Disclaimer: This is a homage for coldmirrow who is a famous German Youtuber and known for her hilarious synchronisation of the Harry Potter movies. I decided to write it down, so that all the people who have some problems with the language can enjoy her genius, too.

This fanfiction could perhaps include characters from Harry Potter from J. K. Rowling and likely as not maybe proceed similar to the movie from Warner Bros. The contained direct speech was imitated in a mocking, funny-grotesque manner if not being changed completely.

The direct speech is directly translated from her videos but everything else is from me.

Warning: This story will contain name-calling, swearing, prejudice, homosexual relationships (nothing described, only talked about) and I want to point out that the thoughts and opinions in this story are not my own but purely fiction! I'm an open person and have absolutely no problem with lesbians or gay people.

This story will have a plot but rational thoughts are beyond saving. The relation to reality is lost on this fanfiction and don't even try to find one. The characters will all act stupid and many conversations are completely off-topic. This is a crackfick, so if you're expecting some really awesome theory about magic or a well-elaborated plot this is not the right fanfiction for you! But if you want to read some pretty funny stuff with the most unrealistic statements than this is your destiny! Fate always had a weak point for Harry after all, so why not for HP-fans, too? Much fun!

Chapter One

„Hey. Jo. Hey jo."

Dumbledore walked through the park in the direction of Privet Drive Number 4.

"Heey. Jo I am Fresh Dumbledore, back from the underground, back for more. I rap here, I rap there, I rap a hundred times better than the Dark Lord. Jo… motherfucker… ehhh."

He continued on his way, thinking about his successful career as the famous rapper he was as Minerva McGonagall appeared in front of him, her shadow transforming from that of a cat to that of a strict rather old lady.

"Good evening, Professor Dumbledore."

She walked alongside him.

"And, where is the child now?" she asked, lisping a bit.

"Hagrid is fetching it right now."

"Hagrid?" She looked at him incredulously. "Isn't that this hideous, hairy fellow?"

PROFESSOR Dumbledore looked at her shocked. "You've forgotten to mention fat," he stated exasperated.

She chuckled lightly as loud rap music (one of his own creation as Dumbledore noticed quite pleased) disrupted the sweet silence of the night and a dazzling light hurt their eyes. Well, only McGonagall's eyes since Dumbledore had the required precautions on his glasses (he was a wizard, why should he wear glasses if not for an advantage?), long used to Hagrid's uncommon habits.

A loud screeching noise tore at their eardrums as the motorbike made contact with the street, predominating even the sad attempts of rapping from Dumbledore and the constant groaning of Hagrid.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!" the big man exclaimed really intelligent.

McGonagall deemed it important to notify Dumbledore of her 'first impression'.

"What an idiot."

The man hadn't all his marbles. Obviously!

Clearly, her thoughts were about Dumbledore, as he was the one responsible for hiring this, this gross man for such a crucial mission. Solely the thought of it! Harry Potter, rescued by a man who was an abnormality himself.

"Ouch, that really hurt a lot." The 'Gross Man' said after he dismounted from the motorbike.

"Here," with that he gave a little bunch covered in blankets to the two Professors who grabbed simultaneously for the small boy.

"Oh Merlin, is that child ugly."

McGonagall tapped herself commendatory on the shoulder. She was rather proud of her observations this evening.

Dumbledore on the other hand wasn't impressed. Stating the obvious now, isn't she? he thought.

"Yes, nearly as ugly as Hagrid," he decided to say instead, never minding that mentioned Gross Man stood directly behind them listening to their every word. But lucky him. Hagrid not even succeeded in catching the jibe.

Or that was to be speculated, because it was not really clear if the tears running down his cheeks were caused by said insult or the incident from before as he hurt himself by arriving on the motorbike. But whatever the reason, Hagrid should be used to verbal slander directed at his… person by now.

Dumbledore simply ignored him and proceeded further by subscribing his following actions, in a way degrading the Gross Man even more as he dealt with him as if he had the mind capability of a four years old.

"Good, now we are laying him down on the doorstep and after that we will press the doorbell and then we will run away very quickly."

Albus chuckled delighted. It was a master plan. As were all his plans, sincerely. He was a great man. He would never delusion himself.

IT WAS A MASTER PLAN!

AN: Alright, really short chapter but this was originally meant to be something like a prelude where I'd try and see where my writing took me and to see if I stood a chance. So care to share what you think? If not don't worry getting no reviews is not going to destroy my self-esteem XD But if you have to say something I won't stay in your way. Yeah, much words without much content... Thank you for reading the very beginning of my first fanfiction and I can give you my word that this will be a completely pointless story. The only purpose it solves is to dispel your boredom and nothing is better than crackfics with unpredictable conversation topics for this quest.