A/N: Title comes from the Sting/Clapton song. This story takes place post All Hell Breaks Loose 2. The story features Hilly from Fooling Yourself and Bloodlines. If you haven't read those, no worries. She's a friend of Dean's, not romantic, that he met while Sam was at Stanford.
It's Probably Me
Chapter One
Sam was driving. The road had been rolling steadily by, the seemingly unending desert unchanged as each mile passed them. The air shimmered a little, the heat rising from the ground in a steady wave. Dean was sleeping in the seat beside him.
At first he'd been worried. Dean seemed to be sleeping a lot on this trip. Of course the final fight with the Yellow Eyed Demon was not that far behind them and Dean had been hurt. Sam did still worry that it had something to do with the deal Dean had made for his life, some tiny organic change in his brother that was already pulling him away. Sam sighed. I'm overreacting, of course, Dean has always liked to sleep in the car.
Unbeknownst to his brother, several miles before he had made a turn on the road, taking them into northern Arizona rather than across and into Phoenix. Dean was right, no matter what happens, there are things we need to do and people we need to see in this next year. I think it's important.
So he had made the turn to Kingman. He was a little unsure about it. He hadn't even called to warn of their arrival. That way if Dean absolutely refused to go, Sam could still get out of it. Of course, if I am completely honest with myself I made that turn almost as much for me as him. In the ten months since he had met Hilly Owyn he had come to count on her—calm advice give with an edge to her voice, comfort when needed, and the knowledge that there was someone out there who loved for his brother with the same fierceness as Sam. Funny, I didn't know her a year ago and now I can't imagine our life without her. No matter when I call she answers, always ready to help if she can.
He remembered a frantic call he had made when he left Dean. Of course that had ended in disaster, Gordon had nearly killed him, had hurt Dean. Not one of my better moments. And Sam had called Hilly to let him know he was ok, to tell her what had happened—and to get yelled at for a solid fifteen minutes. The conversation had a started ok and then segued into "what the hell do you think you're doing" and had gone down hill from there. Of course she was right, I'd been thinking everything she said for a least half a day, but…He'd eventually called to apologize. He'd never mentioned the call to his brother and he knew Hilly wouldn't.
The "what's good for Dean" always took precedence with her, and she was completely capable of blatant lies if she thought it was needed to protect his brother. So Sam had made the turn to Kingman. After everything he needed a little solidity and he was sure that Dean, even after the loud protests Sam was expecting, would be glad he had made the turn, too.
Of course to be honest there is another reason—Funny how these things work. I need a desert, I need a cave and I need to keep Dean occupied for enough hours to take care of what needs to be done. Hilly should provide a nice distraction.
The scenery was breathtaking. He crested the top of Union Pass and could see across Golden Valley to Kingman. The stark, naked mountains were bathed in the colored light of the setting sun. Everything seemed to glow a tiny bit. It was a phenomena he remembered from their stay nearly a year before, while Dean was recovering from injuries he'd received during a hunt.
"Sam? Where are we?" Dean said from beside him.
Sam looked over and smiled, "About 20 minutes outside of Kingman."
Dean was looking out the window, across the valley they were dropping in to, over towards the next set of hills that hid the town from view. "Kingman?"
"Yeah, I thought…I…Well, Dean I just thought we should come by. We were close and I just thought it might be a good idea. You said there were things we needed to think about, you know, to do. And even though I'm going to get you out of this deal I thought we should stop. You know do something while we were here because we don't even know if we'll be back this way anytime soon and…" He stopped, Dean was looking at him funny. "What?"
"I was just waiting to see how long you could keep going without a breath before you passed out," he said with a grin.
"Oh, nice."
"You called yet?"
"No, I didn't know how you were going to take it and if I called and you absolutely refused to stop…"
"She would hunt us down and find us?"
"Pretty much."
"It's always fun to just drop in, you never know what you'll catch her at," Dean said with a smile, obviously remembering something.
"What?"
Dean looked at him, "Nothing." He looked back out the window, Sam could still see the smile on his brother's face.
"So you're ok with this?" He asked just to be sure.
"It's a good idea, Sam. It'd be nice to see her, you know, before…"
"Dean, don't," Sam snapped. No matter what Sam had said, his brother still had that clock in his head, the one counting off the days and hours of the next year.
"Yeah, right."
Sam sighed again. Well, maybe between Hilly and I we can bash some sense into his head. I'll hold him and then hand her the bat. He turned into town, following the streets toward her house. It was nearly dark now. He'd forgotten how quickly night came in the desert. One second it was sunset, the next night, there didn't seem to be much of the lingering twilight he'd experienced in other places.
He pulled into the driveway at her house and parked beside her tiny car under the car port. "You ready?"
"Never quite," Dean said with a smile and got out of the car. Sam stood and stretched.
The front door opened and Hilly stepped out. She looked at them, a smile starting on her face. "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world you drive the Impala into mine." She walked down the walk towards them. "Hey."
"Hey," Dean said. Sam watched as Hilly just walked, without hesitation, into his brother's arms. She seemed to be the only person on earth who just expected that, and Dean? Well he was always waiting for it, too. They stood together for a long moment, long enough to give Sam a little pause to worry.
Hilly pulled back finally, "You look like shit."
"Yeah, well I've been sleeping in the car, what's your excuse?" Dean said, she laughed, it was a ritual with them. Every time they got together, the same thing. Sam wondered, more than once, when it had started.
She smiled at Sam and pulled him into a hug. It was a little tighter than usual. Something's up. She pulled back and looked at him. "You look a little tired," she said with a frown.
"Driving all day, that's all."
"Yeah, right," she looked at them both. "I'll run to the store and get goodies, you two settle in." She frowned a little "You are planning to stay for a day or two aren't you?"
"As long as you feed us," Dean said with a laugh, he was frowning a little too. She laughed and smacked him on the arm and disappeared into the house. She was back a minute later with purse in hand.
"I'll be back in half an hour. You should fire up the grill," she smiled. "Steak ok with you? Or would you rather have…"
"If you say tofu I will beat you to death right here," Dean said.
"No tofu, right. I was actually going to say ribs."
"Uh huh, yeah, sure you were."
"I was really, truly."
"Bite me," Dean said with a smile.
"Not till after dinner." She laughed and got in her car, carefully maneuvering around the Impala on the way out.
Dean looked over at Sam. "I always wonder, once I'm here, if it was such a good idea after all," he said with a grin.
"I think I know what you mean." Sam popped the trunk and grabbed his bags.
"You can have the first shower, I'll go get the grill going," Dean said heading through the house.
"Sure, Dean, thanks." He watched his brother for a minute. I wonder…
After his shower he stopped by the fridge on the way to the backyard, grabbing a beer he stepped through the door. Hilly wasn't back yet, Dean was sitting, holding a bottle. He was absently peeling the label, dropping bits of paper on the ground. Sam stopped. He seems to do that more than he used to, just sit and stare like that. Lost somewhere. When he's alone he goes someplace I can't touch. When we're together, when we're with other people he's his usual self, maybe even more usual that before, but when he thinks he's alone, or when he thinks I'm sleeping this is the person I see.
Dean looked up at him, "Hey."
"Hey," he sat down beside his brother. "She not back yet?"
"She's probably buying enough food to keep us here for three or four months if I know her." Dean stood, "Keep an eye on the grill, I'll be back." And he wandered into the house.
Dean was still in the shower when Hilly got back. She came into the kitchen carrying a bunch of shopping bags. She put them on the counter and looked out at Sam. "Hey, I'm back."
"Yeah, I noticed, there more in the car?"
"No, this is it."
"I would have helped if you'd asked," he said taking things out of the bags and handing them to her.
"But then I would have had to walk in here and tell you, walk back out to the car—seemed easier to just grab the stuff." She shrugged. Sam felt her eyes on him. "What?" She said.
"What?" He turned to face her.
"Yeah, Sam, what?"
"I don't know…"
"Sam?'
"Yeah?"
"Don't make me do something I'll regret later."
"Hilly…"
"Sam…I'm getting that feeling…Urge to kill rising…"
"I can't, not yet, ok? Dean…Later, Hilly. Maybe he'll…"
"Ah, like that is it?" She said with a sigh. "Ok, I can wait. So…" She swallowed.
"Hilly?"
"That bad, huh?" She busied herself putting things away. "I knew it, I knew something was wrong." She was talking to herself. "I knew it."
"Knew what?" Dean said coming into the kitchen. "You actually knew something?"
"Bite me, Dean."
"Not in the kitchen." He said with a laugh and started putting groceries away.
Sam watched the two of them as they moved around the kitchen, familiar, comfortable. When Dean grabbed the steaks and headed to the grill Hilly watched him for a minute, then turned to Sam. She smiled at him and took a breath. "Yeah," Sam said, "I'll just go check my email for a minute, if that's ok."
She smiled her thanks and slipped into the backyard.
XXX
Dean was watching the steaks sizzle on the grill. Been awhile since I had that nice a cut of steak. I wonder why Sam decided to stop? I know he likes her, I know he calls her, but it seems odd that he wanted to stop. Probably planning to gang up on me or something about the deal. He seems to bring it up and sigh an awful lot. He sighed. I think he's still angry about it. I'm not sure how to deal with that, I'm really not. I'm beginning to worry a little about what he's planning to do to get me out of this.
"Want to tell me about it?" A gentle hand on his arm pulled him away from the grill.
"What?" He looked down at Hilly.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Yeah, nothing. Sure. Nothing except you just show up out of the blue, nothing, except you have a gash on your head, nothing except your brother's eyes follow you everywhere like he's afraid you're going to vanish before his eyes. Nothing, Dean."
"We've been here less than two hours and…"
"Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm feeling a little violent, just a tiny bit violent, could be directed at you. Maybe. Shall I strangle you or just kill you with the spatula?"
He smiled at her. "How do you do that?"
"What?"
"That thing."
"That crazy thing I do?" She leaned against him, he put his arm over her shoulders. "Come on, Dean. What's up? I need to know so I can plan on funerals and stuff if I need to." He must have reacted to that. She pulled away and turned him around to face her. "Ok, what?"
"Hill…"
"Dean, god damn it, I am not in the mood to play right now. What the hell is going on?" She was looking in his eyes, at his face, then back to his eyes. "Oh, my god." She looked away.
"Hilly?"
"What did you do, Dean? And so help me if you say nothing I will hit you."
"Nothing," he said and to his complete surprise her hand connected with his face in a hard slap. "What the hell?" He said rubbing his cheek.
"I told you I'd hit you."
"I didn't think you would." He looked at her. "That hurt."
"Good." She turned away from him and walked to the edge of the garden. He followed and put his hands on her shoulders. She leaned back against his chest. "Dean, please."
He sighed, "We…" he stopped. Recounting those days, even to himself, was hard. Saying things out loud was almost impossible.
She turned and looked up at him. "Dean?"
"The demon that killed mom took Sam. I finally found him," he looked down at her. "I was too late."
"Too late?"
"Sam was attacked, before I could get to him. Right there in front of me," he could feel tears in his eyes. "Sammy died in my arms, Hilly. " She pulled him against her, tight. "He died, my brother died. I didn't know what to do."
"You made a deal, didn't you? Like the one your father made for you?" She said quietly. She sighed. "How long?"
"A year."
"Jesus, Dean."
"I didn't have any choice, Hilly," he said. Please don't be angry with me, I can't take it if you both are angry.
"I know," she said softly.
"You do?"
"Dean, how stupid do you think I am?" She said, her words a little muffled by his shirt. "Don't answer that." She laughed a tiny bit. "No, Dean, I understand."
"Really?" He pulled away enough to look down at her.
"Dean, I would make a deal like that for one or two people. I would, without hesitation, even if it meant right then, that instant. So how can I hold it against you? No, Dean, I understand." She sighed and dropped her head back against him.
"Really?" He felt relief washing through him. Maybe she can help me bash some sense into Sam. I'll hand her the bat, then hold him for her. "Hill?'
"Yeah?"
"Who?"
"What?"
"Who?"
"Possessed by an owl, Dean?"
He chuckled, "I hope not. But you said you would make a deal…who?"
To his surprise, considering Hilly, she was silent. Her arms tightened a little around him and she stood absolutely still.
"Hilly?"
"I think the steak is burning, Dean. Maybe you should turn it," she said. She didn't let go.
"Hilly?" He was starting to panic a little, something was up.
"How do you do it, Dean?"
"Turn a steak?"
"I think I can handle that, no the deal? How do you do it?"
"What?" What are you thinking?
"How do you do it? Can anyone? Do you need something special to offer?"
"Hilly, what?" He pushed her away and lifted her face so he could look at her. "Hilly?"
"Can it be undone somehow?"
"Demon said if I tried to get out of it…"
"Oh, what about…"
"Hill? No, do you hear me?"
She smiled and pulled away. "I wonder if the champagne is cold yet?" She walked into the kitchen He saw her open the fridge. He was just about to head in when Sam wandered back through.
"Steak smells good, Dean." He frowned. "What?"
"Nothing."
"You say that again and no booze for you," Hilly came out with the bottle and handed it to Dean. He opened it and poured some in each glass. "Family." She said lifting her glass.
"Family," he and Sam said together and they clinked the glasses together.
Dinner was good. The three of them sat and talked over old times. Planned a trip to Laughlin for Saturday. Bandied about the idea of going to the Grand Canyon.
"Although you know it's just a giant hole in the ground," she said with a smile.
"Really giant, I just have never been, and I want to go before…"
"Before? Before what Dean?" She snapped, Sam looked over at her, smiling support. Great, they are both going to gang up on me. I better hide the baseball bats.
"Before leaving Arizona, what do you think? I wonder, there used to be this diner in Ashfork. They had the most amazing burgers."
"Yeah, and Yolanda. Wasn't that her name?" Hilly said with a smile.
"Yeah, Yolanda," he grinned back at her. "She was nice."
"Nice and loud and someone didn't put the do not disturb sign out. Not naming names of course."
Sam was looking from Hilly to Dean. "What?" He said.
"The waitress, Yolanda, she fancied Dean a tiny bit."
"More than a tiny bit."
"She just thought you were cute with that come hither smile of yours, works every bloody time." she was laughing at him.
"I am not cute, she said I was muy caliente."
"My ass she did," she reached over and smacked him. Sam sighed. "What's your problem?" She said looking at him.
"The Dean and Hilly show seems to be in full swing," he said looking across the table at them.
"The what?" Dean said.
"You heard me, the last time we were here I almost left you two in the middle of the desert."
"He is so mean," Hilly said pouting. "I buy steak, champagne and tequila and you, Sam, you are just mean."
"No tequila for Sammy," Dean said sliding the bottle away from his brother. "More for us anyway."
"Thanks, you're probably saving my life. I'm not sure humans are meant to mix French Champagne and Mexican tequila."
"You know champagne can only come from France, so you don't need to say 'French'." Hilly said grinning at him.
"Just shut up," Sam said grinning back.
"I'd hit you, but you're too far away." Hilly compensated for that by throwing a piece of bread at him, he threw it back and hit Dean. It got ugly from there, the three of them ended up laughing, covered in food looking at a destroyed kitchen. "We'll let's clean up, shower and take this party to the living room."
"Kinky." Dean said with a smile. "I knew you were naughty, but really, all of us? Shower?"
She smacked him again. "Yeah, right, where exactly does your mind go sometimes? And don't even think about answering that."
The kitchen was cleaned and they all managed to get the food out of their hair. The three of them had sat down in the living room. Dean and Hilly on the couch, Sam sprawled in the chair across from them. They chatted for a while, and just sat quiet for a while. It was comfortable, homely. Dean sighed. Every time we end up here, it gets harder to leave. Sometimes just being able to settle down for the night without having to worry about fake credit cards or cops or check out times or bad food is nice, almost too nice.
"What's that?" Hilly asked.
Noth…" he changed his mind about using that word again. "Just nice to kick back, that's all."
"It is," Sam piped up, a little drowsily. "I'm beat."
"I'm glad the two of your stopped. It's nice to see you," Hilly said glancing at Dean and then Sam.
Sam got up, "It's late, I'm drunk, I'm going to bed. See you two in the morning." And he stumbled down the hall.
Dean laughed softly. "He doesn't get that way very often. You are a bad influence."
"I practice." She smiled at him and leaned against him. "I'm glad you stopped, Dean."
"You said that twice, you're kind of freaking me out."
"Like that is even hard," she laughed at him.
"Harder than you think."
"I doubt that, I really do." She smiled and stood up, "I agree with Sam, though, I'm a little tired too. You coming? Or are you going to sit for a bit?"
She knows I always "sit for a bit." He smiled at her, "I'll be back in awhile." She smiled and heading down the hall to the bedroom.
XXX
The clock said 8:30 when Sam woke up. He lay in the bed for awhile, listening to the birds outside the window. Can I get away today? I need to do it soon. The house was quiet, but he could smell coffee. He got up and headed towards the kitchen. Hilly was up, making coffee. She poured him a cup without his asking, she always did. And she never asked a lot of questions until halfway through the first cup. He settled down at the kitchen table, she sat across from him, looking over the rim of her cup.
"You make me a little nervous when you look at me like that," he said. "Good coffee."
"Thanks, and why do I make you nervous? I'm just sitting here."
"Yeah, sitting." It's funny Dean says she reminds him of me, but she sounds like Dean an awful lot of the time. "I don't trust your just sitting."
"I haven't even said anything."
"No. What?" He smiled at her. She looked a little—sad? And…"Hilly?"
"Yeah Sam?"
"You been crying?"
"I don't cry, you know that."
"Yeah, me either," he looked at her again. "He told you, didn't he?"
"Yes. I might have melted down a teeny bit last night."
"Just a tiny bit?" He smiled at her.
"Maybe more than that. The two of you, grrr, you drive me nuts."
"Why?"
"You are so willing to dive in front of a bullet or anything else for the other. It gets worrying, you know."
"Hilly…"
"Sam," she laid her hand over his. "For a long time the only family I really had was Dean. Then I met you and you were added, but the two of you, you're my family and I worry about you, I'd do anything to keep you safe. It is so hard to see you go, to hang up the phone." She swallowed, "Sometimes when one or the other of you call I almost can't bring myself to answer because I'm afraid at what you might say. And now this damn deal."
"Yeah, I know," and he heard the anger, it was still there in his voice.
"You're mad about it?" She looked at him, he nodded, "But Sam, really, think about it. If it had been the other way around, if Dean died, what would you have done?" She was looking in his eyes "Yep. So don't be mad at him for what you would have done, too."
"I know, it's just…" He sighed, "I'm going to find a way to get him out of this."
"How? Can you undo the deal?"
"Not with the demon, but I have been researching other ways. Dad's journal has a lot of information in it and…" he stopped himself.
"What Sam?"
"There is one I found. A demigod that might be able to reverse the deal."
"But?"
"It requires a pretty major sacrifice and some research I've done suggests that the demigod only pretends to be able to do things, you know a trickster, then gets the sacrifice and just leaves. No benefit to the human…" Slow down, don't tell her too much she might figure out what you are up to, considering Hilly.
"The, I assume, now dead human?"
"Mostly dead, not always all the way dead. Eventually though, probably dead. And the problem is, when…" Oops, I hope she didn't catch that. "If I do that and I'm right and not dad's journal, I won't be around to try anything else."
"You could always save that one for last, after you try everything else," she said thoughtfully. She was looking at him with a very intense look. She knows something. "Any others?"
"Other what?" Dean said.
"Other ideas for what to do while you're here," Hilly said smoothly, getting up and getting him coffee. "I need to call in and let work know I won't be around for a couple of days. They still owe me a few days." She picked up her coffee and wandered out.
Dean sat down across from Sam. "No, Sammy."
"No what?"
"Trading your life for mine, no."
"What?"
"I've been standing in the hall for a few minutes, and no. What would be the point if we just started this all over? You dead, me alive and what?"
"Dean." One year Dean, only one. What do you expect me to do?
"No. No, that's not an option. You don't get to do that."
"Everyone else in the family has, why not me," he said bitterly. He stopped, horrified and looked up at Dean. "Dude, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."
"Yeah, Sam, I know. You'll figure it out."
"Hey, I need to go in for a hour, I'll be back for lunch and maybe a little drive or something, how's that?" Hilly said coming into the kitchen with her briefcase slung over her shoulder. Dean stood up with his coffee in his hand. She walked over and pulled Dean into a hug. He looked a little surprised but returned the embrace. "I won't be gone long, ok? You both just sit tight till I get back." She squeezed Sam's shoulder as she walked by him. "Just stay here till I get back."
"Sure, no problem. We kind of dropped in unannounced. We'll see you in a bit," Dean said with a smile. He watched her walk out with a frown on his face.
"Dean?"
"I don't know, weird feeling."
"You ok?"
Dean sighed, "Yeah."
"I might do a little research. Hilly has a nice computer and fast internet. That ok?"
"The TV is calling me, I'm headed there now."
Sam watched his brother wander towards the living room. Hmm, I'm getting a weird feeling too. I wonder if Dean knows? Should I leave a note? And how exactly would I word that? "Hey Dean went to do a little something to save your soul." Yeah, that would go over well. Now, how do I sneak out to perform that ritual?
To Be Continued