You asked, I'm back – with smut. This is nerve-wrecking because I don't want to disappoint you, but I promise to give my best shot. If you have suggestions, or even want to request something to be depicted, ask away, dear readers. I'm all ears. Also, I am completely disregarding Zelena's pregnancy. She's merely locked up, in case that wasn't very clear in the 'Babbling' take.

Have fun!

"Huh, excuse us? Sheriff… Swan-Mills?"

Emma turned around with the hose in one hand and a ragged piece of dripping cloth on the other. It was sunny and warm, and she didn't see a reason why she should not wash the cars in the driveway. She had finished the bug and was getting started with the Mercedes when they called.

Two equally hesitant young girls stood on the sidewalk, and they looked like twins if she considered fashion style and haircuts, but Emma noticed one was slightly taller than the other. They couldn't be much younger than Henry, but boy, those kids looked all like adults these days.

"Hi," Emma smiled. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, it's Amy's cat," the taller one said, pointing her almost twin friend. "We lost him just around the corner, and I think he climbed your fence and hid-"

"In the garage. He always does that," Emma nodded. She was used to the ginger visitor; he would cross their front lawn and spar in the gazebo, where he would flop down and sleep all afternoon. "Hey kitty!" the blonde dropped the hose and advanced towards the back of their house. "Kitty!"

He was a large orange cat, and he loved Regina's lasagna leftovers, so she had secretly named him Garfield. Emma grabbed him by the loose skin behind his neck, avoiding the predictable attack of his sharp nails.

He hissed and made the usual weird, unsatisfied noises as she carried him towards the girls. They squeaked when Emma gave him away and he climbed their heads, escaping to the street.

"Shit," Emma grunted, craning her neck to check if the cat didn't get hit by a car. "Well, he's all yours now."

"Are you hurt, Sheriff?" the shorter girl finally spoke, taking a step closer and holding Emma's arm to check for injuries. "I have a lotion back in my place, I can bring you some-"

"I'll take it from here, girls," said a stern voice behind Emma.

They took a step back and grinned awkwardly; it made them look like they were in pain.

"Good afternoon, Madam Mayor," the taller one waved nervously.

"Sorry about the cat," Amy retreated a few more steps. "We're gonna go now-"

"Have a good day, Miss Brown, Miss Johnson," Regina waved with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

She was holding a décor magazine, and when the girls were gone, she used it to smack Emma's arm.

"Hey!"

"Oh, do you need a band aid, Sheriff? Do you need an arm transplant, Sheriff?" Regina rolled her eyes, sounding incredibly unamused. "Please. Can't you tell the difference between people in real danger and a horde of debauched, insolent adolescents who have an infatuation for you?"

Emma chuckled. "Gina, they're kids-"

"They were touching your biceps!"

"Hey, c'mon," the blonde couldn't help the laughter as she approached her lovely and angry wife, enveloping her into a wet and dirty hug. "I'm all yours."

Regina accepted Emma's kiss, but then she disentangled from her arms. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Minxes," she grunted looking at the empty driveway and spun on her heels to enter the mansion again.

Rolling her eyes, Emma walked towards the register to turn off the water. She pulled the hose to the other side of the drive and dropped it into the grass, throwing the dirty rag into the bucket. She collected it back drenched in soap and took it towards the Mercedes.

It didn't take her more than twenty minutes to finish it. Regina kept the inside of her car always so tidy that it was really easy to take care of the rest. Her bug, on the other hand, always produced at least one plastic bag of Styrofoam cups, bags from Granny's and napkins with chocolate filling.

When she was finally done, she put the bucket and the hose back into the garage and stretched the rag over a small fence to dry up in the sun. As she walked back to the house, she saw her reflex in the glass doors of the kitchen, noticing her legs didn't look half bad in those jeans shorts and her old combat boots. Except for the messy hair, she didn't look all bad for someone who was halfway towards their forties.

Not that she was freaking out with the grizzly hair she found the other day or anything…

She glided the door open and before she could step inside, Regina called out from a distant room.

"Shoes!"

Grinning, Emma removed her boots and left them on the porch, still not getting how she knew or why she even bothered. Their once pristine kitchen was now covered in plastic, tools and boot marks on the dusty tiles. The wall behind the sink was exposed, and the cabinets under the central island had their doors removed.

Emma loved Sundays. On Sundays, she was not forced to enter their kitchen and find four or five dwarves working and swearing, a butt crack or two eventually catching her eyes. It was a nightmare since Regina decided to remodel their kitchen, but Sundays were okay.

As she stepped into the cool mansion, Emma spotted an empty ice cream pot on the dinner table. Sighing, she walked further into the corridor and stopped in front of Regina's office. Even though the brunette denied it with all her soul, Emma knew she was close to those days, and she knew she would soon be escalated to foot rubs and late trips to buy nuts, low fat ice cream and dairy free chocolate bars.

Regina sat behind her desk, black rimmed reading glasses on the tip of her nose as she fussed about a stack of folders. She was wearing cotton pants and a loose shirt, and even though she was barefoot, Regina always managed to look elegant.

She swiftly moved from one paper to another, tapping her fingers on her desk. Emma loved when she picked red nail polish.

"Too busy?" she asked quietly.

Regina looked up at her. The almost instantaneous and predictable move was to cross her legs. She was horny, and Emma was hot as fuck wearing those scandalous clothes, but she was also angry, so she removed her glasses and raised one eyebrow at the blonde.

"No, dear. Only revising my options before I send in the final list of candidates to your mother."

Since Snow White made it to the Principal's chair, school business was now a huge migraine. Parents trusted her completely for Enchanted Forest's sake, and demanded full attention to their absurd complaints at absurd times, coming to the point of calling Snow at the Charmings' apartment on weekends or late hours.

She had a lot more work than the previous Principal, and after they were interrupted during a family picnic last Sunday, Regina was finally convinced they needed to put someone as second in charge to help Snow.

"Oh," Emma nodded. "Okay. I'll let you get back to it, then."

"What, you're not even going to insist?"

Emma hid her smirk before she turned back to her visibly annoyed wife. "What's wrong, Gina?"

Regina exhaled deeply. She hated that condescending tone. "Nothing's wrong. You're the one acting weird."

"Me?"

"You're not babbling nonstop just to irritate me," Regina picked another folder and put her glasses back on. "I suppose the Emma Swan Fan Club has already satisfied your gigantic ego for the day."

Emma crossed her arms. Regina hated when she did that while she was lecturing, because her muscles disoriented her greatly, and she was determined to remain angry.

Emma, on the other hand, loved Jealous Regina. And she loved Hormonal Regina tenfold.

The blonde spied under the desk; Regina uncrossed and crossed her legs back again in true Sharon Stone fashion. She squeezed her lips tightly to contain the smirk.

"You hurt my feelings," Emma spat back sarcastically. "But I'm willing to help you with the bad mood even though you don't deserve it."

"I don't want your help, and I'm not in a bad mood!"

Emma chuckled. "Oh, you want-"

"Get out of my office!"

"Take off your pants," Emma muttered, shamelessly rolling up her dirty white tank and removing it, throwing it behind her shoulders.

Regina opened her lips to retort, but she had nothing to say against that command – not when Emma stood on her black bra, showing the abdominal area in all her muscular glory. Those stupid, perfectly sculpted lines...

She loved and hated when Emma purposely defied her. The office suddenly felt a thousand degrees hotter, and she was not even surprised when she obeyed.

She wanted Emma.

With her eyes trained on the blonde, she stood up and hooked her thumbs around the elastic band of her pants, sliding it down her legs along with her underwear. She knew that would get Emma off guard.

Emma felt her knees buckle at the sight. Regina was so, so hot…

She walked slowly around the desk and shook her head when the brunette glared at her, trying to take the lead.

"Sit down," she ordered, softly pushing Regina back to her chair.

She dropped on her knees in front of her wife, placing Regina's feet on her shoulders as she advanced with a more than ready tongue. Regina grabbed the armrests for dear life as she threw her head back.

"Oh God, Emma…"

Emma closed her eyes, humming pleasurably when Regina started to gasp and moan at fast pace, pressing her head harder against herself with both hands. She climaxed fast, contorting violently on the chair and against Emma's mouth.

She didn't have time to catch her breath; as her legs felt numb and heavy, Regina offered no resistance when Emma climbed up between her thighs, pressing her jeans against her.

"I want you in," Regina whispered, looking straight into Emma's eyes. "Now," she added through gritted teeth.

Emma merely grinned. She knew that begging look all too much. She discreetly waved her hand and the object materialized between her fingers. Never breaking eye contact with the panting brunette, she attached the rubber toy to the leather belt and moved upwards, on top of Regina, who gasped once she felt the tip touching her.

She had been shocked when Emma first came up with the idea, and even reluctant to pick a color, but hell, Emma almost gave her death by orgasms when she first wore it, especially because it simply felt like it was a part of her body and she knew how to move with it attached around her hips.

"Emma," she groaned when Emma didn't move.

"Yeah?"

"Just… oh," she took a sharp intake of breath when Emma pushed it slightly towards her. "Yes, thrust… hard-"

The blonde grabbed the armrests and pushed herself up. Her breasts met Regina's and she was greeted with a deep, throaty moan that drained all her blood and directed the flow towards her lower belly.

Emma let her hips take control as her brain only processed the orders, Regina's voice echoing deliciously inside her head, faster harder more don't stop don't stop… She lifted her wife from the chair and smacked her against the wall, her arms hooked under Regina's knees, her mouth glued to the brunettes, just as if she could taste her murmurs and moans on her lips.

Regina grabbed her hair, taking in the scent of mud, grass and car soap as the blonde smacked her hard against the wall, penetrating desperately, like she could cram herself inside.

"Faster. Faster. Emma, faster-"

Emma had her teeth and lips on Regina's neck, breathing fast as she kissed her voraciously, feeling her blood boil and her pulse quicken with every moan. That sound was going to be the death of her-

Faster faster faster, she kept moving her hips as fast as she could, not really having time to worry whether the aggressive wall banging was actually hurting the brunette. Considering the cries of pleasure… probably not.

Emma smacked her palms against the wall, causing Regina's legs to spread further apart. How she did that was a mystery – she had strong arms and all, but they were pretty much the same size and weight. However, she did, and after doing this, she started to thrust harder, and Regina began to moan louder, and louder, and she kept going deeper, losing her mind with the sounds Regina made with the sound of her hips smacking Regina's ass combined.

When Regina came, and she came hard, furiously, and noisily, both women held onto each other and slid softly towards the floor.

Regina lay flat on her back, Emma on top of her and still between her legs, both panting frantically as their hearts slowly went back to a normal pace. The phone on her desk rang; Emma groaned quietly on her ear, and Regina had to make unhuman effort to stretch her arm and pick it.

"H-Hello?"

"Hi, mom."

"Henry!" she gasped, her smudged lips immediately cracking into a smile. "It's so good to hear from you!" She tried to muffle her ragged breath, but seeing it was impossible, she reached up again. "I'll put you on speaker."

"Alright."

Emma rolled away and sat up, resting her back against the wall with her eyes fluttering close. She grinned. "Hey, kid."

"Hi, Ma."

"How are you, honey?" Regina asked, grabbing the edge of the desk to prop herself up. She sat down on her chair and spun it to face Emma.

"I'm okay. What about you guys?"

"We miss you," the blonde said, reaching up to hold Regina's outstretched hand.

"I miss you guys too," he said with a deep chuckle.

"So, how was your week?"

"Oh, it was cool. My roommate's a funny guy and I think we hit it off just fine."

Emma frowned. "Funny ha ha or funny because he's on dope?"

Henry laughed and the phone sizzled slightly. "Relax, Ma. He's alright."

Regina swallowed hard. His voice made her heart ache even though he sounded happy.

"I'm going out for pizza with him and a couple of other friends and I thought I'd call now to say hi. We might get back late, so… "

"Do not come back too late," Regina said, trying to sound stern but failing miserably when her voice cracked.

"I'll be careful."

Emma could almost picture him smiling and considering his next words. "I'll text when I get back, if you want."

Regina smiled. "Oh. I… Yes, could you do that? We love you!"

"I love you both. Bye, mom. Bye, Ma."

"Bye, kid," Emma stood up on one knee and disconnected the call. She turned to Regina, whose dark eyes were slightly watery. "Do you wanna go out and get some pizza? We can send pictures to him and brag about ours tasting better. It would be like we were eating together."

Regina reached out for Emma and kissed her with a loving smile. "I love your ideas," she muttered. "And I love you, glutton."

Emma grinned. "Love you back, softie."

"Softie?" Regina let out a wet chuckle. "Who cries in the bathroom every time he hangs up?"

"I don't cry, I'm… allergic to long distance calls-"

"There's my babbling sheriff," Regina kissed her again so she would stop talking. "Let's go eat, stud."

XXX

They had pizza and took a lot of pictures to send to Henry, but out of habit, they ended up making the final stop of the evening at Granny's. Regina had a deep frown when Emma returned from the bathroom.

"Something's wrong?"

"It's Miss Lucas," Regina muttered, looking to her side and then turning back to Emma. "She won't stop staring. And I am positive she winked at me. The wolf genes make her act very obnoxiously."

"Yeah," Emma let out a nervous chuckle, which Regina noticed; however, if she was going to say something, she was interrupted when Ruby stopped next to their booth with their order.

"There you go, girls," she said with a shit eating grin that Emma knew all too well. "Hot cocoa with cinnamon… apple and ginger tea," she turned to Regina and grinned broadly.

"Miss Lucas, what's your problem?"

"You can call me Ruby, you know," she said, tapping her notepad with her pen. "Or maybe," she looked at the blonde and ignored her desperate silence "ShadySeller123…"

Her voice trailed off as she turned around and left. Regina turned slowly at Emma. She was going to murder her.

"I cannot believe you told her about the person who sold us… that thing!" she said through gritted teeth.

"Gina…"

"What?"

Emma didn't say anything, but the guilt in her eyes gave her away. Regina sighed.

"She is ShadySeller123, isn't she?"

The blonde came forward and rested her elbows on the table. "Who else would sell…" she lowered her voice to a barely audible whisper "- sex toys in Storybrooke, Regina?"

"I have no idea why I didn't see this coming with such a horrible name choice. Not only she is trading without paying taxes, but also she's completely up to date with our sexual life, Emma!" she hissed.

"We bought it without paying taxes to the town either!"

"Well, next time we're driving far from Maine to buy accessories!"

Emma relaxed completely as her tense lips cracked open into a huge, dirty smile. "Oh, so we're buying more toys, huh?"

Regina rolled her eyes, mentally scolding herself for being such an addict.

"Well, you are very talented with them," she said in her most businesslike tone, avoiding Emma's eyes. "I don't see why we should waste potential on that due to logistics. But we're not buying from Ruby anymore!"

"Because you want to discourage resale?"

"Because I don't want her grinning at me like a pervert every time we come here!"

"Oh," Emma chuckled. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you it was her, I just… "

"I forgive you," Regina narrowed her eyes and offered a dangerous smile. "On one condition."

"Oh boy."

"I'm wearing that thing next time."

"Oh boy-"

"Shall we hurry home, dear?"

"Yes please," Emma breathed, quickly standing up as she threw the money on the table and pulled Regina with her towards the exit.