A/U: Hello people. I'm back… I think. School is starting to slow down just slightly, even though I doubt it will stay that way for long. Well I took the shot and started writing again. And this became the first chapter. It's what I had in mind when I wrote the final chapters on Blood In The Air. A warning though, this is not –at least in the beginning- a light and fluffy story. And Eric is very out of character.

A useful thing to know when reading: the things writen in Italic are mostly thoughts, and in some cases memories. Well, except the author notes, which will be written in it as well. But that shouldn't be to confusing.

Summary: A vampire's body heals quickly. A broken mind however, is something else entirely. This is a story about being lost in the dark, and struggling to find your way back to what you once had.

Warning: OOC, dark themes.

Lost In Shadows -Epilogue

It hadn't been more than three weeks. Three weeks since he'd woken up from his seemingly endless nightmare, and found himself back in the real world. The first days had just been a blurred fog of voices, comforting and soothing him, and the taste of something old and familiar slowly giving him back his strength. When he finally was able to open his eyes, Eric was sure he had died and come to heaven. Because next to the bed in which he was lying, sat his Sookie. She looked tired. That he had somehow noted. But more than anything else, she looked beautiful.

Eric hadn't really been aware of what was happening, nor what had happened to him before waking up to this beautiful new reality. None of that seemed important. Sookie and Godric were there. How could anything else be important then?

Then the memories started coming back. They came in nightmares, pictures, and voices that only grew worse as the time passed. Russell. The pain. The darkness. The hunger. The helplessness. Eric found himself flinching involuntary whenever Sookie tried to reach out a comforting hand. And when she looked at him with those warm loving eyes, all he could do was turn his own down in shame. He saw the hurt it brought her, and he so badly wanted to make it go away. But he couldn't. And so, he started running instead. He even ran from Godric. They had both tried everything. Silently just be there for him. Ask questions. But he couldn't accept their comfort. The shame in being a victim was too much already. He couldn't bear their pity. And so he ran from them instead. Just like he ran from himself.

Chapter 1

Eric watched as the light snow flakes swirled in the wind, coming to land on the already coated branches around him. A few of them found their way to add on the already pretty thick layer of snow covering his body. Hours of just sitting like a stone statue in the freezing air had made his skin cold enough to no longer melt the snow, but even as he was slowly being buried, he had no plans of leaving his hiding place for many hours. From his place in the large pine tree, perched on one of the branches, he had a good view of his surroundings. He liked that. It gave him a sense of being in control, something he lacked of the rest of the time. Useless, weak pathetic- He shook his head violently, pushing the thoughts away. If he let the string of self loathing words continue, it would drive him into doing something to physically hurt himself again. He'd rather not have the events in the bathroom repeated, if not for his own, then at least for Sookie's and Godric's sake. Even though he tried, he would never be able to forget their faces when they'd found him there on the floor. Sookie's tear filled eyes, and Godric's looking like a million years had been added to them. It had taken days before he'd been allowed to be alone again, and he still didn't know where Godric had gone at hiding all the house's knives. The knife had been necessary, as his fangs had yet to grow back. Russell had found great pleasure in tearing them out. The memory of hands bending his mouth open was almost physical, and Eric shook his head again. He wasn't going to think about him. You won't need these anymore. Open wide. He squeezed his eyes shut and put his hands over his ears, as if he could shut the voice out. But you can't shut something out if it only exists in your own mind. He launched himself of the branch, and landed in the deep snow. Without a second thought, he began to run. The snow was light and swirled around his legs as he virtually flew over the ground. The landscape passed by in a blur and he increased the speed until his legs started to protest.

Eric ran blindly in circles, letting his legs carry him wherever they wanted until his thoughts were finally clear and he stopped. The voice taunting him in his mind had faded –for now- and the panic disappeared along with it. He looked around, finding himself standing on what appeared to be a frozen, snow covered lake. When no longer being chased by memories, the usual numb hopelessness overtook him again, and he sank to his knees, unable to find the strength to stand up. He stared down at the white surface, and without actually knowing why, he started wiping away the light snow from the ice, revealing the dark mirror underneath. A strange reflection met him. Was that really him? The eyes staring back at him looked tired and the face around them was a bit too thin to appear healthy. He raised a hand and let it travel down his hollowed cheek, needing to feel that the face really belonged to him. It did, and it angered him. He looked pitiful, the blue eyes being too big and hopeless, and his whole appearance fragile. As if he would break at a simple nudge. With a frustrated roar, Eric slammed his fists into the ice. It broke like glass under his hands, large cracks spreading out from where the punch had been landed. Water started to make its way up from the depths under the several feet thick ice, quickly pooling around him. Eric tried to force himself to feel that flash of anger again. Even though brief, it had been a moment of relief from the numbness. But the mirror had been cracked, blurred with water, and just as his reflection, Eric sank back into darkness. He slumped down onto the ice, lying on his back in the steadily growing lake of ice cold water. He didn't even feel the cold. He felt nothing. That's because you are nothing. Russell's voice came back. Your body might still be in one piece, but inside, you are dead. He closed his eyes, fighting. You can try to run, you can try to hide, but in the end, I will always find you.

"No," he tried weakly. "Go away. You are not real." Russell's memory laughed at him. You might have physically escaped me, but I still won. Because I killed you. He made one last attempt to be strong. You are dead.

"Yes." Eric -delirious from cold and exhaustion- broke and gave in to the taunting voice, . "Yes, I'm dead."

And you deserved to die. Because you are worthless.

"Yes."

Tell me you are worthless.

"I'm worthless." Little by little, Eric felt himself slip away, and instead of feeling nothing, a strange warmth spread through his body. Was it possible for a vampire to freeze to death? Just let the darkness take you. Russell's memory cooed in false tenderness. It will make it all go away. All your pain. All your fear. All your shame. You want it all to go away, don't you? Yes, that was what he wanted. It was all fading now, even Russell's voice started to disappear, and a calm acceptance settled in Eric's mind as he let go and sank into darkness.

"Eric." Suddenly, there was another person there, and a pair of arms cradled his weakened form. "My child, what have you done to yourself?" It was Godric's troubled voice speaking, and Eric felt himself slowly being pulled out from the blissful darkness that had enveloped him and promised to take away all his pain as his maker lifted him from the pool of ice cold water. He was brought back to life again as Godric wrapped something warm around him and started rubbing his upper arms and back in an attempt to further warm him up.

"Eric, are you awake?" the older vampire asked worriedly and patted his cheek lightly. "Open your eyes my child." Eric instantly obeyed, it had become a survival instinct. He pressed is eyelids open, and could feel through the bond how his maker instantly was relieved. Godric shifted him slightly in his arms, helping him into sitting position. Eric quickly scooted down from his lap and crawled away until he was at a comfortable distance. Godric didn't make as much as a hurt face over his fear of contact, but simply studied him with gentle eyes, looking for any signs of injury.

"Were you trying to hurt yourself again?"

Eric looked down in shame and pulled Godric's jacket closer around his body, subconsciously trying to hide himself. He wished that he could run away again, but he couldn't seem to remember where he was.

"I- It just happened. I wasn't thinking," he whispered quietly.

"Eric." Godric's soft tone made Eric feel even more ashamed over his weakness. He'd let him down. And he'd let Sookie down. Again. "Eric," Godric repeated. "Look at me." It took all the strength he had, but Eric forced himself to look into his maker's dark eyes. They were filled with so much unconditional love.

"You cannot just move past this," Godric said, "Unless you deal with it, it will crush you." Eric let his gaze slip to his hands again. They had a slightly blue color. He thought about that.

"My child, please talk to me," Godric made a last attempt to reach out to him, but Eric stood up, refusing to meet his maker's eyes again.

"Please just get me home," he mumbled. Godric got to his feet and made a slight nod in acceptance. They started walking over the frozen lake, but Eric couldn't help glancing back towards the dark water and feel a frightening longing to go back to it.

TBC...

I told you it would be angsty. Next chapter will be in Sookie POV. And we'll continue the angst. But do not despair. Even though this will be a angsty story with dark themes, this chapter not being the worst of it, there will also be love and lots of comfort. Though it will take some time getting there.

P.S They are still in Sweden. More about that later.

Please review. I really want to hear your thoughts:)