THE FATE OF LADY LUCK
is a cruel one. /for the aspects of the undiscovered aname misa/
She may not know a lot, but she's not stupid. There are things even ones with lesser intelligence would know – the feeling of knowing that you'll follow someone to the grave – the extreme luck that she had blessed upon her, for a price, of course, that she sometimes wonders, not often, what would have happened if it was someone else who had it all – someone like Light maybe.
Nope, she don't deserve all of these blessings. If it wasn't for all this, she could have been normal, nearly. Just about. She had lots of friends who were lovely and shared the same values as herself, and she was very content with life. But thinking what could have been is a little sad and depressing. She firmly believes God doesn't make mistakes. It's a little belief that's easy to stick to, isn't confusing and simple.
She smiles because she's strong. And a woman in love is strong. Light has never ever, not even once, appear jaded in her eyes. She did not once question her affections for him, because what is there to question? Nothing! None at all.
And she is happy. Nope, it doesn't matter about the fact that she's alone most of the time and Light is busy somewhere she doesn't know and can never reach, that's okay. He's busy. She understands that.
She doesn't look into the past often.
She was a cheerful young adult. Well, she doesn't like the word 'adult' too much. Why be a boring old adult when you could be young and free? Her room was filled with her favourite dresses and her favourite cosmetics, both there just to pass the time. Of course, fashion was always something that she held dearly, but she could not help but feel collecting and caring for her countless amounts of dresses and garments was something to keep herself occupied with. Of course, she tried dating too, but the men were all too boring and most of them only wanted to get into her pants.
Dying her hair blonde two months before sending tapes to that Sakura TV was a good choice, since she didn't realise that that simple investment of her salary would stay by her for so long. She remembers holding strands of her now golden hair in delight once she was allowed to touch it, and it felt amazing when the sun shone down and produced such a pretty glow. It was just the thing she needed to get over that attack from that crazy man who proclaimed his love for her like that. She knew it had struck a nerve, since she could not go near that felt red hat that was her mother's. She hoped that she could move on, but not like this. Never, never like this.
She smiles in the mirror because she knows the blonde, beautiful hair will never remind her of the past. She should go shopping to celebrate! Her pay-check came in only yesterday, so she had lots of money to spend!
Yes, that was something nice and not harsh to look back upon.
But now, when she looks in the mirror every morning, soon after Rem is gone, she has to force herself to smile. It doesn't last for long, this hidden mourning, but it's there.
She prays almost every night, not for herself, but for Light. Maybe if she can't be saved, he could? She knows it's asking a little too much for God, if he's up there, to save the both of them. She knows she can't be greedy. Mother told her so. Being greedy doesn't help people in the long run, and that seemed to just to stick with her.
There is good in Light, she can see it. It's just lost in that mess and confusion, and she knows no one can quite fish it out and if he does die, he'll probably end up that way. But the thought of him dead is beyond depressing and she is not depressing. That is merely an adjective she would never use to describe herself.
Maybe meeting with the Death Note was her ultimate curse. The price for all the luck she had that came with the notebook, but even she knows that there is no point thinking 'what could have been' because it's a scenario she can no longer imagine.
Maybe following Light to the grave is the choice that would result in her death, but if that happened, she knows there would be nothing she could really do about it. Death is pact – only in death could she be with him forever, for living in a world where there is nothing, no one to live for weighs like lead and is just a waste of time.
She is not scared.
There is a smile on her face, not forced, as she feels the wind rushing past her body.
She feels more alive than ever.
After rewatching some episodes of Death Note (perticularly from before L's death) I took notice of Misa more and I sort of built her character. Before, probably like most of you readers, I hated her. Thought of her as really annoying, used only to help Light. But then I saw her reason behind all of that and she's not stupid, she's just not that bright. She is jaded away since L and Light are the main characters, and in this fandom, the stronger, cleverer people are more taken notice of, just saying.
Thanks for reading, those who managed to look beyond her character and dialogue!