I Don't Love You
By:Novicewriter
BPOV
Every minute he wasn't with me was ripping me apart. My heart yearned for his presence, but he was gone. Forever. "It will be as if I never existed."
"How dare he." I buried my head in my arms, "No, how could I." How could I possibly have thought he loved me, he never did. It never had made sense, and this just proves that all those time I thought he would disappear, I was right.
Well when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way
EPOV
I really had done it, I left her. She really was much safer this way, how could she not be. She was too smart to do anything but try to forget...right?
I can't even tell anymore. I love her so much, and it feels as though my heart has been torn in a million shredded, spit of pieces- if I had a heart. I saw her face, I know she wont get over me, but she will try. Her life will never be as wonderful as I want it to be, but at least she could be moderately happy.
I haven't spoken to anyone since I left her in the woods alone. Alice nearly broke down the door in irritation last night. Emmet did break down the door, now anyone could come in, but they wont. Emmett had warned them not to come. No one had walked by my room to even catch a glimpse of my misery.
When after all this time that you still owe
You're still, the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can
BPOV
Charlie tried to get me to go to Renee, I didn't exactly act like the adult I am. Charlie must think I am a complete nut case. Maybe I am. I have been staring at the same wall for 3 days, and that can be worrisome. I should try to act normal, try to move on. I just don't think I can.
He didn't want me, he hates me. My heart twisted in a strange way when I thought about it. He had lied over and over again, for some personal gain that I didn't know, nor want to know.
When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"
EPOV
I heard approaching footsteps, Alice was coming. I didn't want to speak to anyone or see anyone, but what could I do. The tiny footfalls became closer, and I made no move towards moving my eyes away from the far wall of CD's. They meant nothing now. I didn't want to listen to music anymore.
Alice peeked her head in my room. "Knock, Knock." She whispered it softly, as though she was afraid I would attack her. No, I wouldn't, I didn't have the strength to stand, let alone pounce at anyone. I continued to stare at the wall of CD's.
"Edward, we are going hunting, want to come with?" She seemed almost desperate for me to come, I don't think I could if I was thirsty at all.
"No." I answered flatly, not blinking, not looking towards her at all. My voice was barely above a whisper.
"You really should Edward, your eyes are pitch.
"Go away." I said softly. Bella would not have heard, no one else would have heard, but Alice understood...no she didn't, she had no clue.
Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay
BPOV
I got up, I had to be normal, if I was going to be empty on the inside, I had to look full and fine on the outside, where it truly mattered. But the inside was what mattered to me. My torso on the outside was just the same, but not the inside. My heart was ripped to shreds, then stepped on and pushed to a corner of my mind. My gut was ripped apart. It surprised me when I looked down and didn't see a gaping whole in my chest.
I stood unsure on my feet. I walked to the window, and for the first time in the two weeks since he had left, I closed it, and it remained so. I walked to the mirror and brushed my hair. I put on clean clothes, and walked downstairs. School would start soon, I could make first period if I tried.
My trance like state did not seem to bother Charlie, he seemed glad I was out of my room. I poured cereal and got a glass of water. I ate it all slowly, then walked out to my truck. "Have a good day at school Bells." Charlie called out the door behind me.
"Thanks dad." My hurt and monotonic voice made him flinch, but I couldn't make myself care.
And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
EPOV
Alice still stood in the doorway, which was a doorway no longer, and stared at me. "You realize you brought this on yourself don't you. Bella has been in zombie mode for days now, but at least she is moving, at least she is making a conscious effort."
"Shut up Alice." I was starting to get angry now, how dare she. She has no idea what this feels like. It is like whatever was left inside of me, a soul, a heart, whatever there was in a monster like me, has been ripped out. I was hollow.
"No," she was near yelling to my ears, so used to the eerie silence of my bedroom.
"Now."
"No."
"Alice, please, you have no idea whats going on. Please just leave! I have no reason to hunt Alice, I will when I can. Please, just leave me be, get out!" I was yelling now, sure the others could hear me, but I didn't care. "Alice, how would you feel if Jasper suddenly left? What would you do? I just want to be alone Alice." Alice looked genuenly hurt, but I really just wanted her out.
"Think about it, okay Edward." And then she left, leaving me to my self pity.
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa
When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"
BPOV
People welcomed me back with open arms at school, but I didn't realize it. Some tried to talk to me, but I didn't speak back. Conversations and lives were going on around me, but I didn't comprehend, or they did not. I didn't care enough to think about it. Was it them, or was it me?
Well come on, come on
When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday"
EPOV
I walked down the stairs a couple days later, and everyone seemed glad to see me, but even Jasper could not make me feel better. His gift didn't touch me as it had before. It eased the pain, but I was sure it was there, and there was no escaping it.
I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday
BPOV
I got home after that grueling day at school and walked to my room. I finished my homework at record speed. There were no distractions in a hollow and empty world. I made dinner for Charlie dinner as usual, or rather heated something up, then ate a little. He tried to make conversation with me, but I just answered his questions with a short reply. I saw the worry in his eyes, but just like this morning, as much as I wanted to care I just couldn't do it.
I walked to my room again and stared at the girl in the mirror. He thought he was a monster, He thought I would be in danger. Maybe I was, but the girl in the mirror, if she could be called a breathing human being, was not Bella Swan. No. This was the shell of a once happy girl in love.
I fall onto my bed and was lifted to a world of nightmares and real monsters. Even in sleep I can't escape the pain.
I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday