It was the 29th of January 2012. And it was the day Carla Connor was going to end her life. She had tried once before, but she hadn't succeeded. Back then, she had been glad, glad her knight in smoke infused leather had come to save her. This time, she'd made sure he didn't.
Tomorrow was the trial. She knew what the answer would be. And she couldn't fathom the idea of having to hear it. She wouldn't survive it. She loved Peter, it felt more right than each breathe she took. But since Frank… if he wasn't found guilty, she wouldn't be able to carry on. Peter wouldn't be able to help her. Their relationship wouldn't survive. And then she would loose him. And she couldn't loose him. She couldn't.
This way it was better. For everyone. He would never have to leave Leanne this way. She could slip away, discretely.
Feet don't fail me now
Take me to the finish line
As she walked through the cold Manchester Streets, alone, she prayed her body would permit her to do what she planned. She felt as though her feet could buckle beneath her at any moment. She just hoped they wouldn't give out.
All my heart, it breaks every step that I take
Each step she takes, she knows she is getting closer to the end. Closer to saying goodbye to Peter forever. Closer to leaving the most intense love she had felt in years.
But I'm hoping that the gates,
They'll tell me that you're mine
She hoped, that when she got there, wherever it was, she wasn't sure she believed in it, that she'd be told he was hers. Then she could die peacefully. At ease. Peter was never hers, couldn't be. But Liam..
Walking through the city streets
Is it by mistake or design?
The cold hair whips her hair. She tries to take in her surroundings, the feelings, but she can't. She just wants to get this over and done with.
I feel so alone on a Friday night
Can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine
It's like I told you honey
She wishes she could go, quietly in Peter's warm arms. Safe and loved. He had no idea. No idea that the kiss he had planted gently on her lips as they parted, after their night at the hotel, would be their last. The last time his lips would ever settle against her skin. The last time he would ever look into her eyes. The last time he would ever see her smile. It just couldn't be. She had to go it alone.
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
She hoped Peter would understand. She wanted him to grieve for her, because it would show how much he loved her, yet she didn't want him to be stuck in a cycle of tears and sadness. She wanted him to move on. To be happy. Sometimes, love just couldn't get you through it.
I don't know why
She didn't know why she had become so weak. Why Frank had won. The old Carla would never have let him bring her down so low that she resorted to taking her own life.
Keep making me laugh,
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime
Peter had taken her mind off Frank in the past weeks. He'd make her laugh, scream, smile more than she ever had before. They'd seen new sides of each other, loved each other. They'd had fun, he'd made her last few months bearable.
Come and take a walk on the wild side
They'd taken a risk having an affair. It had been dangerous ground. But she didn't regret it. She'd felt loved.
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
His kisses were the most intense, true, real she had ever had. He'd love her, despite the fact she was a wreck, a sad, lonely wreck.
Choose your last words
This is the last time
Cause you and I, we were born to die
He had no idea. His last words 'I love you' still hung in her mind. SHe held on to them, close to her heart. He'd said them, thinking he would see her the following day. He wouldn't. He'd never see her again. She was born to die. Her time had come.
Lost but now I am found
I can see but once I was blind
She decided what to do. She'd found her way. Alive, she was lost. Dead, she was found. Alive she was blind. Dead, she could see.
I was so confused as a little child
She was scared, lonely, small, fragile. Once she was dead, she was dead. She wouldn't be scared any longer.
Tried to take what I could get
Scared that I couldn't find
All the answers, honey
The time drew closer. She had so many questions that needed answering. But she wouldn't get the answers now. There wasn't time.
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don't know why
Keep making me laugh,
Let's go get high
Good night Peter. I love you. Just remember the times we had. Though fleeting, they were the most amazing moments of my life. I'll cherish them forever, and take them to my grave.
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime
I wish it could go on forever. Never stop. But it can't. Remember I love you. More than life itself.
Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words,
This is the last time
Cause you and I
We were born to die
We were born to die
We were born to die
Each kiss you gave me, healed me slightly. It just wasn't enough. And it is't your fault. Don't blame yourself. I have to go. I have to. I can't go on. He's ruined me. I'm not alive anymore. I'm a walking disaster.
Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Leanne is better for you. Stable. She'll look after you. She won't make you go crazy. I'm insane. We were insane. But beautiful.
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough
I don't know why
Keep making me laugh,
Let's go get high
The road is long, we carry on
Try to have fun in the meantime
Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane
Choose your last words
This is the last time
Cause You and I
We were born to die
We were born to die
She arrived at her flat. It was time. She smiled sadly when she saw the half empty bottle of wine on the counter. She drained the contense down the sink.
She picked up the knife she had left on the counter. Sleeping pills had been too painless. She needed to feel the pain. She needed to know what was happening. She was scared, yet she was confident. She'd planned it for a while, so was prepared. She sits on her couch, one hand holding the necklace Peter had given her.
'Thank you Peter, thank you so much' Carla said as she closed her eyes and drives the knife into her side. She bites down on her lip, drawing blood as she feels the pain coursing through her side. She lets out a shrill cry as she see's a red river. It's done now. She can't go back. She hopes it will be quick. She shivers as the blood drains from her body. Her eyes go hazy, her vision blurred. The room spins, the knife clattering to the floor.
Black.