|Chapter 1|

|Everything changes|

Monday. 10.31 pm

Olivia's apartment

Olivia unlocked the door of her apartment and stepped in just a few moments later. She threw her purse in the corner and put her key on the table. Tears ran down her cheeks when she walked further in her apartment. "Oh god..-" she whispered. She finally came to a stop by the window and looked through the glass, it was raining. She crossed her arms and sighed, she was so exhausted. She was so tired of all this. Day in day out she had to handle his mood changes and her feelings for Elliot didn't make it any better. The job, his ex-wife, his kids, his feelings for her -she was so confused. And now his quit.

"Liv-" she heard Cragen say with a low voice.

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut and hold back the fresh tears which were forming in her eyes.

"Elliot put his papers in," he said and paused for a moment, "-there's nothing I can do," he confessed.

She couldn't take in anymore and let herself slump down the wall to the floor. She pulled her knees up to her face and couldn't held back the tears anymore when more memories hit her.

"You wanna talk?" Cragen asked, but he already knew the answer.

A small sob escaped her lips when more tears streamed down her face.

She shock her head, "-no," she said and avoided any eye contact when the tears started to form in her eyes. For a little moment she thought about talking to him, to tell him the truth but she decided against it, because she didn't even knew the truth by herself, so what should she tell Cragen?

He slightly nodded, "-you wanna take a day," he asked worried but he signalized the words 'take a day' so it was more an order than an offer.

Olivia turned her head to the side to hide the fallen tear. She lifted her hand and wiped it away before turning back around, "-I'm fine," she replied, slightly nodded and tried to give him a weak smile.

More sobs filled the room but Olivia didn't care. She was furious and sad at Elliot 'cause he left the NYPD and because he left her. She didn't know how to handle everything alone, without him by her side. It was hard being a cop, seeing all this pain and the horrific sex crimes. She couldn't imagine doing this day by day without Elliot. How should she support the victims when there was no one who supported her. How should she handle her job with a new partner. She didn't even want to try it.

Why was he doing this to her?

She'd tried to call him a thousand times this day but he never answered her calls. It would have been so nice to hear his voice again, it would have been so great to talk to him after this day. She felt so lonely right now.

Tears streamed down her face and landed on the floor beneath her. She brought her hands to her face and took a deep breath, "Come on liv..-" she thought out load and finally stood up. She walked over to the corner and picked up her purse, grabbing her cell phone in the process. She once again dialed Elliot's number. "Please don't leave me El," she mumbled and walked up and down, while she waited for the telltale ringing on the other end.

Elliot's apartment, at the same time

Elliot sat in the corner of his apartment and took another slip scotch. He felt so useless after the shooting three days ago. He didn't shower for three days, he wasn't shaved and smelled like a whole alcohol bar but he didn't bother. His whole body was filled with frustration and anger, anger at all the perps out there. He was so frustrated, because he wasn't able to save the people around him.

What if Olivia would had been hit?

Pictures flashed through his head of the shooting a few days ago. The moment when the girl fired the gun once, twice... The sounds of the gun wouldn't leave his mind.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

He'd already seen so many people dying, victims, friends.. And a few days ago he'd shot a girl not older than his oldest daughter Maureen. He had taken her life to safe the life of a killer.

Why did he do this?

He took another slip of scotch.

He took a deep breath and was about to take another slip when his cellphone went off for the thousands time this day. He sighed and grabbed the bottle of scotch, before he tried to stand up. His head was spinning and his stomach felt like it would jump up and down. He searched for hold on the nearest wall and ripped down a picture of him and Olivia in the process. He looked at the broken class and cursed because of the resulting mess. He kicked the broken class aside and made his way over to the table to answer his phone.

He looked at the ID and recognized the well known number, Olivia. He sighed and hung up the phone. He couldn't talk to her, not yet. "She will understand some day..-" he mumbled and took another slip of scotch.

Olivia's apartment

Olivia waited impatiently for Elliot to answer the phone but all her hopes were destroyed when he hung up the phone.

"Beep, the person you have called is temporarily not available...-"

"Bastard!" she screamed and smashed her cell toward the nearest wall in front of her. She watched when it burst in a thousand pieces. She let out a cry and her hand flew to her face when she let herself slump down to the ground again. And soon more sobs filled the room, following by curses. Why was he doing this to her. A week ago they had spent the night together and now he was leaving her without a goodbye. Now he wouldn't even answer her calls, he didn't care about her feelings.

A week ago they went out for dinner and spend a wonderful evening with each another. They had talked about the past and the possible future. They had talked about Kathy and the kids and they had talked about Olivia being a great mum. The had laughed so much together. She loved the way he used to look at her and to touch her. It had been almost 12.00 am when the waiter requested them to leave. Both of them didn't want the night to end so they took a cab to Olivia's apartment and ended up in bed after a couple of empty wine glasses.

More memories flashed through her mind and she got angrier with every breath she took.

His lips started kissing down her neck..

She let out another sob. She had exposed herself to him, he'd touched her, kissed her and now he dropped her like a piece of shit. She felt so alone and utilized. She thought he loved her too but now she felt like a fool because she really believed it when he said so.

A small moan escaped her lips when his fingers trailed down her inner thigh..

She jumped on her feet and grabbed a flower vase and smashed it to the wall. More tears streamed down her face when she walked over to the shelf and grabbed a picture of her and Elliot, without even looking at it she threw it through the room and in landed next to her front door on the floor. A sob escaped her lips when she went in the kitchen and flew her arm over the kitchen counter so that the dishes landed broken next to the broken cellphone.

"Bastard!" she screamed in fury and shattered the lamp on her coffee table.

All out if breath she grabbed her keys and walked out of the door."That's enough!" she mumbled,

Monday, 11.53 pm

Olivia stepped out of the cab and walked the stairs up to Elliot's apartment house. She walked through the door and took the stairs to his floor. Five minutes later she arrived at his door and knocked against it.

"Elliot, it's me-" she breathed, "-open up!"

Elliot was about to open his second bottle of scotch when Olivia knocked on the door. "Go away!" he demanded and took a large slip scotch. He went over to the window and didn't care about Olivia on the door.

"That's enough," she said and searched for the fitting key in her hand, "-I'm coming in!" she said and opened the door. Olivia closed the door and walked further in Elliot's apartment.

Elliot turned around and had trouble to hold his balance. His eyes were bloodshot and his gaze was angry. "I said no!" he complained and took a step toward her. "What the hell entitle you to defy me?" he glared at her in disgust, "-What do you think who you are?" he spat at her and stopped moving.

"I am your partner," she spat and took a step toward him, "-and your friend and I want to stop compassionate yourself!" she said and smelled the alcohol in his breath. Olivia rolled her eyes in frustration, "You are drunk!" she said emotionless. She was about to walk around Elliot when he held her arm firmly and wouldn't let her go. She abruptly stopped moving and looked in his eyes, she could tell he was hurt but that didn't entitle him to treat her like this. She glared at him, fear was flashing through her eyes, "-let me go!" she demanded and managed to loosen his grip on her.

Elliot started to laugh at her. "You aren't my partner anymore!" he protested, "-I quitted !" he explained and tumbled backwards.

Olivia didn't care about his laughter and his words,"You are so pathetic Elliot!" she started while staring out of the window. "Can't you handle problems like everyone else?" she continued, "can't you just go to a therapist like everyone too?" she asked, "-poor little Elliot, huh?" she turned around to face him, "-no, not Elliot Stabler!;" she said, "-you have to quit and get drunk, don't you?" she was furious by now. "You are so selfish and cowardly-" she stopped when she noticed the broken picture frame. "Why are you such a son of a bitch?-"

"SHUT UP!" he yelled and stormed toward her, pressing her small frame against the wall.

She pushed him away, "Stop it Elliot!" she yelled, "-you slept with me and now you leave me," he pointed with her finger at his chest, "-and now you are the one who tries to drown his problems in scotch!" she grabbed the bottle of scotch out off his hands, "Don't you think I'm charged too?" she asked, her eyes soften for a moment, "Why are you leaving me?" she asked. "Elliot, what's wrong with you," she wanted to know, "Do you really call this-" she pointed at the empty bottle of scotch, "-adult behavior?" she asked him, "-are you really happy this way?" she shock her head, "I'm not, so please stop drinking and start to grow up!" she said.

"Don't you dare telling me what to do!" he threatened and pushed her back against the wall. She could see tears forming in his eyes but she knew Elliot too good to believe that he would show what he really felt."You are the reason why the girl was able to show up with a gun!" he took a step forward and stopped only inches from her face, "-it's your fault why I had to shot the girl!" he continued, "It's your fault that she's dead!" he whispered in her ear.

"Elliot that's not true and you know th-" she was cut off mid sentence by his hands slamming into the wall behind her.

"If you were a good detective you would have think about it and bring her out instead of letting her go after she'd seen the murder of her mother," he spat at her. "You should have known it!" he blamed her.

"You know that is not true!" she yelled at him.

"Do you?" he said emotionless, "-do you really?" he asked her again with an evil grin on his face.

"You are such a son of a bitch!" she shouted at him, pushing him away she made her way to the door. Tears were forming in her eyes when she stopped by the door and turned around to face him one last time, "I never ever wanna see you again!" she said and turned around to leave him.

Maybe forever?