Edward and I were downstairs in the Cullen mansion, he was playing another one of the pieces that, I guess, I inspired. I was sitting on the bench next to him, lost in the music and thoughts on how I could get him to change me, and, once again, how glad I am that I am the one exception to his special 'talent'.
It was one of those rare sunny days when I couldn't go anywhere with Edward, not even to the meadow, Alice had "seen" a group of hunters tracking near there, Emmett was off with Rosalie, Jasper and I still aren't that close, and he's being more cautious ever since my birthday, and he and Alice are on a hunting trip this weekend anyway.
I mean I love Edward, but he was keeping me under his watchful eye just because Alice and I had been discussing ways to get him to change me on Friday. I still don't get why he won't. Does he know he'll bore easily of me? Does he like being my superman? Is the fact that there is such a difference between his god-like beauty and my average-ness? Is it that I'm just some plaything for him to toy with? Or does he just have a thing about being superior to his girlfriend? I doubt that's true but… 'I'll never understand Vampires.'
I just noticed that Edward had stopped playing, "Oh no! I didn't say that out-loud, did I?" He laughed and kissed my cheek.
"What in the world are you thinking about, love?" his cool breath floating over my face, smelling better than anything else on the planet, my eyes must have glazed over because he looked like he was trying to stifle a laugh.
"Wha-huh? Umm what were you saying?" my mind had gone entirely blank.
"You had mentioned something along the lines of 'I'll never understand vampires.' So I want to know what you were thinking, my love." He asked, yes, he was defiantly holding back a laugh.
"Um, I was thinking about--" he gave me an encouraging look, " about how until I am changed, you and you family," he gave me a look but I continued, " I will never truly understand you at all." I stood and started ranting, "I know you were dying of the influenza when you were changed, that you had a rebellious phase, you visited the Denali clan, who I still don't know, and Alice was changed after being in asylum, and found Jasper? Who I know nothing about because he can't come near me 'cus my blood smells good! Then there's Rosalie who hates me 'cause I'm human, and WANT to be a vampire, and I know you edited everyone's stories!" my voice had gotten loud so I lowered it, "I know you say I'm part of your family, but I really don't know the truth about any of you, you know everything about me, how does that work? How is that fair?" I ended in a whisper.
He looked at me "Bella, I love you, so does OUR family. Rose doesn't hate you, and Jasper's just worried for you…Bella I don't want you to loose your humanity-"
"Oh I knew it! You just love me 'cause I'm not afraid to hang around with vampires and I'm a human, I knew it, you love my blush, my blood, my mortality, my fragility, not me, isn't that right?" I knew I was tearing up.
"Bella? I love YOU, not your blood, not your lack of a self-preservation instinct…I can't take your soul, I just can't."
"don't you get it? You have my soul! You have my heart, my body, if you'd take it! Edward- would you love me any less?"
"Bella you're my angel-'
"Would you love me any less? Would you love me any less if you could have me forever? If we could truly be together? If I had the promise of forever?" I asked, tears pooling in my eyes.
"Bella you know I wouldn't"
"Do I? How am I supposed to know I'm not just some time spending project, that there aren't more girls like me? Do you know you'll get bored with me quickly?" I asked my voice cracking, and the tears overflowing. "Or do you have a superiority complex, like needing to be my superman? Is there something you love about the difference between your god-like beauty and my average-ness? Is it that I'm just some plaything for you to toy with? I want to know Edward!"
"Bella I love you, you who are so much better than me, I don't deserve you. You are the only woman I have ever, will ever, or could ever love, but my love, I can't turn you, my angel, into a demon like my, surviving only on the thing that makes you sick. I don't want you to know the want, the need for it."
"Edward please?"
"Okay I will… he leaned in to my neck, then suddenly pulled back, " after you agree to my condition" he kissed my pulse point.
"Okay I understand, you wish to save my soul to stop me from being a monster, I wont ever bring it up again…really… until I'm ready to marry you."
There was a silence, I started poking him.
"I'm ready." I said.
He looked at me incredulous.
"Bella-Isabella Marie swan, the woman I love, and have since I met you, will you marry me?"
"Yes, Yes, YES!" I shouted.
Alice ran in the door.
"We have SO much to plan!"
"You didn't think you'd get off that easy did you?" Edward asked me.
"As long as it's quick and I don't look like some fluffy poodle."