The name's Tubbington. Lord Tubbington. On the surface, i'm a lazy fat HOUSE CAT that crashes my owners SUV. When really, I absolutely adore her and I'm saving the universe. I'm like Agent P but without the weird hat thing. And I'm a cat, not a platypus. I'm protecting the world from those weird hairless cats. In reality, they are aliens who've come to TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Their partners in crime are chihuahuas! The chihuahuas get tacos for their home planet out of the deal, and the hairless cats get revenge on ME! I've foiled their plans all my life, and they would love to see me die. The hairless alien cats are here to populate the world with their kind, so they can RULE THE WORLD, and enslave mankind! So while Brittanys off doing her Beyonce Who Run the World (girls) dance, I'M off saving the world so she can yell at me about crashing cars and scratching finns face off. This is the backstory. Now comes the FUN part!
I was surrounded by DOZENS of them! Hairless and creepy THINGS, trying to torture me by throwing away tuna AND GIVING ME A BATH! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE staying clean, but when your archenemies tries to bathe you in alien acid, you let me know how that goes for you! The leader, the head honcho, the big man, the boss, the man, as she referred to herself was none other then SUGAR MOTTA and JESSE ST. JAMES' CAT, SUGAR ST. JAMES JR!
Human Sugar and Jesse St. James had met and fallen in "love", (Jesse just wanted to see how stupid Sugar was, because he honestly thought she was dumber then Brittany, and Sugar was convinced she was a catch. AS IF!) and adopted Sugar St. James TOGETHER! As she hates her name, she demands to be called SSJ. Anyway, back to the story.
SSJ came out through a hidden door, came up to me and said "Well, the great and mighty Lord Tubbington has been captured!". "Yes, but not for long you HAIRLESS FREAK!" I said. "Oh, and what makes you think you'll get out of this ,*ahem* HAIRBALL situation? Ahahahahaha, do you see what I did there? With the..the zinger...? Oh you lot are a tough crowd." SSJ said. "What makes me think that? WHAT MAKES ME THINK THAT? I HAVE FONDUE FOR 2 IN A HALF HOUR, AND ITS THE UNVEILING OF PUCKELBERRY 2.3 OR HOWEVER MANY TIMES THEY'VE DATED!" I shouted.
What SSJ doesn't realize though, while she's ranting, and THINKING she's aggravating me, I'm scanning my surroundings for a way out. Bingo. That weird potted plant in the corner. If i can boomerang my hat to knock it over, it'll rebound off the rubber walls, and knock SSJ out! And of course, if SSJ isn't trying to kill me, the other hairless cats just go and steal the chihuahuas tacos, giving me time to escape.
I realized as I finished my plan, SSJ has been talking the entire time. "...so, those are all the reasons you should just surrender." "Well, when you put it that way...NO!" And I threw the hat, and just like I predicted, the plant bounced off, hitting SSJ, and knocking her out cold for at least 2 hours. So the other alien cats went to eat tacos, and I made it to fondue for 2! And that concludes this weeks episode of "The Times and Spy Filled Trials Of Tubbington!"