Meet the evil Queen from the classic Disney fairytale Snow White. She is about to disguise herself as an old hag to murder her stepdaughter Snow White with a poisoned apple. This will lead to her being crushed with a boulder after falling to her death. She could have avoided this fate if she had a sassy gay friend.

Just as the feared queen was about to raise the goblet to her lips a flamboyant man wearing a salmon pink scarf appeared in the arched doorway just as the lightning struck.

"What are you doing?" He demanded. "What, what, what are you doing?"

Cue Sassy Gay Friend's theme tune as he poses and smiles for the camera

The Queen gave him a hard defiant stare and held her head high. "I am about to don this disguise so I can kill Snow White and once again be the fairest of them all!"

Sassy Gay Friend rolled his eyes. "Spare me the soap operas Queenie, first of all, what, what, what are you drinking?" He snatched the potion right out of her hands and wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Eww, it reeks of dead people! Do you even know what that's gonna do to your body?

The Queen looked at him with a deranged glint in her eyes. "This will transform me into a simple peddler so I can approach the cottage where Snow White is in hiding!"

"Uh uh uh! I don't think so!" Sassy Gay Friend strode over to the window and poured the murky green liquid outside.

There was a brief silence for a moment as the Queen gasped in outrage.

"HOW DARE YOU!" She reached out to claw his face with her manicured nails but was immediately silenced as he easily grabbed her wrists before any damage could be done.

"Put me down, impudent homosexual acquaintance!" She commanded, but couldn't help pouting.

"Aww you're kinda cute when you're defenseless!" He gave a small chuckle, but didn't let go until he pinned her arms firmly to her sides. She huffed irritably as he bent down to look her squarely in the eye.

"So, let me get this straight, instead of keeping your looks and leaving well enough alone… you were going to kill someone by using magic to make yourself ugly? Did you even know how long you'd be stuck like that? What if the wind changed?" Sassy Gay Friend raised his eyebrows as he tried to make sense of her logic. His dubious expression made even the stoic Queen waver slightly.

"The spell would have worn off soon enough." She waved it off dismissively.

"How do you know there wouldn't be side effects? For all we know, a potion on the lips is a lifetime on the hips!"

At this the Queen visibly paled, despite her already pastel complexion. "Maybe it was a ridiculous idea." She quickly wrenched free and turned her back to him, her long black cape flowing out behind her. "I must find another huntsman to carry out this task! He'll have to be harder and stronger than the last weakling…" Sassy Gay Friend winced at her harsh chuckle, thinking about the skeleton in the dungeon he had passed on his way down.

"Ok, as much I love strong hard guys getting in on the action, second of all, you want to commit murder because you're jealous of a fourteen year old! Aside from the fact that death by clearly artificial-looking apples are so last century, do you know how shallow that makes you?" He exclaimed.

This drew her up to her full height with a look of malice. "That simpering girl will not diminish my beauty! I will see to that if it's the last thing I do!"

Sassy Gay Friend moved closer so he could shout in her ear. "She's a teenage girl! She has her whole life ahead of her, she stays healthy, and from what I've heard, she doesn't cake herself from head to toe in tacky makeup! Of course she's going to be better looking!"

He didn't stop despite her obvious scowl. "Yeah! I said it! I'm sorry Queenie, really, but wake up and smell the mummy dust smoothie! You've had your time in that crowd, let a younger generation step up!"

His words of wisdom had taken effect. The Queen bent her head with a quivering lip. "But I-I want to be beautiful!" She whimpered. "When I was her age, I looked disgusting! My complexion was uneven; my eyebrows were thick- I had to work hard for my appearance! And she just waltzes past that stage without any blemishes at all! I-it's not fair!"

"Ah! Ok! Come here!" Sassy Gay Friend put his arm around her. "Everyone goes through that stage at some point! And okay it sucks that some people just breeze through puberty like that, but you know what? Sometimes all you need to do is find a new look, you can still be pretty without killing anyone!"

The Queen looked up at him, two symmetrical lines of mascara running from each eye. "Do you mean I'll still be beautiful?"

"Sure you will! For starters, how about you let down that hair of yours instead of hiding it with that alien balaclava thing you've got going?" Sassy Gay Friend suggested.

The Queen carefully removed her crown and pulled the cloak off her head to release a long set of wavy black ringlets that cascaded down her back.

Sassy Gay Friend whistled. "Wow you go girl! Now how about we go shopping for a new wardrobe? That purple robe's striking and all, but it's totally last millennia! I'm thinking, knee length skirt to show off some fabulous shoes!"

"Oh, could they be stiletto boots?" The Queen clasped her hands together. "I've never had much use for them with a long skirt! And could they be in black? I would like some nail polish to match!"

"Sure thing! I tell you what; you should invest in a new mirror- one that doesn't talk. If there's one thing that's bad for body confidence, it's a rude reflection! By the way," He turned to look at her. "What was your full name again? Cause I doubt that you were christened 'queen' since birth!"

"It's Grimhilde." She replied.

"…Eh I'll stick with Queenie, Come on you stupid bitch!"

"Wait, what did you just call me?" She suddenly turned on her heel with her trademark death glare.

"Nothing!" He raised his hands in the air. Fortunately this seemed to satisfy her and they turned to go. "She's a stupid bitch." He whispered before following her out.

End

So begins the first installment of "If Disney Villains had a Sassy Gay Friend"! It begins with the Disney Villain that started it all- the queen from Snow White! There are some villains I know will definitely be in this, but if you have a favorite Disney villain that you would like to see, please let me know! Although it's important to note that I am sticking to the animated movies. Stay tuned!