Holding your hand wasn't important until I couldn't do it anymore.
Arthur Kirkland was a wizard, he had magic hands that could make such beautiful things happen, and such horrible things too. He was a strong man who stood tall and proud in the face of adversity, always bearing the pain of prejudice that pounded down on him. He was my hero. A hero I never once deserved and yet he bestowed his passion and his love unto me. He truly was a beautiful man, his sandy blonde hair and dark green arms that glistened like grass in the rain echoed the shimmering beauty within him. He failed to notice the aura he emanated around him, he only saw himself as lowly, and it was the people that feared him who were the ones who tormented him.
My name is Alfred F. Jones, and I am dead. I died two years ago after a deadly flu spread through the country. Arthur fought hard to try and keep me alive but it was no use, he had to watch me die. Then I was awakened in the form of an angel and had to work in the heavens above the earth, somewhere no one could see. Heaven truly is a beautiful place, it is peaceful as expected, but it is also vibrant and fun, I could do anything I wished. Soon however, I was called away from my heavenly home. Called from the skies and back down to earth by a whimpering plea for help, I was scared and ran to an older angel to tell me what was happening. He had told me I was to be a guardian angel, I was being called and so someone needed my help, all I had to do was leave the safety of heaven.
It wasn't long before I found myself being thrown back into the noises and hectic life down on earth, searching out for the charge that had called me. It wasn't long before I found him, those bright green eyes weeping with wet tears as he lay in the gutter with a bottle in his hand. I leaned down next to him and he shivered as I started to whisper into his ear, shivering from an unknown force of which he was unaware. "Arthur, it's time to get up"
With those words he pulled himself drearily to his feet and began to walk haphazardly in the direction of his home. I followed him silently. Arthur had become a mess, his eyes haunted and hollow. I reached forwards, my hand brushing against his only to fall through his skin. I couldn't even touch him anymore.
It made my heart break.
I thought I had healed while I was waiting in heaven for him, I hadn't seen my love in two years now but this image of him seemed wrong. Out of place. The Arthur I had known was strong and always standing tall. He was a powerful wizard who would curse anyone who got in his way. He would reserve his beautiful magic for me and me alone, the beautiful sights I had seen the amazing displays of pure love I had witnessed.
As my ghostly hand passes through yours the longing to hold you becomes unbearable.
Arthur slept fitfully, he was muttering throughout his sleep calling out to me in his dreams. When he called to me weakly I answered him each time, and each time he would smile and snuggle further into his pillow. I swept my ghostly hand across his head and he shivered uncomfortably, his face becoming red.I smile to myself relishing in the beauty he could never see. It isn't long before the day comes and Arthur begins to stir groggily in his bed. His mind is between the state of sleep and wake his soul in that in-between place that blurs the lines between two worlds. He looks at me directly and smiles happily.
"I have missed you so much Alfred" My heart breaks a little at his words but I crouch down next to his face, his hand reaches my face wearily and I can feel tingling as his hand passes through my ethereal skin. I close my eyes in ecstasy at his touch, I wish so much I could feel him for real so I could hold him close to me and show him my love.
Arthur's eyes drift close and then his body shoots upwards into a sitting position and he looks around wildly and I realise that the brief moment he could see me was now gone. Arthur sighed and shook his head to rid him of what he believed to be a dream, clambering slowly out of his bed and out into his messy kitchen. Arthur never used to be messy; in fact he was so clean he would always reprimand me for messing up their home. I felt a little disorientated now that he had become so unhinged and so uncouth, even though he would always tell me off for such things. I watched as Arthur picked up some of my old clothing, he smiled wistfully at it; an incredible sadness lay deep within his eyes. He pulled it over his now bare chess and sniffed it slightly; the smell didn't seem to please him though for he frowned.
"It stopped smelling like you a long time ago" He said to the empty air. I smiled sadly at him even though he couldn't see me, walked closer to him and whispering once more into his ear.
"I will always be here waiting for you" I told him, I needed him to know that I am going to be waiting for him forever. Arthur purred at the brief feeling of contentment and I smoothed my hand over his shoulders as though trying to relieve some of his tension.
I miss it when you gently place your soft lips on my hand, and whisper…"I love you"
After years of looking over Arthur his love for me never once lingered and it made me feel special, but I wanted him to have love in his life. I wanted him to move on but I didn't believe he ever would. He lingered in his home most days, just working on spells and other documents never really venturing from the home we had once shared together. He would wear my clothes and keep the room messy, trying to bring back all I bought into our lives when I was living. It made me feel loved and happy, but I don't think Arthur was really happy which then in turn made me sad. It was like a bitter unending cycle.
Your touch, so close and yet so very far away.
I will wait for the day you are returned to me Arthur Kirkland. Keep on living and try to find happiness in your lonely world, try to keep the fire in your heart and in your eyes and always I will be sitting in wait for you. The moment you finally close your eyes, the moment you breathe your last breath, the moment your heart beats its final beat.
I'll be there.
I am your angel, and this time I will be your hero because I love you more than the world itself. More than all the heavens and the earth and everything in existence, nothing can be more than you and your love.
One more touch, one more kiss, I just want to hold your hand.