DISCLAIMER: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all the characters that appear on the show are the exclusive property of Joss Whedon, the WB, Fox and Mutant Enemy, Inc.
Authors Tip: This Story is about a year Post Chosen. This was written as if Season 8 and 9 had never occurred.
XX
2004
When Buffy died, it took something away from me. When I saw her coffin go into the ground it felt like something within me died. It felt like without her, my life was over and all I had to do was wait for my time to leave. The funny thing is when we had saved the world, I thought that nothing could stop us. But I was only 17 years old & No one saved Buffy. Not even me. To me, Buffy died like a human; But she lived as an angel.
When the ceremony was over, they started to pour the dirt over her coffin. And as they did, the strangers who I never knew walked away. While they did so time felt like it stood still, and for one more time so did the Scooby Gang.
I raised my head and for that moment, I peeked at the sky. I knew that in some kind of dimension Buffy was there. In Heaven. Again. I knew that everything she was made for, came true. Everything that she stood for was still here... in me.
I turned to Giles with a small smirk on my face. He took his glasses off and cleaned them like he usually did. "Dawn I– " "No." I said cutting him off. I didn't want to hear an 'I'm sorry' or 'It'll be okay.' I looked him in the eyes & as he put his glasses on, I nodded to assure him. I don't know about what but with one look I tried to tell him that it would be okay. That I would be okay. The corners of his mouth slightly curved upwards. Then I knew for the time being. . . I would be okay. I parted my lips and took a deep breath. "I just need to get out, Y'know? While I still can."
Xander put his hand on my shoulder my body tender and warm. He gazed at me through his one eye & I knew how he wanted to say he was sorry. He hesitated, "...Don't forget to write." I smiled faintly.
When I went to look at Willow, she had this...pout. This pout she has when she knows that she can't do anything. This time, though she wanted to so bad, Willow couldn't bring her back. Being chained by the rules of life. Her eyes looked like glass trying to keep her tears inside. She stared as the men poured dirt over Buffy. I knew it hurt her to look at me. "Willow," I almost whispered. As I said her name, her eyes shot directly at me. Her bottom lip quivered and she closed her fists tightly. I took one step and she took four back. A tear fell out of my eye as I trembled with a plead. Her engine red hair, waved in the wind. She lowered her head and closed her eyes tightly. "This is just too damn hard," she said through her teeth before she ran away.
"Will," Xander yelled after her, trying to catch up with her.
My head hung down, trying to hold everything in. Giles stood behind me and I knew he was waiting for me to hug him like Buffy or Anya did. But I couldn't do it, without breaking everything that I was trying to be. I wiped my tear and turned to Giles. "Promise me," I sniffled trying to paint a smile on my face, "That if you need anything, you..." My voice began to break. I wanted to be so strong but I never knew how much power I had to have to become strong. He held my shoulders and softly spoke. "I promise with all that I have, Dawn." I nodded one more time before I walked away. I needed to save myself. So I disappeared into the night...
I was only 17...
"How do you feel today?"
...But I'm not anymore...
"The same.."
...I learned what I had to seven years ago...
"And what is that, Dawn?"
...And It came to the expense of the ones I love...
"...Empty..."
Never Again.
XX
2011
"Are the dreams still the same?" My therapist asks' the same question. How do I feel, if I have the same dreams, if I want to be on medication, do I have suicidal thoughts. This has all been routine for me. I just learned to speak on auto pilot.
"Yes."
"Are they getting bad, that you might want to take pills for it?"
"No."
She removed her glasses and placed them on an antique looking table she had next to her. She reminded me of an ex Librarian whom I used to know so well. "You know, Dawn. Eventually you're going to have to open up." My leg started to bounce up and down with anticipation to get out. She continued softly, "you wont get any better unless you open up to not only me, but to yourself."
I grabbed my green army jacket and stood up. "Maybe Susan, I don't want to open up. Did it ever occur to you that it would be best for everyone else?" She had parted her lips to speak to me, but I slammed the door behind me.
I wanted to get away form everything; Away from life, away from Demons – EVERYTHING. But In life you can get away from certain things.
They just follow you.
Or... you look for them subconsciously.
Moving from Sunnydale and California altogether, was the best decision I've made my whole life. Even though I consider that the best decision, I wonder if the choices I've made lately are just as valuable.
I flicked a switch. The lights flickered on and off multiple times before they turned into a yellowish green, inside of the warehouse. I walked into the middle of the Boxing ring that was in the Warehouse and sat in the middle of it. I closed my eyes to feel the aura of the room. It was quiet. Sometimes, I just missed the sound of nothing. Nothing coming for me, nothing coming at me. Nothing coming to me. But when it's quiet like this, you begin to hear things. Things you don't want to hear. When you're haunted for so long, you begin to see things you don't want to. I didn't want to see her but I did. She was there grabbing her chest, calling for me. And I just...
"Dawn?"
I just wish I could go back...
"Ms. Summers?"
"What Did I Say About Calling me that?"
"I'm sorry, we've been here for over fifteen minutes now. What are the first orders, Dawn?"
I opened my eyes, and appeared 6 girls. "Start Warming Up.."
I walked out of the ring, and watched all of them warm up. As I observed, these girls were young, maybe 15. The same when I was... They were just young. These girls had the same thing my sister did. They all had the ability to break a door, without force. These girls could be the best slayers in the world but they were so scared. And with everything I've seen in the past 10 years, they had every right to be.
"Alright, line up," I firmly shouted at them. They all got in a line and imitated the posture of soldiers. It was written on their face, they were all scared. I walked into the ring and stood in front of them. It was quiet, all that could be heard was the faucet dripping in the back. I paced back and fourth in front of them, and started to speak."You are all strangers to one another. Frankly, you don't know each other, me or yourselves. You're here for a specific reason. You are all extremely strong & I get it, you're all scared. You want to know what you are, and what does it all mean & I'm here to tell you. What you are is called a slayer. To be more specific: A Vampire Slayer."
They all looked at each other as if it was a joke. "There are such things as Demons, Werewolves, Vampires, and everything else you can imagine. Even the things you can't." They began to laugh at me, as if I was crazy, living in some kind of fantasy. I wish it was, but it's not. I looked down and smiled."You guys laugh at me. You think I'm kidding, right? Like this is play time at Disney world? But answer me this, you all have the dreams don't you? Of other girls, dying? You have those dreams, right? You had a dream of someone dying because their blood has been drained. People in Africa doing weird, freaky things. You all have them." Suddenly they all stopped laughing. I knew right then and there I had them hooked.
"This is all real," I continued, "Everything you read in the books and in the movies are real. But in real life, it gets worse than that. You're all scared. I'm here to assure you, that it's okay to be scared. It's okay to not know what to do, because honestly, everyone who deals with what you deal with doesn't know what they're doing. This is a hard road and to be harsh most of you will die. It's okay to feel alone," I stopped. My hands began to tremble as Buffy came to mind. "...It okay to feel like no one can understand. What you feel, I can't understand it. But you all need to know, all over the world there are others like you. Externally you are not alone, but Internally you might be. With the next couple of months, I am here to help you. Help you fight against evil. With my help, you might just have a chance. With my help, you might live just a bit longer. If you guys can accept that, then we have an understanding. If you guys can't accept that, you might just die sooner. If there are any questions, don't be afraid to ask me. But as for today's session we're done. You can pack your things and go. Make sure to be here tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn. Don't be late."
When they packed their things and walked out of the ring, it was quiet . All that was heard was a faucet dripping. It was nice listening to the sound of silence, but this time it was different. It wasn't the sound haunts, it was the sound of power. The help that I would be giving these girls. I watched every single one of these girls, walk out, and I knew that maybe this time my choices were better than me moving away from Sunnydale. I felt this time there was a purpose.
I walked to the back of the warehouse toward a closet, and took a deep breath. To anyone else, It would be just a regular closet where you would put clothes, and to some extent, they were right. I hung up my army jacket, and moved all of the hangers and clothes to the left. Once I moved everything, there was a finger print detector. I placed my hand on it, and it mechanically said my name. The wall moved inwards and then to the side, making it seem like there wasn't a wall to begin with. I walked into the wall, and down the stairs. There was more noise down here then there was up there. Being around demons, warlocks, and vampires all of your life, you learn to make friends.
"Tell me something Jordan," I said calmly. I walked around the basement of the warehouse staring at computer screens.. It gave me the feel of high school every-time I came in here. Like I was in the computer lab, except it was just darker, and more 007-esque.
"Hey Dawny," Jordan said to me. He clicked his computer mouse a few times and then spoke, "how are you today?"
"The same as every day," I said in a monotone voice.
"Mmm, tired?"
"You hit it right on the nail, Jordan."
He chuckled. "How many showed up today?"
I brushed my hair back with my fingers, "Only ten."
"There's only Ten in Illinois? Do we have to make a commercial or something?"
I laughed, "We live in Chicago. Not Hollywood."
"True," he said as he continued to type into one of his numerous computers. He cracked his knuckles, like he usually did before he stared. "Alright, last night four boys were found in the school parking lot. Drained of blood. They were sent to the morgue today, and are being buried as we speak."
I strolled around the room, looking at the screens attentively listening to him. "Mkaay. Is that it?"
He scoffed, "Barely. A group of girls were found near the club 'Pony Stash,' Drained blood too."
"How many?"
"Six or seven."
"So we have about 10 teenagers who probably are horny vampires, right about now?"
"Pretty Much," he responded.
I moved my head around, cracking my neck. I took a long stretch and then sighed immediately after. "I'm gonna head to the War room. Get some equipment. Wanna come patrolling?"
He turned around and looked at me, with his childish smile. He pushed his glasses up, "Can I?"
"Sure.. I can use some warlocking tag team power. You know where to find me."
I walked out of the room, and headed back upstairs. I stretched my arms out and rolled my neck once again. The wall slammed right into place, after I moved the clothes back where they were. I walked to the boxing ring and played with the roped for a minute. And just when I was about to go to the back room in the warehouse, something felt off. My body started to warm up, like a spider sense. I knew no one knew where I was, so it couldn't be a vampire or so I thought. Vampires get clever after a while. They use better tactics now. My heart started to beat faster and faster. I continued to move towards the war room, as if I hadn't suspected anything. I placed a strand of hair behind me ear, and I felt it again. I felt like there was an intruder invading my space. So I closed my eyes, and there it was. In my eyes I saw a vision of someone touching my shoulder. Quickly I turned around.
I countered them touching as I rotated their arm, and grabbed them by the neck. I moved them to the nearest wall and held them there. The smirked placed on their face was familiar. Their long, silky brunette hair seemed like home to me. She licked her lips and blinked her honey brown eyes.
"Hey Dawn," she said tauntingly.
I still held my grip. I was trying to figure out how she found me. How did she look for me. What was the purpose of her being here. My throat felt dried so I swallowed hard. It was a bitch to hide, but it took a bigger bitch to find me.
"Hey, Faith."