Memories and Despair
You stand here, in this graveyard of dreams. The Past still haunts you. A sickening wave of exhaustion sweeps over you. You features slip into an expression of pain you hide from the rest of the world. Here, alone, in the solitude of your apartment and the silence of your mind, there is no one to see. You don't need pity; you aren't even sure you deserve it.
You remember your first genin team. A small smile, like that of a devastated lover remembering all he has lost, finds its way to your face. You think of Naruto. The boy was always determined, if not always rational. He was an inspiration to you; he helped you move on and let go of the past. Now he is part of you past. Naruto has matured, but he still carries a burden. A burden of power and temptation and anger rests on youthful shoulder. Then you think of Naruto's rival and former friend. You wonder if trying to hint Sasuke might leave would have made any difference. You wonder if you could have given up hope of bringing Sasuke back. You wonder if that might have helped Naruto through his betrayal.
You wonder about Sasuke and if anyone could have done a better job mentoring him. You think that maybe if you hadn't been so aloof you might have been able to convince him to stay. You wonder if your unwillingness to for attachments was part of the reason Sasuke could drop his so easily. You wonder if you could have killed Itachi, or if that would have made any difference in Sasuke's choice. You wonder what you could have done differently.
A genuine smile ghosts across your lips as you remember the last member of Team 7. You don't know what you have done to earn her affection, but she is a bright spot in your night of loss. Sakura still hurts when she remembers Sasuke, perhaps you could have tried to help that. But the again, losing Sasuke made her grow up and try to make something of herself. You are proud of her. You don't know if you deserve Sakur's praise, but you don't know that you don't either. Except…
Obito and Rin always seemed childish to you. You didn't realize how important they were and what they did for you until you lost Obito. Then Rin started distancing herself. They deserved your gratitude, but you couldn't see it until it was too late to tell them. And you owe Obito for more than just teaching you to feel.
You father, Sakumo, was a hero. But in favor of having people accept you, you turned him away and scorned him. Now you can't tell him you have realized what a great man he was. You hated him. If Obito hadn't been there and stood up to your words, you might still hate your father. Some son you are.
What are you worth anyway? That is the question you ponder as you sit in the oppressive darkness. As you run you finger over the edge of the kunai in you hand, you don't realize what a hypocrite you are. You're always telling people not to second-guess themselves.