A/N: This is going to be a one shot full of angst and dealing with suicide. I'm warning you all now. Sorry in advance. I know that the scene of Finn outing Santana hit close to home for a lot of people. I was also outed before I was ready, and a lot of old feelings came back to me, and turned into this. Thank you for reading!

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

Everyone Knows Now

A few hours ago, I was on top of the world.

A few hours ago, Brittany and I were officially dating.

A few hours ago, I was happier than I had ever been.

A few hours ago, I was Co-Captain of the Cheerios.

A few hours ago, my life was turned upside down.

A few hours ago, I was scared to die, but it paled in comparison to telling my parents the truth.

A few hours ago, I was still alive.

/

"I haven't even told my parents yet," I gasp out between sobs, tears pouring from my swollen eyes, down my red cheeks. The room suddenly feels like it's closing in around me and I struggle to breathe. I jump up from the chair and run out of the room, down the empty hallway, with only the sounds of my sobs and sneakers hitting the cold linoleum floor, echoing around me.

"Santana! Hey, San, wait!"

I hear her call my name but I can't stop running. Stopping means I have to face what's going to come next and I'm just not ready for that.

"Please, San, stop!"

I feel a hand on the small of my back, and I collapse into her, knowing it was foolish to think that she wouldn't be able to catch up to me.

"What did Coach do to you? Are you ok?" she asks, her blue eyes full of concern.

I try to answer, but nothing comes out. My body is shaking from the crying, and I still feel like I can't breathe.

"Shh," she says softly, holding me tight as she rubs small circles on my back. "Whatever it is, it's going to be ok."

Only it's not going to be ok. It's never going to be ok. Her comforting presence slowly starts to help my heat rate return to normal, and I can breathe again. I take a deep breath before saying softly, "I haven't even told my parents yet." Everyone thinks Brittany is dumb, but I know better and she knows exactly what I'm talking about.

"Oh San," she says quietly. "I'm so sorry, so, sorry. Someone heard Finn, didn't they?"

I nod, unable to speak because I feel a whole bunch of Spanish curse words come to mind that Brittany doesn't need to hear. "It's over. My life is over."

"No it's not. Please don't ever say that. No matter what happens, you have me, and we will get through this together." She lifts my chin slightly so my eyes lock into hers. "I love you," she says, placing a soft kiss to my forehead. "Now, let's go kick some major ass in the Mash Off."

"I can't sing like this. I can't stand on stage with everyone judging me."

"San, if you don't go up on stage, you let them win. You're stronger than that, better than everyone else out there. Besides, I'll be with you the whole time, ok?"

I nod as I say, "Ok." I take another deep breath. "Let's do this."

/

The lights are bright in my still tear stained eyes, but I can make out Finn the giant sitting there in the front row with a smug smile on his face, his arm slung around Rachel. I want to rip his face off for what he did to me, and it takes everything I have to stay on the stage and not jump off it this very minute. Suddenly, Mercedes is staring at me, I'm so lost in my thoughts I never hear the music start and I miss my cue. Luckily, she keeps going for me, and I eventually join in.

Rumor has it…

I see all their faces, they're taunting me, each and every one of them. They all know my secret that I had worked so hard to keep buried inside.

Rumor has it…

He's talking about me, I know he is.

Rumor has it…

I search frantically for Brittany, I need to know she is there, need to know that someone is on my side. The last line of the song comes before I know it. "Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead." I see the piece of lard lean over to Rachel and I lose it, my feet are moving as if I they have a mind of their own and before I know it I'm in front of him. "What did you just say to her?" I yell.

He looks at me with a dumb look on his face. "I said I thought you were great."

"No," I say, shaking my head. "You're lying."

"No, he literally just said that," Rachel says as she interrupts me.

"You tell her too?" The words are just tumbling out of my mouth, I have no control over what I do anymore. I barely hear what Mr. Shue says to me. "Everyone's going to know now, because of you!"

"The whole school already knows, and you know what? They don't care."

I begin to shake with anger, I don't understand how he is so clueless. "Not just the school, you idiot, everyone!"

"What are you talking about?"

My hand moves on its own and meets Finn's cheek with a satisfying crack. I shake my hand to try to get rid of the stinging, and once again my feet begin to move before my brain can register what is happening. I'm running through the halls again and don't stop until I'm in my car and on my way to the one place that has always felt like home. I know mi abuela is on her yearly trip to Arizona, so I'll have the house to myself. I also know Brittany will be after me and I need to be done with what I'm going to do before she gets here. First things first, I need to write her a letter. I sit at the kitchen table and with shaky hands, I begin.

My dearest Britt Britt,

First off, just know that I am so sorry, more sorry than you will ever know. I know that this is the best for everyone. I'm toxic, I ruin everything I touch. I can't bear the thought that I may ruin you too. I don't want to be the one to ruin your run for president. My life is over, pretty soon everyone will know my secret and I can't handle it, you know what my parents will do. Please know that I love you so very much.

Love always and forever,

San

My hands are shaking so badly I can hardly seal the envelope. Placing it on the table, I'm on autopilot as I grab a kitchen knife and then continue down the hall and into the bathroom. I know there are still extra strength sleeping pills in the medicine cabinet and after a few tries I manage to control the shaking in my hands enough to get the cap off the bottle. Taking the pills was the easy part as I throw them back with some water, it was the next part that I still had to convince myself to go through with. I sit on the edge of the tub and wait for the pills to kick in a little, which actually doesn't take as long as I would have expected. I grip the tub as I begin to feel woozy and my head feels like it's detaching from my body. I know I need to do it now before I pass out completely. Tears stream down my face as I close my eyes and slide from the edge of the tub to the cold tile floor. Before I know it, the white tiles are covered in blood and I drift off into a drugged induced coma.

/

Brittany feels just as satisfied as Santana as she watches her smack Finn. He's lucky that's all she did, he deserves all that and more. Her feet feel glued to the stage, wanting to chase after Santana, but unable to move. Finally, her head clears and she's off and running after her girlfriend, hoping to stop her before she leaves.

"Wait! Brittany, slow down," Finn calls after her.

"There's no time," she yells to him, never breaking stride and keeps running.

"I want to help."

This stops Brittany dead in her tracks and turns to face him so fast that her ponytail whips her in the face. "Don't you understand? You did enough already!" she yells at him, and continues to run to the parking lot. "Shit!" she exclaims. Her stomach flips as she sees Santana's car is gone and she has no way to get to her, seeing as they came to school together this morning. She hears Finn and Rachel approaching her from behind and turns to face them. "You really want to help? Drive me to her, and quickly." She jumps from one foot to the other like an impatient pre-school student waiting in line for the bathroom as Finn fumbles with his keys and finally unlocks the doors.

"Where to?" he asks as he starts his truck and pulls out of the school parking lot.

Brittany thinks for a minute. "Wait, turn around. Go towards the other end of town, she is at her grandmother's house, I just know it."

"I still have no idea what's going on. Can someone please fill me in?"

"Yeah, Finn, why don't you tell Rachel what is going on," Brittany says coolly.

"I just did what everyone else wanted to do," he says, trying to justify himself. "I called Santana out on the crap that she was giving me."

"Okay, so why is that so bad?" Rachel asks, clearly still confused.

"You outed her in a crowded hallway Finn!" Brittany shouts, unable to control herself any longer. "Now thanks to you, everyone will know, including her parents. You're such an idiot Finn. She was barely able to say to me that she was lebanese, and definitely not ready to tell her parents."

"You did what?" Rachel asks, raising her voice. "Finn, what Santana said to you was mean, but there is never an excuse to out anyone, ever. I'm so disappointed in you right now."

"I know, I know, I messed up."

"You can say that again," Brittany says under her breath. Her heart beats fast and her hands become sweaty. "That's the house on the left." She opens the door and is out of the truck before Finn even has time to shift it into park. An uneasy feeling settles on her when the door is unlocked and lets herself into the house. It's eerily quiet and she immediately spots the letter on the table and knows instantly it's not ok. She feels as though as heart is about to beat out of her chest as she leaves the letter on the table and runs down the hallway to the bathroom. She hears a horrifying noise that sounds like shrieking and Santana's name at the same time. Looking over her shoulder she sees that Rachel and Finn aren't saying anything and is shocked to realize the screaming is coming from her own mouth. "Oh no, please no," she quietly repeats over and over as she clings to Santana's lifeless body. She looks to Rachel and Finn for help and sees Finn on the phone, presumably with 911 and Rachel is bent over the toilet, unable to hold in her lunch from earlier today.

Rachel wipes her mouth and composes herself as she sits next to Brittany. "I'm so sorry Santana," she cries. "I didn't mean it when I said you'd only be good for dancing on a pole. Truth is, I was intimidated by you. By your beauty and your incredible voice. I'm so sorry." She places a hand on Brittany's shoulder, but it's as if Brittany isn't even there. "Brittany, are you ok?"

Brittany doesn't hear Rachel beside her or the sirens as the paramedics pull in the driveway. All she can focus on is holding Santana close to her body, kissing her forehead, whispering things that were meant for only Santana to hear. She refuses to let go of her as the paramedics come into the room and gently try to take Santana from her. It isn't until a pair of strong hands lift her away from the awful scene and place her down on the couch that she begins to feel again. She squeezes her eyes tight and turns her head away as they roll Santana out in a body bag, wishing it was all a bad dream.

A few hours ago, her girlfriend became just another statistic.