Sick Inside

'I knew that it was wrong. I admit it. I wish that I could make it alright.' -Hope Parlow

By: Nicole Lopez

Diclaimer: I do not own the show or the lyrics.

"When are you going to start acting like a real boyfriend?" I asked Michael who was busy playing with his motorcycle. Since we had escaped our pre-graduation deaths, which Liz had a premonition about, we had all moved to California, different parts of course, and started anew.

It was dangerous to all be in the same area, more or less, but even more risky to be apart. If something happened, we wanted to be close enough to stop it.

Here I went again, saying 'we.' Sure, I left my life behind for Michael, but I wasn't even a target for the FBI. I wasn't important enough to have on their list to be 'taken out' at graduation.

Instead, I jeopardize my future, my life, and everything to be with Michael Guerin, half-human, half-alien and 100 percent mine. I'm all about women being independent from men, but he's one person I never want to do without.

Michael has a way of trying to hard to look like he doesn't care that it makes it so obvious how much he loves me. I always find a way to get it out of him and … it's just magic. I was reveling in these vary thoughts as Michael walked into our apartment, looked worried.

A year and a half had changed him little. His hair was a deeper brown and really short cut, mine chin-length red chops. I was no longer Maria de Luca, but Miriam O'Dell, a southern bell. I even had the accent to prove it.

"What's 'rong darlin'?" I wondered, marveling in the fact that this 'new me' was actually a fun role to play. I could fulfill my performance dreams without being onstage. I really had no other choice.

"Cut the crap." Michael snapped back.

"I see you're havin' one 'ohs days 'gain." I continued still as good humored as always.

"Fine. Keep playing that game." Michael sighed. "Don't bother getting anymore used to this one because it looks like we'll be leaving soon."

"You blew our cover?" I asked, dropping the southern jargon.

"No. They found us. I saw one of these at my job." He handed me his digital camera.

"I don't see anything." I squinted. "Oh … I see it. Why would the Skins be back so soon?"

"That's what I can't figure out. I need to talk to Maxwell."

"He and Liz went on their honeymoon. You know that. Three more days." I stated suddenly awoken from my false sense of euphoria.

"I'll call Izzy and--"

"She's too far away. Wait until tomorrow." I suggested.

"I can't. I have to figure this out. I remember … before we left Isabel, Max, and I took one last chance meeting to the caves. Back when it was safer to go there … we'd overlooked something. The Skins weren't our only possible enemies--"

"But you found a piece of skin didn't you?" Michael nodded. "Just relax honey. We'll investigate it. If something bad were going to happen, Liz would've sensed it. It's alright." I reassured him, holding onto Michael lovingly. I kissed him with every ounce of passion I had still left inside of me. "It's not over."

"I can't sit back and do nothing."

"Liz and Max will be back soon." I argued back, pleading with him. Michael just hugged me tightly in response.

"I love you." He whispered and I never believed it more.

This strong sense of dread was growing inside of me. I couldn't stop him. We would have to start over again. It was really over. Giving Michael one last kissed, I pressed my forehead against his.

"We had a good run didn't we?" He asked as I struggled to keep myself from nodding in agreement.

"It's not over Michael. I'd do anything to protect you." Those words and that scene resonated in my mind. Less than a month later, that very testament was now being tried.

Michael was near death, dying as I sat and contemplated my decision. I had gone to our enemies to make a deal. They gave me a choice. Help them and they'd help Michael. I couldn't really refuse, could I?

Max and Isabel had done everything in their power to stop them, but failed. Liz's premonitions were so rare that they felt non-existent. I was only human, only able to wish and hope and pray, which would be enough in normal situations, but not this one. I should have stopped him somehow. I should have.

Instead, I'd made a deal with the devil. Once they got what they wanted, we probably would all die. I had to take the chance. I couldn't let Michael die and know I could have done something while I sat around and did nothing. So they gave me this ring ... a power absorber. Since I was 100 percent human, I was the only one who could touch it without being drained by it.

I held the ring tight in my hand. Even without it being on my actual finger, I could feel its power. It took away so much of my energy just to touch it, more because of what I was going to do with it than anything. I would hold on though. It was that was Michael's salvation ...and Max's doom.

I had no right to choose between them. I didn't. I knew that. No contest, I would pick Michael. I really wish that he had just waited. That he hadn't been so rash and insistent upon taking them down himself.

I had to save Michael. Max and Isabel failed to do it. They needed a fourth. Max, Isabel, Kyle, and Liz were not powerful enough. They almost nearly were killed. I joined them the next time and I 'died.' Max brought me back. I guess that didn't make me 100 human anymore, but I had no powers to speak of. I had nothing.

When all hope seemed lost, I went to them. I sought them out. These new enemies who were worse than the Skins. They knew our actions before we did them. They could implant their thoughts into ours and control us. They drove their enemies insane, and after one reached their breaking point, they took their powers.

But Max was smarter than them, built differently. They couldn't get into his mind, which is why they wanted him gone. Michael was used as bait to test Max. He hadn't been shaken, but I was.

I was lucky to have come out of this alive. They promised that they would stop Michael from dying. They would do what I asked if I did what they asked. In a sick way, I trusted them.

They could have made me do it unwillingly, but this was of my own free will. If I had less faith in Max, if I thought he couldn't pull through this, I wouldn't even get involved. He was the strongest alien person I knew.

All I had to do was put this pebble-like thing in my mouth and hold onto Max just long enough for the transfer. The ring would do the rest. Now, I was on my way to Max's apartment. I had to stay focused. No distractions. No guilt.

"Maria." Max greeted me in surprise. "Here to see Michael?"

"No ... yeah. I want to see him and then talk to you." I whispered, trying to hide my shame. I almost gasped in horror at how sickly Michael looked. His skin was this weird gray, transparent color. I could almost see his vains.

Each day he looked older and older. Now, Michael looked about 60 years. He couldn't respond. I knew that, but I talked to him anyway. I apologized for not coming to see him for a few days. I told him I loved him and promised that I would save him.

When I was done, tears were streaming from my face. My reasons for agreeing to help the Viladros were renewed.

"I wanted to talk to you." I began quietly when I came face-to-face with Max again.

"Okay … what about?"

"I don't think I can take this." I blurted out uncontrollably. Probably a little too dramatic too soon, but I needed this to be over with, quick, before Liz came home.

"It's hard on all of us."

"It's worse for me. Before all this ... Michael barely tells me that he loves me. He won't propose. For the last few months, he's been withdrawn. I can't bare the thought of him dying with all these loose ends." I started with the waterworks. It seemed to be working. Max was nearing me. "He looks so helpless in there that it breaks my heart."

"It's just--" I continued as his hug cut me off. For a second I was caught off guard. "No!" I screamed.

"Maria it's o—"

"No! He' going to die Max and everybody knows it." I continued hysterically.

"He won't." Max assured me. As I listened to his comforting words, they seemed more and more like a truth than a wish. Some part of me believed him. Another part of me found this comforting.

I wouldn't need to put the pebble in my mouth, the hallucination which would make me Liz in his eyes. I could pretend. I was an actress. "Max … there's something I want to tell you." I looked up at him with tear-stained eyes. He was handsome in an odd way. "I…" My voice trailed as he looked at me with the same force with which I looked at him.

Within minutes, Max had leaned in slightly as a friendly gesture. I went all the way. Slipping the ring over my finger, I held onto his neck tight, not willing to let go until I was sure it was enough to save Michael.

What I didn't expect to happen was to have part of myself enjoy this. I did. There was nothing in the kiss, well series of kisses, but a strained friendship. It was the danger of it all. The thought and idea of cheating, which I'd never done, and freeness of it.

I didn't pull back until I heard footsteps behind me. I was too wrapped up. I wanted to make sure I had done it long enough, gotten enough of his powers. I also wanted to exlore a little more ... fully understand what it was like to be kissed by Max Evans.

"Liz!" Max yelled as I watched in slow motion. Everything felt like it was spinning. I didn't know if it was guilt or the ring. The heat. I felt so much heat too. I had to go.

I had to leave. I felt like I was suffocating.

"It's done." I told Redford, leader of the Viladros after he had come to me that night. I handed over the ring and watched suspiciously.

"Good." Redford nodded. "We've already done all we can for Michael. There's no reversing the--"

"but you said--"

"I must thank you child. Now the royal four has less than half of its original power."

"No! Give it back!" I demanded, rubbing the sensation of Max's lips on mine off. I was disgusted with myself. So totally and utterly disgusted. All the times that Michael never wanted me to get involved suddenly made sense. I was stupid. I was a liability. I had just sentenced his doom.

"I won't let you win. I won't." I vowed leaving the room, but in my mind figuring out a way to get that ring back. I could give Max his power back and then use it on them. I did have some kind of alien power, or was supposed to sense Max healed me. They didn't know that though.

It wasn't until I had gotten to my car that I noticed that a burning feeling was still with me. What was it … the ring. It had followed me. I stared at it a little while longer feeling more drawn to it.

It had Max's power. If I could just figure out a plan ... I would get my chance to be the hero and prove I wasn't so worhless after all. And me kissing Max and somewhat liking it ... I'd have to figure that out later.

(A/N: This is another one-shot fic. I've been working on a few of them in all the categories I write in. Review. –NL)