Started 05/18/2015

In which Madara is a girl. And so is Hashirama. And then things get complicated. "But... Hashirama is a boy's name..." "It- It's complicated."

I should be working on Lilies and Lionesses. Or better yet, my Bartimaeus Hogwarts AU. Instead, I've spent the last week working on this.

The original premise of this fic was given to me by Angie a few weeks ago. I hope you all enjoy it!

Part I

The boy she met by the river a few days ago is officially the biggest weirdo that Madara has ever met, and she really hopes that she will never meet anyone as weird as he is ever again. (He's funny though, and if his hair and clothes weren't so lame, he could almost be cute, but she wasn't about to say something like that out loud. She doesn't want anyone to think that she's turning into a girl after all.)

She meets him again a few days later, and he is upset, incredibly so. So she decides to ask what's wrong, and it takes a while to get him to talk, and once she has, she can't hold back the wince because yeah, okay, a brother dying is more than enough reason to be upset. She sits down beside him, their shoulders bumping as she talks about her own brothers, three of whom have long left this world already. His hand lands on hers, and squeezes gently. Madara allows it for a moment, before she shoots up, a blush covering her face as she yanks her hand away, standing up again. She grabs a rock as she goes, tossing it up and down a few times as she walks up to the river's edge, fighting back her blush.

Madara skips the rock across the river as she talks, telling the other about how she wishes for peace, for no more children to be killed, but how she doesn't believe it is possible. There is too much hatred, too many old grudges that the old generations cling to and pass on.

"But every time I come here," she says, watching the rock bounce across the water, "I find myself hoping that someone will find a way anyways." She turns and walks away, aware of his eyes burning holes into her back and she lets a quick smile cross her face, stretching the trio of scars that adorn it, before it settles back into her normal blank look as she returns home.

They begin meeting up, and Madara realizes that Hashirama thinks she is also a boy. She does nothing to correct this assumption, because it is just safer that way. They might be friends, but he is still a boy, and she is a girl, and she has heard terrible terrible stories from her cousins and aunts about what happens to girls from other clans who let their women fight. (She doesn't go a week without hearing one of these stories, as everyone tries to keep her from continuing to fight, and she ignores them. She will not let them cow her into submission because she is female.)

They keep meeting up, and they spar, and they talk, and they spar some more, sharing ideas, and stories, and dreams. Madara decides that she likes this weird boy who shares her dream for peace, even though he's still weird, with a stupid haircut and no fashion sense. She sets her water canteen down on the rock they are sitting on and stands up with a blunt; "I have to pee," and she jumps down off the rock, walking into the forest.

She is finishing up when she feels someone watching her from behind, and she turns around, yanking her pants up with a high pitched yelp, only to see Hashirama looking like he's stifling laughter. She glares, cheeks burning as he snorts.

"You really can't-" he begins to say but she cuts him off.

"Shut up! Don't you know that you're not supposed to watch a girl pee! You pervert!" she shrieks and Hashirama falls silent, before pouting at her.

"I am not a pervert!" he protests and Madara scowls, arms crossing.

"Yes you are!"

"Am not!"

"How are you not a pervert?" she asks, and Hashirama sticks his tongue out at her.

"Cause I'm a girl too!" he declares, before slapping a hand over his-her mouth and looking a bit shocked at what he- no, she, just said, as if it had come out by accident, and Madara freezes, blinking a few times as her mind whirls. Things aren't adding up properly, and she frowns at her friend, tilting her head to side a bit as the other looks at her nervously.

"But... Hashirama is a boy's name," she says quietly, and Hashirama full-out flinches. Madara bites her lip, and takes a hesitant step forwards, not sure what's going on here anymore. She watches as her friend hunches in on him- herself, hands grasping at hi- her upper arms.

"It- It's complicated," Hashirama finally mutters after minutes pass by in silence, and Madara hasn't seen her friend look this upset since Hashirama told her of the death of hi- her brother, so she takes another step forwards, and slowly wraps an arm around Hashirama's waist, taking the other's elbow and slowly leading them back to the rock they had been sitting on previously.

"Come on then, let's go sit down and you can tell me about it," she says, because she honestly wants to know now, her curiosity has flared up, and Izuna has always told her that her curiosity will be the death of her, and she really can't deny that. And there's also the fact that Hashirama is her friend, and she doesn't want to lose the friendship they had built over something so dumb as their genders. They sit down again, and Hashirama is still hunched over and it just looks so wrong for the other that Madara finds herself frowning in concern again and scooting closer to her friend.

"So," she begins lightly, "you're a girl too then?" Idly she wonders if Hashirama hates being a girl too, or if her parents disliked that they had a girl, which is how she ended up with a boy's name. Hashirama shuffles until she's hugging her knees.

"I am. Or, at least I feel like I am," Hashirama mutters, and Madara frowns, her head tipping to the side again. Hashirama glances up at the other girl and bites her lip at the look of confusion.

"It's kind of complicated," she mutters, and Madara's eyebrow rises and Hashirama wonders how her friend manages to convey so many words without actually speaking. She sighs.

"I am a girl, but... I- I don't have girl parts, and it just... It feels wrong having the parts that I do, and I don't want them, I always wanted to join in my younger cousins kunoichi lessons instead of a lot of the training that I've done, and I was always getting into my mother's face paints, and her hairpins, and I mean, I just," she buries her face in her hands and tries her hardest not to cry, not wanting to face her friend. The only other one that knew about Hashirama wanting nothing more than have been born a girl had been Itama (although she's fairly certain that Tobirama suspects it, considering he had told her not too long ago that she should consider growing out her hair; he always knows when something's up) but Itama is dead now, so no one else has known. And now, now Madara knows, and Madara is an actual girl, and oh god, what if she hates her? What if she thinks she's crazy? What if she wants to stop being friends? What if she thinks she's a freak? What if-

"So you weren't actually born a girl then?" Madara asks slowly, and Hashirama nods, keeping her face buried in her hands as she takes a few deep breaths, trying not to let the panic overtake her.

"But you... feel like you're a girl, and, and not a boy?" Madara is still speaking slowly and a soft hiccup escapes Hashirama and Madara feels bad about making the bo- gir- Hashirama cry, so she scoots closer and wraps an arm around the other's shoulders, tugging Hashirama against her chest.

"Stop crying," she mutters. She has always hated seeing others cry, especially other kids her age or younger, it tended to make her want to cry as well, and Madara wasn't supposed to cry. Hashirama hiccups again instead and lets a few sniffles loose and Madara sighs, hugging the other like she does Izuna when her baby brother has a nightmare, holding Hashirama close and running a hand through the brunette's hair. She decides that it doesn't matter to her if Hashirama is a boy or a girl, because Hashirama is still Hashirama.

"Why?" she asks suddenly, breaking the silence and looking down at the other twelve year old, frowning in confusion.

"Why what?" Hashirama's voice is small as she looks up at Madara, and Madara wants to hit something at the traces of fear that are in her friend's eyes, because Hashirama should not be afraid of her, because she lo- she stops that train of thought before it can any further.

"Why do you want to be a girl? It sucks. We're never taken seriously, we're not supposed to fight, we have to be ladylike, and all we're good for is having babies," she says bluntly, and Hashirama blinks up at her.

"But girls are wonderful," she almost breathes out, sitting up a bit straighter, "Girls are beautiful, and amazing, and so strong Madara. You have to be strong in order to bring new life into this world. Women can be so much stronger than men, but nobody ever realizes that, because it's a much quieter strength, more subtle. Women are smarter too, to let the men be idiots and fight over everything, while they're the ones that come up with the best solutions, my mother and aunts always had the best ideas, and are so nice. And girls can fight and be ladylike, I've seen it, just because your family sees girls as one thing Madara, doesn't mean that they all do."

Madara scowls, "I still don't see why you'd want to be a girl. Boys are taken seriously, they don't get told to shut up and sit down, and I bet that your family actually listens to you because you were born a boy."

"I don't really know why I want to be a girl, I just do, okay?" Hashirama snaps, and Madara winces a little, and looks apologetic, realizing that she must have struck a nerve.

"Sorry," the other girl mutters, and Hashirama sighs, letting her forehead drop onto Madara's shoulder. Madara looks down at the girl who is now pretty much sitting in her lap, arms somehow having become wrapped around Madara's neck, and she cautiously lifts her own arms to hug Hashirama gently.

"You're the only one that knows that I'm a girl," Hashirama's voice is muffled, and Madara is startled at the declaration.

"Really?" She asks, and she can't help but feel a little happy that Hashirama trusts her with such an obviously sensitive secret. (Madara can think of how her own family would react if she had been born a boy who wanted to be a girl, and she wonders if Hashirama's clan would deem it treason like her own probably would, or if they'd find some other reason to execute the girl for being different in such a way. Idly, she wonders if Hashirama's clan burns people alive for such things, or if they have a different way of doing things.) She feels Hashirama nod against her shoulder.

"My younger brother Itama knew, but..." she trails off, and Madara can feel herself hug the other girl tighter at the unspoken implication that Itama is one of Hashirama's deceased brothers. They stay like that for a while longer, before the sun begins to set and they have to separate to go their own ways home. Hashirama squeezes her tighter and presses a kiss to her scarred cheek before she leaves, shooting Madara a small, so very soft, smile. Madara, for her part, remains frozen for about ten minutes longer, hand pressed to her cheek, which have flared a bright pink. She shakes her head, and turns to head home herself, wondering what Izuna got up to that day.

They continue to meet up. To spar and to talk. Hashirama is even more open now, grinning widely almost all the time now, as her arms wave around wildly when she talks. Madara laughs at the other girl's antics, but goes along with them. There's just something about Hashirama that draws her in, and Madara can't deny that yeah, okay, so she might have a crush on Hashirama, but whatever.

They plan out their village, at the base of the cliff. Plot out how everything will work, decide to build an academy so everyone, boy or girl, can learn the shinobi arts. They agree that there should be a minimum age limit, so no child of four ends up on the battlefield like they both did. Hashirama giggles and latches onto Madara in a tight hug, and Madara laughs, and hugs the other girl back, both are giddy with the prospects of a peaceful future. Both want nothing more than that.

And then everything comes crashing down before it can really begin.

Hashirama can't really be too upset with Tobirama for following her, because she knows that he worries about her, and she thinks back, and yeah, she has been sneaking off a lot lately to go and see Madara, and she hasn't exactly been all that subtle about it, but she just can't help it. It has been just too nice to have a friend who knows her secret and just, accepts it as easily as Madara has. The fact that she has developed quite the crush on the other girl has absolutely nothing to do with it of course.

But Madara is an Uchiha, and suddenly her feelings towards her own gender made so much sense to Hashirama, and she can practically feel her heart breaking. Madara is an Uchiha and Hashirama is a Senju, and she is almost certain that she can hear the gods laughing at them now.

And then her father tells her that she has to betray her friend, and potentially kill her and Hashirama freezes.

She spends the night carving the rock Madara had skipped to her just that afternoon, when everything had still been sunny and bright, and they had had their entire futures open ahead of them. Hashirama is unaware that Madara is doing the exact same thing, similar thoughts running through her head.

"From now on, we'll skip rocks as a greeting," Madara says when they meet at the river the next day. There is something off in her voice, and Hashirama bites her lip, but nods, and digs out her rock. Two stones are skipped, bouncing across the river to be caught in the opposite hands. Hashirama can feel her eyes widen as she looks down at the rock in her grip.

"You know, I just remembered that I had an errand to run today, I gotta go," Madara calls out, looking up from the rock Hashirama threw. The brunette gives an uneasy grin.

"Alright then, you'd better get going, I'll see you later," she calls out in response, trying to hide the weakness in her voice. They both turn to leave, make it to the tree lines, and then, then their fathers and brothers are standing on the river, weapons drawn as they stare each other down. Both girls turn back around, and their eyes meet briefly, and both are full of fear at what may happen.

Tajima and Butsuma exchange words, and Izuna and Tobirama exchange insults. Madara and Hashirama remain frozen, neither wanting to move, but knowing that they will have to. And then their brothers are moving, swords clashing, and then there are two knives, flying through the air at them. Once more rocks are thrown, and neither Hashirama nor Madara are frozen any longer.

They land on the river, in front of their respective brothers.

"Even if it's you... If you so much as harm one hair on my little brother's head, Hashirama..." Madara growls, and glares. Her eyes are beginning to sting as she realizes what she must do. They cannot go on like this, if they do, not only will Izuna likely get hurt, so will Hashirama and her brother, and Madara does not want that to happen, not today, not to Hashirama, who she still cares for, Senju or not. But she knows that Hashirama will never let her go, not easily, so she must be the one to break their friendship. Madara must be the one to push Hashirama away, and learn to hate her, because it is expected of her, and she knows that Hashirama is not capable of doing it. To protect herself, to protect Hashirama and her secret, to protect her brother, Madara will do what she must, and she will live with the consequences of her actions forever. She straightens from her crouch.

"All that talk..." she mutters, just loud enough to be heard, "All that talk, of building a village... Looks like it was nothing more than wishful thinking," she lifts her head, a bitter smile painted on her lips as she looks at Hashirama, watching the pain in the other's eyes as she speaks.

"Madara..." Hashirama's voice is hoarse, "you don't really feel that..."

"For what it's worth," it is taking all of her self-control to keep her own voice steady as she speaks, "it may have been fleeting, but I really did have a good time, Hashirama..." There is silence as Hashirama bites her lip and her hand twitches slightly, as if to reach out and grab hold of Madara's sleeve.

"Three on three... Ready to get your hands dirty, Madara?" her father is speaking, but all Madara can focus on is the look of pain that has taken over Hashirama's face.

"No," she says after a brief pause, "Hashirama's still stronger than me. It would be pointless for us to fight," she mutters, and she can feel the eyes of her brother and father on her back now.

"No way, he's stronger than you, aneki?" Izuna asks in disbelief, because according to him, no one is capable of beating his older sister. Madara doesn't have to turn around to know that her father is wearing a calculating look as he examines the other twelve year old.

"Interesting... I didn't expect the Senju prodigy to actually be all that he's cracked up to be... We're falling back then," Tajima's voice is stern and Madara turns her back on Hashirama.

"Until next time then," her voice is quiet, so only her friend can hear it, and she hears Hashirama step forwards.

"Madara! You don't really believe that it was all just wishful thinking, do you? I know that you don't, that you can't! Not after all of that brainstorming, and coming up with our ideas! We'd finally..." Hashirama trails off. Madara stops in her tracks, hands clenching into fists.

"Trust me," she mutters, "at the end of the day, I wish things could be different," her voice is thick and with a start Madara realizes that she is almost on the verge of tears. This is harder than she thought it would be, and she bites her lip, hard. "But... at the end of the day, you're still a Senju, and I am an Uchiha. My brother's blood is on the hands of the Senju. There won't be any blood shed today, but the next time we meet..." her eyes are burning now, and she keeps her face tilted down, looking at her clenched fist as she cuts the ties to her friend, and she can feel the tell-tale rush of chakra to her eyes, and another bitter smile adorns her face.

"The next time we meet, Hashirama Senju, we will be enemies on the field of battle," she tilts her face up to the sky, before turning to toss a red-eyed glare at the other, "and when that time comes, you will address me as Madara Uchiha."

"Aneki," she can hear Izuna gasp in surprise, "Your eyes-!" Her father is wearing a smug smirk.

"At least today wasn't a complete waste," he says, and Madara thinks she kind of wants to hit him, but the awe on her little brother's face softens her anger.

"The Sharingan ..." she hears Hashirama's father say quietly and she turns back to her own father, walking away from Hashirama, and all of the plans that they had made, her heart heavy in her chest.

That night, Madara promises to herself that she will never let anyone that close to her ever again. The pain is not worth it, she thinks as she looks up at the waning moon, knees hugged to her chest as she sits in a tree. So she hardens her heart, and refuses to show any emotion, because it is nothing but weakness, she has learned.

Hashirama throws stones into the river, not able to skip them without wanting to cry, as she promises to herself that she will somehow find a way to fix things between her and Madara as she stares at the reflection of the moon in the water. It hurts too much to not have Madara by her side, she realizes, constantly turning to make some comment to the friend who is no longer there in the passing weeks.

Time passes, and both Madara and Hashirama grow, and flourish.

Madara stays skinny, too much so, with whipcord muscles and just the barest hint of breasts and no hips to speak of. Her clan generally sees her as a disappointment, but her reputation only grows more and more vicious as she gets older. She-demon, they whisper as she passes, black hair swirling behind her; too wild, too unwomanly, such a disappointment, they mutter behind her back, and she turns to grin at them, teeth bared and eyes flashing red. She revels in the names they call her, shooting bloodthirsty grins at opponents and Clan Elders alike. She might be a woman, but it is well known that she has no qualms about tearing somebody's jugular out with her teeth. She has done it before and will do it again.

Hashirama, in contrast, grows up and out, as strong and revered as the oaks she is able to grow with her mokuton. Except Hashirama is not a she, but a he, and is taller than most other men easily by the age of seventeen, his shoulders broad and voice deep. The picture of a perfect shinobi, and so obviously male that sometimes Hashirama stares at her reflection and cries when no one is around to hear her. Even in Madara's clan there is talk about how handsome the Senju is, and how strong he is, and how he has done his clan proud. It is only Madara that remembers the child Hashirama was, with that terrible haircut, and no fashion sense, and that desperate confession that he is actually a girl, despite what his appearance might say.

They meet on the battlefield often.

At fourteen Madara cuts a long gash across Hashirama's chest. In retaliation a vine thick with thorns wraps around her arm and she is forced to yank it out, blood gushing from the puncture wounds.

At fifteen Hashirama sends Madara flying, and she can feel half of her ribs break as she lands, but she rolls, and rises to a crouch, her hands flying through signs as she spits fire at him, setting his plants and arm on fire.

At sixteen Madara gains the Mangekyo Sharingan and it is with a feral grin that she unleashes her Amaterasu on the battlefield, and wraps herself in the base of her Susano'o, watching as black flames consume the ground. Hashirama is forced to drag his brother out of the way as a large water dragon fails to put out the fire and the look he shoots Madara makes her heart twist in her chest, but she is quick to stomp it down.

At seventeen, they become the Heads of their respective clans with the deaths of their fathers. The latest war between Senju and Uchiha comes to a standstill with these deaths. Hashirama meets Madara in the centre of a bare strip of land. Their brothers are at their sides. Hashirama is holding an oversized scroll, and Madara's gloved hand grips her gunbai handle tightly. Tense words are exchanged between the new Heads and a temporary ceasefire is settled before both turn away from each other.

At eighteen, they do not see each other.

At nineteen Hashirama hears rumors that Madara is being courted by several men, some from Madara's own clan, some from clans allied with the Uchiha. Hashirama spills ink all over several important documents and gets drunk that night. She wakes in the bed of a pretty girl from the nearby village and doesn't know what to say.

At nineteen Madara hears that the Senju are planning on marrying Hashirama to an Uzumaki princess. Madara gets her arm and several ribs broken in a battle as her vision blurs and red drips down her face and she snarls at anyone who even talks to her.

At twenty, they meet again. War is once more on the horizon. It is late January, and neither of their brother's are quite seventeen yet, but close enough. Hashirama is at least eight inches taller than Madara now, practically twice her size, but the Uchiha is quick, and Hashirama almost sighs in relief as there is no sign that any of the plans of those courting Madara went anywhere. Madara however, knows that the plans of the Senju to betroth Hashirama to an Uzumaki have gone somewhere, and that there is likely to be a contract signed soon. She doesn't know why that fact manages to bother her as much as it does, so she steadily ignores it, just as she has ignored all of her feelings regarding anyone but her brother since she was twelve. Life is easier if she simply does not care.

Their swords clang and clash, and Madara grits her teeth as she presses up with hers, Hashirama bearing down on her heavily. Both are panting, and dripping sweat. And then Madara's hand twitches, and she is whirling around, eyes blazing red with her Mangekyo as she steps out of Hashirama's range, staring at something across the field. Hashirama looks to where she is, and sees their brothers, locked in battle. And then Madara's brother is obscured by smoke.

"Izuna," she breathes out, almost like she can tell what is meant to happen and she takes a step forwards, chakra focusing on one point. Hashirama blinks, and Madara is gone, and then Hashirama is running across the field as well as the smoke clears, trying to reach the other woman.

Madara had had a bad feeling all day, and she had almost been tempted to skip out on the battle that had broken out in between the Uchiha and Senju territories, but Izuna had already been there, and the reports coming in had said that both Hashirama and Tobirama where there, so she had had to go. Her instincts prove right though, as a chill runs down her spine while her sword is locked hilt to hilt with Hashirama's. She knows that something bad is going to happen, and it is going to happen to her precious baby brother, so she is quick to pull away from the Senju in front of her, spinning around until she can find Izuna, eyes widening as she sees that he is enshrouded with smoke, with Tobirama dashing forwards, sword poised to strike. Madara doesn't think, she just acts. It is only after the shunshin is performed and she has pushed Izuna away that she looks down at the blade that has become embedded in her side, snaking past her armor to dig deeply into her body, coming out through her back. The slash meant for her brother had become a stab taken by her. Everything seems to freeze in that instant.

"Oh," she murmurs, blinking as she locks eyes with the white-haired Senju, who is staring at her in shock, hands falling slack from his weapon. Her hand lands on the edge of the sword that is sticking through her, and then she gives a small cough and blood sputters up and out of her mouth, and everything is moving again. Madara stumbles forwards, and then falls backwards, not able to feel her legs as she slumps into Izuna's arms and her eyes fade from red back to black, the sword being dragged down through her abdomen by gravity, tearing through flesh and organs as it falls.

"Oh," she repeats as she vaguely hears her brother screaming her name, and then Hashirama is there too, shouting for her, telling her to hold on, to not close her eyes. She has to squint to see Hashirama leaning over her, brown eyes wide in fear and concern and panic and he's- no, she, Madara remembers idly as her mind drifts, she's saying something, doing something, and Madara can hear Izuna desperately begging her to do something as he falls to the ground, with her still half in his lap. Hashirama's hands are green, she can barely see them past the brown hair that is falling everywhere. Shakily, Madara raises an arm to grab hold of some of that hair, and she tugs on it gently.

"Glad you grew it out, looks pretty on you," she gurgles out as more blood bubbles past her lips and she can just hear Izuna saying, "If you don't save my sister Senju, I will not rest until you and your entire clan is dead," and Hashirama smiles at her softly, reaching a hand up to cup her cheek, one blood stained thumb tracing a smear across her cheek.

"Your hair looks pretty on you too, now stay with me, okay Madara? You have to stay awake and stay with me, and then we can settle everything once and for all, figure out an alliance, and no one else will have to die, and you can insult my clothes like you used to," she says softly, voice deep and soothing and it is a struggle for Madara to even keep her eyes open now.

" 'm so tired Hashi..." she murmurs, and watches as the taller frowns down at her.

"You can sleep when I tell you that you can, okay?"

"Always so bossy... 'member how you always used to cheat when we raced up the cliff?" Madara's voice sounds funny to her ears, and she can hear a ringing sound as her vision blurs more and more.

"Stay with me Madara and I'll let you win the next race," Hashirama's voice has a hint of desperation in it and Madara wonders why. She looks so sad and worried and Madara tugs on her hair again, before her arm falls to her side.

" 'Kay," she murmurs, and more blood falls from her mouth as her eyes close and the ringing overtakes her. She does not hear anything else.

So yeah. Transgirl!Hashi is a thing now (at least to me it is) and I kind of love her. And everybody should already know about my love for female Madara.

Please leave a review if you liked it! I'll have the next part up in a few days probably.
Thanks for reading!