The handgun is heavier than it looks. Colder, too.
I set down the weapon in my lap and gently run the fingers of my right hand across the sleek charcoal-gray metal. So much power in such a small piece of steel. Something that has the potential to take so many lives is just sitting on my thigh. I could pick it up and kill anyone I want. I could wrap my fingers around the grip and rest one on the trigger. Move my index finger and end a life.
I've never quite understood the appeal of guns, but now that I'm in possession of one I quite understand it. It's adrenaline-inducing to know that you are holding a weapon with the potential to end lives in your hand and it weighs less than three pounds. That with just a few muscles, you can pull the trigger execute anyone within close range.
My hands are trembling now as I grasp the cold, life-taking piece of metal in my hands. Aim it at the floor first, and then slowly shift it in my hands so that the barrel is facing my chest and my elbows are resting on my thighs. I hear bedsprings creaking and then cautious footsteps a few rooms down, as if Light can sense that something's wrong. It doesn't matter though. My door is locked and by the time he breaks in it'll be too late.
Slowly, my right thumb creeps up to the trigger. I've never felt more alive and alert than I do at this moment. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, I can feel my mattress under me, I can hear approaching footsteps, I can feel my unsteady breathing, I can feel my fingers wrapped around the heavy, cold handgun. I'm completely aware of my surroundings, more than I ever have been before. I close my eyes, whisper the words Forgive me, and pull the trigger.
My head flies back, and the recoil forces the gun out of my hands. There's a deafening bang followed by a ringing in my ears that's muffling the sound of pounding on the door. Every panicked, quick breath I take is agonizing, but for some reason I'm more aware of the taste of copper flooding my mouth than the pain that's pulsing in violent waves from my chest.
I vaguely process that the door has been broken down and Light is now over me, shaking my shoulders. The ringing is slowly fading, and I can hear him yelling.
"-stupid, L! Stupid! You can't just-"
"Light," I interrupt him weakly. Tears were leaking from my eyes, dripping down my cheeks like the blood on my chest.
"Stupid..." he repeats as his voice breaks. He loosens his grip on me and sinks to his knees, tears streaming down his face.
"I'm sorry," I whisper hoarsely before blacking out.
A moment later, my vision is much to blurry for me to properly see but I've come to and I'm slumped against the wall and suddenly I don't want to die. I don't want to and I'm scared and I just want to live and be with Light and I don't want to go I don't want to I don't want to I can't this can't be happening.
"Help," I begin to choke out, metallic-tasting blood running out of my mouth and down my chin. "I don't
Finis.