Note: I'm not really a LOTR's fan, but I did this out of boredom and annoyance…
Please don't flame me, there are many Lord of the Rings humor stories out there and I don't go around reading them and stealing ideas. Everything I have typed was supposed to be some insane comedy and a complete spoof… I also like making fun of serious things…
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Lord of the Rings so don't sue me for using them you damn money stealing vultures… cough _
After the DestructionSix hundred years after the destruction of the One Ring Lothlorien stands hidden in its thick forests. The race of elves stays hidden from the massive human race, since they were long forgotten over time. Orcs no longer rampage the lands but instead, rebellious humans who kill for pleasure. The Hobbits are long extinct ever since The Shire was completely annihilated by a natural disaster. Now, the Elves try to keep their distance from the bustling human race so they may not be discriminated and poisoned by their evil.
Chapter 1 – Haldir's DilemmaIn Lothlorien, the March warden Haldir scouted the area with fellow elves. Humans randomly wandered into their territory but the elves usually found a way to chase them out. They remained unseen by others and live in fear of the destruction of their own people.
Before sunrise, the elves begin their daily routine and trail the area. Haldir, who was thought to be killed six hundred years ago, still lives well and continues to protect his people. He stood on a vast hillside, overlooking the great forests and vibrant sunrise. His golden hair flowed in the mellow breeze and looked forward to the new day. The bright orange sliver of sun reached the horizon and covered the land in its comforting light. Haldir continued watching the sun slowly arise from its sleep and wondered why his pants were on fire. He preformed jig, trying to distinguish his pants-fire, and miserably failed.
Meanwhile, in Lothlorien, Legolas…
*Due to budget cuts the role of Legolas Greenleaf will not be played by Orlando Bloom…*
(Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Orlando Bloom… … Hmmm though it would be fun… … raises eyebrow … Oh… I mean the rights to his name… … cause he is a person… … and… heh… um! Anyway…)
…waited for a report from the March warden and his people. He was now the leader of his people in Lothlorien since it was the only surviving elvish town.
Suddenly, a massive fireball fell from the morning sky above and crashed into the nearby forest. Rumil and Orophin, Haldir's very feminine brothers, volunteered to set out and investigate the disturbance. Since Legolas could not find any worthy elf, he decided to supervise them.
They traveled through the thick forests into the scorched area. The fire was not serious and quickly burnt itself out.
"Are there any injured?" Legolas asked.
"Nope." Orophin answered.
"Continue searching."
Rumil and Orophin violently frolicked around as they examined the scene.
"I didn't know we were frolicking elves." Orophin stated.
"Yes, we are," Rumil said, "But least we're not like those prissy bitch elves that run around trying to look good."
"I found something." Legolas said.
Rumil and Orophin frolicked their way to Legolas.
"Is this Haldir's sword?" He said, holding up a long blade.
"I don't know," Rumil said, "Haldir doesn't let me play with sharp things."
"Me neither." Orophin added.
Legolas gave them a menacing look then sighed, "Lets go."
He walked even deeper into the forest as the two prancing elves followed. Legolas stopped suddenly and looked straight down. He knelt to the ground and moved the scorched figure.
"What's that?" Rumil said, playing with a tree branch.
The burnt figure straightened itself up, "Hello."
"Haldir?" Asked Legolas.
They did not recognize that the overcooked image was Haldir.
"Are you alright?" Legolas asked.
"I don't know," Haldir answered, "I need to speak with Lady Galadriel."
"By all means." Legolas said, "It's fine with me, as long as you can get through that outrageous Celeborn."
"Let us go." Said Legolas.