You can count on me,
like one, two, three
and I'll be there,
and I know when I need it...
I can count on you,
like four, three, two
and you'll be there,
'cause that's what friends are supposed to do...
(Bruno Mars, Count on Me)
12th June 2011
7pm Bloody awful day at work. Must be national corpse week or something similar. Bodies all over the bloody place.
Have had to put up with crazy love-obsessed colleagues also, in manner of equally crazy love-doctor type agony aunt person. Leo and Janet still arguing re: to procreate or not procreate. Nikki off in some dreamworld re: the search for Mr Right, which so far extends to possibly longest relationship so far, with v. boring lawyer type who is apparently v. wealthy and romantic.
Hmm. Wasn't aware Nik was romantic type. Will have to probe further in search of reason for new found love of all things romantic. Surely she has not finally given into urge to be like all other women. Will have to rethink friendship if is case as friendship based entirely on conversations revolving around food, drink, sex, and harmless flirting/my brilliant, witty jokes.
Will have to let Nikki know is not ok under any circumstances to slip into 'whining about uselessness of men' conversations when in presence of someone who is a) male, and b) does not care to hear about sex life of very attractive female colleague. Feel this is mere form of teasing/ cruel torture.
Now, where is corkscrew? Large bottle of wine with my name on waits in kitchen. Well not quite with own name on, as would mean have own brand of Cunningham wine and am therefore owner of large vineyard in manner of very rich vineyard-man. Hmmm. Reminds me. Must buy lottery ticket.
We find out what we're made of,
When we are called to help our friends in need...
10:55pm Answer phone message from Nikki. Left eight minutes ago. Must have been while was in shower.
"Harry. I'm on my way round. You'd better be in, and not on an impromptu date with someone half your age. I need a drink. So I'm bringing wine. See you in 20 minutes. By the way, if you are on a date with an eager young plaything and you don't pick up this message for a few hours, expect to find me slumped outside your door having consumed all three of the bottles of wine I'm currently carrying. Don't judge me Harry. They had an offer on in Sainsbury's! Bye."
Hmm. Did not sound like usual Nikki. Was bit sniffly and grouchy sounding. Was sure she had dinner plans tonight. Bloody good job managed to locate corkscrew earlier then. Least if Nikki says 20 mins, probably means more like 40 so will have time to dry hair and tidy up bombsite of flat in time for... GAH! Knock at door. Bloody hell. Now she chooses to turn up as planned.
You'll always have my shoulder when you cry,
I'll never let go, never say goodbye...
12:54am Am ridiculously tired but can't move from (rather comfortable) position on sofa due to Nikki's sleeping body laying across me. Have considered falling asleep too but know would create v. awkward moment in morning in manner of Joey and Ross' naptime in Friends, when would have to make compulsory quip about first time sleeping together. Feel Nikki might not be in mood to appreciate such humour right now.
Nik was rather upset last night when arrived with LOTS of wine, and also thankfully LOTS of crisps, to help soak up bottle of wine already consumed earlier in evening. Ridiculous Lawyer, Mr Boring, had decided that was looking for someone less independent, who, by sounds of it, would cook him dinner and wash his clothes whilst staying at home with forty children, so basically a wife in the 50's.
Have strong feeling, thank god, is not Nikki's style. Is far too independent and wonderful to be with jerk like Jerry or whatever stupid name is. Should be with someone who appreciates amazingness and also, even when slightly drooling when sleeping, as is now, extreme beauty.
Find self wondering, for millionth time, why have such bad timing and general ability to act on feelings when in presence of Nikki. Have often wondered what we would be like together. Obviously amazing, but whether would last, or would possibly cause ridiculous rows and end of best friendship have ever had, am still unsure. Suspect the latter, and realise is reason for never acting on various impulses to grab hold of her and tell her how really feel. Also suspect strong possibility of her not feeling same. Unrequited love is shit at best of times, never mind when love harboured is for best friend and colleague who encounter on daily basis at work.
Am glad was able to comfort Nikki in time of need last night, as like being there for her when upset or afraid. Feel like successful best friend and also great human being, but also love hugs with her, and her company in general. Have feeling will always be there for her, regardless of what future brings. Love her. Definately. As a friend, of course. Would not otherwise tolerate aforementioned, and prohibited 'whining about uselessness of men' conversation. Hmm.
Found self, as direct result of wine intake and over-thinking due to being stranded on couch without more wine or TV remote, telling Nikki how perfect she is and how I love her. Thank god is asleep and cannot hear.
"Harry, you're going to have to repeat that. I'm not sure I heard you right."
Ah crap. Was not asleep as had first thought. Is now sat upright in v. close proximity to self with huge brown eyes staring straight at me. Too tired to think of way to escape ridiculous situation. Now is obviously time to let cat out of bag. Hope will not end friendship because of what am about to say.
"I'm not going to repeat it, Niks. It's not the sort of thing one usually says out loud for the first time and is then asked to repeat. What did you hear?"
"Well, in my half sleeping, half awake state, I was pretty sure I heard you say you loved me. But obviously I'm either delirious, or you meant it in a purely platonic and frien-"
Not sure how but have found self kissing best friend. Not usual tender kiss such as would plant on cheek or forehead in times of comfort, but passionate, wanton kiss such as would plant on lips in times of... Mustn't think like this. Is sure to pull away any second and am sure to receive slap across face.
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me,
every day I will remind you...
12th December 2011
10:12am Cannot believe luck of both receiving day off from Leo today. Although realise six month anniversary is v. special as neither of us has made it this far in any other relationship. Still feel v. lucky to be in love with best friend. Also cannot believe luck, even six months in, of seeing Nikki naked every night. Seems unnatural, yet ridiculous that has not been the norm for past seven years.
Cannot believe managed to spend seven years working alongside most gorgeous woman on planet and never saw her naked. Now have trouble looking at her without imagining nakedness, although will admit, did this a fair bit before relationship became of sexual nature.
Feel Nikki stir in bed next to me... Naked. Love sleeping naked. Luckily, so does she. Will have to get up and make tea soon, and possibly toast, in romantic gesture, as have realised although not quite as other women, Nikki enjoys occasional romantic gestures. Which am fine with, as long as repaid by copious amounts of nakedness and kissing.
"Morning you. Happy Anniversary."
God. Love waking up to combination of crazy bed hair, stunning brown eyes, and large smile every morning.
"Happy Anniversary to you too." Reply as kiss eagerly on lips, then pull on pair of trousers and head towards kitchen.
"Where are you going?"
Make no effort to reply as realise will take less than a minute for her to find carefully placed Anniversary card on bedside table. Thought it right to give gesture on day like today, as feels rather momentous, and am extremely happy.
Realised card is perfect way to remind her of how relationship began six months ago, and how feel for her now. Hope is not too corny. Will wait for her to read, and swoon at romantic gesture, then will take in breakfast. Didn't write much, just:
You were perfect then, and are even more so now. I love you, if it's possible, more and more every day.
Harry x
Just had thought. Hope she can read awful handwriting! GAH!