Talk to me

by Sevi007

There was a rift starting to form between student and teacher, growing larger with each step Toshinori took to get away from Izuku and the past he doesn't want to face. But Izuku won't let his teacher get away just like that. Their talk is not yet over, of that the young successor of One for All will make sure. (Spoilers for chapter 130, AU beyond that)

"I didn't want to say all of this… since you were my fan, after all. I'm so sorry."

The door fell closed behind Toshinori with a silent Clack.

The sound was greatly dissatisfying and off-setting at once. After all, he had used what little strength he had left to throw it closed, but his shivering and aching muscles had denied him that method of letting off some steam.

His rattling pants echoed in the empty locker room as he leaned against the door in his back, trying to get himself under control again. His remaining lung was burning, chest heaving for breath, and it felt as if someone was twisting a knife behind his rips.

Not to mention that Izuku's upset voice haunted him like an echo, seemingly speaking right next to him.

"Did you know everything all along?"

He hadn't dared to turn around when he had finished his story, Toshinori remembered as he closed his eyes. He had taken one step after the other without turning.

He had been afraid of what he would see on Izuku's face, in the boy's eyes.

He had seen so many emotions directed at him since that incident six years ago – pity, worry, sadness, disappointment. Anger. Lack of understanding. There was no strength left in him to turn around and see the warm admiration in Izuku's eyes being replaced with one of those looks.

"Why wouldn't you tell me something so important?!"

One shuddering breath that sent a stab of pain through him – get it together you old fool, he thought bitterly – Toshinori pushed himself away from the wall, dragging his feet with every step as he more hobbled than walked towards his locker and the bench in front of it, sleeping out of his tracksuit jacket as he went.

The jacket was thrown carelessly onto the bench as he sat heavily. Rubbing his sore leg, he opened the locker assigned to him and took his time to catch his breath while he looked for the water bottle, already sighing in relief when he found it.

But even the cool, welcome liquid didn't make him feel better. Parched throats and burning limbs were not his main problem right now.

Putting the bottle aside, Toshinori stretched – flinching, already knowing that he would be sore come the morrow – and reached inside his locker once again, aiming for his personal belongings. Pushing cellphone and keys aside, he patted around until his fingers closed around his wallet.

Leaning back against the steel doors in his back, he flipped the wallet open, flicking through credit cards and coupons quickly until he found what he was looking for.

There, buried under all the other things, was a folded piece of photo paper, crinkled and faded.

Folding it open carefully, flattening it with the lightest of pressure from his palm, Toshinori took a look at the picture.

It showed him, years ago, back in his days as a teenager. He was beaming at the camera, all smiles and enthusiasm.

Nana had been taken by surprise when he had taken the picture. He hadn't warned her, just jumped next to her for the perfect photo. It showed in the way her smile was frozen halfway between a surprised "Oh" and an actual laugh, one eyebrow quirked as she turned towards the camera slightly.

Toshinori smiled sadly down at the picture that he both loved and hated and couldn't really let go even after all those years. It showed what he once had been, which hurt. Showed a loved one he had lost, which broke his heart. But it also was strangely reassuring because of the exact same things. It made him remember warm and sunny days and laughter and smiles.

They didn't have much of those together, so he treasured those few even more.

"Above all, I have no idea what your intentions are, All Might!"

His smile faltered as he once again thought of Izuku's strained, breaking voice and the disbelief in the boy's words. Frown taking over his features, Toshinori sighed, fingertips stroking gently over the wrinkled photo.

What would you have done in my stead, Sensei?

Up until now, he had thought that he was following in Nana's footsteps, and doing a rather good job at it. He had lived what she had taught him, had kept up his smile and his spirit to the best of his abilities no matter the circumstances.

But when it came to Izuku, he found himself at a loss once more.

For all his fond memories of his teacher, Toshinori's student-teacher-relationship with Nana had not been as close as was the one he had now with Izuku. Nana had been warm and kindhearted, but also professional towards him. Toshinori, however, knew that he long since had passed that point of professionality with Izuku. Else the boy wouldn't have been so devastated when finding out personal secrets of his mentor, and Toshinori wouldn't feel so guilty about disappointing his student.

"It seems… there was a need to tell you after all."

"Of course there was!"

He couldn't just leave things as they were now, he knew that all too well. He had promised to be a teacher to Izuku, and that he would be. But still… after what had happened, was there still a way to gain Izuku's trust again?

Luckily, that question was answered before it could take up too much space in his mind.

The door to the locker room flew open, hitting the wall behind it with a Bang! that seemed to shake the room for a moment. The groan of wood and stone made it pretty clear that one of the two materials had just taken some damage.

However, Toshinori didn't really care for that right now. His whole focus was directed at Izuku who had appeared in the doorframe.

Izuku was panting, hair sticking in every direction. That and the flush on his face indicated that the boy had run all the way here – or, Toshinori thought with a pang, more likely run around searching until he had found him. After all, Izuku didn't have an idea where he had went after their talk.

Such a stubborn, determined student he had.

Izuku's gaze flitted around the room quickly, almost instantly finding his mentor, sitting slumped over on the bench. There flickered something close to worry through the green eyes – almost making Toshinori smile fondly – before the gaze hardened again.

Furrowing his brows, Izuku opened his mouth, closed it again to overthink, before he bit out, "You can't just walk away like that."

A wry smile made its way onto Toshinori's face, and the former hero responded with a bitter tinge to his words. "There was nothing more I could have told you."

"But I wanted you to listen to me."

Toshinori closed his eyes, painfully aware that this was going to be harsh on the both of them. Fearing what Izuku would have to say.

One of the reasons exactly why he had walked away.

He didn't see a way to avoid this any longer, though, not when Izuku wouldn't let up.

Breathing out shakily, Toshinori opened his eyes again, nodding slightly while he spread his hands, the gesture saying Go on.

There was a pause, Izuku's gaze shifting to the side, back to his mentor, until it stayed locked on the ground. The boy's jaw worked silently as he looked for words.

Finally, Izuku straightened even with his head still bowed. His voice was quiet but strong as he began, „Nighteye's whole office is full of merchandise. Your merchandise."

Now that was… entirely not what Toshinori had been anticipated, and his carefully upheld expression slipped as he opened his mouth in surprise but no sound would come out.

Just what was Izuku getting at? Trying to remind him how much his former sidekick had looked up to him… before really wouldn't help.

Either Izuku didn't care about that or he was aiming for a goal that was still secret to Toshinori, because he went on, "The only time he really got angry at me was when he thought that I'm making fun of you."

So Nighteye had reacted badly to Izuku's appearance, in his own quiet way. A thing Toshinori had feared would happen.

That's my fault, my boy.

"He still looks up to you as the Number One," Izuku continued stubbornly, gaze still locked on the ground, fists shaking. "Even though he knows about your state, you're still his hero."

Heart sinking rapidly, Toshinori clenched his teeth against the storm of emotions raging through him. The fight he once had had with his former sidekick was long in the past, and anger had turned into regret and guilt long ago. All Nighteye had ever done had been for his sake, after all.

"I'm sorry," Toshinori said after a long moment, knowing how utterly empty it must sound, but he had nothing else to offer. "I'm sorry to have disappointed him so much. To have disappointed the both of you."

"You're not listening again!"

The sudden sharp words took Toshinori by surprise, and he blinked in bewilderment.

But before he could interject, say that he was listening very closely, Izuku already continued, still sharp and impatient and angry and everything that he never had been towards his mentor.

"Why won't you understand that there is close to no way that you could disappoint us?! That's what I'm trying to tell you the whole time! We look up to you! We admire you!" Izuku raked a hand through his hair, sending the green strands into even more unruly disarray. He was shaking, grimacing as he went on, but he never met Toshinori's gaze, which made it difficult for the blond to read him. "Everything you do, you do for others, for the right reasons… you would even put your life on the line for others! Do you even… do you not understand that you will always be our hero, no matter the state you're in?!"

"And yet," Toshinori stated quietly, frowning slightly, "you're still upset after what I told you."

"Of course I am!"

Izuku's voice bounced off the walls, making Toshinori cringe and silently thank the heavens that the locker room and training's were deserted around this time. It seemed like his student was past caring if he got heard – no, more than that. He wanted to get heard.

"You keep all those secrets from me… you never let me in on things!" Izuku's voice broke, quavering, and something about that hurt more than the words itself. "I was okay with that, all this time, I accepted it, because you deserve your privacy, but… now I get confronted with the fact that there was a more suitable successor this whole time, right under my nose, and a sidekick of yours that will not even consider me a good student for you, and… you think I wouldn't be upset about that?! After hearing that you never even thought about telling me all of that?!"

"I saw no reason to tell you because…"

"There was a reason!"

"I saw no reason!" Toshinori repeated, getting louder himself, restrain failing him in the mixture of emotions. "Because I knew it would upset you, which was obviously the right thing of me to think…!"

"You're wrong!" Izuku thundered, louder than both of them had ever heard from him, eyes wild with fury and despair as he looked up for the first time, "What upsets me is not that! It's the fact that you don't trust me at all!"

And just like that silence fell between them, only broken by heavy breaths and short, raspy pants coming from them both. Toshinori felt like someone had pulled the ground from under his feet, head spinning as he tried to make sense of how they had ended up in this situation. (Vaguely, he wondered when he had risen to his feet during their shouting, only realizing it when he suddenly towered over Izuku.)

"I… I do trust you, my boy," he finally said, the first thing that came to his mind. He did, didn't he? After all, he had made Izuku his successor. He had told him more personal things about himself than he had told anyone else for a long time…

Granted, that probably didn't say much.

"If you do, why don't you rely on me more?" Izuku countered. "Why do you always keep me out of everything? If I'm supposed to become your successor, you will have to let me shoulder your work at one point!"

It wasn't like Toshinori was not aware of that and he almost told Izuku so. Running a hand through his hair, he remembered the days and nights he had spent overthinking exactly this – the fact that at one point, rather sooner than later, Izuku, a mere boy, would be thrown out into reality and facing off against villains of Shigaraki's and All for One's caliber.

Izuku had already been far too close to them more than once. Had been closer to death than any boy his age should be far too often.

"It's too early," he said, cursing the fact how unsatisfying it sounded even to his own ears. "You're not ready yet."

"How will I ever be ready if you never let me try?"

Confusion and worry turned to a short but violent rush of anger as Toshinori ground out, frustrated, "This is not about trying, Izuku! One try gone wrong could cost you your life, and I will not allow such a thing to happen, you hear me?!"

The way Izuku flinched, almost taking a step back under the harsh words, made Toshinori instantly regret that he had used such a tone on the boy. Izuku looked almost shocked at being addressed like this… before his expression morphed into one of sad understanding.

"So you will just… keep doing heroic deeds and endanger yourself until you think I'm ready?"

The boy looked at him as if realization had finally dawned on him – a realization he didn't like at all.

Slowly but surely, they were uncovering where the real source of their problem lay, Toshinori realized. Perhaps they were too similar in their pursuit to protect others – even each other – no matter what they had to sacrifice. But if they wanted to find a way to come to terms with it, they had to talk about it. No backing out this time.

So the former hero lifted his chin ever so slightly, anger and resignation waging war inside him. "If that's what I have to do… then yes."

Izuku's eyes went wide, then closed for a moment as the boy took a steadying breath.

When the green eyes opened again, they were gleaming with something, and Izuku answered simply, "I can't do that."

"Can't do what?" Toshinori had meant for it to sound stern, but he couldn't, and it came out more timid than anything else.

"I can't just let you go on like that and see you get hurt because of it!"

And suddenly, there were the tears. Izuku had have himself under control up until now, which was impressing on its own, but now he broke. His voice broke as he got louder and louder with each word, tears forming and falling in the blink of an eye as the last of his control shattered and he more sobbed than spoke, "I don't want you to be a hero anymore if it means that you will just die!"

Ah, Toshinori thought vaguely, feeling that sinking feeling again that he always felt when seeing Izuku cry. That had been the boy's greatest fear all along… not the thought of being replace, but of being doomed to watch his mentor perish without being able to help?

"I want to be a good successor to you, but you don't even believe that I can deal with your past," Izuku muttered, hands holding his head, raking through his hair aimlessly as first tears started to well up in his downcast eyes. "And then you go and take on everything without me again and leave me behind and I just have to watch you get hurt again and… I don't know what to do."

Toshinori stared, unable to get out even one word. He could literally see Izuku crumble before his eyes – fury and determination falling away layer by layer, cracking and slipping off like a mask as the boy's expression got open and vulnerable. In that moment, Izuku laid everything bare to his mentor. The confusion, the fear, worry, disbelief, sadness.

And oh, how stupid Toshinori felt all of sudden. Seeing Izuku like this was like a slap to the face.

He had believed, although not whole-heartedly, that he was doing the right thing by keeping the boy away, shouldering the heaviest burdens himself instead.

Never would he have fathomed the damage he was doing with that.

And it only got worse by the second.

"You said you would train me," Izuku stumbled over the words, upcoming sobs and tears making it difficult to talk. "You promised you would stay alive. I… I just want you to be okay."

Lifting his head ever so slightly, Izuku choked out, "Please let me help."

And Toshinori broke. It hurt too much, seeing Izuku curl into himself and cry louder as he went. Hurt especially because he knew that he and his habits were responsible for this mess.

Screw staying a professional distance away. Just screw it.

"My boy."

The words went unheard, whispered as they were, swallowed up by the broken sobs coming from Izuku. All the pressure put on the boy finally caught up to him and slammed him down, reducing Izuku to a mess, sniffling and rubbing at his eyes while new tears continued to fall.

"Izuku," Toshinori tried again as he approached a few steps to stand right in front of his student. His knees cracked and his muscles burned from the overuse he put them through, but he didn't even let himself flinch. "Izuku, please, look at me."

Izuku hiccupped, whole body shuddering with the sound, before he lifted his head and met the gaze searching for his.

Toshinori gulped at what he saw. Wet, red-rimmed eyes staring at him. Not a bit of the spark of fighting spirit usually found in the green of Izuku's gaze could be seen. The boy's bottom lip was wobbling, new sobs and hiccups threatening to burst forth any moment.

I put that expression onto your face again, Toshinori thought, bitterly at himself and full of guilt towards his student. Making people smile was my lifegoal, but I seem to terribly fail at it more often than not.

Reaching over slowly, always awaiting to be denied, Toshinori gently whipped away a few tears rolling over freckled cheeks, before he let his hands drop uselessly to his side. He didn't know what to do with them.

Funny, how he usually could easily solve his problems with his bare fists, but words failed him when he needed them the most.

"I'm not very good… at talking about myself," he cringed at his own words, hating how stupid and insecure they sounded. "I never saw any need to."

Izuku was still watching him, sniffling, but gratefully not crying aloud anymore.

"It seemed always easier to just… laugh it off," Toshinori continued, fumbling for words that could describe his feelings. "Keep going. Concentrate on others instead of me. Not worrying anyone. It didn't… really matter how I felt as long as I could do a good job at helping others."

Something flashed through Izuku's eyes, brows wrinkling slightly, before the boy croaked out, "It does matter."

Part of Toshinori wanted to laugh at that statement, but he found himself unable to. Izuku was looking at him with so much sincerity and hurt in his gaze that the laugh got stuck in his throat.

"I… well," clearing his throat, Toshinori scratched the back of his head, feeling utterly helpless. "I guess it does matter for you and… others."

"It should matter to you, too," there it was again, that intensity and fire in Izuku's eyes. That spark Toshinori had caught glimpses of before. Raw determination. "You're important, too."

That got a helpless huff from Toshinori, the hand on Izuku's back twitching and holding tighter for a second.

It wasn't like nobody had ever told him that before. People dear and close to him had reminded and begged him over and over again to see his own worth, to take care of himself. He just… hadn't listened to them, dismissing their care with a grateful, quick smile.

But something about the way Izuku clung to him, crying and devastated at the thought of losing him, made it a lot harder to dismiss his student's plea like the others.

(Wouldn't he have done the same, all those years ago? Begged and pleaded with Nana to not leave him, to stay alive, please come back…)

His thought process was cut short when something bumped against his chest lightly, staying there as a warm, wet, and slightly moving weight.

Glancing down, Toshinori once more found himself at a loss what to do with himself – or more like, what to do with his student.

Izuku had just let himself fall forward enough that his forehead was resting against his mentor's breastbone. The boy was still sniffling from time to time, but there was a certain air of defiance to every of those little sounds, stubbornness visible in the tense set of his shoulders.

Something told Toshinori that he couldn't just step back or hide again. He was not allowed to.

I try to keep you at arm's length to protect you, and you just push back and insist on getting closer, he thought wryly, caught between smiling fondly and sighing.

"Just what am I going to do with you, my boy?"

The words slipped before he could overthink them, the warmth seeping into his voice taking the edge out of them.

There was a long pause, before Izuku whispered, "Talk to me."

Once again, Toshinori attempted to say something – I'm doing that right now - but sensed that there was more, and remained silent. Instead he opted for carefully reaching up, rubbing up and down Izuku's tense back once reassuringly.

It took Izuku a moment to collect himself, rubbing his eyes and finding the words he needed. "If… if there is something from your past that could be of interest to me… as your successor, not your fan… then I need to know that. Else I will just find myself in situations that confuse and hurt me again, just like when I met Sir Nighteye, or heard about Shimura-san for the first time."

Reminded of his failures as a teacher, Toshinori had to fight back the urge to flinch and curse under his breath. He really had messed up as a role model more than once, hadn't he? "I… Yes. I can see that. I will try to do better from now on."

"Please do that," some of the tension had left Izuku's shoulders, but the boy's voice was still strained. "I won't be able to carry your legacy when you don't entrust it to me fully."

That was another harsh blow, actually making Toshinori flinch this time, because it was true. He had only ever let Izuku see pieces of what his legacy entailed, not the full picture.

If Izuku noticed his violent reaction, he didn't comment on it. The boy still wasn't done, Toshinori noted with a helpless smile, and he would just have to listen and take it.

"And…" Izuku hesitated once more, this request seemingly more difficult than the last. "I would… like to get to know more about you."

Feeling where this was going, Toshinori almost recoiled again, but willed himself to stay still and keep breathing.

"I mean, not as… All Might. I already know All Might… quite well," Izuku continued, still not looking up. "I mean getting to know you… as Toshinori-san. Who you really are… your past, your present. I mean, I know that's much, and you don't have to, that's completely okay if you don't want to, really, it's just that I want to understand and I get the feeling I need to know more to understand fully and…"

"Izuku," Toshinori interrupted, voice cracking ever so slightly as he fought to not instinctively deny the request. "You're rambling."

Izuku's teeth clacked together audibly as his mouth snapped shut, cutting himself off mid-sentence and waiting tensely.

Tell him, not tell him. Keep him away, keep him close. Toshinori felt like laughing at himself and the way he was torn about something that seemed to simple, but it wasn't really funny at all.

"I can't… promise you anything, my boy," he more heard himself say than actually deciding to say it. "I probably will never be the most open person. Not even towards you."

"But you will try?" Izuku shifted, raising his head to gaze up at his teacher. There were still tears brimming there, but also a glint of hope, even a little smile.

Unable to deny that expression, Toshinori smiled shakily back. "I will try."

Relief was obvious in the way Izuku's shoulders slumped, breath leaving him in a little sigh.

It made warm fondness well up inside Toshinori, and he shifted his hands, now using them to steady Izuku more than comfort him. "You were so worried about that."

It was more a statement than a question.

Izuku let out a choked sound, nearly a chuckle. "Yeah. Was so distracted, I almost drowned during training today."

The thought sent a rush of self-loathing through Toshinori. How blind he had been, rather avoiding a talk with his student for his own sake instead of thinking how Izuku would feel.

Shifting, bending slightly, he impulsively pulled his student into a hug, drawing Izuku closer, hoping that the silent apology would help.

A new sniffle, and Izuku's hands twitched at the boy's sides. After a second of hesitating, Izuku reached up and around his mentor's upper body, clinging to the thin waist as he pressed his tear-streaked face tighter against the front of the white shirt.

Reassured that the gesture was accepted and reciprocated, Toshinori let out the breath he had held in a rush, tightening his own hug and almost lifting Izuku off his feet for a second.

After how loud and rushed and painful everything had been before, this was the exact opposite – silent peace sweeping over them as Izuku calmed down and Toshinori dropped his head to hide his face in green hair.

"Sorry," Toshinori whispered into the mop of hair. "Sorry for being a bad teacher."

The grip around him tighten marginally, Izuku shaking his head against his chest without saying a word. The headshake and the fingers digging sharply into Toshinori's back, scrambling for a good grip one moment and stroking comfortingly the next, were answer enough.

You're not.

He wasn't really convinced by that, Toshinori had to say as he loosened his grip just enough to maneuver himself and Izuku over to the bench in order to sit down. To him, it seemed like he had still a lot to learn in that department.

It wasn't as if he could just change right then and there, no matter how much part of him wished he could. Old habits die hard, after all, and him putting others before himself and keeping personal things so close that only a few people ever got to really know him had been part of him for a long, long time. It would take time and practice. There would be trial and error, and making ups for whenever he unintentionally fell back into old habits.

But he would try, Toshinori thought as he ruffled Izuku's hair gently, smiling ruefully as the boy rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. For Izuku, he would try.

Izuku deserved it. He owed it to the boy to do his best on this.

They sat together like this without caring how long it took for the both of them to calm down, Toshinori feeling his breathing coming lighter now and Izuku's tears finally subsiding.

Finally, when Izuku had gone quiet and glanced up once in a while shyly, not quite meeting his mentor's gaze, Toshinori nudged the boy's leg with his own knee slightly. "I put you through some harsh times, my boy. How about you tell me about your day?"

I want to know what I put you trough.

A thoughtful pause followed, and then a single, determined, "No."

Baffled, Toshinori looked down, meeting Izuku's steely gaze. "No?"

In all this time, he noted, the boy had never directly denied him when asked something.

At the sight of his confused mentor, Izuku's lips twitched slightly upwards, but he still shook his head. "No. This time, you tell me about your day. If… if that's okay?"

Blinking, Toshinori processed that for a moment, before he felt the laughter bubble up his throat. This time, he had no reason to hold back, and in a matter of seconds, he was downright chuckling with mirth.

Taking baby steps, huh?

"Sure," he answered, still amused. "What do you want to know?"

The look on Izuku's face was priceless – a quick flash of surprise, shock, joy and confusion, all of them gone in a matter of seconds.

"Um," Izuku stammered out, clearly not having expected to get that agreement. "Um, I… don't know? Start… just start somewhere?"

That was easier said than done, Toshinori had to confess as he looked around for some kind of inspiration. He needed something that he was entirely comfortable with to share, but that would still fulfill Izuku's wish to know more about his past.

His gaze landed on his discarded wallet next to him, and a grin formed on his face.

"I've never showed you what I looked like when I was your age, or did I?"

He knew that he hadn't, the question was rhetorical. It was worth it, though, he thought with a smile as he watched Izuku's expression brighten, eyes wide as the boy shook his head so fast that it was a miracle he didn't get whiplash from it.

It was worth it when Izuku all but scrambled to sit right next to him as Toshinori waved him closer. The boy was positively vibrating as he handed him the old photo.

Just as carefully as Toshinori had been before, Izuku took the picture, flattening it slightly. First his gaze, than his fingertips followed the cracks in the paper, lingering on things he found particularly interesting.

Izuku's first observation took him by utter surprise.

"You still have the same smile."

That made Toshinori go very silent and he needed a moment to collect himself. So much had changed since then… part of him had always mourned the things that he had lost since then, instead of thinking over what had stayed the same.

Perhaps Izuku sensed how much this simple statement affected him, because his student looked up, smiling softly. Looking down, the smart boy changed the subject nicely, instead pointing on the second person in the picture. "It's also nice to see Shimura-san for the first time. She looks like a supercool hero!"

Clearing his throat (thanking the heavens for giving him such a brilliant student), smiling back just the same soft way, Toshinori suggested, "You… want to hear about some of my teacher's adventures? You know, I used to look up to her much like you look up to All Might…"

"Sure!" Izuku sat up straight, expression full of eager anticipation, and it made Toshinori laugh aloud, resulting in a blush and stuttering from Izuku.

And perhaps, Toshinori mused as he watched Izuku inspecting the photo closely, gaze flicking from the picture back to his mentor who was retelling the Nana's heroic deeds, perhaps this, too, was a flame that was passed on.

Not a quirk burning brightly, but a story, a legend, living way beyond its time.

That's what having a successor means, surely.