I healed. That was what I did. But the one thing I wished to heal most was beyond my grasp. My oldest son. He suffered. For the first time in a very long time I grew angry. A frustrated helpless anger. My fist hit the antique desk with a loud snap and it splintered spilling papers and writing material everywhere. With another angry sigh I knelt in the debris to salvage the mess. A defeated sigh rose from my lips and I just knelt there.
She crossed my mind. Swaying brown hair and warm chocolate eyes. And I knew that she was the exact remedy for this illness that made my son feel such excruciating pain. Another spark of anger. How she must be suffering. She was so bright and I could see the mutual love in both their eyes from the very first day he had brought her home. If my son was this bad then she must be just as bad. So not only was my son suffering but my daughter as well. After an eternity I sighed my anger draining. My shoulders slumped in defeat and I broke into useless sobs. It had been years since I had broken down. So long ago I had actually had tears to cry.
A hesitant knock. I didn't reply. Esme came in anyway. She was instantly by my side her hands hovering over mine. I turned into her and felt her arms encircle me. I got my sob under control and together we piled the important papers into neat stacks and hauled the broken desk down to the trash. When I entered the house again my children were standing waiting for me. With the exception of two. Rosalie was the first. She hugged my tightly.
"it will be ok. I promise." her voice reached my ear. "we will find a way through this." she released me to Alice, who for once held no reassurances. We sat for the rest of the night in silence. Mourning.
Who knew when our family would be whole again. if it would ever be whole again. When dawn reached the sky turning the clouds a pale pink I stood and uselessly wiped my face for phantom tears.
I surveyed my beautiful family. They looked back at me love strong in their faces and I found that I had the strength to go on.