The Harry Potter Show
a/n: OK… I had no story plan 'when writing this story, and no idea. I'm flying by the seat of my pants.
Harry Potter smiled at the camera. "Welcome to the Harry Potter show, where I complain about my life and yell at important people! Also, I whack them with vicious little badgers! Today on the show, we have… I-Forgot-His-First-Name Fudge!"
The audience clapped politely.
Fudge walked out onto the stage and waved.
"You little twit! Why did you do what you did?" Harry yelled at Fudge.
"What did I do! What did I do!" Fudge said, putting his hands in the air in submission.
"You know what you did! You are a little twit who deserves what you are about to get!"
"I'm not a twit! You are – what? What am I about to get?"
Harry pulled a tiny vicious badger out of his pocket and started whacking Fudge with it.
"Ow! Ow! What the hell? I thought this was a talk show!"
"It is! Aren't I talking?"
Fudge burst into tears and ran off the stage. Harry beamed at the audience and said, "Our next guest is Toad Umbridge!"
Toad walked onto the stage smiling. That is, until she was pelted by mini-badgers and gnawed to death.
"Toad Umbridge everyone!" The audience clapped politely.
"Our next guest is five-time Quidditch star, Sirius Black!" The audience burst into cheers.
Sirius Black walked onto the stage and the audience went wild. Sirius gave a little wave and the woman started throwing their under-things on the page.
"Well, Sirius, how does it feel to be a first-class Quidditch star?"
"Well, Harry," Sirius said, sitting down on one of the chairs. "It feels great! Everyone loves me! Plus, all the major sports companies are giving me tons of money to endorse their products. Which I do, if they're any good."
Harry nodded thoughtfully.
Sirius put on a pair of Sun-Bloc sunglasses. "Sun-Bloc sunglasses; I wear them, so why don't you?"
Instantly, everyone in the audience ordered a pair of Sun-Bloc sunglasses by owl.
Sirius grinned, and Harry rolled his eyes.
"So, Sirius, how would you like to help me kill Voldemort?"
"Why Harry, I'd love to."
Harry smiled. "Well, here's the plan. I bring him onto the stage, you transform, and then you rip out his jugular."
There was a moment of silence.
"What?" Sirius said, inching away from Harry.
Harry sighed. "It's simple. But if you don't want to, I'll just dump this bucket," he patted a bucket that was next to his chair. It was filled with little tiny vicious badgers. "On his head. On the count of three, call him onto the stage." Harry got onto a step ladder and held the bucket above the stage entrance.
"One..." A hush overtook the audience.
"Two..." Harry raised the bucket higher.
"Three."
"And here's Voldemort!" Sirius called, happily.
Voldemort walked onto the stage and instantly got covered in tiny little vicious badgers.
"Aah!"
"That's for killing my parents, you little BEEP! BEEP you, you little stupid horrible nasty BEEP! Die in hell! Die! Die! DIE!!" Harry shouted, as the little BEEP was killed by badgers.
The curtains drew shut on an interesting scene.
Harry was urging the badgers on, Sirius was laughing evilly and yelling "That was for killing them! Take that! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!", and Voldemort was screaming in agony.
The curtains drew together, and the screaming stopped.
Harry poked his head out of the curtains and said to the cheering audience, "That's our show for today, everybody! Catch me next time on... The Harry Potter Show!"
The audience started cheering louder, and the theme song started playing cheerily.
THE END
a/n: That was so weird. Anyway, I'm already planning my next one-shot.
SNEAK PREVIEW
"I am Harry Potter! King of everything and God of wizards! Worship me!"
Dumbledore thunked his head on the table. This was not good.
SNEAK PREVIEW
Be sure to read it when I finish writing it! Granted, I have like, seven other stories, so I'm not sure when that'll be.
Alla