Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or Katy Perry's California Girls.
This is all for fun, not meant to hurt anyone's feelings (Especially T'Prime) Just a quick drabble because Ramoth told me to.
Bones stalked into the room jerking Jim's PADD out of his hand and shut the damn thing up. It had been blaring yet another reincarnation of "California Girls" with an equally nasally-pitched female whining as the last twelve 're-mixes' over the last two hundred years. "If I ever hear you play that song again I will personally remove your ear drums, without surgery." He growled his threat as he threw the PADD back to Jim aiming at his head, before turning to stomp off.
Jim whined knowing it would grate on Bones' nerves even more than the song. "What is wrong with that song? I like it! It's catchy." He dodged the PADD flying towards his cranium.
Bones turned around slowly, eyebrow incredibly high, his eyeball twitching. "What is wrong with that song?" His voice had a homicidal edge to it; maybe he really didn't like the song. "What is wrong with that song?" He shouted. Jim merely blinked; he was quite used to Bones' theatrics by now. "That damn song is insufferable! There is nothing 'unforgettable' about California girls! They all look exactly the same, they are 'unforgettable' because if you have seen one you have seen them all, so you can't forget just one - you'd have to forget them all." He glared harder down at the younger man. "It is a statically impossibility that all these women out here are natural blondes! Genetics don't work that way! It's like these women are clones of each other! And you with your little flirting attitude and lingering looks do nothing to help dispel the fact they think they are the grandest things on the planet!" Bones spit out his answer, satisfied with not only berating the song but Jim too.
However, Jim never let anything die as easy as that, it was rare he could get Bones this stirred up so early in the day. He was going to enjoy this. "Well, if California girls aren't the greatest then, my dear Bones, which girls are?" He was baiting the good doctor, but Bones was so far gone into his manic rage he didn't realize it.
That earned him both eyebrows up. "Southern Belles, Redneck women, River Rats, Dixie Debutants, GRITS what ever name you give a woman from the South – those women are the best this planet has to offer!" He crept closer. "Any woman who can hog tie you with one hand while making sure her cornbread don't burn with the other is a true woman. A Southern woman is not only gorgeous on the outside but has a heart of gold on the inside. They are just as at home fishing, muddin' or huntin' as they are cookin', gossipin' or out on the town. Nothing about her is fake. As for a California girl, what you see is what you get – arrogant, selfish and flaky. Not a damn one of them has ever managed to catch my eye." He crossed his arms over his chest.
It was Jim's turn to raise an eyebrow, he needed to keep this up, it was too much fun to let it die so soon. "And you think Southern Belles look better in cut-offs and bikinis?" He was going to give his best friend a coronary, where was his camera?
Bones mouth fell open. "Hell yes they look better. And furthermore they invented the look! Daisy Duke was a Southern woman and from Georgia at that! Any woman's who icon has survived three centuries with her sense of style still influencing these little twits out here is a force of nature!" He put one hand on his hip and the other rubbed his forehead. "Jim, women down there are born with the ability to look good in a bikini whether it's in a creek, on a river or down at the gulf. They don't have to tan or do anything unnatural. Now that the rampant obesity epidemic has been cured, every woman in the South in the summer 'rocks' that look and they look damn good! Because that's one of the things that makes them Southern!" The eye was twitching with the beat of his heart.
Hiding a laugh, Jim pushed him just a little further. "I think Cali girls have better tans." He tried to sound like he was making a relevant observation.
Bones leaned forward, framing Jim with his arms resting on the couch behind him. "Sure, if you like that fake look. Southern women have enough sense to cover up before they turn into leather. You can have your Cali girls, but I'd take a real woman from the South any day. You have no idea what you are missing out on." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, a faint smile tugging at his lips.
Jim frowned. "Well, if I were a Southern woman, where would I fit in down there?" Jim batted his eye lashes.
Rolling his eyes, Bones stood up. "You would be a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. You know the one that always looks so trashy down on the end – that'd be you." Bones hurried out of the room before Jim could manage to understand he'd been insulted.
A/N: I have nothing to say for myself.
This is what popped into my head when I heard this song today, and the muse told me to write it. Like I said this was not meant to offend ANYONE, so please just take it all in fun.