I don't own Teen Wolf.
Angst, beware.
'Daddy!' Lilly cried with her arms stretched wide running towards Derek.
'Hey baby.' Derek knelt down and wrapped her in his arms, burying his face in her neck and closing his eyes, breathing her in. 'I missed you.'
'I missed you more.' Lilly said in that tight little voice that meant tears weren't far away. Moments later the salt tinged Derek's senses and he pulled her tighter. He could feel the rainwater that was lingering on the sidewalk soak into the knees of his jeans, and the light mizzle that had been misting the air started to fall in earnest now. Derek curled himself around Lilly and stood up, carrying her to the front door.
He kept his head down, eyes on the path, and then the bottom of the door as a pair of white socked feet came into view, baggy jeans covering half of them. Derek ran his eyes up Stiles's body, over stretched out knees, low slung hips and baggy layers. 'Hey.' He said tentatively.
'What are you doing here Derek?' Stiles asked with a frown. His heartbeat was steady, his scent natural. Derek remembered the days when Stiles's heart would crash around his chest in excitement; his scent would reek of arousal, apprehension, delight.
'I got a few days off.' Derek explained not letting go of Lilly. 'I tried to call first, your tone was dead, and you didn't answer the home phone.'
'I was bathing Harvey. And I changed my number.' Stiles said.
Hurt curled through Derek's guts like thick smoke. 'What if I need you for the kids?' Derek asked.
'The kids are with me, I'll contact you if I think it's important.' Stiles said in a neutral tone.
Derek nodded again, breathing in the scent of Lilly's hair. She smelled like fresh bubble-gum shampoo. 'Can I take you three to dinner?'
'We're busy tonight. Scott's babysitting; I'm going on a date.' Stiles said. Derek felt his muscles tighten at the thought of Stiles being with someone else, laughing with someone else, and lying with someone else. The thought of someone else touching Derek's children, being allowed to see them and be with them when Derek wasn't.
Once, a long time ago, Stiles had promised Derek that he'd give him a second chance, but every time Derek tried to ask for it he was refused. Stiles kept knocking him back and Derek kept coming back for more. Stiles thought he hated Derek, but Derek hated himself so much more. He shifted Lilly in his arms, hoping she'd cling to him a little longer; perhaps he'd catch a glimpse of Harvey too, and reached into his pocket. There was an envelope with some cash and a check for Stiles. He reached it over and Stiles took it careful not to touch Derek.
'Is it not enough?' Derek asked when Stiles raised an eyebrow.
'It'll do.' Stiles conceded folding it and the cash and slipping it into his back pocket. Derek remembered the days back when Stiles was in college, the days when Derek would drive for eight hours, just to spend the night next to Stiles, even if Stiles was busy with study or classes, or the one night Derek sat at Stiles door waiting for him, when they got just an hour together before Stiles had to go to class, Derek remembered kissing Stiles goodbye and tucking cash into his back pocket, turning the gesture into a filthy grope, because he'd promised to support Stiles, and he knew how expensive the student lifestyle was.
'Can Daddy come in and see my room?' Lilly turned to ask Stiles.
'I think Daddy has somewhere to be.' Stiles said raising his chin. There was a crash from the living room, and a filthy laugh from Harvey, and Stiles smiled like he knew what had just happened. Derek didn't, he wanted to, he longed to push past Stiles to see his son, but he stood his ground, held his daughter.
'I never see you.' Lilly turned wet eyes to Derek.
'I'm sorry baby.' Derek told her kissing her hair, running his hand down her back. There was a faint trace of Harvey on her, and Derek catalogued it, memorised it, so he could study it later. 'Can I see Harvey, just before I go?' Derek tried again.
'He's too easily excited. I need him calm for Scott when he comes over later.' Stiles lied, raising an eyebrow, challenging Derek to pull him on the lie. Derek didn't, just nodded and handed Lilly to Stiles.
'I'll see you soon baby.' Derek said softly.
'No you won't, you never come around and see us.' Lilly pouted and turned her face into Stiles's neck.
Derek's chest tightened, he wanted to scream, to fight, to tell her that Stiles didn't allow him to, but how would a four year old understand that, understand that one parent hated the other. He didn't want to turn her against Stiles, she didn't deserve that, and Stiles didn't deserve that.
Stiles licked his lips and took a half step towards him, opening his mouth to speak but Derek didn't want his pity. He honestly didn't think he could handle it.
'I'll see you.' Derek said backing down the driveway. He got into his car and contemplated moving it, parking across the street and spying on Stiles but he didn't want to torture himself any more. Instead he drove to the liquor store, and bought a few bottles of Jack, hoping that would do it.
His apartment was sparse. It had two bedrooms, and Derek already had sleeping space for his kids that was never used, toys still in their packaging, and a thin layer of dust coating them. There was juice in the fridge, kid's juice that Derek replenished every so often, and kids snacks in his cupboards. He even had it childproofed, dangerous corners protected and child locks on the doors. Four toothbrushes sat in his bathroom, two kids ones, two adults ones. Derek only used one.
He slumped on his couch and opened one of the bottles, taking a swig from the bottle. Jack, his drink of choice. The Sheriff's drink of choice.
Derek had shared plenty of drinks with the Sheriff, when Stiles was away, and they were both lonely, they would eat day old pizza together, watch old cop shows, Derek would crawl into Stiles's bed, and live there for days. The Sheriff, who had begged Derek to save his life, to bite him, when he was dying on the floor of a convenience store that had just been robbed, three bullets in his gut. 'I want to see Harvey and Lilly grow up.' The Sheriff pleaded, blood already bubbling from his lips. 'Please son, please.'
And Derek had, he had bit the Sheriff, in hope that maybe he was wrong, that maybe he had enough time. The Sheriff died in his arms, his blood flowing faster than his body could shift. Derek had managed to lose a second father.
He couldn't comfort Stiles, he tried, but Stiles was furious with Derek for biting his father. They never found who done it, who fired the shots that took the Sheriff's life, and Stiles was at a loss so he turned his blame and hatred on Derek, and Derek lost his family too. He had considered killing himself, but then the family money, the life insurances, it would all die with him and Stiles would be left with nothing. Derek loved Stiles still, he wouldn't do that to him, wouldn't do that to his kids.
There was a knock at the door, and Derek noticed he was already halfway down the bottle, nowhere near drunk yet. It would take another few to get to the state he wanted. He didn't think he'd ordered food, couldn't remember annoying a neighbour. He sighed and opened the door to reveal Stiles standing there, hands in his pockets.
Derek looked at him, catching his teeth between his lips the way Stiles used to do when he was nervous. Derek wasn't nervous, he was suddenly furious. He was finished with this, with everything. 'What?' He snapped. Tomorrow, Derek decided, he was talking to a lawyer. He'd protected Stiles in his grief long enough, he'd been an understanding husband, he'd allowed Stiles to wallow pitifully and now, now Derek wanted what was his, wanted his children too.
He was going to move on with his life, he was going to find someone who could hopefully make him half as happy as Stiles used to do. He didn't want to do it to the kids, but he deserved some form of happiness didn't he.
'I thought you had a date?' Derek asked.
'It's one of our anniversaries.' Stiles answered him.
'Ten years since our first date.' Derek replied and enjoyed the moment of Stiles faltering on his doorstep. Stiles nodded and stood there, his hands deep in his pockets.
'They read my dad's will this morning. A long wait, held up by police complications apparently.' Stiles said rocking on his heels.
Derek looked up and down the hallway, it was empty and Stiles looked lost in the middle of it. 'So?' Derek asked.
'There was a suggestion that you attend,' Stiles bit his lip, 'he mentioned you.'
'Come in.' Derek stood back and held the door wide. Stiles did, padding into the kitchen and looking around. 'Drink?' Derek asked but Stiles shook his head.
'He left you a few things.' Stiles said and Derek noticed the wooden box he held.
'Why didn't you tell me this earlier?' Derek snapped. He was hurt, why couldn't Stiles have just let Derek sit on the sofa, watch his kids, give him whatever he had to before he needed to go out.
'I needed to do this in private. Harvey isn't conductive to a quiet conversation.' Stiles said fondly. Derek glared, he knew nothing about Harvey or his manners, and Stiles was basically rubbing Derek's face in his knowledge of their son.
Derek opened the box. There was an envelope with his name on it, a wedding ring, and a picture. Derek gasped; the photograph was Derek's own father with his arm slung around the Sheriff's shoulders. Derek was in it too, a child in his father's arms, but unlike the adults he was leaning across his father's body, and into the Sheriffs, his fingers hooked on the edge of a blanket that was wrapped around a baby in the Sheriff's arms. He turned it over.
Johnny, hopefully our boys will have a stronger friendship than we do, Sam.
'That's you.' Derek said touching the picture. Stiles just nodded. The wedding ring he picked up and examined next. It belonged to the Sheriff. Stiles stared at it, and the letter, almost jealously.
'He wanted you to have the ring for some reason.' Stiles said. Derek could detect a trace of hurt in Stiles's voice, hurt that it hadn't been given to him. 'And the letter.'
'Have you read it?' Derek asked. It was unopened but that didn't mean Stiles had his tricks.
'No.' Stiles admitted. 'May I, after you?'
'No.' Derek said and for the first time since he seen Stiles earlier an emotion welled from him, hurt, and anger. Stiles didn't deserve to be hurt, not now. 'It's addressed to me.'
'You said once, you told me that whatever belonged to you belonged to me.' Stiles swallowed.
Derek snorted down at his hands. 'Things change.' He muttered.
Stiles nodded and swallowed.
'Can I do anything else for you?' Derek asked. He was aware he was being rude but he wanted to be alone.
'I want my ring back.' Stiles said pressing his hands into his pockets.
'He left it to me.' Derek said frowning into the box.
'Not that one. Our rings, I want it back.' Stiles said.
'The one you put on my finger?' Derek asked. The one Derek wore to bed every night, just to prolong his torture and suffering.
'No, the one you put on me.' Stiles said. Derek remembered having that ring thrown at him; he remembered the pain of the tiny band hitting him in the chest like it was a twenty ton truck.
'What are you going to do with it?' Derek asked and he hated that his voice sounded vulnerable.
'I'm going to earn it back; I'm going to earn the right to wear it, to have it on my finger, to call myself your husband.' Stiles said.
Hope bubbled in the pit of Derek's stomach, small, and weak, but there. 'What changed?' Derek couldn't help but ask.
'Today, the will reading, something Lilly said, something Harvey did, something you implied, you turning up, it just...connected.' Stiles shrugged. 'All I know is that for the past year I've been so alone, and I've been hurting without you, and I've missed you, and I've been punishing both of us for something neither of us had any control over, and I don't want to do that anymore, I want to move on, I want to be happy, I want to wake up and see you every day, I want to bicker over who's turn it is to take out the trash or bath Harvey.'
'You were hardly punishing yourself when you had our kids to yourself.' Derek couldn't help but say. He needed to get it out there, needed to speak his mind.
Stiles shook his head. 'You're wrong, because every time I shot you down, it hurt me as much as it hurt you, I wanted to hurt you because hurting you hurt me, and that hurt made the grief feel better somehow.'
'Jesus Stiles,' Derek muttered turning away.
'Will you come for dinner with me, tomorrow night; can we get past this Derek?' Stiles asked from behind him.
'I don't know Stiles.' Derek said to the room at large. 'I don't know.'