Mirrors and Blue Roses
Prologue ( Hinata's P.O.V)
Sex, Love, Control, Vanity…
Sex, Love, Control, Vanity….
Those words make up the world that I fucking live in. Either you're the predator or the prey. You decide or they'll make you. Men use sex to control women to their arbitrary whims; to bring us to a submissive state where it's too late to call for help. It's just a game to them; only just to improve their vain image or "Vain Mirror" as I call it.
In this world there are many "Mirrors" that hold our deepest darkest secrets and hide it with an image you want people to recognize you by. I admit I was once a mirror always putting on an act; trying to please my father Hiashi Hyuga; a business man with a huge ambition for succeeding in the financial world. While his two "precious" daughters and his "beloved" wife would watch in the sidelines. My father was an egotistic bastard, and he knew it. And when sadness came and struck our family, it just made him more unbearable to be with.
My mother died giving birth to my little sister Hanabi Hyuga; at the time I was four, so I didn't understand what passing on meant until I was a little older. I would say that it was the most arduous thing I had to deal with. All those random relatives I never knew or heard sympathizing with you, giving you pity looks, offering you gifts that you don't even want or need.
But what I really remember the most is my father coming into my room after the funeral service was over. His once perfect stature was dissolved by rage and sadness. He walked over where I sat, watching me curled up in a ball at the foot of my bed clutching a white stuffed rabbit my mother gave me. My father never understood why I loved that rabbit more than the other stuffed animals I got from him. I didn't know what he was talking about because my comprehension then hasn't evolved to what it is now.
But even though I didn't understand him, I still felt an awareness of fear that paralyzed me. I felt so cold, so numb as my father walked up, smiling so maliciously. Before I had a chance to realize the danger I would face, my father picked me up from the ground and threw me really hard on top of my bed.
At the time, I was screaming for him to stop, screaming for help while blubbering with irrationality that a four year old would naturally do. But it was no use, he didn't listen, he didn't care how this would traumatize me, or how I would hate him for the rest of my life. All he cared about was erasing his pain while pinning me to the bed. I thrashed to get out of his grip, his deathly grip. But it was no use, all I saw was blackness and felt only the most unbearable pain of being physically and emotionally scarred.
After my father was done having his way with me, he then put on his clothes and walked over to me and said in a sickenly sweet voice.
"Hinata, don't tell anyone what happened between us. It's our little secret."
I wanted to lie to him and say yes, then tell someone behind his back. But from the look of his eyes, the way they gleamed from the moon light from my window told me otherwise. I knew if I did told someone, I know I would be in a lot more pain than what I was feeling right now. So I promised I wouldn't tell anyone. No one.
As my father left my room, I then began to curl my body up in a fetus position, crying the pain away. I wish it was that easy to wash away the pain, the feeling of disgust and shame written all over me. It seemed that everything I did or do would upset the balance of my father's anguish only bringing more pain, intensifying it.
As I got older I founded a way to escape the madness of my life and created an alter ego. At school or in any public places I would be a withdrawn, perfect teenager who never talked back unless told to. Everyone tolerated me because I was neutral to any drama. They knew I wouldn't start shit because I was the sweetest, likable kid you can trust, but in actuality I was like anyone else with insecurities and if you dare try and push my buttons you would regret it, dearly.
Inside my mind I was an absolute wreck ready to explode, like a ticking bomb counting down to zero. I usually would spend my free time painting or drawing, a way to express myself when I couldn't in the real world. I hated lying to myself because then I would never be free from "him". Everything that was decided in both me and my sister's life revolved around my father and his money. We went to prestigious schools that were the finest for a Hyuuga and as I look back in my life I can tell you in four syllables: I hated it.
Sometimes I would wake up with a spark to runaway and leave this place with no regrets but then I would stop my trail of thoughts from continuing with only one clear thought in mind "I can't abandon Hanabi to this fucker of hell" so I then decided to fight my way out with Hanabi in tow. I'm eighteen trying my last chance to get revenge against everything I knew and who would've thought I would make friends and find love in the most impossible circumstances. I didn't and probably would never know unless I didn't shift between myself and my other egos, my mirrors, to find what I was looking for. Peace and salvation.
In this world if you don't learn to give, you wouldn't get anything in return. Rejection can sting but if you can rise above everything else you will find absolution in the littlest things and what I seek other than peace and salvation is the unattainable and the impossible like the "Blue Rose" insignia I hold around my neck. This is my plausible truth and I will tell it to the very end. Will you come and aid me to my rebellion?