A.N I'm sorry I'll stop after this one... it's just too perfect :L
A Jelly Beans In Time
On a funny and determined morning, Seamus sat on the table. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His neck ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Hermione to love someone with a lucky lip?
Patiently, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a glorious charming condom, all on a summer's day. I wish my Hermione would suck me, in her own gentle way..."
"Do you?" Hermione sat down beside Seamus and put her hand on Seamus's toe. "I think that could be arranged."
Seamus gasped well. "But what about my lucky lip?"
"I like it," Hermione said easily. "I think it's vivacious."
They came together and their kiss was like a drunk puppy on speed.
"I love you," Seamus said carefully.
"I love you too," Hermione replied and sucked him.
They bought a cow, moved in together, and lived eagerly ever after.