Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own anything. If I did, Cas and Dean would already be a couple by now. Also, this story contains spoilers for Seasons 4-8. You've been warned.
He doesn't like Castiel, Dean tells himself.
He's just grateful the man rescued him from Hell. And if he stares a little longer than necessary at brilliant blue eyes, and hair that looks like he'd just crawled out of bed after a round of amazing sex, and full lips so sinfully kissable, well it's just because he's more sexually frustrated than usual. He has been in Hell for forty years, after all.
But he doesn't like Cas.
Lingering gazes and lack of personal space. That's just the angel and him sizing each other up. And damn it, he's told Cas a million times about the personal space thing. There's nothing there, end of story. And okay, Cas fell for him. But it wasn't really for him. It was for the good of all mankind. To protect the humans he'd come to love. That's what Dean keeps telling himself.
Because he doesn't like Cas, how many times does he have to say it?
Dean's seen the future. And it isn't pretty. Except. Except there's that thing between his future self and Cas' future self. That thing he can't quite put his finger on and he's not so sure he really wants to think about it. He's relieved when he's back in his own time, really. And his heart does not flutter when he sees the fallen angel.
He's just not into Cas.
Dean tries his hardest to ignore all of Cas' little endearing quirks. It doesn't always work. And does the man have to look so adorably terrified at the thought of a hooker? Dean's even starting to find his complete lack of pop culture knowledge cute. Cute? Did he just say cute? He meant endearing. Like a friend.
Because he doesn't think about Cas like that.
And then it's the apocalypse, and Dean doesn't have time to think about much at all. He certainly doesn't dwell on the fact that his heart had started racing when Cas shoved him against the alley wall. Their faces were so close but he doesn't like to think about the whole beat-down at all. Team Free Will is all they have against Lucifer and the angels, and Dean certainly doesn't think about how human Cas is getting and how they might actually end up in the future Dean was shown. But then Lucifer's got Sammy and that's all that matters. He's secretly proud when Cas molotovs Michael and his heart damn near stops when he watches his angel explode. But he can't dwell on that because Sammy is jumping into the pit. And his brother is gone, just like that. It doesn't matter that Cas can heal him, his brother is gone.
But it's sort of okay. Because he has Lisa now.
Except it's not okay. Sammy's gone and Cas is out of touch and it will never be okay again. But then Sammy's back. And yeah him and Cas do share a more profound bond, but he really thought Cas should have kept that to himself. It's just because they spent more time together. And he still doesn't see much of Cas after that. That's okay though, because it's not like he wants to see him all the time, really. The fact of Cas' betrayal certainly doesn't make him want to curl up in a corner and cry. The guy was family, and he takes it very personally.
But that doesn't mean he likes Cas.
Dean's whole world is crumbling fast around him. Cas has betrayed him and the guy is going around killing people. But this isn't the Cas he knows. This isn't the Cas he's come to trust. So Dean readily agrees to help when Cas comes to them. They open the gate back to Purgatory and he's so relieved Cas is still alive after that he could kiss the guy. But he doesn't. Because that's not what friends do. And then Cas is dripping black ooze and throwing him against a wall and he's more than a little terrified for his friend. He doesn't believe what the Leviathan say, though. No way can Cas be dead. He watches in horror as Cas disappears into the lake and all that's left is the trenchcoat. So what if he keeps it? He kept Jo's shotgun. It's just what he does, okay?
It's not like he's in love.
The Leviathan are just a bitch to get rid of and Dick Roman is going to be the death of him, he just knows it. But he has to do this. He has to avenge Cas. And his heart does not soar when he finds him again, alive and whole. Well, sort of whole. He doesn't remember and he's got a wife that Dean's totally not jealous of. But it's okay because he's got his angel back. Even if he is in a mental hospital now. He'd already gotten Dean's forgiveness. He didn't need to take Sammy's crazy into himself, but he's grateful he did. And he swears he'll find a way to help his angel, because they're family.
He just doesn't like men okay?
Except Cas isn't a man, not really. He's an angel, Dean's angel. And when he gives him an angel feather, "just in case", Dean secretly tucks it in the trunk of the Impala for safekeeping. He doesn't tell Sam, because his brother just wouldn't understand.
He doesn't love Cas.
Then they're in Purgatory and all Dean can think about is getting to the angel, his angel. He hugs him when he finally finds him, because that's what family does. Except…he's never hugged Cas before. Hell, he's barely even touched him. And something about just feels so right. But he doesn't let himself dwell on that. They have to get out of Purgatory. He has to get Cas out. They make it as far as the portal and his world crashes around him again when Cas lets go. He can't handle it so he creates new memories. Because it was his fault, wasn't it? He wasn't strong enough to bring Cas through. It's always his fault. It hits him like a punch in the gut every time he thinks about it.
And now he's not sure of how he feels about Cas.
When he sees the man, still haggard and bearded, walking on the side of the road near Pontiac, Illinois, his heart damn near stops. And relief floods through him. He can't help but still blame himself, even when Cas shows him the truth. He can't save anyone. Except Cas is telling him it wasn't his fault and he can't save everyone and it's exactly what he needs to hear. How the hell does the angel always do that? But it doesn't matter anymore. He's so happy to have Cas back and, and..
And damn it. He's in love with Castiel.
Author's Note: This little thing hit me out of the blue and I basically had to stop all homework to write it. I hope you enjoyed it! I tried hard to get all the major plot points but it's very possible I missed a few. If you see any I missed and think would work well feel free to comment or message me!