Authors Notes: I'm sorry about the bad summary. This is just a short fic of Ruki's feelings. It's probably very bad like all of my fics, I'm not even sure why I posted it. I wrote it during lunchtime at school when I was feeling very depressed. Only the four first episodes of Digimon Tamers has aired where I live so far, so I really don't know that much about Ruki. But I've taken a strong liking to her and I think she is a very realistic character so I thought I would write this. So I apologise for getting anything wrong.

Alone

I stay still. I stay silent. Alone in this world I hide among the shadows, unnoticed and uncared for. I walk amongst the crowds like I am the only one there.

Worthless people.

Worthless me.

I try and try, struggling to get better. But I cannot. Yet still I try. I fight and fight. This is my purpose, my task in life, my chosen fate. I cannot escape that. I am trapped. Trapped in a world of pain deep within myself. I stay alone, hoping to escape reality, from the rest of the world.

I stand alone in both realities, unnoticed and uncared for. I may act tough but in the inside I am really weak. Life is a constant struggle. I fear pain, heartbreak, people. I stay away in the shadows, unfamiliar with feelings such as love and happiness. This is a sacrifice I must make to flee from people and hurtful emotions. But the longer I stay alone I see I am only hurting myself.

Trapped within my skin I seek freedom, a chance to be happy, enjoy my life. But no. For me this cannot be. So I am trapped, searching through my tortured soul for one last shinning glaze of hope. I fear that I have already lost all my hope, that I am condemned to loneliness. But I chose this. I chose to be a loner, to separate myself from the rest of the world. I didn't want to be an equal, but now I find I am below this. I am dirt, a maggot that should be destroyed immediately.

Now I'll spend my life craving for death, for another chance. I dwell on dreams of the past. They're the only things that keep me going. That keep me alive. But dreams do not exist. They are pathetic like me. But they are better than nightmares, better than the one I am living right now. Darkness I fear it, but it comforts me. It shows me what I really am.

Worthless….

Worthless. Yes. That is what I am. I tried to be the best. The best tamer there ever was. But I have failed. Renamon, I hurt her so much. She was the only one that really cared for me, and now she is gone. Darkness has taken her all because of my stupidity. Because I was trying to be someone I'm not, something I'm not. My failure has caused her, her death.

I am weak, I tried to be strong but couldn't. I let everyone that ever did care for me down. I pushed them away and now I remain alone to wallow in self-pity, to waste away until I die. The past it haunts me, I cannot escape it. I cannot escape myself. The darkness it will come and suck the life out of me. But if this is the case, I think it all ready has…

I am weak

I am frightened.

I am alone.

I am dead

Aishiteru Renamon…….

Authors Notes: Sorry that was extremely terrible. I'm also sorry about the very poor spelling and grammar. Some of it is based on my own feelings so it probably doesn't make much sense. I would appreciate it very much if you reviewed or gave me any advice on how I could improve my writing skills. Thank you for reading.