was. He hadn't heard her gut wrenching scream or seen the damning look in her eyes, as Mani had murdered her husband. Despite the fact that every fibre of his body had been screaming at him to hold her, he had left her with the paramedics and with Ros.

For two long years, he had clung to the dream that she would come back to him, but never in all his imaginings, had it been like this. His dreams had been those of fairy tales, of blue skies and of happy endings and now in the space of just one day, he had thrown it all away.

'I'm fine,' he said to Ros as they sat in the meeting room after their debriefing. He had endured three days of heaving beatings and he was far from fine, but as always he had stubbornly refused to see a doctor. She knew full well that his current mood had little or nothing to do with his injuries, but getting him to talk about it was pointless, she could see the signs, she knew only too well how it was. On top of that they were short staffed, more so since Malcolm had retired, so Harry behaving like a bear with a sore head was just adding to her problems. Something had to be done. Suggesting that he should go and see Ruth, which was clearly what he needed would inevitably result in another tongue lashing, so telling Lucas that she was going out, she rang the DG.

Harry was sitting in his office but work was the furthest thing from his mind. He hadn't slept for days, his body ached and his powers of concentration had completely left him. He should have seen a doctor, he shouldn't have come straight back to work and most importantly he should have stayed with Ruth. He had been snapping at his staff, much more so than usual and he suspected that Ros and certainly Jo knew the reason why. It was the reason that he got up each morning, it was the reason that he breathed and as long as she was out there somewhere, it would never change. Quite what he would say to her if he ever saw her again he didn't know, he just knew he had to try.

He was contemplating making himself another coffee and then possibly making a start on the mountain of files on his desk, when his phone rang. How much worse could his day get, it was Dolby and he was demanding to see him.

'You do understand the concept of time off,' he said, as Harry stared unbelieving at the form telling him that he was on indefinite leave with a review no earlier than a month. 'It's your choice Harry, it's either that or Tring. For God's sake man, look at you.'

'I'm absolutely fine,' he lied, knowing full well that it was pointless. If he kicked up a stink he would be on the next train to Hertfordshire and to the one place that he had so far managed to avoid. There had to be an upside if he said yes, but he was damned if he could see it.

Dolby telling him that Ros was going to step up and that she would be getting extra staff didn't improve his mood, he'd been struggling for weeks since they'd lost Adam. That and the fact that he'd had the gall to tell him to cheer up. What the hell did he know?

Leaning against the wall and hyperventilating, he tried to decide what to say to Ros. He was angry, but then it was anger that had got him into this mess, that and the pain. He did feel dreadful but he was after all, free as a bird for the foreseeable future. All things considered, maybe Ros was right.

Back down on the grid, he tidied his desk and collected his personal belongings. It was quite liberating he thought as he looked at the pile of files that some other poor soul would have to tackle. 'I'm going on holiday,' he said to an astounded Lucas and Tariq as he shook their hands, 'but before I do, I need to speak to Ros.'

It had been so long since he had had a holiday, he barely knew where to start. Looking into his wardrobe didn't exactly fill him with visions of striding across the hills or walking by the sea, as rows of suits, shirts and ties stared back at him. He was bone tired and needed to sleep, but first he wanted a drink. The other thing that he had failed to consider, were the owners of the three pairs of eyes that were currently watching him. Scarlet he could take with him, but there were also Ruth's cats to consider and she could hardly have them in the safe house. He needed help, but having burnt his boats with almost everyone he knew, it boiled down to Lucas, Tariq or Ros. Promising her a takeaway and a good bottle of red, she would be round at eight she said.

They had been chatting for a while, mostly about Harry's plans and about the fact that neither of them had been away for years, when Ros noticed that Harry wasn't quite as cheerful as he had first appeared.

'If you want someone to look after Ruth's cats, I'll talk to Malcolm Harry, but this isn't about the cats is it?' she said. She was rubbish at personal she always had been, otherwise she would have been spending her evening with Adam, not with her clearly repressed boss. He unlike her was on holiday, so bugger this she thought. 'Harry, listen to me,' she said, pausing long enough so that he was forced to look up. 'It's Ruth who should be sitting here, not me.'

'It's complicated,' he mumbled after a while.

'Harry it's always complicated, it's what we do. Ruth knew the risks when she brought them back here, but in spite of that, she still came. She could have run anywhere when those goons turned up, but she didn't Harry, she came back here and it doesn't take a genius to know why. So it's complicated, it always was, but life's too short Harry, find a way to talk to her.'

It was well past eleven when he finally went to bed. Ros had surprised him with her frankness, but she was right, life was too short and it should have been Ruth that was with him. Was she lost to him he really didn't know, but for now, just as he had done for as long as he could remember, he closed his eyes and pictured her beside him. Tonight though, he felt slightly better and he knew that he would sleep.

Ros had gone home full of thought. Like Harry, she rarely went out and despite everything, she had enjoyed the evening. A month in charge of section D was daunting but she owed him that. Despite everything that she had done, he had stood by her. She needed to ask Malcolm if he and his mother would look after Ruth's cats, but more importantly, she needed speak to Jo.