'Sup? So yeah. I've been playing WAAAAAAAAY too much Borderlands 2, and, at the time of writing, I am just about to fight Jack and the Warrior. Like, I'm in the Vault. So yeah. This will be a oneshot collection, similar to my Yogscast one. Whenever I feel like writing something Borderlands-related, something new will appear here. This first oneshot started as one of Claptrap's lines during the endgame, then it became a mental image, then it became this silly little crackfic. Enjoy!
"No rest for the wicked.", Lilith chuckled, the Vault Map hovering in front of her. She was accompanied in the Vault by the combat-weary Mordecai, Brick, Axton, Maya, Salvador, Zer0, Gaige and Krieg, and the corpses of Handsome Jack and the Warrior. The red-haired Siren was studying the Vault Map intently when they were all interrupted by their ECHO devices going off.
"MINIONS!"
"Claptrap", Axton groaned, "Whaddya want?"
"Minions, have you killed Jack yet."
"Yes, Claptrap, we have.", the commando groaned again, "Your point?"
"Remember that time I said I was going to teabag Jack's corpse? Well, now you've killed him, could you do that for me?"
Maya cut in, "No way. That's just immatu- ZER0!"
The masked assassin was, indeed, doing squats on top of Jacks, corpse.
"We have murdered Jack/I am teabagging his corpse/It is Claptrap's wish."
Maya sighed, "So immature. Let's hope it doesn't-"
Zer0 was now on the floor, and Mordecai was now teabagging Jack.
"There's only room for one teabagging sniper on this planet!", the hunter yelled.
The other vault hunters erupted after Mordecai started teabagging.
"I WANT TO TEABAG THE MEAT BICYCLE!", Krieg yelled.
Gaige faux-moaned, "I wanted to teabag him first."
"Teabagging is AWESOME! My turn!", Brick hollered.
Amidst all this, Salvador had pushed Mordecai away from Jack's corpse, and was now the third vault hunter to teabag it.
"Is Sal even teabagging Jack?", Maya chuckled, "Hard to tell.". Because of his short legs, crouching indeed did very little to Salvador's stature.
"You know what?", Lilith said, "Why don't I just phase us and Jack back to Sanctuary, so we can teabag him in peace. By the way, i filmed all of that, for Claptrap's sake, and so we can all laugh about this later."
"Can we grab all this loot?", Axton asked.
"Sure.", Lilith said, "Also, before we go, somebody grab Jack's corpse. I don't want to accidentally leave it behind."
Brick hefted Jack over his shoulder, the vault hunters grabbed all the loot from the Warrior, gave Lilith some Eridium, and prepared for the phase. A flash of purple later, the nine found themselves outside Crazy Earl's in Sanctuary.
Everyone in Sanctuary was waiting for the Vault Hunters in Pierce Station, so their appearance outside Crazy Earl's was quite surprising. Everyone rushed to greet them, but they were interrupted by Claptrap, who was most enthusiastic about Jack's corpse. As soon as Brick laid it on the ground, the little robot proceeded to teabag it. Due to his design, his attempt at teabagging caused the same comedic effect as Salvador's, as expressed by everyone in Sanctuary's hysterical laughter. Thirty seconds later, Scooter decided that it was his turn, and, for the rest of the day, as everyone else had their turn, Sanctuary became a mindless orgy of teabagging and stupidity, full of carefree people.
"Oh, SPHINCTERS! What have I created?"
And then Claptrap said something stupid and ruined everything.
Well, that was... dumb. And also a break from my norm. Also, Yogscast (mainly Blackrock, 'cuz das' what I do) meets Borderlands is idea that I haz. Not sure how it would work. It just would. Who's with me? 'Til next time.