Mmkay, so this folks is going to be completely crazy and might not make sense.. 99% of the time, but I promise I've got a plan all worked out in my head. It's pretty AU, Brooke and Nathan are in love, Peyton's a suicidal wreck, Lucas is on drugs, and poor Haley is in the center of the madness. There all friends, but really, how long can that last? I really hope I can manage to make sense of this ridiculous idea that arrived in my mind in a half asleep daze. Oh, I don't own anything. It all belongs to the creators, you know who.

In the desert sun I watched my nerves come undone.
One by one my strings they tangled into knots.
And ever since that day, deep in Santa Fe.
I've learned to hate myself for giving everything away.

Peyton:

There was this song, my mom used to sing it to me constantly when I was little, I don't remember the words exactly but I know the tune by heart. When things get bad, which lately, has been every day of my shitty life, I hum it and I can feel the pain lessen, it works every time. But it's not tonight, my ass planted to the bathroom floor tears streaming down my face and me humming a song I don't even know the words to, and it's not working.

I've got funerals on my mind instead. I remember the walk into my moms the people, oh the people, being hugged, kissed, told "I'm sorry." By so many different people, all with the sad look in their eyes, and all wearing black. I looked over at Brooke, "Don't wear black to mine." She got it.

Brooke:

Okay, going up a massive flight of stairs in heels with like twenty shopping bags? So not a good idea let me tell you. I realize when I get to the door of my apartment that my keys, are located safely in my purse, which by the way I can't even see between all the bags filling my arms. Plan b, I take my elbow and start banging it on the door as hard as it'll let me. "Haleeeeeeeeeey!" I hear a noise inside, which kind of sounds a bit like stomping, I guess she was sleeping. Oops.

"Brooke, how do you always manage to forget your keys?" She's asking it before she even gets the door open, "I didn't! I just.. can't reach them." I shake the shopping bags a little, just for emphasis. She shakes her head at me and yawns, "And what has you so sleepy tonight? It's what 9:30?" She gives me a sarcastic look and I know what's coming, "Well some of us actually had to work today. Oh, yeah, me." She smiles a little, "Need any help?" I shake my head, I know all she really wants is to go to bed. "No. Go to bed, sleepyhead!"

She shuffles back to her bedroom slowly. I scoop up my bags and take them to my room throwing them in front of the closet door, too lazy to even bother with it all tonight. Sleep really doesn't sound so bad.

Peyton:

Sitting on the bathroom floor is not the thing I advise anyone thats losing their mind to do, it's cold, and you start to realize after about five minutes how pathetic your being, which when your losing your mind isn't such a good idea. But I still don't get up. Humming my song and just hoping so damn much I actually can't focus on anything else. I want the damn song to work its magic so I can sleep it all away. But it doesn't, of course, all good things come to an end. Story of my life.

Two dead moms? Check. Dad who's been in and out of your life since you we're 15? Check. Boy whom you fall in love with only for him to decide to shatter your heart? Check. Boy you could have fell in love with, having a drug habit and a one track mind? Check. You get it, my life's an endless check list of what went wrong, what could have, should have, and even would have been. Which brings me to the question my mind hasn't been able to avoid for long lately, why the hell do I bother? It's not as if there's anyone who needs me in their life, Brooke would be heart broken, sure, but she'd eventually be okay. Same for Haley. Lucas would just drug himself into a state of unawareness, just like every other night. And Jake? Well he'd had his chance.

I get up my whole entire body weak and shakey, I open the cabinet and grab what I'm searching for. According to the nightmares I've been having I haven't really been living anyways. So why not make it final?

Please review dears !