Be My Friend
'I am small and needy. Warm me up and breathe me.' –Sia
Written by: Nicole Lopez
Disclaimer: I do not own any television shows that I write fics for. Nor do I own the lyrics.
If anyone had asked me if I would be where I was right now, I would die of laughter. Literally. Alex Nunez had ruined my life. She tortured me, bullied me, sent me to the hospital, and took away a huge part of my life for a while. Lacrosse.
I had to smile to myself thinking about how these events occurred. How did I somehow fall into the small trap of the few who really got to know Alex? I watched her pull on the red and silver sparkly jacket mesmerized.
Somehow, we had so much in common, so tough on the outside and so similarly soft inside. Even though we shared so much, I still found myself pausing for moments to watch her in action. Alex was one of those people you had to see to believe.
Just like when she came back to Degrassi after graduating so that she could have a future … I mean who does that? What a loser I was to be fawning over her like this. Tonight was all about not thinking, I remembered as my back began to throb. Probably from last night. Danny van Zant and I did get a little wild.
"What are you staring at me for?" Alex wondered, popping in gum, making herself look a less sophisticated. I knew that she only got that tone when she was feeling self-conscious. "Don't tell me you're changing your mind about going to that gar bar. I told you, all kinds of people are there."
"How do you know?"
"Because I've been before." Alex rolled her eyes and tilted her head in amazement. "Don't tell me you're a homophobic too Serena. That's so 20th century."
"No." I shrugged off her piercing eyes that seemed to search inside of me for the real answers I was too afraid to dig for myself. "I was asking how do you know that you like girls?"
"How do you?" Alex shot back sassily.
"I don't." I whispered. "I mean the guys at Degrassi are so wrapped up in their ex-girlfriend drama, love triangles … not my scene." I shrugged specifically talking about Danny but not really thinking of him … the closest thing I had to a 'boyfriend.'
"So you've never crushed on a guy from Degrassi before? Something you want to tell me Serena?"
"Actually, there is. Mona called." I explained, switching the conversation back to her. I held out the small piece of paper I'd written her message on.
"Nice touch... answering the call. You probably almost scared her away." Alex distanced herself from me. I could tell that she was angry. But this was what I did. She knew it.
"I told her I was your sister." I answered in monotone.
"That's the worse lie ever. Everyone knows that's just a cover for the truth. Why do you have to keep trying to ruin these things for me?" Alex asked, sitting down on a chair, dejectedly.
"You're dating like five of them."
"So now you're keeping count? What's really going on here Serena? Do I ever ask about all the guys you sleep with? About Danny?" Alex sighed. We went through this at least once a week.
"This is not about me. These girls, no women, that you are going after are old enough to be your mother. It's sickening. I think it's all a cop out." I started, on a roll. "It's obvious that you're just looking for someone to replace your mom and that you're scared of men. That's why you're a lesbian."
"Really, Miss Psychology? So when did you get your degree?" Alex yelled, picking up before I could answer. "Why do you think you know everything about everyone else's life? You're wrong."
"I'm not wrong about me being the replacement Paige, that is until she gets back from Banting." I muttered bitterly. The only reason why Alex started hanging out with me, besides the guilt, was because Paige wasn't around. It really bothered me.
When Paige was in town, we didn't hang out, but when Paige was at school Alex and I were practically glued to each other. Talk about being a stand-in.
"You're wrong about that Serena because you can never replace Paige." Alex sighed as I looked up at her with tears welling in my eyes. "Get. You're annoying me." She gave me a dog command, even waving her hand carelessly as though she were washing her hands of me.
I didn't get her sudden burst of anger. Just like my dad, but not like him at all. I couldn't make sense of it.
"I thought we were like on the same page … we have an uncannily identical background. My mother is weak just like yours, my father beats me just like your mom's boyfriends. So just tell me why you're turning on me now? I've got nowhere else to go." I begged, thinking about how much this rejection what hurting me.
How could someone who cared so much about you just tear you down? Would my life always be filled with me caring for someone so much just to have them kick me down?
"You come from an upper middleclass suburban home. I live in a trailer. You'll be fine." Alex admitted, not looking at me directly.
"So you just send me to get beat? Is that it? Don't you care anymore Alex? We're like sisters—no—we're closer than that we're like—nothing. Sorry I wasted my time."
"Serena. Wait."
"I've had enough of the tongue lashing."
"I'm sorry." Alex whispered, scooping me up and hugging me. I held my breath. I had only imagined moments like these, when someone would return just half the affection I felt for them. I was so stunned by the gesture, I didn't notice the apology.
If I could just—"Alex…" I muttered, coming face to face with her. Her eyes were tearing up too. I instantly knew that she knew my secret, what I had been hiding, denying, what I was still uncertain of.
"It's okay." She promised as I closed my eyes, breathing in her scents, in this moment. I moved in closer, unsure of my intentions but even more unsure and afraid of what I might do.
Alex moved swiftly, sensing what I was going to do. She grasped the sides of my face in her hands. "I'll protect you. I'll take care of you." She promised. "You're family now."
"But I--"
"I won't judge you, even though you have the worst sense of style." Alex joked as I breathed a sigh of relief. She still wanted me. "Let's just chill and go to this place. We'll figure everything out." She let go of me as I grabbed my purse, anxious for something else to do besides look at Alex.
"Yeah." I nodded in agreement. "Then let's go find some boys afterwards." I added, just so that she did think I was … gay.
"Yeah." Alex stared at me for a while, but I wasn't going to crack. That was a moment of weakness. Temporary weakness. I would prove it, by finding a cute guy to hook up with, and add to my long list of guys I used to prove my heterosexuality. Then, I would call Danny up tomorrow and we'd do something.
It was actually quite fun. It gave me peace of mind it--
"What are you waiting for?"
"Nothing." I left her room first. This was complicated business … I felt like I had just dodged a bullet, and I had the anxiousness to prove it.
A/N: It's a lot easier to do and finish one-shot pieces than to write 15+ chapters, so I'm trying something new. I'm trying to expand my writing here, hence the subject even though Alex and Jay worked in a dysfunctional way. Comments please. I love reading what you have to say. –NL