Disclaimer: I don't own Danger Mouse, he's property of Cosgrove Hall productions. Lori L'amour aka M6 and Bagel are my characters, as are others here. This is fanfiction, not for profit… and no harm to the makers of the World's Greatest cartoon about the World's Greatest Secret agent…
Story 4! WOOHOO! My thanks to Sabertooth Kitty, Ellie ET and all you wonderful DM Agents at Clubdm.com who have encouraged me to continue with the fun! And now to a special Halloween story…
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Tricks are NO Treat
By Trynia Merin
Part 1
Narrator Isenbard: London, England. Home of the stiff upper lipped, the upper crust, who on the eve of All Hallows put aside their tea and crumpets for masks and mayhem, and the occaisional rubber spider in the bath, or the bags filled with jelly babies and aniseed balls in exchange for garishly costumed trick or treaters….
Home to, of the World's Greatest Secret Agent, who in his mayfair pillarbox is preparing for the annual agent's ultra super secret costume party, where the codes for the new year will be revealed in top, secret secret fashion…
It was almost Halloween, and Penfold was scared STIFF. He hated this holiday, for everyone donned costumes and masks to scare the living daylights out of him and everyone else who jumped at the smallest noise. Slowly he tiptoed past the bathroom where he knew Lori had rushed off to with some strange items. From one corner of the living room he heard a characteristic whirring, and saw Bagel with a mouthful of pins between her lips.
"Oh Crumbs I HATE this time of year," Penfold whimpered as he carried a feather duster and a can of lemon fresh sledge wood polish.
"What's not to like?" Bagel laughed as she spoke through the mouthful of pins. She reloaded the bobbin, and Penfold noticed the strange filmy gown she seemed to be sewing on. It looked a lot like a sailor suit.
"Everything," Penfold groaned. "What's that?"
"My costume. I'm going to be Sailor Moon," she said, holding up the dress. He saw a tiara set to one side with a glitter filled wand with a crescent moon on top, along with a pattern and a blonde wig with long pigtails. At least she wasn't going to be anything scary; he sighed with internal relief.
"Carrots, I just don't see what's so exciting about bein' scared half to death," Penfold mumbled as Bagel finished stitching her costume and lay it over the chair.
"Don't tell me you're not going to the costume party," Bagel said.
"Penfold, have you finished my costume yet?" asked Danger Mouse as he strode in with his hands folded behind his back. "Colonel K's expecting us there this year, and you KNOW he's expecting ALL the agents to be there…"
"Lummie DM please tell me I don't have to go!" Penfold groaned as he rushed over to the closet of the small sewing room and started to rummage through the racks.
"Now Penfold I KNOW that you're scared, but it's only a party," DM smiled sympathetically.
"In Germany at Castle Forkenstein?" groaned Penfold, wincing. "No thank you!"
"Well if you want to miss all the sweets, that's your loss," DM chuckled. "And you KNOW there's no such thing as ghosts… and I'm SURE someone will be there to hold your hand…"
Here he winked at Bagel, who blushed, and wandered over to see where Penfold had pulled a white garment bag out of the closet. Handing it to DM he unzipped it, and DM looked fondly at the royal Navy suit there with a smile. "Very good Penfold… but where is the hat?"
"Over here Danger Mouse," Penfold said as he took down a hatbox, and Bagel saw him open it. Removing a nineteenth century admiral's hat, he held it out to the secret agent.
"Smashing…"
"Wait there's a thread here," Penfold said. "Do try it on… I want to make certain it fits right…"
"Really you did take my measurements last week," DM chuckled as Penfold slipped the coat off the hanger and DM held out his arms. Once he wore the coat, he donned the hat, and put it to one side, holding his arm to his chest in a dramatic pose.
"You're not Napoleon are you?" Bagel asked.
"Good Grief no," DM laughed. "I'm Admiral Horatio Nelson…"
"Who?" Bagel asked.
"Oh dear, you don't know?" DM asked slowly, forgetting for a moment that most Americans weren't as savvy with British history as he.
"Ee's the one what helped win the battle of Trafalgar," Penfold explained, brushing off the velvet coat with a garment brush as DM turned in front of the mirror.
"Trafalgar, as in the square? You mean that dude that's on the top of that pillar where all the pigeons roost?" Bagel asked.
"Top of the class, but you must brush up on your British history, Bagel," DM said slowly with a lopsided grin. "We can't have your fellow agents thinking you haven't learned anything from your stay here."
"Sorry," Bagel groaned. "Oops… no offense…"
"None taken," DM said. "I'm only teasing you. Do try to relax…"
"Relax he says," Penfold mumbled. "EE doesn't have everyone playing pranks on 'im…"
"It's only one night Penfold, really…" said DM. "And you KNOW attendance is mandatory…"
"Why?" Bagel asked. "I mean if Penfold's so scared why make him go?"
"Because, the top secret codes for the New Year will be introduced there," DM said to Bagel. "And every agent knows they have a duty to be there…"
"Can't I just have YOU tell me what they are, Chief?" Penfold asked.
"Penfold, really," DM sighed. "You KNOW Rule 49, subsection A, stroke II-d…"
"Em… what's that?" asked Penfold, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose.
"It was in the new rulebook, really," DM shook his head. "The green manual with the RED letters? It came by EXTRA special delivery just one month ago? It says Holiday Updates…"
"OH… so THAT's what that was! I thought that was the new Christmas catalogue…" Penfold blushed. "I used it to prop up the kitchen table like…"
"Really Penfold," DM groaned. "The new rulebooks ALWAYS masquerade with a false cover… and they change the season every year so the enemy agents don't find out… didn't they teach you ANYTHING in training?"
"Sorry DM," groaned Penfold, abashed.
"I suggest you read it in the car on the way to the party," DM said. "Now, you need a costume…"
"Oh heck," Penfold groaned.
"DM, just HOW will they give out the new codes?" asked Bagel. "And do I have to read that manual too?"
"Penfold, go fetch the rulebook for Bagel, there's a good lad," DM said. "Maybe you can help refresh her on the new rules whilst I go to the wardrobe and see if I can find a costume… perhaps that set of bunny sleepers that your Auntie made you would do on short notice…"
"Cor, good idea, I'm NOT going as anything scary," said Penfold as he helped take the agent's Nelson costume off, and Danger Mouse quickly placed it back in its protective garment bag, and returned the hat to its box.
"Smashing costume Bagel," DM said as he glanced at her sailor outfit. "Are you going as the Cracker Jack girl?"
"Cor DM, you're fooling me…" Penfold laughed.
"What?" DM asked as Penfold and Bagel started to giggle, and Penfold dashed off to the kitchen.
"Never mind," Bagel giggled. "Let's just say YOU need to brush up on your pop culture!"
"Now look here," DM said as the two assistants started to giggle.
"C'mon let's get that rule book and see if we can cram," Bagel said. "I'm sure it's not THAT bad…"
"Do I HAVE to?" Penfold groaned.
"I'll help you cram," said Bagel as she took his hand and lead him out.
"What are you going as?" DM asked as he rushed after them.
"Never mind DM, it would take too long to explain," Bagel teased as she urged Penfold to the kitchen. "C'mon show me where that… catalog is…"
"Right," Penfold smiled as he caught her wink, and felt her hand squeeze his.
"That'll show him," she whispered. "Forcing you to go to a spooky party… the NERVE…"
"Americans," DM mumbled as he watched them go into the kitchen. As he wandered down the hall he heard loud maniacal laughter coming from Lori's bedroom and winced. Thinking an invasion had happened, he rushed to her door, his sensitive ears picking up a monstrous voice growling, "OHHH YEAH? I'm the LORD of the WASTELAND! I gather DARKNESS to please me…"
"Hold on, I'm coming!" shouted DM as he kicked open the door. Lori spun about, and DM gasped when he saw her whirl about, her hands in the attack position.
"DM what on EARTH?" Lori gasped.
Her room was free of danger, and the source of the noise was a loud rock tune blaring from her portable CD player. He spied the distinctive letters spelling out her favorite band's name, and sighed. Along with a Byrdsmyth banner hanging up on the wall with many rock and roll posters with the B and the winged logo, she was standing before the mirror in the vanity with a mix of black and white face paints.
"Good Grief what is that… cacophony?" DM asked.
"DM you scared me to death!" Lori gasped. He suddenly saw that she was wearing rather garish black and white face paint like some Japanese Kabuki dancer, with a black star edged in silver painted over her right eye, and blood red lipstick, and a long black wig. The star spangled leotard conformed to her body like a second skin under the bluejean vest.
"That's your costume?" DM asked as he suddenly chuckled at the hilarity of it all. She looked like one of the band members on the large tour poster that read, "Ladies and gentlemen we present Gila Scalesimm and Saul Stann late of one of the hottest bands in the land, along with Stevie Byler for their Seventies Spectacular tour…"
"Yes," she said. "Like it?"
"It's er… different," DM said with a chuckle. "Er, can you please turn that down?"
"Sure," she said, turning down the music as she turned to him. "So, you got your costume straightened out?"
"Quite," DM nodded, relieved at the silence. "But I'm worried about Penfold. He's misplaced the updated agent manual AGAIN!"
"Oh dear," Lori sighed. "You mean the one that masquerades as a holidays mail order catalogue? I saw it propping up the kitchen table, and I thought that was your top secret hiding place…"
DM sighed again, and shook his head as he said, "If he doesn't know the new regulations, I'm rather worried. What if Greenback…"
"Don't worry," Lori smiled. "I'm sure you already have it memorized, and could quote any phrase to him…"
"I know he's rather frightened of the Halloween party, but it's a requirement. Every agent and their assistant must be present for the code updates…" said DM with concern. "Last year he barely made it. I had to put the poor fellow in my rucksack because I was dressed as Where's Waldo… and the poor lad passed out with shock by the time Colonel K came out to read them…"
"What was he dressed as, and how will the codes be revealed?" asked Lori. "I know at our party in RATS we hid them in a jack o' lantern…"
"Colonel K might put them in one of the apples for the apple bobbing contest," DM said. "I was entrusted with the secret hiding place, and only TOP agents know where they are before they are revealed to the rest… I figured you being a class M agent you could be entrusted…"
"Yes, but what about Bagel and Penfold? I hate to say it, but she DOES scare easily…"
"We'll have to keep an eye on them…" DM mumbled. Suddenly the videophone buzzed with a loud alarm and both agents rushed out of Lori's room.
Static crackled as the videophone in the parlor buzzed into life, replaced with an image of a clown with frizzy red hair, a red nose, and a few tears down one eye, his face smirched with white. Lori chuckled at the hat and baggy shirt with the garish cauliflower pinned to the lapel of a rainbow and poka dot jacket over a plaid shirt.
"Ah Dangermouse, M6… good to see you…" said Colonel K's voice.
"Good… disguise," Lori chuckled.
"Jolly good show what M6? Getting into the clown act too eh? Nothing like those old circus memories?" Colonel K chuckled when he saw Lori's costume and makeup.
"But I'm not a clown…" she sighed as DM shook his head and chuckled.
"M6, shush," DM chuckled. "Colonel, what's the problem?"
"Trouble DM, with a capital D," Colonel K said.
"Don't you mean a T?" asked DM.
"I mean a D, Dangermouse… as in… Duckula…"
"Good GRIEF, not HIM again!" Danger Mouse sighed.
"Yes him," said the Colonel. "Rumor has it that he's going to try and crash our top secret party, as the ENTERTAINMENT!"
"Who's Duckula?" asked Lori.
"One of the most NEFARIOUS villains… and his WORST crime is wanting to get on telly," DM said grimly. "At the bottom of all his fiendish plots is that one goal…"
"And the civilized world would be doomed, if he got his way," said Colonel K seriously. "Your task is to keep an eye out for Duckula, if he comes into the party as the entertainment… and put a STOP to him, before he terrorizes our agents and guests…"
"What's so bad about him?" asked Lori. "I mean the garbage on TV lately…"
"You haven't crossed paths with him yet," DM shuddered. "He puts the T in TERRIBLE. As in TERRIBLE acting…"
"Uh oh…" said Lori. "What should I do?"
"Assist Danger Mouse. And DM, make sure Penfold doesn't fall asleep this year?" said Colonel K.
"Right Colonel, you can count on me!" DM nodded.
"And me," Lori nodded.
"Good show. Colonel K out," said the Colonel as he honked a party horn. "See you at the party at eight sharp!"
AS the video picture faded to a small dot, Lori turned to DM. Shaking her head this time she said, "Clown? Really!"
"Well you ARE wearing clown white makeup," said DM with a chuckle.
"True… but it's the ONLY makeup that Smooch uses…"
"Well, we'd best get cracking… who KNOWS when Duckula will strike," DM said good-naturedly. "Now… about Penfold's costume… I think he put the bunny sleeper in his closet…"
"Bunny?" Lori asked.
"It's the best I could do on short notice…" DM said.
"But what's Penfold…"
"If he knows what's good, he'll be boning up on that manual," said DM. "It IS a few hours flight to Castle Forkenstein…"
"And you're SURE he won't fall asleep reading it?" asked Lori.
"Not if I bring some insurance," DM smiled amusedly as he reached into a drawer and pulled out a small flower with a squeeze bulb. He pinned it to Lori's vest. "There, one trick squirting flower. If he nods off, you give it a squeeze…"
"DM I'm NOT a clown!" Lori protested as DM rushed off in a mirthful mood. She realized it was going to be a LONG night. What was it about Halloween that brought out the mischievous nature in the most straight arrow deadpan people? She'd heard a few horror stories from Penfold that DM could be a bit of a practical joker on occasion. It was compensation for his normally proper mood, and she had known her share of people with his personality suddenly slip in the odd joke at the most interesting moment. Including an infamous April fools prank that Penfold related when DM had slipped wet spaghetti into Penfold's macramé yarns, and the poor hamster had made a whole plant holder out of linguini, only to have it dry up and crack to pieces with his favorite potted geranium. It was all meant in fun, but sometimes… she wondered if on the bottom side of DM's normally stoic and controlled nature there was a little boy mouse side to him that was dying to pop out of the proper British confines.
"Always the serious ones who have the WIERDEST sense of humor, especially the BRITISH," Lori mumbled.
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Narrator Isenbard: Will Duckula crash the Ultra top secret agent party, and will Penfold be scared stiff or bored silly? Find out in the next hair raising part of Danger Mouse!