Disclaimer: I don't really own anything, not the song, not the show, not the characters (although owning Pacey could be a fantasy come true), so please don't sue me because you'll get nothing...
Category: PG13 - P/J
Author's note: I haven't posted anything here before and I thought I could come and share with you this little piece of fan fiction. I haven't been writing Fan Fiction for a very long time and I thought posting this could help me get inspired to finish some of my fics. This is a DC one parter that came to my mind one night while listening to the Stevie Wonder song, so I thought I could make it a short story. I always loved the relationship between Pacey and Joey from the very beginning and DC was one of my favorite shows up until season 5 aired. So it was only a matter of time for me to get something on paper, you know to vent my frustrations and hopes for the show. The show ended and so now I want to do the same with my fics but I find myself lacking in the inspiration department, so I hope to regain some of it by posting some of my favorite fics. So without further ramblings I leave you my last fic... I hope you like it... This is set in the near future and you don't have to know anything in particular. All will be explained in the story... well sort of anyway... hehehe... Feedback is always welcomed so don't hesitate to let me know what you think. Thanks. Gise.
I Just Called To Say I Love YouNo New Years Day to celebrate,
No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away,
No first of spring, no song to sing,
In fact, here's just another ordinary day.
No April rain, no flowers' bloom,
No wedding Saturday within the month of June.
But what it is, is something true
Made up of these three words that I must say to you.
I just called to say I love you;
I just called to say how much I care;
I just called to say I love you,
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
No summer's high, no warm July,
No harvest moon to light one tender August night,
No autumn breeze, no falling leaves,
Not even time for birds to fly to southern skies.
No Libra sun, no Halloween,
No giving thanks for all the Christmas joy you bring,
But what it is, tho' old, so new,
To fill your heart like
no three words could ever do.
I just called to say I love you;
I just called to say how much I care;
I just called to say I love you,
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.p
I Just Called To Say I Love You - Stevie Wonder
The day was coming to an end earlier than desired; there were still lots of things to do before retiring for the day. The sun was going down without asking permission to those that were still looking for the last catches of sunrays. The summer days in full swing with temperatures more than friendly to all enjoying the candid beaches, the cool seawater and the other attractions provided by the small town. Locals returning home from work and tourists from a day filled with fun, some preparing for a night out on the town, some just cuddling in front of the TV next to their loved ones. The warm weather inviting all kinds of people to bring alive the otherwise quite coast town.
And inside the packed house she looks around for the fifth time in ten minutes, wondering when she'll be done with all the preparations, already run down from all the tension and about ready to call it a day and get some much needed rest. The idea of this going on for two more days damps her mood. Thinking she could be relaxing outside with a cold drink in her hand and looking out at the peaceful scenery, working on her tan during the summer days and looking at the stars all night long. But instead stuck inside a full house with a million errands to run and making sure everything is ready for next Saturday. Not having the slightest clue why she is doing this in the first place. Although being completely honest, knowing exactly why she had agreed to help out during her vacation time, giving her something to occupy her mind so as to not think too much.
Contemplating gathering up the mess in the kitchen table but not really having the strength to move a muscle, she gives up and switches off the light on the way out. Walking through the oddly deserted living room and heading to the front door she opens it and steps onto the porch looking into the dark. Inhaling the night air, the familiar scent filling her nostrils and soothing some of the ache. She stays still for a long moment adjusting to the new environment and then sits down on the porch swing exhaling loudly. Her tired body protesting to every small movement she makes, this being the first time she's rested all day.
She had been keeping herself busy for so long now that she couldn't recall when was the last time she just relaxed and enjoyed some time off. She had invested all her time and energy in her job, working late hours and doing every extra project she could get her hands on. But it didn't go unnoticed by her boss who had forced this vacation on her after threatening to fire her if she didn't do as told. She dreaded the idea of staying in her Boston apartment alone with nothing to do; it felt too big for her now. That was one of the reasons she spent so much time out, because every time she was in the place that once had been a home, she felt lonely. The coldness surrounded her and there was the constant reminder that something was missing, or more accurately…someone was missing.
The call from her sister was long due and didn't surprise either of them. And when presented with something that would take all her time off she jumped at the opportunity, relieved. It was exactly what she was looking for at that moment but never expected it to backfire on her. Only now seeing the wrongfulness of her ways, how could she have been so stupid to think that this was going to help? It only had served to make it worse. She couldn't get out of her head the 'what ifs' that kept clouding her mind at any given moment. This all could have been for her and not a couple of strangers staying at the B she could be at the receiving end of all the attention and preparations. But that was not the case.
She closes her eyes to the solitude of the growing hollowness in her heart. The sounds of the night enveloping her in their dance, the soft whispering of water coursing in the creek, a welcome distraction to the unavoidable memories that are sure to make their presence known. The distant murmurs of the occupants of the house filling part of the hole that lives permanently inside her. Silent tears spill out of her eyes without notice and run down her face making a path of watery promises that were broken without warning. The slight breeze picking up pace and cooling the burning sensation that the tears leave in their wake.
A door closing can be heard in the silence of the apartment, hesitant steps delving deeper into the room and a voice calling her name questioning her whereabouts in the distance. But none registers in her mind, as she is submerged in the work in front of her with strong concentration. She doesn't take notice of the body slowly approaching her after seeing the object of his affection, the small strides his feet make deliberate and calculated steps. He knows she's in another world deep in thought and not able to tell he's there watching her, the beautiful sight bewitching him every time.
The arms wrapping around her waist catching her by surprise, the gasp that tears from her lips an indication of her rapidly beating heart. Every part of her body and the sensations running wildly through her are heightened with his presence in the room, with the very touch of his hands. The thrill of their first time still vividly there and being part of their lives together. The greeting kiss shared between them is filled with passion, unrelenting desire and the contentment of being in each others arms. All the worries of the day fly out the window as they engage in a tickling war, teasing each other the way to the bedroom. Fighting over who won when all that matters at the end is that it was a fun loving victory for both.
And wrapped around each other they drift off to sleep, a content smile on their faces as they dream of what tomorrow will bring. Things are not all they had hoped it would be but it doesn't matter as long as they face all the problems together. She wakes to the feeling their time is closing in but pays no attention to the warning signs as she knows he's there with her, that he'll be the one to help them get through anything. He leaves the next morning with a smile on his face; she's all he needs to make it all better. No one can ruin their good fortune of having that special person beside you, for all that can happen can't touch their true love.
A distant sound breaks her from the trance and the consuming ache forming in the pit of her stomach, as it gets louder with the passing seconds. At first she can't pint point where it's coming from and it takes her some time to realize that it's coming from inside the house. She waits for it to stop but it keeps going, the piercing noise getting the better of her so she decides to get rid of it herself. Reluctant to get up, her whole body protesting from the movement, she goes back inside the B&B and starts searching for the source of her annoyance. Just in front of her the phone keeps ringing, her mouth is suddenly dry and she looks around for anyone to save her from answering. Not such luck she supposes...
---///---
He turns around in the chair and looks out at the large window to the lights flickering in the distance, illuminating the restful city. Tall buildings obscuring the sight of the black sky above, not one star looming on the horizon. He reluctantly gets up to rest his pounding head against the cold glass and glances at the life outside those four walls. Hundreds of strangers filling the streets in rapid pace hurrying to get somewhere before it's too late. Always trying to gain a few minutes of their lives that never seem enough. The traffic hectic like every other day at this time although it doesn't matter what time it is because it's always the same. Some of them going home to their love ones, others just taking shelter in the local bar winding down the frustrations of the day with a drink.
And he takes a deep breath trying to calm the eerie sensation that runs through his veins. He is reluctant to leave the building in spite of the late hour making up excuses to stay a little while longer. Everyone else already gone for the day, the only soul left being him and maybe the janitor that always salutes him with a sad expression on his face when he leaves late at night. And to this day he can't tell if the look is meant for him or if it's simply the way the janitor always is, but he doesn't want to know either way, because it would only serve to punctuate what he already knows by heart. And who wants a remainder of possibly the worst feeling in the world? Certainly not him, not now, not today.
And the world keeps spinning without taking knowledge of his desires, without caring about the person sitting in his desk looking through the same papers for the tenth time. Trying to bring some order to the mess before him that it's a mirror to his own life. A mess he created for himself unknowingly and without consciousness. He made one choice that decided the rest of his life and in a moment everything was different. He thought it was going to be the one thing to solve all the problems that were weighing him down and he couldn't have been more wrong. It was a nice disguised solution presented to him in a moment of need and he clung to the illusion with all of his might. Little did he know that it was no solution at all.
He sighs and gives up the pretense of work, he's not going to come up with anything more than a headache. He won't find the answer shuffling through the papers nonstop until dawn if he couldn't find it up until then. It doesn't matter how many times he can convince himself that if he keeps looking the answer will magically drop into his lap. Because he knows he's looking in the wrong place, it's not lying there with those papers on the desk in front of him. It's somewhere else and he is too afraid to look. So he pushes his chair once again, like those thoughts, and stands up ready to step out of the office. Out of the building confining him, out on the street and the life outside.
The janitor looks at him with those sad eyes repeating the polite goodbye that rolls off his tongue like second nature, action that gives away the fact that he probably has been saying the same thing for years. And out the door he is confronted with the sudden change of temperature, the chilliness of the night making his pace quicker. He's in no hurry to get to his apartment but the rapid steps seem to go with the sleepless city, and his sleepless nights. He walks through the streets without really seeing anything, not the passing strangers or the ever-moving cars. A flash of lightning illuminates the city sky followed by the deafening thunder but he doesn't notice, nor the raindrops that start falling unrelenting wetting everything in their wake.
Soaked to the bone he finally arrives to his destination, the door of his building is curiously open and slightly ajar. When he enters the couple that lives a floor down from him greets him hurriedly before resuming their conversation as they head outside, they seem to be late for something as he can hear the tail end of their sentences, she's blaming him for always forgetting something in the apartment. He shakes his head at the antics of the couple thinking of how many times he was in the same position of that poor man enduring the wrath of a certain someone, and makes his way up the stairs.
Inside his apartment the choking darkness surrounds him, the silence penetrates his entire being leaving no doubt that there's no one there but him. He doesn't bother to turn on the lights as he passes each room going directly to the bathroom to take a shower and change, willing his heart to stay put for another few minutes at least. He knows he can't escape the demons forever but the precious moments deprived of memories and the feelings, hurt and regrets that come with them are a welcome relief. And as he sits in the chair looking out the window to the bright city, he knows it's impossible. Nothing lasts long enough...
The soft afternoon breeze scatters across the strikingly green grass making it go back and forth to its will, the bright colors of the flowers blending together in harmony. From time to time the wind would pick up its pace and leaves from the trees would fall like a spring rain over the few people sitting in the park. And her silvery brown hair would fling itself to the rhythm of this soulful melody, in time with the grass, the flowers and the leaves making her part of the picturesque sight. She'd let it flow free until the silky tresses would obscure her vision preventing her from reading the book in her hands and with delicate hands she would brush the erratic strands behind her ears.
And he would just be there, a mere spectator to the perfectly orchestrated sight, once in a while pinching himself to really believe that what he was seeing wasn't a dream his mind had made up in desperation. He didn't want to disturb the beauty sitting at his side or do anything to compromise this moment in time that would last him a lifetime of memories. Perhaps the colors may change and the wind will pick up speed but her silky hair will still dance across her face and her fingers will softly place the erratic strands behind her ear. And he'll be sitting there enraptured by the heavenly sight without making any sound so as to not break the spell of that afternoon in the park.
She lifts her eyes from the open book in her lap after the sound of a bird singing distracts her from her reading. She shifts to get more comfortable and catches a pair of blue eyes staring at her with something close to admiration shinning through. A lump grows in her throat at the warm feeling that the gesture generates in her, she can feel her soul touched in the way only he can do. He understands what's going on inside her, as he understands everything about her. He knows that she can read him too and that's the only way it could be for them. They love each other there's no question about that fact and their afternoon in the park ends with a revealing kiss full of expectations.
He shakes his head for he can't take it anymore but he fails to notice that with his sudden movement the silent tears that were rolling furiously down his cheeks are now spilled all over his shirt. He fails to see in his hasten retreat to the confines of his bedroom the blinking light on the answering machine that has been there since early in the morning. But he can't shake the growing sadness that lives permanently in his heart as he can't help but feel his fault in all that happened. And in a moment of desperation his brother's voice runs loud and clear "... she's all you need Pacey so why don't you do yourself a favor and call her. She's staying with her sister... ", the rest is drowned out by the dialing tone against his ear...
---///---
The breathing changes to short intakes of air as the ringing phone is suddenly answered; on one end the anticipation of the next few seconds is nerve wrecking and on the other end the sinking feeling of awareness deepens. Lifting the receiver to her ear despite her hesitation she automatically responds with the customary greeting with a tired voice, not wanting to deal with whoever is calling. She doesn't realize the monumental importance that this phone call will have on the course of her life. He waits impatiently with a knot forming in his stomach and throat for someone to answer the phone and then he hears it, the most amazing sound in the world, her voice. Magically all that was clouding him, bringing him down is lifted by just the mere presence of her in his world.
"Potter Bed & Breakfast, how may I help you?" Joey's strained voice can be heard through out the empty kitchen, the sound bouncing off the walls emphasizing her loneliness. Reaching him like a caress to his soul he can't believe he actually had the audacity to call. But now that he's heard her after so long he doesn't know if he'll be able to pass the words through the lump in his throat. His mouth opens and closes without emitting a sound like a fish out off water. She waits for some recognition from the other end of the line but nothing comes, listening intently to pick out anything to give her a clue if there's someone there.
"Hello?" She once again tries for an answer as her annoyance grows assuming that it must be some kids joking around with nothing else to do. His heart beats wildly inside his chest as he tries to speak and he knows it's now or never but he doesn't know how, or what to say. He didn't think the day would come when he couldn't utter a word, when he didn't know what to say to her. Sighing as the silence becomes unbearable and the rustling on the other end indicates she's about to hung up, he works up the courage.
"Hi Jo..." Pacey's, reply full of hesitation fills the silence and invades her soul like a shot of electricity. She can't believe her ears as if the whole thing was a figment of her imagination and she has certainly gone crazy after all. But she has to make sure before committing herself in the nearest psychiatrist institution.
"P... Pacey?" The choked question leaves her lips with controlled anxiety as she waits to confirm her suspicions. The confusion installs in her heart and her mind starts working non-stop trying to come up with something that makes sense.
"Yeah, it's me." His deep sad voice replies and that's all it takes for her to lose her balance suddenly feeling lightheaded falling in the nearest chair. He sighs unable to take all the emotions running wild through his body, now that he called her he doesn't have the guts to tell her what he wants. He doesn't know where to begin and how to apologize for all the time he's wasted.
"What... How did you...?" She can't seem to form the words to ask all the questions that are plaguing her mind, all the things she wants to say but doesn't know how believing that he'll provide her with the answers without having to form the questions. Her barely audible ramblings bring him back to the present and he answers the only way he can.
"Doug." He says simply like it explains everything when he knows it doesn't.
"Oh." She breaths out vaguely recalling running into Doug outside the market when she was there helping Bessie with some errands earlier that week.
And as that last word is pronounced an excruciatingly thick silence falls between them, the seconds seem hours as they both struggle with their conflicting feelings. All those years together that were kept locked inside flowing to the surface as well as all the awkward silences before this one, all the moments spent listening to their raged breaths, all the times words were superfluous. But this time it's different because their lives are different, because they are no longer together and it breaks their hearts a little more…because they are on different ends of the phone.
"I'm sorry."
Suddenly the whispered apology leaves his lips brokenly and washes over her like pouring rain. She can't control the sob that takes over her whole body releasing the pain in that one action as it sinks in. The power of such simple words coming from him is amazing, her shaking body and trembling hands precariously holding the phone to her. And he's in his room listening, feeling her pain and the only thing he wants to do is hold her but he can't. The intense desire to be there by her side consoling her, consoling the both of them is overwhelming but impossible. She tries her best to compose herself without recurring to his embrace, his magical touch or his lovely voice. And he reaches out desperately trying to take comfort with something, the only thing there, his bedspread.
There's so much more to say, so many explanations to make but nothing will take away the fact that time slipped away from them. That he didn't have the strength to fight against the odds, that she didn't make the ultimate effort for them. That they were weak and not confident enough in their relationship, not strong enough to turn to each other instead of running from their love. Wishing they could turn back time to do it all over again and it's a shame it can't be done, but who's to blame?
"Pace..." his name tears from her mouth with such revelation that the message comes across to Pacey in an instant; it's Joey's only way to convey all that she wishes to say. He knows she's sorry too, that she understands everything because she was always the smart one in the relationship.
"I'm so sorry, Jo. If I could I'd do it all so differently. I just..." He stops speaking when he realizes he can't finish the sentence and sighs. He can't say it enough and she can't hear it anymore. There's little they can do now and that's the painful remainder of every apology ever made.
"I know, Pacey." Joey tiredly says cutting in his silence and she does know. She finds that hearing it once again does nothing to stop the ache, the loneliness residing in her heart. It doesn't solve anything and yet she prefers this inadequate call than nothing at all. She prefers listening to his voice over the phone after so long than not hearing him at all.
"I just called to say... I love you, Joey." His sweet tender voice says over the phone, hoarse with raw emotion and tears blending together. Her heart stops for an eternity or it could be seconds for all she knows and as if brought to life starts beating a mile a minute, her own tears spilling over. Her every dream living there with those three words.
His heart felt confession is all she ever needed from him. That was all she wanted to hear him say then and now. Maybe everything wasn't lost to them and they could find a way to breach the distance settled between them. Maybe if they try a little harder this time they could overcome the troubles sent their way. And perhaps the decision to be once again together, to compromise won't become so difficult now that they know what it's like to stay apart. Nothing can be as tough as not being together.
"I love you." Joey's whisper trails off in the quiet kitchen bringing alive a part of her long dead, bringing peace to both their hearts as they unite in the same rhythm of their love. Each beat a promise to stay true to that love that should have been the only thing that mattered.
They woke up in just another ordinary day, to a harsh sun and no shining moon, to a day full and a lonely night but what they found though old so new was something greater than the two. The endless power of true love.
The End