Author's Note: Hai. The name's Emily and I get bored easily. Out of my boredom comes stories I like to think are good. But if they're not, let me know so I can just shut up. (: Anyways, this is my first story under this user name, but I apparently had one when I was younger but I don't remember what is was. So, this is a short story based on a song.
Summary: Maybe this is all apart of my flawed design. Zuko/Katara.
Disclaimer: I'm not cool enough to own. ):
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When I was a young boy I was honest and I had more self control. If I was tempted, I would run.
Silence. I see the look in her eyes that means she is confused. I love that look. It is why I love to trick her. Now, we are standing beneath the moon, talking in hushed tones. I am telling her my story, but only because she asked. I am finding there is little I can keep from her these days. I know she is confused as to why they killed my mother. I am, as well. We sit down. Some things are not fair, I say and her hand goes to her mother's necklace before it takes hold of mine.
Then when I got older, I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted when I wanted it, and I wanted it.
I feel her stiffen when I tell her about my scar. She moves her hand back and I look down, thinking she will walk away. Instead, she lifts my head up with her hand and brushes her thumb against my cheek, staring sadly at my scar. I begin to tell her about my life as a banished prince, and how no one could stand in the way of what I wanted.
Now I'm having trouble differentiating between what I want and what I need to make me happy.
She is no longer my enemy. But my friend. Of course, we still argue, but things cannot change over night. I love her, this I know. I have yet to admit it to her, but I wonder if she knows. Our friendship is still new and so if I say the wrong thing, I could lose her forever. She is what I truly need, not my honor or a father's love. I need only her. But there was a time when I was unsure of what I needed. I tell her how confused I used to be.
So instead of thinking, I just act before I have a chance to contemplate the consequence of actions.
Instead of listening to my heart, I listened to my father and sister's cold words. And I acted foolishly because of it. I hurt her and in the end, was lucky enough that she accepted me even after my stubbornness and pride.
And I will turn off, I will shut down, burying the conscience hitting ground.
And that was why I didn't trust her for a long time. Why I would turn away and hide behind my wall, where I could not get hurt anymore. I break off from my story and hang my head, I hear her tell me to go on as she prods my shoulder gently. I nod and continue.
And I will turn off, I will shut down, the chemicals are restless in my head.
At this, she tilts her head, studying my face before giving me another smile. I do so love it when she smiles at me. It is enough for me in this world.
'Cause I lie, not because I want to, but I seem to need to all the time.
She is quiet again and I continue softly, talking about her now. About how she has changed my life for the better. I am holding her hand in my own, unable to meet her gaze.
Yeah, I lie, and I don't even know it, maybe this is all apart of my flawed design.
She tells me I am perfect the way I am. I cannot help but laugh bitterly. I reach up and curl a tendril of her hair around my finger before pushing it back behind her ear. She always welcomes my touch and I like that. I cannot help but feel flawed, broken, worn. Without her or the help of her friends, I would be dead now. I owe them my life. I begin again.
And ever since I figured out that I could control other people, I've had trouble sleeping with both eyes closed.
I raise my eyes to meet hers. She gives me a long, hard look before telling me to continue. I tell her about how the first few weeks I was with them, I hated them and I wanted to deceive them. She pulls her hands back from me and I sigh, telling her that I don't feel that way anymore. That I am forever in their debt. Forever in hers.
But if I ask permission, if I make sure it's okay, I promise I won't slip up this time, you can trust me.
Her hand closes around my wrist and she intertwines her fingers with mine, bringing it up to place a gentle kiss. I stare at her curiously before swallowing my fear and continuing.
But never take advice from someone who just admitted to being devious who just confessed to treason.
I tell her not to trust me. To distance herself from me. I don't want her to get hurt. She asks me how I could hurt her and I show her. I brush my lips against hers in a gentle kiss. When I pull back, she looks like she's in a daze. I take her silence as a sign to continue.
And I would also never ask a question that I cannot ask myself for it might dirty up your conscience.
She says she doesn't care what I do, that she cares only for me. If only it were that simple. I have never been that good with self control and I doubt she has had much experience with a boyfriend. I would marry her tomorrow, and what a terrible husband she would find herself stuck with. As I say this, she laughs and I am confused. She says that there is such a thing as, 'taking it slow.'
'Cause I lie, not because I want to, but I seem to need to all the time. Yeah, I lie, and I don't know it, maybe this is all apart of my…
She cuts me off sharply.
"How can you say those things, why can't you just believe?"
I stare at her, dumbfounded.
"How can you say those things and keep a straight face?"
Still, I am speechless.
"How can you say those things, why can't we just believe? And how can you say those things and keep a straight face?"
I find my voice.
And I will turn off, I will shut down, burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground. And I will turn off, I will shut down, the chemicals are restless in my head.
Shaking her head fervently, she says she refuses to believe I am the man I say I am. I tell her that she is wrong about me.
'Cause I lie, not because I want to, but I seem to need to all the time. Yeah, I lie, and I don't even know it, maybe this is all apart of my-
She stands and asks me what I am keeping from her. Standing also, I narrow my eyes at her and she looks expectantly at me. Taking a breath, I say,
'Cause I lie, and if I could control it, maybe I could leave it all behind. Yeah, I lie, and I don't even know it, maybe this is all apart of my flawed design.
"I love you, Katara."
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Author's Note: Nice place to leave off at, right? Well, I hope you readers and Zuko/Katara fans enjoyed it. I heard this song and just knew it would fit. See, Zuko is just like any other guy, afraid to say those three words us girls so long to hear, right? Hah. Review, please? For me? (: