Dib peered at the oddly formed house, wondering for the hundredth or so time how nobody had seen anything wrong with a house building itself overnight, or the huge cables leeching power off the buildings surrounding it. No, apparently Zim's entire neighborhood was just as dim-witted as everyone in their Skool. Luckily this also meant that they didn't notice, or at least didn't report, the many times he'd tried to break into the place. This time he knew he stood a better chance, if the loud rumbles coming from underground were what he thought they were. If he was correct, then it meant Zim was too busy to keep an eye on his defenses.
Taking a deep breath, Dib sprinted down the garden path, expertly firing black paint from a super-soaker into any gnome that tried to turn to watch him. He managed to slow himself just in time to muffle the thud he made as he hit the door of the house, turning to press his back to it to quickly survey the damage. The gnomes were wandering around the garden in what seemed to be a state of confusion before returning to their posts. Dib let out a sigh of relief, followed quickly by a short yelp as the door was opened behind him. He flailed for a moment before catching himself against the doorframe, spinning around to see Zim's odd green 'dog' grinning at him.
"Hey there!"
Dib looked cautiously over Gir before starting to edge his way into the house around the disguised robot.
"Look, I just need to... Where's Zim?"
Gir didn't even try to stop Dib, shutting the door and dropping his costume to give Dib a curious but gleeful look.
"He's down in the downstairs, why is your head soooo big?"
Dib shot Gir a half hearted glare as he pulled some rope from his pocket.
"My head is not big! Now stay still for a minute!"
He wasn't surprised when Gir complied with a big grin.
"Okie dokie! Eeeee! I'm part of a plan!"
Zim turned around with a huff when he heard the doors to his lab shift open.
"Gir, I thought I told you to stay out of my way when I'm..."
He trailed off the moment he spotted the smirking human boy stood in the doorway, a tied up but admittedly thrilled Gir being dragged behind him.
"It looks like your alien defenses are getting worse, Zim!"
Zim grumbled under his breath, storming up to Dib.
"Put down my servant and get out! I'm too busy for your foolish human meddling!"
Dib met Zim's footsteps stride for stride, Gir giggling behind him as he was dragged along for the ride. He raised a hand to point at Zim's face.
"You really think I'd leave that easily? No, Zim, this time your secrets are mine!"
Zim slapped Dibs hand away with a glare, eyeing him carefully when Dib took a step back, reaching into his pocket.
"Don't be stupid, stupid Dib worm! This is Irken technology, no human junk can best it's power!"
Dib pulled a bottle of water from his pocket, squirting it harshly in Zim's face. Zim let out a shriek as the liquid burnt his skin, arms raising to try and wipe it off in a vain attempt to stop the pain. He was only distracted for a few seconds but as soon as the pain wore off enough he became more aware of what had just happened. His arms were roped together messily, tied up above his head. He would have laughed at the attempt, but even he had to admit it was unfortunately enough to keep him from moving them.
"Psht! You think this is enough to hold Zim!?"
Dib dropped Gir's rope, leaving the robot to rock joyfully in the corner as he casually grabbed the rope-tail of Zim's knotted arms, walking right past Zim, almost pulling him over backwards in the process.
"Yep."
Zim struggled, kicking out where he could but only ended up giving himself a dead leg as he kicked the table Dib had chosen to tie him to.
"Release me! Or else!"
Dib starting inspecting the control panel behind them, seeming very pleased.
"Or else what, Zim? You're all tied up and I can take all the time I want investigating your base!"
Dib paused in his bragging as he spotted a set of dial buttons, one with the unmistakable Irken symbol on it. He figured even Zim wouldn't put a button that was dangerous to the planet, and in turn the alien's base, in plain sight and reach of Gir.
"Hey, what's this..?"
Zim froze in his struggles, eyes widening.
"Nooo, no you don't touch that! Zim commands!"
Dib grinned almost cheekily, quite eager to see Zim panic.
"Commands, huh? Sounds like maybe I should just... Whoops~"
Dib mocked a little slip, pressing his hand straight on the button, snickering as Zim paled, his antenna drooping a bit. He stopped enjoying Zim's expression when he heard the screen fizz to life behind him.
"What is it now, Zim? Zim!? Huh, who's that?"
Dib turned around slowly only to come face to face with two familiar looking beings, recognizing them quickly as members of Zim's race, only much taller than the less than destructive invader. He fell silent for a moment before realising what an opportunity he had before him, the chance to speak with Zim's leaders.
"You must be Irken, Zim's... Commanders maybe?"
Zim resumed his struggle behind Dib, sounding a bit frantic.
"Don't listen to the dirty earth creature, My Tallest! He lies!"
Dib ignored Zim but took in his words, looking between the screen and the alien struggling on the table.
"So you're the tallest... Maybe this is a good chance for me to warn you about planet earth then! My name is Dib and I, one single human, has managed to penetrate your planet's technology and defenses!"
Dib almost choked when Gir's voice piped up from the other side of the room.
"I let him in!"
Dib waved away Gir's comment without turning around.
"Anyway, if you don't remove Zim from earth and promise it's protection then I will..."
Dib looked around for a moment before picking up a sharp looking object.
"I will dissect Zim here and now to learn about your race!"
Dib watched as the two Tallest on the screen exchanged glances, the more purple clad of the two giving an curious look.
"Dissect as in... Cut him open? Into little pieces, so he won't ever be able to come back...?
Dib looked hesitant for a moment, wondering why that was the question the alien leaders chose to ask.
"Well.. Yes, that's how dissection works!"
The red Tallest hummed in interest.
"Well since you've offered this opportunity... I say do it!"
The purple Tallest grinned, nodding eagerly.
"Yeah, go for it! We never wanted the little freak to survive to earth anyway, emphasis on little!"
The red Tallest smirked, waving a dismissive hand at Dib.
"Yeah, consider Zim's body as a gift of alien research to the human race, enjoy~!"
The screen went blank, leaving Dib staring at it in shock for a few long moments. Had he heard right? Zim's own leaders were perfectly happy for him to be sliced up for research. Was that normal for the Irken race? It was a bit twisted if it was. He shrugged and turned to Zim, still holding the sharp piece of metal, pausing when he saw the expression on the small Irken's face. It looked like a mix of shock and betrayal, with a tiny bit of trying not to cry infront of your mortal enemy. Dib toyed with the metal shard for a moment before walking to the table, frowning at Zim.
"Well... I didn't think this through... If I dissect you now then it won't be official.. Or recorded. But if I take you to the officials then it'll be covered up and I won't get any credit..."
Dib dropped the shard onto the table, the sharp tip just barely keeping it standing on the apparently less strong surface, within reach of Zim.
"I suppose I'll just have to find a loophole... But I'll get you next time, Zim!"
He hurried out of the base, frowning to himself as he tried to convince himself that he let Zim live for that reason. It was nothing to do with the fact that his mortal enemy had just found out that he was a joke to his own leaders. No, it would never be something weak like that...