Title: Told you I'll be here forever

Author: xredSunburstx

Pairing: Jane Rizzoli/ Maura Isles

Rating: NC-17/M (maybe for later chapters)

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. No infringement intended. Also, I don't use a beta, so all mistakes are mine.

Summary: Jane finds herself confronted with the past and she hides herself from the world and runs back to the place where it all started. Will Maura be able to help her? Rizzles fanfic.

Author's Note: Well… this is my first Rizzoli & Isles Fanfiction and my first fanfiction after a long time. English is not my mother language, but I hope there won't be many mistakes.

Before I start this story I want to warn you, because it'll contain topics as depression and what depression sometimes leads to. If you feel like you are not able to read it, please don't. I just feel, out of my own experiences, that it is important to talk about it, share things like that and… realize… it is hard and such a bad illness, I know what I'm talkin' about. But you can work through it and it gets better… with some help and your own strength.

This is what the story is truly about.

Prologue

(Jane's pov)

„ The major depressive disorder, called MDD, which is also known as recurrent depressive disorder, clinical depression, major depression, unipolar depression, or unipolar disorder is a mental disorder characterized by an all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem, and by loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. This cluster of symptoms was named, described and classified as one of the mood disorders in the 1980 edition of the American Psychiatric Association's diagnostic manual. Nowadays there are a lot of different biological explanations why things like that happen. Well… suicide often happens out of despair and this kind of illness. Over one million people die by suicide every year. The World Health Organization estimates that it is the thirteenth leading cause of death worldwide and the National Safety Council rates it sixth in the United States. It is a leading cause of death among teenagers and adults under 35. I guess she is in her mid twenty… The rate of suicide is far higher in men than in women, with males worldwide three to four times more likely to kill themselves than females. There are an estimated 10 to 20 million non-fatal attempted suicides every year worldwide."

She said calmly and straight out, rambling, as if she were talking about the ingredients of a packet soup.

Usually I'd have smiled at her, maybe even laughed right before I'd have called her Google mouth to which she would have looked up at me like she wanted to shoot something back, but though smiling.

But now there was nothing to laugh about.

As a detective and a medical examiner you had to keep your heart under a protective shell, always keep on your armour on to survive on the streets, seeing the things you do and get confronted with the ugly and rude every single day. But this protective shell does not work every day and most of all it takes a day off when you are really in need of it.

"I know what all of that means." I hissed through my teethes and I sounded more angry and pissed than I wanted to. I wasn't angry with her or anyone else. I was angry with life and how unfair it seemed to be sometimes.

Maura looked up from the lifeless body of the young woman in front of her.

Her face looked worried and full of concern and I avoided her gaze, avoided her eyes, scared she might find the truth in mine. Scared she would find out something I tried to not think about for a long time now. Something I, though, never been able to forget and a slight part of me didn't even want to…

The first time my eyes caught the brown haired girl in front of us I regretted it immediately. I regretted that I've come though I had the feeling it'd be a bad idea standing up in the middle of the night, because they needed someone.

This unknown girl I've never seen before this night looked so familiar it hurt. She looked so familiar to me… Just like…

I turned around, hiding my face from everyone in this room. I tried to contain myself and I tried so damn hard to not cry and get affected by a strangers… death. But it was almost impossible for me to not get attached by what I saw.

"Jane?"

Her worried voice reached my ears, but I felt like I could not hear a word through the haze that covered both my eyes and ears.

"What are we doing here?" I spitted out, even though I exactly knew why we had to be here. This was a crime scene, until we confirmed it was not. But- I wanted to get away as soon as possible, no matter how stupid I sounded.

"You know why we were called in, Jane. This might be a crime scene. The neighbours found her so we have to check. We can't be sure that she did this by herself without observing everything and well examining her. That's what we have to do… Why do you mind this time?"

I ignored her question and spitted out a harsh and desperate "It's not."

She looked up, her eyes wide with confusion, but I neither could hold it in nor tell her what was bothering me for a long time now, now reaching the surface.

I turned around, once again, covering my face in my hands, rubbing my temples with my fingertips.

It was in the middle of the night and all I wanted was lying down in my bed and forget what I've seen.

"It's not my job to be here!" Well, yes… it is… said my consciousness, but I really couldn't care less, though a small part of me felt guilty. Guilty for threatening Maura like that and guilty for not having the control over myself. But the other, the much bigger part of me, was so desperate to get out it ignored anything else.

"You are the examiner. You are the one to say what happened to her and I… I'll leave now. We shouldn't be here after a tragic like that happened. I shouldn't be here once again!"

I didn't even know what and why I said that for and I didn't care and turned around when Maura called out for me, calling my name, trying to make me stop.

I left right away without looking back.

The cold wind hit me when I left the building, but I couldn't really drive, because of my hands trembling, so I walked home in a cold November night. And while I walked home, taking each step after the other, hoping I'd find the strength to make it to my place, I thought about what Maura has said about depression.

It is so easy to put this illness into a definition, if it comes to science.

But it is incredible hard and almost impossible to know what it really means.

Everyone can be the one, suffering from depression… No matter if you are rich or poor, a loving mother or a family father, a business man or a… or a police officer. No matter if you are young or old, black or white… It does not matter.

And even the strongest person can fall.

And even the strongest person on earth can be bent by this damn invisible enemy.

Even the strongest who puts up a brave face and who you never actually see cry.

Even the strongest and braves might know what it means to suffer….

And I know one single thing… even persons like them should open up and reveal a part of them in order to get helped and in order to not be alone.

They need to open up and reveal the truth: that they are not always that strong…

They should open up… before it is too late.

Even someone like Jane Rizzoli.

Author's Note 2: So… this is the first Chapter… so please tell me… what do you think about it. You wanna keep it goin'?

Take care & All the best

- Sun