Disclaimer: The characters of MCU do not belong to me. This is a Thundershield/Stanner fic. It's Christmas, and Tony's trying to bring Steve/Thor back together after they've broken up. This is at least going to be a twoshot I think. I hope ya'll like. I started shipping Thundershield after Age of Ultron, and, yeah. LOL. Read on!
As Long As You're There
By Julia
It had been a full year since Steve and Thor had broken up. Steve wished he'd never done it. He and the Norse God had been together for three years. Then Bucky had come back into Steve's life and he hadn't been able to forget the feelings that Bucky had made him feel. It had been a long time since Steve had walked the boardwalk with Bucky, and a long time since Bucky was his first, but he hadn't been able to get him off his mind. Steve knew that he would always regret breaking up with Thor, especially now that he heard Thor might be involved with someone else.
At the moment, Steve was on his way to the Banners', it was Christmas and he had no one else to spend it with, he and Bucky had long since parted ways again, and Steve knew that if he tried to call Thor he would be brutally rebuffed. Steve pulled up in front of Tony and Bruce's, and saw a couple of the kids running around on the front lawn. He thought he knew their names. It had been awhile since he'd seen the Banners. He'd been nursing his break up with Bucky, and it's not like he'd been super social when he'd been with Barnes. Steve waved to them as he approached, carrying his bag. "Hello, little Banners." He said.
Teresa looked up Steve. She was four, and her brother was three. "Hi, Unca Steve." She said, she remembered him, but James wouldn't. "Daddy and Pop are inside." She added, she and James had been playing catch, with it being LA, it was warm enough out for them to play outside. She had the curly black hair of her biological father Bruce, and James was the spitting image of his biological father Tony. There was also an older brother Darren, who was Tony's, from a relationship in his early 30s that he'd not known about until recently.
He nodded at her. "Thanks, Teresa." He said, as her and James' names came to him at last. He headed inside, indeed finding Bruce and Tony in the kitchen, arguing playfully over what to cook for dinner. Steve cleared his throat. "Hello, Stark, Bruce." Even though they'd been married going on eight years, Steve still called Tony Stark, even though he'd taken Bruce's last name in the marriage.
Tony turned around, and gave Steve a nod. "Rogers." He said. Things with Steve and Tony were a little strained since the Thor and Steve breakup. Tony had taken Thor's side, one, because Thor was actually his friend, and two, he had an axe to grind with Bucky. Tony knew that it wasn't fair to Bruce and the kids to deny Steve sanctuary on Christmas, though, so he had agreed to let the super soldier stay with them. Tony ran his hand through his brown hair. "Darren's here, so the guest room we were going to have you in is occupied, but luckily the one in the basement is open. Actually, it's probably better, it's like a tiny apartment down there."
Bruce gave his husband a look, and then turned to look at Steve. "Maybe you can help us with our dinner debate." He said, a lock of his black curls falling over his forehead. It was remarkable that Darren was Tony's, because he resembled Bruce quite a bit. Bruce was amused by it, and he got along quite well with Darren. Bruce kept his eyes on Steve as his husband wrapped his arms around Bruce's waist from behind. "Tony wants Chinese, and I think we should get pizza. The kids like pizza a bit more than they do Chinese, I'd rather have them have something they like than hear about how icky the food is."
Steve wasn't able to keep the smile off his face. "Let me get down and put my bag away, and I'll help with the decision." He said, and went down to the basement. He'd stayed there before with Thor, when they were dating, and he knew exactly where it was. Steve put his bag on the bed, there would be time for unpacking later. He looked around the basement. It was a small living room type area, with a couch, armchair, coffee table, and a television on the wall, to the left of that was a bathroom, and then the bedroom was on the other side of the bathroom. Steve sighed. It almost was like an apartment down here, it just needed a kitchen. He was saved from doing anything as the door to the bathroom opened, and out came Tony's oldest son Darren.
He wasn't very tall, and he was tiny waisted. Darren also had a shock of curls that reached the nape of his neck. Darren was a bit scruffy at the moment, too. Steve gave him a nod. "Darren. Hello. How are you?" He asked. Steve wasn't sure where Darren stood with him. They hadn't had a lot of interaction, and Steve wasn't sure where his loyalties were lying. He had met Thor before of course, and Steve was finding that Thor was very well liked amongst the Avengers and their families.
Darren brushed his hand through his curls as he looked at Steve. "Hello, Rogers." He said. Darren wasn't behind Steve being there for Christmas. He knew that the man didn't have any family left, but he didn't think they should have to pay host to someone who hurt Thor as badly as he had. Darren had a massive crush on the Norse God, and he had to admit, the other man wasn't ever going to give him a second look. He had to admit, that's where part of his anger at Steve was coming from. "We better get upstairs, Dad and Bruce want to order dinner." He said, all without looking at Steve, and then ascended the stairs.
Letting out a sigh, Steve moved to go upstairs also, and found all of the Banners in the kitchen. Steve didn't know what he was going to say about dinner. It seemed to have been decided however, Bruce was looking at a pizza menu while Teresa and James circled around him, talking excitedly. Steve met Tony's eye, and the other man gestured for him to come onto the patio with him, so Steve let out a sigh and followed him outside.
"What is it, Stark?" Steve asked, once the door was shut on the merriment of the kids.
Tony turned to face him, folding his arms against his thin chest. It wasn't common knowledge, but Tony was battling cancer. Tony was wearing a thin sweater, that would have possibly given it away to someone who didn't know, because it was 83 degrees outside. Tony shivered despite himself and looked at Steve. "So, are we not going to talk about the colossal mistake you made in dumping Blondie?" He never called Thor anything but, and they had all come to know that it was an endearing nickname. When things were alright between he and Steve, he called him 'Old Man'.
Letting out a sigh, Steve looked out over the backyard, which was massive. "I don't know. Was it a big mistake? Yes. Will I always regret it? Yes. You don't need to lecture me, Stark. I know that I messed up. Bucky and I were only together for three months before we broke up. We don't even talk anymore. Does that please you?" Steve asked, turning to face Tony then. "I wish I could take it back. I know in my heart now that Thor is the one I'm supposed to be with. And I know that I messed it up royally. I have to live with that fact every day. I don't need you to lecture me about it."
That's when a silence fell between them, and Tony was the first to break it. "He's not really seeing anyone, Old Man. He misses you more than I've ever seen him miss anyone." Steve wasn't aware, and neither was Thor, but Tony was working to get them to talk. He'd asked Thor to show up too, he would be there in a few days. Tony wasn't one to play matchmaker usually, but he felt that this needed to be done or they'd forever be apart. "He's miserable." Tony said. He didn't think it was prudent to tell Steve that Thor and Loki had slept together a few nights after Steve and Thor had broken up. That would just hurt him. There was a time he'd wanted that, but cancer had a way of changing your priorities. He coughed then, hard, and Steve touched his back gently.
Waving him off, Tony kept talking. "He's completely miserable. I was over to his place in Malibu a couple of weeks ago, and he's not even getting dressed. He bathes, but I think that's because he's grateful for running water, as you know they don't really have that on Asgard." Tony didn't know how to impress upon Steve that he could have Thor back if he tried hard enough. Tony tightened the sweater around his body and shivered. He was rail thin, and he was going to start loosing his hair soon, chemo was starting after Christmas. It had been supposed to start before that, but Tony didn't want to tell anyone before he had to, and he wanted the holidays to be a joyous occasion.
Taking that in, Steve wondered if Tony was actually trying to get him back together with Thor. Steve knew that couldn't be true, Tony wasn't a bad person, but he didn't often do things to better the lives of others. He wished he could do more to make him warmer, and short of wrapping his arms around him, which he knew Tony would balk at, he had no idea how he would. Steve kept his eyes on Tony's. "I can't expect him to forgive me. I broke up with him for my first love. And it didn't work out. Why would I think I could just have him back after that?"
It was hard, knowing that Thor was out there living his life without Steve, but he knew that he couldn't control that. He couldn't take back what he'd done. He wished he could. But it was impossible. Steve turned his gaze from Tony then, and looked up at the sky. It was starting to get dark, he'd gotten in late. Steve didn't know where Thor was, and he didn't know if the man was looking up at the sky and wondering where Steve was. It was the hardest breakup Steve had ever been through, and he was definitely suffering. Steve didn't know that he was ever going to get over Thor. He wished he would, actually. He knew that he wasn't going to be able to move on until he did.
Before Tony could reply, Bruce had opened the door. "The pizza'll be here in about a half an hour, babe." He told Tony, and wondered what they were talking about. He saw Tony shivering, and he took off the hoodie he was wearing, and wrapped it around his husband. He kissed him. "It'll be okay, baby." He promised, looking into those brown eyes, and Steve felt like a third wheel. Bruce brushed some of Tony's hair off his forehead, knowing that it was going to be gone before too long. He fought past the lump in his throat. Bruce didn't want to entertain the idea that he might lose his husband. Tony had always been pretty health conscious, too, that's what was the hardest.
Tony looked into his husband's eyes, and he knew that he didn't believe him that it was going to be okay. He could feel tears pricking his eyes, and he didn't hear Steve go back inside. He couldn't imagine his life without Bruce. He sniffled, and kept his eyes on his husband's. "You gotta promise me something." He said, Bruce wasn't going to want to, but he was going to insist. "I want you to promise me that…. That when the time comes, you'll find someone else." Tony's voice shook on the request, he didn't like the idea of Bruce moving on, but he didn't want him to be stuck in the past if he passed on, either.
Bruce didn't even want to think about that possibility, but he also knew his husband was like a dog with a bone, he wasn't going to let the subject drop until Bruce agreed. Tears were brushing his own eyes as he wrapped his arms around his husband's waist, which was getting tinier and tinier and it was scaring the fuck out of him. He was quiet a long moment before he replied. "I can't think about that right now, Tony. I can't. I have to believe that you're going to make it through this, okay? Please, do the thing that is out of character for you and drop it for now."
His voice wasn't as strong as he would have liked it, but Bruce wasn't a loud man. Tony was the one of the two of them who got angry and did it loud. Bruce kept his anger in check pretty well for someone who turned into the Hulk. Bruce wished he could give Tony what he wanted. "I wish I could say what you need me to say right now, Tony, but I can't. Please, baby, don't make me."
Kissing him, Tony nodded. "Okay, baby, it's okay. You don't have to say anything." He promised, and they buried their heads in each other's necks, and Tony took a big sniff, that smell that was inherently Bruce. He was going to miss that smell. Tony was usually a positive person, but after he'd nearly died during the New York battle, his views had changed. He knew now what could happen, and how fragile life was. He didn't like it, but he was resigned to accepting it.
They stood there for a few moments, only going inside when Teresa excitedly told them that the pizza was there. Bruce said, "Go on in, baby, I need a minute to compose myself." They hadn't told the kids yet, only the other Avengers knew. Tony nodded, kissed him, and headed inside. Bruce stared out over the backyard, letting him really feel his feelings. Bruce hadn't let himself believe yet that Tony might die. He couldn't let himself go there. He was trying to be strong for his husband. He knew that Tony was scared to death, even if he wouldn't admit so out loud.
He didn't know how to handle the idea that he might lose his husband. Bruce had never thought that once he'd turned into the Hulk that he'd get someone who loved him like Tony did. Tony loved Bruce, every bit of him. That was including the Hulk part of him. Bruce knew that it was going to hurt to lose that. He didn't want to lose Tony. He fought back the lump that was trying to form in his throat. Bruce knew that he was going to have to calm down, the kids didn't know and he didn't want to have to lie.
Before he could go inside, Darren came out. "You okay, Bruce?" He asked, and Bruce wasn't able to keep the tears from falling out of his eyes. Darren was such a sweet kid. Bruce shook his head, and his stepson immediately hugged him. Bruce let himself cry, he knew Tony was going to kill him if he told Darren, but he couldn't pretend he was okay right now. "I'm sorry, Darren, I don't mean to put this all on you." Bruce said, as he started to calm down.
Darren pulled back to look at him. "What's wrong, Bruce?" He asked, he knew there was something that was going on between his parents, he just didn't know what it was. His mom had died a few years ago, and he'd found out when she'd died who his father is. Darren had been glad that Tony was willing to be in his life, and he'd been overjoyed to know that he had a stepfather too. Darren and Bruce let go, and he kept his hazel eyes on Bruce. He looked at him seriously. "I know that there's something going on, you and Dad aren't exactly stealthy like CIA agents."
It all came tumbling out, despite the fact that Bruce knew Tony was going to kill him. He wasn't surprised when Darren's eyes brushed with tears. Bruce reached out and brushed some of Darren's curls out of his eyes. "He's going to start chemo after Christmas." Bruce concluded, his voice shaking as he was speaking. Bruce hadn't exactly adjusted to the idea that he was possibly going to lose Tony, and admitting it out loud wasn't helping. He looked at Darren. "Please, I know that it's not really fair to ask you not to tell your dad that you know, but I would appreciate it if you'd keep it to yourself that I told you."
Darren nodded. "I won't say anything, Bruce." He promised. He and Bruce were about the same height, and what was even nicer, was Tony was about Bruce's height too. Although he was actually a little shorter than Bruce was. Darren thought it was nice, a sign that they were meant to be. He brushed his hand through his curls, messing them up a bit. He was kind of in shock, he didn't know what he was going to do if he lost Tony too. Losing his mom had been hard enough. It had been a long battle with cancer for her too. Darren wasn't sure that he believed in God, but if He really was out there, he had some sense of humor.
He touched Bruce's arm. "I know it's a lot, but Dad's a fighter. He can make it through this. You guys have been through a lot together." Darren said, he didn't want to even contemplate the idea of Bruce and Tony not being together anymore. He hadn't been there for the wedding, but he had observed them a lot. They really did love each other. Darren knew how important it was to Bruce that Tony loved him in spite of his turning into the Hulk. Darren knew that Bruce hated that part of him, and he knew that Bruce really loved that Tony accepted it without question. He knew that he was never going to find anyone who loved him like his parents loved each other.
Bruce nodded, wiping his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. "We've got to get inside, I don't want your siblings coming out and knowing that something's wrong." Bruce said, he knew that Darren was just trying to be helpful. He knew that and he knew that it actually was helping. He reached out and squeezed Darren's shoulder. "I appreciate you listening. I also appreciate you keeping what I told you to yourself." He said. Darren met his eyes, and they shared a knowing look. Then they both went inside, Bruce clearing his throat and joining in the merriment with a fake jolly tone.
The next couple of days were hard for Steve. He didn't know if he could stand being around all of this happy family events. He knew that he wasn't exactly in a happy house, it was false cheer, since the kids didn't know about Tony. Steve was laying on the bed, the television was on, there was something stupid playing, a sitcom. Steve looked up when he heard noises on the stairs, and all of a sudden that blonde Adonis that he called an ex boyfriend was standing in the room, holding his bag. Steve wondered what he was doing down here. "Um, hi." Steve said, clearing his throat awkwardly.
Thor brushed some of his long blonde hair out of his eyes. He was going to kill Stark. He knew that this was because of him. "Tony told me this was the only place to sleep, but he didn't tell me that you were here already." Thor said carefully, not sure what he was going to do about this. He didn't want to stay in the same room as Steve. He wasn't even sure what he was doing here. He knew that he couldn't spend the holiday with Loki, things had been awkward with them ever since they'd slept together. Thor had been hurting and drunk, amazingly enough, and Loki had been there. It had just kind of happened.
He didn't know what he was going to do, he didn't want to sleep in the same room as Steve. He hadn't exactly gotten over what Steve had done to him. They hadn't even really spoken about what had happened. Thor knew that Steve didn't really have a leg to stand on, but he didn't know that he wanted to hear what he had to say, either. "I mean, it's not as if I should have to stay in the same room as you, just because you got here first." Thor said, unable to help himself from saying it.
Letting out a sigh, Steve sat up. "I deserved that." He said, nodding. Steve knew that he had hurt Thor when he'd done what he had. "I know that I have nothing to say in defense of what I did. I know that. I knew what I had with you and I threw it away for something that I thought I wanted. We only were together for three months, Thor. And now we don't even talk." Steve didn't know how he was going to get along without Bucky at least as a friend. They'd spent so much of their time together. Bucky had been Steve's first love. When he'd heard that Bucky was in trouble, Steve hadn't been able to keep from helping him.
"I love you, Thor. I know now that I always will. I wish that I could turn it off, because I know that you don't want to be with me. And honestly, I don't blame you. If you had hurt me like I'd hurt you, I wouldn't want to forgive you either." Steve knew that this was Tony's fault. He knew that in his own way he was trying to get them to talk. Steve couldn't be mad at him though, he was just trying to help. Steve knew that he couldn't hold that against him. He also noticed that Thor was trying to look anywhere but at him. "You can't even look at me, and honestly, I don't blame you. I know that this is all my fault."
That was the straw that broke the camel's back from Thor keeping all of his feelings in. He almost wished he'd brought his hammer. He looked at Steve a bit incredulously. "We were on the road to marriage, Steve. We were living together. I loved you. You are one of the most amazing men that I have ever known. I hate that I still think that, with as much as you hurt me." Thor said, managing to keep from yelling. Thor didn't want to yell, he didn't want to call attention to their fight to anyone else in the house.
He didn't believe that he was in this conversation. Thor didn't know how he was going to get through this holiday. Thor brushed some of his hair behind his ear. "I don't like that I want you back. Because I do. As much as I've tried not to love you, I do." Thor hated that he loved Steve so much still. He had been so lonely the past year. Thor didn't know if he was ever going to be able to move past the feelings he had for Steve. Thor didn't want to still think about him constantly. Every minute of every day. Thor's eyes brushed with tears, he couldn't help himself. He didn't want to cry in front of him. Thor turned away, and Steve crossed the room to him, touching Thor's shoulder.
"No, don't!" Thor said, as tears poured off his chin, and he jerked his shoulder away. His voice was rough with tears, and he knew that there was no stopping it now. He wiped his cheeks, and despite himself, turned to face Steve, and let Steve fold him into his arms. Thor was the one who was a Norse God, but Steve always made him feel safe. Thor buried his head deep in Steve's neck, and it made him cry harder. It was like coming home, that smell. Thor knew that he could smell it at certain times during the day and it hurt. Thor didn't know that he was going to be able to keep fighting him off with being able to smell him.
Steve let Thor cry on his shoulder. He had to admit, he'd never thought that he'd have his arms around the other man again, and he was really glad that it was happening. He was going to take what he could. He knew that he didn't deserve to get Thor back. He knew that and he was trying to tell himself that this was just temporary. He was going to lose him again, and he didn't want to have it hit him hard when it didn't happen again. Steve was trying to keep himself realistic.
"I know that what I did was wrong." Steve said. "I can't even begin to defend what I did. I know that it doesn't help, but I just…. As much as I still loved you, when I saw Bucky again, and I knew he was in trouble, I couldn't forget the feelings I'd had for him. You never forget your first love. Some people might want to, I don't know. But I couldn't forget what I felt for Bucky. I wish that I had been able to forget him. You have no idea how much I wish that." Steve knew that Thor was going to yell eventually, at least, get more angry. Right now he was content enough to have him in his arms, and he was going to appreciate that while he could.
Thor sniffled, and he hated how much he still needed Steve. Before he could stop himself, he lifted his head, and he was kissing him. This was incredibly stupid, and he knew that. He knew it was one of the stupidest things he'd ever done in his life, but Gods help him he was kissing him. Steve kissed back, and Thor could feel that familiar tightening in his stomach. Why did he still want Steve after all of this time? Groaning against his lips as the kiss got more heated, Thor reached down and gripped Steve's ass.
That's when Steve tugged him towards the bed, and Thor, Gods help him, went along willingly. He let Steve pull him to the bed, the kisses getting more and more heated. Thor tugged Steve's shirt up and off, his hands running along the soft skin of Steve's stomach. He hadn't felt it in a long time and it was sending shocks of desire through his belly and straight to his dick. Thor straddled him, taking off his own shirt, tossing it in the direction of the floor. He was a God, so he was naturally built, but since he and Steve had broken up he'd been working out more than he usually did. He leaned over him and kissed him, deeply, and Steve groaned against his mouth.
From there the rest of the clothes were quickly gotten rid of, and flesh was against flesh. Thor was groaning, and Steve flipped them over, so he was on top. He let his hand move down Thor's tight abs and to his long hardening cock. His hand palmed him, as their tongues met, tangling together. Steve hadn't had this in so long he almost couldn't believe it was happening right now. The television remote fell on the floor, and neither of them moved to get it, they were too wrapped up in each other. Thor was gasping for breath as Steve moved down his chest and stomach, kissing him. When he got to his cock, he took him in his mouth without hesitation, moving up and down the long hard shaft.
When Steve took him in his mouth, Thor wasn't able to keep a guttural noise of pleasure coming out. One of his hands was fisting the covers, and the other one was in Steve's hair, his fingers moving through the soft blonde hair carefully. Thor's toes curled into the mattress as Steve's fingers cupped the base, as his mouth still moved along the shaft. His tongue flicked the tip, and Thor was gasping out Steve's name. "Fuck, Steve." His voice was breathless, and he could barely think coherent thoughts. He'd forgotten how good this could feel.
Lifting Thor's legs on shoulders, Steve concentrated on what he was doing. He sucked Thor's cock like a pro, taking as much of him as he could into his mouth. Steve loved how Thor tasted, and he had had dreams about it. It seemed impossible that he had him in his mouth again. Steve couldn't stop himself, he really hoped that Thor wasn't about to stop this. He couldn't stop if he wanted to.
That's when there was a call down the stairs. "Steve, Tony's got to go to the hospital!" Bruce's voice was shaking as he spoke. Steve froze, and he met Thor's eyes. They knew that it wasn't good. Steve moved off Thor, his eyes were actually brushed with tears. He knew that Tony didn't deserve this. Steve called up. "We'll be right up, gotta get dressed!" He reached down for his clothes, his hands shaking with nervousness. Steve had to admit, he was worried. Tony had been trying to keep things from happening till after Christmas, as far as chemo went. Maybe that had been a bad idea.
Thor didn't know what was going to happen, but even though he was worried about Tony, he was very disappointed that he and Steve didn't get to finish what they'd started. Thor had to admit, he was nervous about what was going to happen next. Thor wasn't sure that he wanted to get back together with Steve, as much as he still loved him. And he did. Thor reached for his clothes, wondering what was going to happen. He wondered what had happened with Tony that he had to go to the hospital. He pulled on his clothes, not sure what he was going to say Steve. It felt strange now, now that they had stopped what they'd started.
They shared a look, and Steve stepped forward, and kissed Thor softly on the lips. Thor was surprised but kissed back, and then they seemed to agree that they'd talk about it later. Thor reached down and took his hand, and they walked up the stairs together. Bruce was holding Tony in his arms, and Darren was watching with tears in his eyes. Thor looked at Bruce. "Is Darren going to stay here with the kids?" He asked, he felt that was the only option they had, but he knew that Darren had to be nervous and upset that he couldn't go to the hospital. Although they were asleep already, so he would just have to while away the time awaiting news, and he knew how frustrating that could be.
Bruce nodded. "We've got to go." Normally he wouldn't be able to really lift Tony, he was strong, but not that strong. But Tony was so thin right now, it was easier for him. He met Darren's hazel eyes. "I promise, we'll keep you informed of what's going on." His stepson nodded, and Bruce led them outside to his car, and laid Tony carefully down in the back. He was unconscious. Bruce looked at Steve. "Can you and Thor get there in your car? I don't want you guys to be stranded because we all took one car. Besides, we can take turns watching the kids so Darren could be here if he wanted to be."
Steve told him they could do that, and he watched as Bruce got in and backed out of the driveway in a hurry. Steve led them to his car. He knew that Thor could just teleport them there, but he didn't want to do that. He kind of wanted to have the ride to the hospital with him. Steve climbed in, and Thor did too. It was quiet, and he knew that it wasn't what he wanted, but he also knew that it was a comfortable silence. That was better than what it could be. He set them off towards the closest hospital, which is where he knew that Bruce was going. Steve was wondering how to bring up what he wanted to bring up, even if they'd agreed they'd talk about it later.
"Thor…. I know we're going to talk about this later… but I have to know. What was that? Are we…. Are we fixing things? Was that just sex?" Steve knew that this was the wrong time to talk about it, but he had to know. He couldn't sit there and worry about Tony if this was still on his mind. He just wanted to know where Thor was as far as the whole situation, and he knew that he might get yelled at for bringing it up, but he couldn't just let it go. And they had a half an hour in the car to talk about it.
It was unbelievable that he was bringing this up now. Thor brushed his hand through his long blonde hair and focused on the scenery out of the car window. He wasn't sure what to say, because he wasn't sure if Steve was going to respond to his anger that he'd brought this up now, when their friend was fighting for his life. He was quiet for a moment longer and then said, "I can't believe that you're bringing this up right now. Stark's fighting for his life. I don't even know if I know what that was. I'm not going to say that I didn't want it, but I don't…"
The truth was he had no idea what he wanted. Thor didn't know if they should get back together. He wanted to, but he knew that just because he wanted it didn't make it a good idea. He was quiet some more as he stared out the window, doing his best to keep his gaze from Steve, because he knew that he'd start crying if he looked at him. "I can't talk about this right now, Steve. I wish I could. Because honestly, I hate leaving things between us like this. I am still so mad at you, but I love you, and you know that. You know how undone you make me feel. You were playing on that feeling back at the house. I don't know that I like that."
Steve hated how much that was right. He hadn't been doing it on purpose, but he knew that as soon as Thor said it out loud, he realized he had been playing on that. Steve wished that Thor would look at him, but he didn't know that he blamed him. Steve wasn't sure that he could look himself in the mirror if he had one to look into right now. "I'm sorry, Thor. I really am. If it helps, I'm really ashamed of myself. I don't blame you if you don't want to get back together. But I honestly think that you'd be making a mistake. You know how good we were together. You may not believe me right now, but I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone."
It was something that he knew he'd have to prove to him again. Steve was fine with doing what he had to do, as long as Thor was going to let him prove it. "Just, I know that you're still on the fence about us. Why don't you let me prove it? I will do whatever you want me to do. I don't want to end this like this. I want us to work things out. I love you, Thor. I do. I know that you're having trouble believing that. And I don't blame you. I didn't exactly give you reason to think that I do." Steve just wanted a chance to make things right. He knew that if Thor gave that to him, they'd never break up again. Steve knew that Thor was it for him. All his years, and he knew that he'd been waiting for the Norse God to come into his life.
What Steve said sounded really good, but Thor wasn't sure that he was ready to trust him. He mulled this over, and Steve waited patiently. That was one of the best things about him, he was willing to let Thor think things out and not interrupt him. Thor brushed some of his blonde hair out of his eyes, and he tried to decide what he wanted. Thor didn't know that this was what they should be focused on, but he knew that Steve was doing this because he was trying to free his brain up to worry about Tony. Thor knew why he was doing it, even if he didn't agree with it. He sighed, and he said, "I don't know, Steve. I don't know what I want yet. Okay? Please, you have to be okay with that. I don't know that I can handle any of this." Thor didn't know what else to say. He didn't know how he felt, and Steve was going to have to accept that.
The rest of the ride was quiet, and Thor was glad. He was worried about Tony, and he didn't want to have to think about what he and Steve had just done. Thor didn't know where they were going to end up, but he knew that right now wasn't the best time to decide. Thor watched the scenery fly by as they hurried to the hospital. Thor had to admit, Steve was getting something right by letting the subject drop for now. He let himself glance at the super soldier, and to his credit, he seemed to at least be worried about Tony, if his stoic expression was anything to go by.
They could figure this out. He just didn't think that it was going to be right now.
Author's note: So, I think this is going to be at least another chapter. I don't know how that happened, this was supposed to be a oneshot. LOL. oops. I hope ya'll like, and I hope ya'll will feel inclined to leave a review.